Daughter going to mixed state school

[mummtotwo]

Hi all,
My daughter went to quite a prestigious girl's school and is quite sheltered but am now sending her to a mixed school which doesn't have the best reputation as we are moving house and it's the only school nearby. What do you think about moving from a one sex school to a mixed school???

People find their own tribe at school,I was really quiet,bookish and hung out with other quiet bookish kids, in all Likliehood she'll be just fine
However she will need enough presence to not be a total pushover

When restrictions lift Invite a few mates over, pizza, girls night in.

A lot of classroom disruption comes from the boys, she may find that aspect challenging if she’s not used to it. Girls do better academically in all girls schools. However, socially mixed sex can be easier, less bitchy

OP you've said that your daughter is mixed race and her previous school was predominantly white. I'm wondering if that contributed to her being unhappy there? Did she feel alone or isolated there?

I'm also wondering if the new comprehensive has a larger mix of various ethnicities? If so, I think this may help her with finding her feet. I say this based on my own experience, I'm mixed race and had to move schools roughly around your daughters age but the opposite way around. I went from a comp needing improvement but with a diverse pupil population to an excellent comp with a mainly white population. I felt much more relaxed and happy at my first school. The school community was just so much more accepting but you did have to be resilient.

I think it may be a good thing for your daughter. Sorry going against the grain of other posters opinions.

@ShipOfTheseus

Was the first school a state school or a private one?

State school, however it is a school that many girls go to if they can't get into private so it has quite a private school vibe to it

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

People find their own tribe at school,I was really quiet,bookish and hung out with other quiet bookish kids, in all Likliehood she'll be just fine However she will need enough presence to not be a total pushover

When restrictions lift Invite a few mates over, pizza, girls night in.

Yes, thanks for being so reassuring!!

@plumpuddisnice

OP you've said that your daughter is mixed race and her previous school was predominantly white. I'm wondering if that contributed to her being unhappy there? Did she feel alone or isolated there?

I'm also wondering if the new comprehensive has a larger mix of various ethnicities? If so, I think this may help her with finding her feet. I say this based on my own experience, I'm mixed race and had to move schools roughly around your daughters age but the opposite way around. I went from a comp needing improvement but with a diverse pupil population to an excellent comp with a mainly white population. I felt much more relaxed and happy at my first school. The school community was just so much more accepting but you did have to be resilient.

I think it may be a good thing for your daughter. Sorry going against the grain of other posters opinions.

Yes I definitely agree! The school itself she hated and as a black woman, I did think it lacked diversity and there were many micro aggressions that she dealt with on a daily basis, it was supposedly an outstanding school so we chose it but wasn't very impressed with that school. Even if we didn't move, I probably would have taken her out as she was quite unhappy. I supposed I am more concerned that she might find it difficult to adjust to the added distraction of boys being there as there has been research that girl's do better in single sex schools.

Honestly, she’ll be fine. All the kids have their own wee cliques
The science kids,the bookish kids,the out there kids
If I were you I’d try mix with friendly parents see what blossoms

Honestly boys weren’t in my radar at all and I was mixed school hs and primary
She’ll not necessarily turn boy daft in that environment. It’ll be new, novel and I guess just wait and see
Chances are she'll feel liberated away from a pressured & prejudicial environment

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Honestly boys weren’t in my radar at all and I was mixed school hs and primary She’ll not necessarily turn boy daft in that environment. It’ll be new, novel and I guess just wait and see Chances are she'll feel liberated away from a pressured & prejudicial environment

Yes hopefully! Thanks for your helpful insights.

Being away from the pressures and daily grind of discrimination will be really liberating for her.
Most teens, boys & girls turn puce and want to run away of the opposite sex talk to them. Sure there is some bravado I said, he said but in all honesty it’s all bluster

Those micro aggressions can really be difficult to navigate, especially for a 14 year old who's just starting to navigate the world. I think a diverse pupil population will help her get a sense of belonging IFYSWIM.

And that's ultimately what I think you'll want her to feel. If you find her grades are being impacted you can always invest in tutoring.

Best of luck to your daughter

[quote Nowfeeltheneedtopost]@campion can you expand on the "different cultures" the OP's DC will experience at a co-ed school that you think will be such a shock? It isn't uncommon here in SW London for children to move from single sex to co-ed (even, dare I say it, from private to state) and vice versa in Y8 or Y9.
OP, I am sure that if you support your DD with love and encouragement then she will thrive.[/quote]
I did say that the co ed bit was possibly less of a consideration,though the OP's daughter may find some boys' more robust approach in lessons initially surprising (generalising obviously).
Prestigious girls' school suggests high academic standards and positive attitude to work/behaviour but the OP can confirm that or otherwise.
'Requires improvement' suggests that all isn't well in several areas but we don't know which. Behaviour and attitude to work may vary quite a lot, consistency of teaching may be inadequate, pastoral care could be patchy etc. We don't know.

Even without the inadequate bit,the OP's dd is going to notice a few differences eg general atmosphere,aspirations, class sizes, co curricular options, possibly subject options and so on.

I have a great deal of experience teaching in both types of schools and they can be like chalk and cheese. I don't mean all good v all bad just that there are,inevitably,differences. And moving schools in yrs 8 or 9 can be a particular challenge when friendships are already established.

@plumpuddisnice

Those micro aggressions can really be difficult to navigate, especially for a 14 year old who's just starting to navigate the world. I think a diverse pupil population will help her get a sense of belonging IFYSWIM.

And that's ultimately what I think you'll want her to feel. If you find her grades are being impacted you can always invest in tutoring.

Best of luck to your daughter

Yes, I agree Well put

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Being away from the pressures and daily grind of discrimination will be really liberating for her. Most teens, boys & girls turn puce and want to run away of the opposite sex talk to them. Sure there is some bravado I said, he said but in all honesty it’s all bluster

I agree

@plumpuddisnice

Those micro aggressions can really be difficult to navigate, especially for a 14 year old who's just starting to navigate the world. I think a diverse pupil population will help her get a sense of belonging IFYSWIM.

And that's ultimately what I think you'll want her to feel. If you find her grades are being impacted you can always invest in tutoring.

Best of luck to your daughter

Thank-you very much!! Yes I definitely agree. She is quite bright (thought struggles in maths) so I'm hoping her grades will be ok and she sometimes revised at home but yes I could consider tutoring if need be.

The distraction from boys is not to do with romantic relationships, they are as a whole less well behaved, more inclined to chat and disrupt lessons. She’ll probably find it irritating! If she was unhappy at the other school it’s definitely the right decision to change, every school has its pluses and minuses, hope she happier at the new one

Hi op, my ds goes to a 'rough' school and it really has been the making of him.

He is a very anxious child who just wants to go to school to learn and not get into trouble.

He has made friends and is really confident because the school have also helped him and praised him when he needs it and it has some really fab teachers.

I went to an all girls school and hated it!

Hope the move goes well and dd finds her BFF.

sounds like your daughter will actually be liberated at her new school being more diverse, less pressured and more likely to allow her to be herself.
she will find her niche, also it's likely the headship is working hard at improving the school, so it may be better than being in a school who isn't challenging itself.
Good luck !

I went to a school that sounds like your daughters girls school and then my first teaching placement was at a school that sounds like your daughters new school.... and that was a culture shock for me (despite being 23, having gone through uni and hardly being the kind of kid who had a pony!)

It will be hugely shocking I imagine- tell her to ease into it, accept the differences for what they are and ask for help from you if she needs it, no matter what it is about.

My kids went to a mixed inner city comp that was deemed to be failing. It's incredibly diverse, complete range of abilities and backgrounds. Several people were horrified when I told them my eldest was going there, but it's a lovely school with a kind ethos and zero tolerance of bullying. My eldest decided to switch for sixth form to a quite elitist academic school that's impossible to get into and was blown away by the contrast and not in a good way! If you ask him which is the better school, he'll always say the comp. Anyway, both mine did well academically, made great friends and most importantly were really happy. I hope the same is true for your DD. She sounds lovely. Good luck!

I think your DD will find more scope for friendship at the new school, from my DD's experience there is a wide range of children at a comp, so there is someone for everyone. There isn't a need to fit in to the school's motto/marketing brief for itself, because comps aren't like that - they take anyone, so you can then in return, be anyone. The diversity is exciting and interesting. If it is needing improvement it won't be sitting on its laurels like many Outstanding State schools can, it will be looking to be on an upwards trajectory and it is likely to have good bullying practice unlike private schools which tend to sweep things under carpets not to upset parents who are paying multiple sets of fees for siblings.
Buy yourself the wonderful book "Some Kids I taught and what they taught me." It is like a hug in a book and hugely reassuring about the amazing characters you find in a school that accurately reflects the society that is found outside its gates.
Please let us know how she gets on, what an exciting journey for her, I wish her all the best. x

@converseandjeans do you think quiet reading children only exist in all girls fee paying schools?? This is hilarious. Most of the nations authors went to mixed state schools, how on earth did they survive! My daughter’s comp has a book club, quills club, newspaper club, book-to-film club, and extra English for gifted and talented called extension which happens after school. Normal comp, full of a cracking range of DC.

@Dillydaffy

I think your DD will find more scope for friendship at the new school, from my DD's experience there is a wide range of children at a comp, so there is someone for everyone. There isn't a need to fit in to the school's motto/marketing brief for itself, because comps aren't like that - they take anyone, so you can then in return, be anyone. The diversity is exciting and interesting. If it is needing improvement it won't be sitting on its laurels like many Outstanding State schools can, it will be looking to be on an upwards trajectory and it is likely to have good bullying practice unlike private schools which tend to sweep things under carpets not to upset parents who are paying multiple sets of fees for siblings. Buy yourself the wonderful book "Some Kids I taught and what they taught me." It is like a hug in a book and hugely reassuring about the amazing characters you find in a school that accurately reflects the society that is found outside its gates. Please let us know how she gets on, what an exciting journey for her, I wish her all the best. x

I completely agree! My Dd's school which is outstanding has not been visited by Ofsted since 2011 and I am doubtful they're still deserving of their title.