Thread 16 - Corona Cohort Year 12, 2021 Zooming through Summer Term

[orangecinnamon]

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Hope your DD's music G8 went well yesterday Orange. If digital is similar to the new ABRSM performance, having done one, DD is going to stick to in person presenting. G8 piano last year during lock down was a nightmare to record. And yes, the first take is often the best!

Good luck with the booking up of Open Days. Great to see some unis opening up properly, the on-line versions all great, but DD is enjoying some of the subject YouTube material some are putting up.

Exeter done and dusted and once DS had roused himself from his comatose state and we got the sound working it went quite well. It opened a discussion of a work placement year and what his plans about timing for getting the form in. Exeter now definitely going on the form.

Did you do all the bits and bobs. or just the subject talk fools? DS has to fit it round virtual work experience , exam revision and test match!

By the way, if anyone is in Liverpool area a Liverpool MP Kim Johnson?) was saying today how she happily accepts young people for work experience and visits :DS found her highly entertaining. DS has contacted our local MP and heard nothing (am actually surprised; he is a top chap in general)

Subject talk and then quick look at the virtual tour and DS was happy with that.

OK, great! Mercy buckets!

Cardiff was great...we did go more to get a feel for the city/sense of place though so no tours. 12000 steps and some lovely food indulged in. Dd was quite happy and said she could imagine herself living there, it is so easy to get around. TBF it quite easy to determine online what the music dept are like , halls - most are ensuite which suits.

It is very easy to get around OrangeCinnamon and the private accommodation is cheap for years 2and 3. DD has been paying £300 for years 2 and 3 for a room in a nice flat. Year 4 is £350 as a new house which has a living room, dining room, converted loft room for communal space plus a small garage used as a gym so they have all had enough space to survive lockdown very comfortably. She rarely needs to take public transport.

Nice to hear positive stuff about Cardiff. We also liked that it was so compact and close to the city centre, I think it would be a lovely place to be a student. Impressed with the rents quoted by @FoolsAssassin - VERY different picture from St Andrews where DS1 is. It is really hard to find a flat at all, and if you are lucky enough to find one, it is well over £500/month + bills.

Trying and failing to get on to Exeter thing as we speak!

Did you do it? DS had to leave the meeting then rejoin.

Got in! Was just being impatient...

Hope it is worth the hassle!

It was a perfectly pleasant Q and A session but he didn't seem too keen to explore anything else atm!

At my wit's end with DD today.
She went out with friends last night. Long story, short - she had offers to go out with 3 different groups of friends on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. With exams looming, we agreed she could go to one of the nights; she was happy with that at the time.
On Thursday, she announced she felt she "deserved" to go out on Friday as well; we reminded her that we had an agreement that she was going out on Saturday.
On Friday, she decided to have a day doing nothing ( no revision, no self care, nothing except moping about the house and being rude to us).
Yesterday, she was fine in the daytime. I drove a round trip of an hour to drop her to meet her friends - pizza and a few drinks, supposedly. DH did the same at 10pm to collect her. She comes home depressed and crying, saying she's had a nice time but she can't see the point of living if she's not happy with herself - everyone else is so stunning and she's not etc, etc. I talk her down (as DH had also done in the car on the way home), and she goes to bed feeling better.
Midnight....She vomits all the way from her bed to the bathroom.

It's now 12.40pm and she hasn't got up. (I heard her to go the loo at 7am).

I am so mentally exhausted. Every single day is a drama with her. Nothing is ever enough - give her one night out, she wants two, give her two, she wants three. It's the same with everything, not just going out. Her mood changes every 5 minutes - she's high as a kite, then says she's depressed, then back to being fine again (ADHD has a lot to answer for, I suspect). She tells us she loves us, then tells us she hates us. Says she's doing really well at school, then says she's going to fail everything.

We've talked until we're blue in the face, suggesting that she starts focusing on self care and also trying to challenge how she talks about herself. We've suggested consistent exercise, healthy eating, plenty of water plenty of sleep, turning her phone off for several hours a day etc, and school have arranged for her to see the counsellor. She agrees with everything, but then gets furious if we remind her of what we've said.

I know she'll get up today and be full of self recrimination, apologies etc...but the next time she's invited out, we'll have to go through the whole bloody drama again.

Absolutely relate @Alsoplayspiccolo. The drama is so tiring ...and then you feel guilt for feeling that way. I convince myself that it is the work of hormones/a not yet fully developed brain. A bit of a break through this week when we have planned a few family activities. Then today it was all grumpiness because she decided to just leave the house and tell us five mins before . Frustrating and infuriating.

I struggle with the body image/ self esteem stuff - it breaks my heart that they can be so cruel to themselves.

@Alsoplayspiccolo Sympathy to you. So stressful when you can see what might help but can’t make it happen...

@AlwaysPlays Must be so hard to hear when she says such things about herself and to you. She will remember you were supportive when the hormones settle.

Someone possibly on an earlier thread was wondering about opportunities like this as alternative to university? Obviously this is for this summer but they do exist!
jobs.mazars.co.uk/jobs/vacancy/audit-school-leaver-public-services-0200-leeds/218/description/

I feel awkward commenting, I avidly follow but seldom contribute as I feel I have little to offer but learn so much!
@Alsoplayspiccolo, I really feel for you. We’ve had the same here. Dd says she’s ugly and stupid and claims there’s no point revising as her hard work never pays off because she’s ‘so thick’. These poor children.

@Alsoplayspiccolo no words of wisdom to offer, but teenagers do come out the other end. Just have to do your best and play it by ear. Sounds too me like you are doing the right things in an impossible situation. 😢

Hi also. Sounds tough.

Was the vomiting alcohol induced (and the dramatics?) or was she sick out of stress/ misery?

Girls and self esteem is such a tightrope. I'm not sure we ever really outgrow it tbh.

Much sympathy @alwaysplayspiccolo.
It's very hard to know what to say and how to help at this stage. Their emotions are so confused and as parents we struggle to understand and make sense of it. My dd2 went through a similar phase and it was a nightmare. Now she appears to be mostly thru' it it's time for Ds2 🤦🏼‍♀️. I would say the counselling will help if she can be convinced to try it. Minr find it very difficult to talk to me but have no issues talking to a counsellor.

Hang in there Piccolo. Such a challenging age.

Much sympathy Piccolo, especially re the endless drama.

Sorry to hear how stressful things are @Alsoplayspiccolo. My Dd is different but she was suffering with some anxiety and low mood and asked if she could have therapy. We went with someone personally recommended to us and she’s had 6 sessions. She’s found it really helpful - and honestly some of the things the therapist has said are things we have also said, but it makes such a difference someone neutral (and a professional) saying it. Might be worth a try? She would need a certain level of self-awareness/understanding of her issues though.

We had a positive visit to Southampton today. Dd took a friend which automatically helped her mood and attitude (!) but she said she really liked the vibe.