Daughter going to mixed state school

mummtotwo · 2021-03-24T18:22:24+00:00

Hi all, My daughter went to quite a prestigious girl's school and is quite sheltered but am now sending her to a mixed school which doesn't have the best reputation as we are moving house and it's the only school nearby. What do you think about moving from a one sex school to a mixed school???

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 24/03/2021 19:31

Depends on personality & resilience of your daughter
Do prepare her for the differences, size,scale,mixed sex by acknowledging it'll be different but be balanced don’t catastrophize it
Sheltered in what way? You’ll need to discuss how to assert herself with dominant characters
I hope it works out

EduCated · 24/03/2021 20:36

Is she moving for Y7, or mid year?

Original poster

mummtotwo · 24/03/2021 20:51

@EduCated

Is she moving for Y7, or mid year?

Mid year during year 9. I was very keen for her to leave before her GCSE's

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Original poster

mummtotwo · 24/03/2021 20:53

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Depends on personality & resilience of your daughter Do prepare her for the differences, size,scale,mixed sex by acknowledging it'll be different but be balanced don’t catastrophize it Sheltered in what way? You’ll need to discuss how to assert herself with dominant characters I hope it works out

Thank-you!! Just in the sense that the girls at her school were upper middle class and very well spoken and polite, whereas this is more of a school with a mix of children and which "requires improvement" by ofsted.

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EduCated · 24/03/2021 20:55

So a bit more of a bump starting a new school! I think at that age a level of honesty that it might take time to settle and feel part of things. Does she do any clubs/hobbies that she could join in the new location tk get to know people?

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 24/03/2021 21:00

Hopefully restrictions will ease and she can have some friends over for tea and dvd
Think of activities that’ll help her meet other friends

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 24/03/2021 21:05

DS goes to what was a fairly rough school, so what you may find is that there may have been quite a bit of resources thrown at the school, including some great teachers. In fact some of the teachers from DS school ended up at DD1's posh all girls school!

Esse321 · 24/03/2021 21:07

I would be watching out for bullying.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 24/03/2021 21:13

Possibly, if she turns up all oh my last school, oh my mum says this school requires improvement
Op, don’t catastrophize this or make disparaging comments about the school to your dd
She simply needs to say my old school was different this is better (even if she doesn’t mean it) there’s an aspect of fake it to make it

Conversely. You too as parent need to fake it to make it, no discussion of last prestigious school and move to requires improvement school. People won’t want to hear that, it sounds like an attack

XelaM · 24/03/2021 21:17

Why are you moving?

sangrias · 24/03/2021 21:25

Year 9 is a tough year socially.

Is she a resilient kid?

campion · 24/03/2021 21:29

It'll be quite a shock; not so much the presence of boys but the different cultures.

You need to try and prepare her honestly and try and talk up any positives. If you can find a present student to talk to/get to know beforehand then that'd be good , but that's a bit more tricky at the moment.

It could be potentially very difficult for her if she's naturally reserved. Or she could find there are new opportunities and subjects to get involved in. It's a tricky stage to do such a move so don't expect miracles.

Original poster

mummtotwo · 24/03/2021 21:35

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Possibly, if she turns up all oh my last school, oh my mum says this school requires improvement Op, don’t catastrophize this or make disparaging comments about the school to your dd She simply needs to say my old school was different this is better (even if she doesn’t mean it) there’s an aspect of fake it to make it

Conversely. You too as parent need to fake it to make it, no discussion of last prestigious school and move to requires improvement school. People won’t want to hear that, it sounds like an attack

Yes, I was just saying that to show the contrast but I am happy she is leaving because she was very unhappy there and I didn't like the vibe either. She is genuinely excited to move but it's just that she's very nervous about having boys there too.

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Original poster

mummtotwo · 24/03/2021 21:37

@EduCated

So a bit more of a bump starting a new school! I think at that age a level of honesty that it might take time to settle and feel part of things. Does she do any clubs/hobbies that she could join in the new location tk get to know people?

She is quite a timid girl but enjoys reading so maybe a book club and she loves drama so I can hopefully try and encourage her to join in with some extra curricular clubs.

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converseandjeans · 24/03/2021 21:37

I think the boy/girl thing is probably less relevant than the standard of school.

Honestly I think moving mid year 9, part way through a pandemic from a prestigious girls school to a below average comprehensive is a bad idea. Is there no way to keep at her current school? Or get her into a better state school?

Original poster

mummtotwo · 24/03/2021 21:38

@XelaM

Why are you moving?

We moved house and it's honestly impossible to travel to that school. She was also not very happy there.

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converseandjeans · 24/03/2021 21:38

If she's into reading and is quiet then I don't know how she will find it!?

Original poster

mummtotwo · 24/03/2021 21:38

@sangrias

Year 9 is a tough year socially.

Is she a resilient kid?

Yes, she just keeps her head down and gets on with it but she does find it extremely hard to make friends so I am a bit concerned.

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Original poster

mummtotwo · 24/03/2021 21:40

@campion

It'll be quite a shock; not so much the presence of boys but the different cultures.

You need to try and prepare her honestly and try and talk up any positives. If you can find a present student to talk to/get to know beforehand then that'd be good , but that's a bit more tricky at the moment.

It could be potentially very difficult for her if she's naturally reserved. Or she could find there are new opportunities and subjects to get involved in. It's a tricky stage to do such a move so don't expect miracles.

Yes definitely. My daughter is mixed race but her last school was predominantly white so yes think she is less used to being in a more culturally diverse school but I think it will be a welcome chance.

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HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 24/03/2021 21:40

I’m not having a go at you op, I’m simply pointing out potential pitfalls

BackforGood · 24/03/2021 21:41

Another who doesn't think it is the fact it isn't a girls' school is likely to be the biggest issue.

I 100% agree with what HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee said.

Original poster

mummtotwo · 24/03/2021 21:41

@converseandjeans

If she's into reading and is quiet then I don't know how she will find it!?

Yes that is my worry!! I am hoping she will find some shy children who have something in common with her or she will come out of her shell

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Nowfeeltheneedtopost · 24/03/2021 21:43

@campion can you expand on the "different cultures" the OP's DC will experience at a co-ed school that you think will be such a shock? It isn't uncommon here in SW London for children to move from single sex to co-ed (even, dare I say it, from private to state) and vice versa in Y8 or Y9.
OP, I am sure that if you support your DD with love and encouragement then she will thrive.

ShipOfTheseus · 24/03/2021 21:44

Was the first school a state school or a private one?

WaverleyPirate · 24/03/2021 21:44

Top Tip - if at all possible don't take the school bus.