Cheltenham Ladies College or St Mary’s Ascot?

[Strifle]

Looking for any feedback on each school, settling at a boarding school and costs please.
Need to choose one by Monday but haven’t been able to go inside either.
Two issues: boarding/ location for coming home, and costs.
CLC is a solid 3 hours away, St Mary’s Ascot 1.5-2 hours.
She wants to go but would prefer flexi boarding which is not an option, she’ll probably want to come home as many w/es as possible at the start.

CLC is much bigger, St Marys feels safer.

The missing piece if the cost of extras and clubs, neither has supplied a price list, just a list of which clubs cost extra but no indication of the price.
I don’t want her to be unable to continue her lessons and clubs if they are super inflated prices. Any feedback on costs for activities and non academic lessons?

I’m wondering if I should heed the the old adage “if you have to ask the price you can’t afford it”.

She has the best local day option and the free grammar on the plate but it feels we’d regret not letting her have a go at something we assumed she’d never get when we applied as it’s outside our circle.

@UntamedWisteria

I'm a CLC girl.

I left 40 years ago though.

It was an awful, deeply unhappy school then.

I'm sure it's a bit better now - but I'd choose the smaller school, closer to home any day of the week.

I left not that long after you! I enjoyed it as did most of my friends but I do think it’s very different now - all boarding schools are. A few of my friends have sent their daughters there and I’ve had been back for a few reunions. OP- I expect there will be families with tons of money but there will be others who don’t. My friends daughters there wouldn’t be remotely interested in who has money and who doesn’t.

@Enoughisenough2021

I know a few happy girls at CLC - but if you want closer I’d go to St Mary’s. Cheltenham College is definitely not the brother school to CLC. Its been a rival for many, many years!

You know what I mean re brother school.

They are still connected, one of the two teachers I know also teaches the 6th form ladies collage - the 6th forms of the two schools do a lot of joint stuff even tho the boys place is now co-ed.

How small is St Mary’s? I would worry about boarding at a very small school as the pool of potential friends and like minded people would be much smaller.
OP- if you’re not sure about boarding I think I’d go local and revisit at 13. You could look at other boarding schools as well- they will all have places due to a drop in international students and you will be able to look around and your daughter may be able to attend taster days/ nights. You could also look at proper flexi boarding schools.

If you can’t afford to do the same for all three children then don’t do it for one. It will lead to resentment for those that don’t get the same opportunities.

CLC is very clear it is a ‘full’ boarding. Your DD would only be allowed home on exeat weekends. For a child who is unsure about boarding this could be a dealbreaker.

Agree with pp... if you can’t do it for all 3, don’t do it for one.

EnoughisEnough2021

So much depended on what house you were in and the housemistress. There are a lot of us on Facebook who reminisce and not in a good way.

I'm glad you had a happier experience. I certainly got a top notch education and made some lifelong friendships.

I just spoke to a mum whose daughter just started as a day girl at 13 at CLC. They have just received a letter that they are moving to weekly boarding. Daughter is very happy there and will start to board next year.

@Mommy77, we’ve been told they are introducing flexi boarding, not heard about weekly. For us it’s full boarding or move to the area to benefit from flexi.

Atm DD is saying she wants to board but she wants us to move there so she can go as day and flexi board till she is used to it. That’s not feasible by September even if we wanted to uproot. I think we’ll ask if we can defer to year 9, we will ask both schools tomorrow, if they both say no we’ll just have to pick one and live with it. 😬

Yes I guess it is flexi boarding in that they still have sat school but my understanding is they can go home every Saturday- Sunday night if they want to, whereas before that wasn't an option. I feel for you in that my daughter who is 9 wouldn't be ready to board at 11 either and we live in London as well. However we have a second home 20 minutes from Cheltenham so if she does get in then she could day and / or flexi board until 13. I think 13 is a good age to board. For what it is worth, my friend's daughter started in year 9 and has settled in quickly and she said because they don't have common entrance it is easier. But your daughter would have to sit the school's paper. Good luck with your decision!

The other thing you could do, if it is financially feasible for you, is rent from September a holiday let, furnished, in the area. So she could do flexi boarding and get settled in until say January and then hand the keys back and go back to london.

All of that is just ludicrous for one child! What about your other DC! We never got all the boarding kit in a small car either. Of course most boarding parents have money. No one spending £40,000 per child per year doesn’t have money. If you have to worry about cars and affording it - you simply cannot. I don’t understand why you even started on this route for one of your three children. Personally I think it’s misguided and unfair to the others.

3 hours away is too far. St Mary’s is Catholic. Just collecting DD on a Sunday will be a rush even with a shorter distance to travel. After Saturday sport works better.

Entry at 13 is another set of exams. It’s not usually a case of deferring. Most DC accept other DC for what they are. Your DD might feel the poor relation eventually. Your other two DC certainly will. I would stay local and accept that a bright child will do well in any grammar but you shouldn’t have dabbled with boarding if you or DD were not absolutely certain.

agree that 3 hours is far too far.

As well as pickups for exeats, there may be school plays and concerts, sports matches etc you want to attend.

The current trend nowadays is for most families to choose a boarding school much closer to home - 1 to 1.5 hours is typical.

And if CLC is offering flexi boarding, you are looking at picking up your daughter at 12.30 on a Saturday (assuming she's not in a match) and having her back at school by 6 pm on the Sunday. She will only be at home for 24 hours. And if you decide you don't want to or can't do the journey one weekend, she may well be resentful if she is left stuck at school when most others are going home for the weekend.

From our boarding experiences, 1-1.5 hours distance is ideal if you have the option, much easier to visit for school activities, take them home for an extra weekend (if allowed) and so on. Unless they will be able to use public transport, it is the round trip time that impacts on you as a parent!

We had 4 years with one 1.5 hours away, and were really glad we'd decided to ignore the other possibility 2 hours away. A couple of families who were further away often ended up staying overnight when down for concerts, or for exeat weekends rather than taking their child home. Admittedly this was prep (choir school).

For senior school both of ours have been about an hour away which has been really great. It is relatively easy to make time to get to them even at short notice.

I can relate to your DD's uncertainty about committing to boarding. Our youngest was much the same in year 6, indeed did badly in 13+ pretests that year because they weren't sure he'd manage as a boarder. But by the time he was turning 12 (end of year 7), he'd matured and it became clear boarding would be brilliant for him.

Definitely talk to the schools about 13+ entry as an option, given your distances, and I agree that grammar school + Latin tutoring for a couple of years could work well.

@PresentingPercy

All of that is just ludicrous for one child! What about your other DC! We never got all the boarding kit in a small car either. Of course most boarding parents have money. No one spending £40,000 per child per year doesn’t have money. If you have to worry about cars and affording it - you simply cannot. I don’t understand why you even started on this route for one of your three children. Personally I think it’s misguided and unfair to the others.

3 hours away is too far. St Mary’s is Catholic. Just collecting DD on a Sunday will be a rush even with a shorter distance to travel. After Saturday sport works better.

Entry at 13 is another set of exams. It’s not usually a case of deferring. Most DC accept other DC for what they are. Your DD might feel the poor relation eventually. Your other two DC certainly will. I would stay local and accept that a bright child will do well in any grammar but you shouldn’t have dabbled with boarding if you or DD were not absolutely certain.

Gosh I didn’t realise Op has other children but wouldn’t be able to afford to send them! That’s monstrously unfair OP and setting up your family for a life of resentment and disharmony. All for a few bells and whistles.

Op says she has two sisters who are not academic! Nothing much earmarked for them!

Says DD has two sisters!

@PresentingPercy you sound exactly like the kind of judgemental, patronising parent we would not want to meet at any school.

You don’t understand why we have chosen to give our child this opportunity because you know nothing about our other children, their ages, needs, aspirations or abilities.

3 hours is too far away in your opinion,
we however will between us travel as necessary to give her the opportunity if she so chooses, we already drive 4 hours each day on Prep runs.

Yes, we are aware St Mary’s is Catholic, thank you. Exeat weekends start on Friday afternoon so there’ll be no rush to commute.

Btw, I drive a small family car by choice for school runs, it’s so much easier to find on the carpark amongst the plethora of black 4x4s. I’m not worried about it and neither is my DD, I was more concerned that others (and by extension their impressionable children) will judge my DD, as it appears you and yours would.

As for claiming I have nothing much planned for my other children I think you missed the part where I said they will stay in their private education for secondary to maximise their outcomes.

You mentioned the car, the cost of extras and the journey from home. You even looked at moving. I used to have a big black 4 x 4. I think I agree with your earlier sentiments. You won't fit in. Happy now?

OP- I can safely say that none of my friends with children at boarding schools ( or any schools for that matter) would give a toss what car you drove or the size of your house etc etc. Neither would their children. In fact they’d probably be more judgmental about a enormous gleaming black 4x4!

agree no-one gives a toss what car you drive.

girls can be very judgmental about clothes though - although that's not just in private schools!

[quote Strifle]**@PresentingPercy you sound exactly like the kind of judgemental, patronising parent we would not want to meet at any school.

You don’t understand why we have chosen to give our child this opportunity because you know nothing about our other children, their ages, needs, aspirations or abilities.

3 hours is too far away in your opinion,
we however will between us travel as necessary to give her the opportunity if she so chooses, we already drive 4 hours each day on Prep runs.

Yes, we are aware St Mary’s is Catholic, thank you. Exeat weekends start on Friday afternoon so there’ll be no rush to commute.

Btw, I drive a small family car by choice for school runs, it’s so much easier to find on the carpark amongst the plethora of black 4x4s. I’m not worried about it and neither is my DD, I was more concerned that others (and by extension their impressionable children) will judge my DD, as it appears you and yours would.

As for claiming I have nothing much planned for my other children I think you missed the part where I said they will stay in their private education for secondary to maximise their outcomes.[/quote]
No, @PresentingPercy is talking sense and you don’t like it.

Your point would be reasonable if you were discussing sending your child to a grammar school, but it seems like you’ve realised you can get a child into a very posh school (although not the others) and you’ve been swept away by the pristige. I would urge you to think very carefully before spending a ton of money on something that could cause family resentment, especially if you’ve the option of a free excellent grammar school.

@Wondermule
I’m unclear what you mean by “your point would be reasonable..... grammar”.

I was asking for feedback on settling in, distance and extra curricular costs. None of that is relevant to a day grammar school.

If you actually read my posts rather than the sanctimonious post you quoted you would know that I never said I cannot afford to send all my other children. I said I would have to sell the house to send all three as an indiction of the total cost. Frankly it’s none of your business but the house I was referring to is not the one we actually live in so it’s all doable if, at the time, I feel my other children could both a) benefit from the opportunities of a top boarding school, and b) secure an offer. Thank you though for your concern about what you clearly consider my inability to provide an appropriate education to all of my children whose ages, needs and desire/ability to gain entry to such a school you know absolutely nothing about.

I was originally looking for an indication of extra costs as there was little forthcoming from the school. We currently spend c.£10k pa on family lessons, clubs, exams etc. My concern was if the cost is super inflated if run through the school account it would mean reducing her activities. Thankfully the leadership teams at the schools are not as dismissive and judgemental as you and have taken time to talk us through what to expect.

As you have nothing positive or constructive to offer may I suggest you just jog along and troll someone else to boost your own ego?

Hit a nerve there

I’m only commenting as it really, really comes across that you’re laying everything on the line for the bells and whistles of a posh school, when:

A grammar would be academically better
A grammar would mean your daughter can live at home with her family
A grammar would be free
Your daughter seems hesitant about boarding
A house deposit would be way more advantageous in this day and age
The prestige of a top boarding school can no longer ‘buy’ you a better university Place etc

Plus, and I know this is controversial, even if your daughter says she’s happy to board, I wonder how she will feel in years to come knowing you wanted to ship her off 5 days a week my fiancé still feels upset his parents felt able to effectively let school staff raise him.

I’ve said my piece now anyway, and hope you know in your heart you’re making the right decision for your daughter’s happiness, not just her social standing.

I don’t think anyone is trolling the OP, simply offering opinions.

As an alternate, is there another public school (boarding or otherwise) you’d consider for all 3 of your girls? It can be quite nice to have them all attend the same school even if there isn’t much overlap with them all there at once.

Can you articulate what specifically about those two schools you feel your DD1 will get there, but nowhere else? (That’s not a snarky comment, I’m genuinely curious). If it’s opportunities and doors opening, that may well be so, but also be aware that many large employers now have diversity targets to meet and strangely I’ve seen public school children marked down when applying for roles (even post uni)