Dulwich College a “breeding ground for sexual predators”

[rosemary201]

Another day, another school
Interestingly, the first letter from a boy

Dulwich College is today accused of being a “breeding ground for sexual predators” in an open letter organised by a former schoolboy that contains more than 100 anonymous accounts of assault, harassment and sharing intimate photos online.

The letter, written by Samuel Schulenburg, 19, a former pupil at the south London private school, said “experiences of assault, revenge pornography and slut shaming were exacerbated by ... young men who ... laughed at stories of sexual violence”.

His letter includes about 100 anonymous testimonies written by girls who went to neighbouring schools, such as James Allen’s Girls’ School (Jags). One claims there was “an established rape culture” at the school.

Accidentally that is awful

@AccidentallyOnPurpose
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences -it must have been a difficult thing to write xx

@AccidentallyOnPurpose triggering in a sort of good way if that makes sense - just so good to know that others are out there feeling the same even though I wish you didn’t have to. People in real life (away from mumsnet) look at me like I am crazy if I say that I was so unhappy at my elite school, they think I should be so grateful for having an amazing opportunity but it was such a strange and damaging time of my life. The glossy brochure doesn’t show the reality - not for everyone I know, but I was so damaged by being around those boys. I couldn’t take advantage of the world class facilities, I was too unwell.

Thank you for your words . But I don't want to make this thread about me . I answered the poster asking how it can happen. And I'm out of it now, I made it.
However that are many ,many girls that are living with this now. That's what they fight against, what they fight through. What they have to live with every day.

And instead of listening posters bang on about the school's reputation, lengths of skirts, the "reprehensible" behaviour of the girls and so on. Looking at anything and everything, except the possibility that maybe,just maybe there is some truth the "school culture" thing. Yes there are issues in society, with some of the parenting,what kids are exposed to and many other things. It doesn't mean that the school's attitude to sexism,misogyny,sexual harassment/attacks and rape should be ignored.

@Oohhhbetty oh yeah. "You went to the best school, had the best opportunities , why haven't you achieved more?".

So sorry you experienced this @AccidentallyOnPurpose.

@shinealightonit the Highbury dossier (linked earlier in the thread) has some good examples of how pernicious the school culture can be. Lots of things and staff measuring girls' skirts, telling them their shirt is see-through, making them sit in different parts of the class and laughing off boys' behaviour as "banter". Generally supporting the boys and making the girls feel that this behaviour is acceptable.

@jessstan2 Sydenham High?

I wrote about it in this forum yesterday. I wrote that the media and social media call students of private schools sexual predators and perverts. The media calls all schools, and therefore all students, no matter if they are guilty or not. There are thousands of wonderful and nice boys behind the walls of private schools. Thousands of innocent children.They were described along with the criminals under the single title "SEXUAL CRIMINALS".
www.thetimes.co.uk/article/b3836732-8f08-11eb-ab4d-f4c45359834c?shareToken=30f01745fb13741df7f38f952269377e&fbclid=IwAR2do-0IgDMrlsT9pNVjTzlgeu8F7HPLapRaN5gW232o4N9TT0fyDuleWUk

I do not believe I am exaggerating when I say this risks damaging an entire generation of innocent boys

@Breds Yes you are exaggerating. There are thousands of boys in this country who have never been near a private school, it is no way a whole generation of boys that are being damaged by a few articles about some private schools.

Plenty of kids around where I live could argue they're tarnished by being in schools known for "gangs" or areas with stabbings.

I don't think an adult should be harassing any child on his way to school about media stories but this article yet again makes boys the victims and ignores the girls.

I've seen lots of threads on here over the years from grown women unsure if they were raped or sexually assaulted. The stories often include their rapist gaslighting them and saying things like "But you didn't fight me off" or "did I lead him on?"

I don't know what PSHE education is like but a lot or adults don't even know facts like you can be raped in a marriage or by a person you've previously had consensual sex with.

On MN there are often people who say stuff like they are sending their child private because they don't want their child mixing with badly behaved kids at the comprehensive. The word feral is often used. They refuse to believe that private schools even have bullying when the reality is that they are desperate to keep the kids who will get their top grades as that's their ticket to more kids who'll get the top grades.

There's plenty of tv programmes about state schools and the problems that they face. In the TV series Educating Essex/Yorkshire etc they show you what it's like in state schools with poor reputations. You don't see sexual assaults but you see what state schools with poor OFSTEDs are like including what inclusion is like. Coupled with fictional programmes like Waterloo Road, Akeley Bridge etc there is a snobbery about what comprehensives are like.

[quote Rostbif]@jessstan2 Sydenham High? [/quote]
Yes.

We must speak up for girls and against rape culture everywhere.

But without naming schools or boys.
Without damaging "reputations".
In a way "we" approve of.
In a purely theoretical way.
In a NIMBY and not my Nigel way.
In a what about the boys way.
In a making sure boys are protected way.
In a NAMALT way.
In a don't make me face something I don't want to way.
In an abstract way.
In a let's talk about what else might be to blame way.

Girls came out and spoke of horrific experiences. Your answer is what about the boys?

@breds "I do not believe I am exaggerating when I say this risks damaging an entire generation of innocent boys"

7% of the population is privately educated. You are exaggerating. That is hardly damaging and entire generation. But, I'll tell you who is damaged. The victims.

Parents should blame the school if boys are now being tainted by association. If schools such as DC had managed the situation properly and addressed concerns when they were raised, these open letters may not have been necessary.

@Beetle11

Parents should blame the school if boys are now being tainted by association. If schools such as DC had managed the situation properly and addressed concerns when they were raised, these open letters may not have been necessary.

This ^^

@RedGoldAndGreene

I've seen lots of threads on here over the years from grown women unsure if they were raped or sexually assaulted. The stories often include their rapist gaslighting them and saying things like "But you didn't fight me off" or "did I lead him on?"

I don't know what PSHE education is like but a lot or adults don't even know facts like you can be raped in a marriage or by a person you've previously had consensual sex with.

On MN there are often people who say stuff like they are sending their child private because they don't want their child mixing with badly behaved kids at the comprehensive. The word feral is often used. They refuse to believe that private schools even have bullying when the reality is that they are desperate to keep the kids who will get their top grades as that's their ticket to more kids who'll get the top grades.

There's plenty of tv programmes about state schools and the problems that they face. In the TV series Educating Essex/Yorkshire etc they show you what it's like in state schools with poor reputations. You don't see sexual assaults but you see what state schools with poor OFSTEDs are like including what inclusion is like. Coupled with fictional programmes like Waterloo Road, Akeley Bridge etc there is a snobbery about what comprehensives are like.

Absolutely. All the parents whose 'clever sensitive' boys would get eaten alive if they went to the local state school so absolutely must go private. As if private is a vaccination against bad behaviour. It's obviously just different bad behaviour. And what about the clever sensitive boys whose parents can't afford private? Guess what? They end up in the comps... so your clever sensitive child would in fact have company. But there's a belief that that clever children can't possibly spring from the poorer classes.

The beauty of comps is they are so big the clever sensitive boys can find their tribe and there is safety in numbers. Several friends with sons like this are absolutely fine in our local large state all boys school.

I have heard no equivalent reports to the Everyone’s invited about our local boys school my girls are at the sister girls school. I am sure it’s not perfect but the hideous toxic combination of the elitism and entitlement and collusion of the school eloquently described by Accidentally simply aren’t present.

Anecdotally many of my friends lovely sons (our decent state schools) are dating girls from top name public schools. Looks like the girls are voting with their feet...

State versus private misses the point, IMO.
This is an issue with leadership and safe guarding in these schools.

Behind a payall
www.thetimes.co.uk/article/i-warned-head-of-dulwich-college-about-abusive-boys-five-years-ago-xkxgjftk8

@Beetle11

Parents should blame the school if boys are now being tainted by association. If schools such as DC had managed the situation properly and addressed concerns when they were raised, these open letters may not have been necessary.

The Head of DC has been ignoring the calls of huge concern from the JAGS Head. That and DC staff obviously turning a blind eye (the offences against the girls don't happen on school premises so let's just sweep it all under the carpet). And the school telling their boys they're wonderful, and to be assertive & confident.

He's only reacting now in public because Sam's letter has been picked up by the broadsheet press.

@selondongal

and some did happen on school premises/jurisdiction e.g. school coaches that are shared with JAGS pupils

This....

Perhaps DC parents and KCS parents are more upset about the taint on their childs' schools reputations because what they are paying for is the elitism. The feeling they are above everyone else in terms of education and social class and this has made them think they will have an advantage in life. The arrogance is pretty disgusting in addition to just not being true. The victims are these girls and that is the only thing people should be focusing on. The schools and parents need to pull their heads out and take a long look at themselves and what they represent.

Woops I started a thread and then saw this one.

The news is shocking. Maybe I am naive, I was state school educated and badly bulled through my school years. We were so excited to send DS to DC. Now I feel physically sick.

Do we still send our DS and try and become part of the solution? Or walk away and cut our losses?

I consider myself a strongly feminist minded women. DCs are under no illusion about equality and it is my responsibility to make sure that is always the case. DH and I share home and childcare responsibilities equally. Wherever I send my DS it is my duty to ensure he learns about respect for himself and others, boundaries, consent. But what if the school creates a counter culture that isn’t in line with our belief system?

I have lived locally to the school for 15 years. I had no idea. We have no back up plan, so we would need to contact the council, and likely need to send DS to what ever local school has a place left. Probably will be a not close, not great school. I may contact our local primary after Easter. So will many others I am sure.

Do we send him, and then just wait and see/ get out as soon as we can? The Junior school has some degree of separation, but reputation is of course reputation.

Very sad for those girls who have been impacted, experienced this. Sad for the innocents caught up in this. Cross at the school for this culture that has seemed into the fabric of the school.

Mostly I want to make the right decision for my DS who enjoys learning & school so much.

Excellent balanced article by the mum of DC boy in the Times today.

^The news is shocking. Maybe I am naive, I was state school educated and badly bulled through my school years. We were so excited to send DS to DC. Now I feel physically sick.

Do we still send our DS and try and become part of the solution? Or walk away and cut our losses?^

Money talks. Make sure they know your money will walk if things don't change pronto.

If today's story in the Times that a letter containing similar allegations was sent to Dulwich College 5 years ago and not acted upon is true, surely the headmaster will have to go?

Also, if this behaviour has been known to all 3 Dulwich private schools for so long why on earth didn't the heads of JAGS and Alleyn's push for more action?