Everyone's Invited website - why so much mentioning of LUS?

[tippygrace]

The website has been widely circulated among private school parents since yesterday.
I just had a look this morning and was shocked to find a disproportional number of testimonies from former pupils at Latymer Upper School.
www.everyonesinvited.uk/survivor-testimonies
Does this volume speak of any truth?
(I'm having DC considering entry to the school for 11+)

Looks like it is starting to get media hype. www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9357225/Top-20-000-year-London-private-school-rape-culture-say-pupils.html

My heart goes out to the parents who have accepted offers to send their DCs to LUS in September.... it must be a really stressful situation!

It is a very disturbing read.

I'm a current parent with a DS and a DD there. Both are really upset about the website as they really feel the experiences do not reflect their experience within the school. Not to say that the postings aren't genuine and that things will happen but they love their school and as a parent I would say their pastoral care is definitely better than at the school my other DC went to and both my children know exactly who they could talk to if they needed to.
I wouldn't hesitate to send another DC there.
I haven't read the Daily Mail article- refuse to click on it- but there is another in the Telegraph which is a bit more measured and the paper appears to have actually spoken to the school.

I hope my post didn’t seem to belittle the posts on the website. I’m sure they are real and upsetting to the pupils involved. What I can say is the school are taking it all incredibly seriously and involving parents and pupils in discussion.
I don’t think there is a school in the land, private or state who doesn’t have issues when dealing with 100s of teenagers but they don’t all have it splashed all over the news. It’s how they deal with it going forward that will count and hopefully will be better for everyone.

It's in The Times today too. Utterly horrifying but I can't imagine it's confined to the schools named.

but I can't imagine it's confined to the schools named.

I can’t either. The difference is the the named schools are considered ‘top’ schools (on MN at any rate).

Thanks @1968old for reassuring words

I imagine it must be really upsetting for the children and parents. These incidents, if true, must have happened outside school ie at parties and hanging out. How on earth does LUS appear more than others? Is there an agenda against the school or did things really happen?

I guess friends talk about the websites and people post and then it gains momentum and more post from the same school. I’m sure in the days to come more schools will be added!
I know alumni have been contacted - it’s hard to deal with anonymous allegations which may have happened several years ago and learn lessons from how they were handled.
It’s not just the parents and children that are affected but the staff at these schools too as I’m sure the vast majority of them care very much about their pupils and schools.

Just posted this somewhere else, but didn't see this thread:

There are also wider questions here, such as the role of parenting in a child's education.

Education has gone from simply being the 'academic development" of young people, to everything from sex education, social education, life skills, to morality, etc. etc". Some (some more than others it seems!), seem to expect teachers to do all of that for them.

I have a stepson who left Latymer in 2020, and during the last 4 years I have been to no less than 6 events that were put on by the Deputy Head, just for parents, about sexual relations, drugs, alcohol, parties, a telling-off about parties going on and mental health. Alongside these we got letters, news, emails, etc. I have also been to 2 other events put on by outside speakers at LUS (attended by LUS and another school's parents) about drugs, parties and making right choices. They were run by a parent (not LUS) who now runs a charity promoting good-choices after her daughter was a victim. Im sure some of you may been too, if you're parents?

I know that all of these events were also given to the kids.

AND you know what...... at each and every event i went to, I saw the same parent faces there each time, and despite clearly having the seating capacity, I saw that at least 50% of parents never went.... to any of them! If you were there, i know you'll agree.

Schools must be held accountable for mistakes and failures, but when you pass successive inspections on your processes, policies and delivery and constantly communicate to parents about these issues, then what more can a school do?

Also, importantly most of the instagram posts i read this morning were reporting things that have happened outside of all these schools, not in. Who is supervising these parties? most of the kids aren't old enough to be drinking, most should be able to get into a club or pub, where are the parents when all these assaults are going on?

I think society and parenting as a whole needs to be addressed, specifically the vacant-parent, london-elite club, and we need to stop mud flinging at schools and work with them to try and change these types of behaviours.

I feel really sorry for the victims here, who have slipped through the net, its really sad, yet I also feel sorry for teachers who clearly work so hard to do so much for us and our kids these days.

Agree with this @Moppetsgalore Clearly the school have a crucial role in shaping culture and I think many schools turn a blind eye to the way girls are treated because it is basically seen as normal. But, why do parents continue to allow social media, unsupervised parties, alcohol etc? Particularly social media - there is a responsibility to consider whether it is actually good for teenagers, not just throw our hands up and say there's nothing we can do.

@Moppetsgalore Sorry but parents who work full time (to pay the huge school fees) can't attend every parent event the school lays on. It's hardly an indication of their commitment to their children's health.

It's appalling. I work in schools and the state sector is equally bad.

It's a school, society and parental
Issue.

@XelaM, sorry that is complete trash. I work full time, hours that are unsociable sometimes too, and I try to go to as much as I can. I've never missed an event like this at my Son's private school (not LUS), they are advertised months and months in advance, and they are at reasonable 'after work' (for the majority) times. I also don't work 9-5, but i organise my time well.

Attitudes like that are both lazy and complicit in fostering the type of behaviour that is being reported. Every parent has 'a commitment' to their child's health, but if someone cant be ar**d to go to anything, listen or participate in the things schools put on, then these same people have zero room to complain and I hope their children never need the type of support that these events educate us parents about.

I wish this site had a "facepalm" emoji.

@XelaM

I work full time too, as does my partner. We pay the fees because we like the educational benefits and the extracurricular offering private schools generally have to offer.

Yet - I go to all the events, because I make time. You get a schedule of them at the start of the year from LUS and from that, like with parents evenings, and sports fixtures, etc., you can plan your year, adjust your shifts, speak to your boss, take annual leave and generally make time for your child.

I'm sorry but your comment is part way towards why half these kids are now either genuine victims, or think its hilarious to pretend to be one for a laugh.

@WarrenBird Just to clarify, I'm also putting my kid through private education and have to work full time to afford it. I'm a single parent and can understand how some parents simply might not be able to attend those type of events. It doesn't make them bad parents!

However, your post on another thread about being convinced that some of those victims' testimonials are fake because of your son's WhatsApp group that find some testimonials "hilarious" is a lot more concerning.

Comments attributed to Latymer pupils made up a significant proportion of what I read on the website and I do wonder if the person behind the Instagram account and website was a Latymerian? The Daily Mail has focused almost exclusively on Latymer in their write up. I have received letters from three independent schools about this. I don't think it is particularly helpful that LU is the focus of the debate.
As a previous poster said, these things are happening outside school at parties and gatherings, and I couldn't agree more with the "where on earth were the parents" sentiment.

I’m following the story with interest as I work in a related department at another local authority outside of London.

Our local schools put on events like these too, and we actually find it’s the local probate schools that do the best job. Two privates in our area actually advertise their events/speakers to local state parents too, which we actively support, as a local authority we simply don’t have the budget for it.

@XelaM, I mentioned this elsewhere, but the PP was saying the whatsapp group of LU kids had received a screenshot of another group of kids which were actively posting fake testimonials on the site as a competition. A very immature response to a serious issue, which muddies the waters for people like my colleagues to have to find the true victims.

Just like you have, quite innocently, taken another posters message accidentally out of the context, these posts on social media can be just as hard to interpret.

Sadly the type of schools that have fallen foul of this, are generally regarded, amongst colleagues, as schools that do try hard on all of these points, and have the most successful outcomes for their young people.

What we need to address here is the elephant in the room, which has been illuminated by this website. The fact that there are societal issues and parent-school relationships that need to be looked into.

Private* not probate.

Not making excuses but LUS is a massive school, about 180 children per year, so there are going to be incidences than at smaller schools.

Feel sorry for the boys and girls that have experienced the horrors of assault or harassment.... reading through it seems that a lot of them have happened outside of school. In my kind that raises questions around where the parents were when this was going on? Poor kids. Where was the supervision of these parties and occurrences?

I am an LUS parent and my DD says she has never experienced anything like what some posters describe, nor have her friends.
I find it hard to believe that the incidence of sexual harassment is higher than at most other schools.

@Alwaysfrank in The Times article it said the woman who started the site went to Wycombe Abbey & I think a school in Hampstead, so not LUS. It's definitely not just one school that is the problem, or just private schools. A lot of it does seem to be happening at parties where this kind of behaviour has been normalised. A few concerning stories about teachers' behaviour too.

Many of us with children at secondary have multiple schools, so attending these events at each school along with working full time and trying to be at home for aforementioned supervision is indeed truly a struggle. And I am sorry but I don't personally know of one teen who doesn't have social media?! But the real issue here is that this school is indeed mentioned loads. I had heard about drugs and girls being pressured for sex acts at Latymer parties over the past ten years from friends with DC at the school and from my daughters who have friends at the school (mine are at at another local girls school). The fact that this cohort seems to grow up faster than other area schools is one reason why we didn't apply. Of course it is true that these things happen everywhere but wow, the Latymer stories are more pervasive than others it has seemed for years and it seems now. Regarding the parties, from what I have heard (because I would ask the same question!) the parents seem to be in the houses in most cases, but kids in a basement or another area of the house- so parents not in the same room as the kids. The boys seem to expect gratification. For me, the absolute worst bit is students talking about things that happen AT SCHOOL at LUS in a number of cases, and that also it is said that (even with parent complaints), in many instances, issues were glossed over or not taken seriously by the head and team.

Many of us with children at secondary have multiple schools, so attending these events at each school along with working full time and trying to be at home for aforementioned supervision is indeed truly a struggle. And I am sorry but I don't personally know of one teen who doesn't have social media?! But the real issue here is that this school is indeed mentioned loads. I had heard about drugs and girls being pressured for sex acts at Latymer parties over the past ten years from friends with DC at the school and from my daughters who have friends at the school (mine are at at another local girls school). The fact that this cohort seems to grow up faster than other area schools is one reason why we didn't apply. Of course it is true that these things happen everywhere but wow, the Latymer stories are more pervasive than others it has seemed for years and it seems now. For me, the absolute worst bit is students talking about things that happen AT SCHOOL at LUS in a number of cases, and that also it is said that (even with parent complaints), in many instances, issues were glossed over or not taken seriously by the head and team.

Sorry, did not mean to post twice- had not realised first message went through.