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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Year 7 boy - unorganised, dragging out homework - constant help and nagging

35 replies

Remmy123 · 16/12/2020 21:18

My son is very bright, But has got a lazy attitude.

I am on his case constantly - pack your school bag for tomorrow / brush your teeth/ hang blazer up etc around 29 times a night until he does it.

Homework gets left until the last minute then it's just slap dash despite me going on at him to do it.

My whole evening is taken up with this constant chasing and reminders.

Tonight I've had enough I've asked him since 4pm to do homework .. started it half an hour ago and it's wrong / silly mistakes so I've made him start again - he stil then has to pack his back for tomorrow and brush teeth which will be another dragged out event.

Any words of wisdom? Whst can I do?

OP posts:

AllTheCakes · 16/12/2020 21:20

No screens until it’s done? I assume he comes home and wants to relax when he would be more productive getting everything done before switching off.

Wolfiefan · 16/12/2020 21:22

Stop reminding him.
A list of what he needs to do somewhere he can see it.
Let the school issue detentions if he doesn’t do HW or forgets stuff.

Leah2005 · 16/12/2020 21:25

Hmmm. I had one of these. He achieved well at gcse's and A levels. Now doing a science degree and uni has picked up that he has attention deficit disorder. He covered it well because he is intelligent and a pleasant kid and ever caused anyone any problems. I always said he was disobedient by the things he didn't do rather than did iyswim.

Leah2005 · 16/12/2020 21:25

*never

Original poster

Remmy123 · 16/12/2020 21:26

Thanks - he comes home and looks at his phone, no x box etc - maybe I'll take that off him?

Gosh if I left him too it he would miss his train but it's tempting!!

OP posts:

Alfiemoon1 · 16/12/2020 21:27

No advice but watching with interest my ds is year 11 and the same. Just this week he said he couldn’t do a piece of homework as information was missing everyone else must of listened in class and done it so he got a teacher detention forgot to go so it turned into a lunch time detention which despite me reminding him to go to he forgot and now has an after school detention?? All this over a 15 minute easy piece of homework pfft

ReindeerAntlerLights · 16/12/2020 21:27

A list that he ticks off the stuff he has done.

Homework is done between x and x time, phone handed over so no distractions.

Noticeboard or some other way to visually track homework, he writes on this as he gets given the homework and he can see what needs to be done and how much of it he has.

louisethedisease · 16/12/2020 21:28

Watching with interest as my 11 year old is exactly the same!

OnlyTeaForMe · 16/12/2020 21:29

My DS was like this. Diagnosed with dyslexia at age 13.

ToLiveInPeace · 16/12/2020 21:30

This sounds very much like attention deficit disorder. Referral and diagnosis can be slow so I would start looking at whether this is a possibility sooner rather than later.

cataline · 16/12/2020 21:34

I'm going to say it sounds like adhd too. There are loads of online tests you can do to see if it's likely.

Rollergirl11 · 16/12/2020 21:38

Yep sounds like the executive functioning aspect of ADHD. DS (12) has struggled with organising himself and getting motivated for years and is severely demand avoidant. Went down the private assessment route in Feb this year when he was in Year 7 and he was diagnosed with ADHD. Now on meds and he’s like a different child!

missyB1 · 16/12/2020 21:38

He needs lists. A big whiteboard in his bedroom with the schedule on and he has to tick each item off as he does it.
A drink and snack when he gets in from school then phone is taken away and the schedule begins.
I have a year 7 boy, we literally couldn’t manage without a schedule.

Wolfiefan · 16/12/2020 21:38

But at the moment there are no consequences. Just you being fed up!
Mine used to have to get ready before breakfast! That way they couldn’t drag their feet!
Your whole evening taken up by reminding him? That’s just daft.

PenelopePiper · 16/12/2020 21:41

It's very late for an 11-year old to be doing homework. He should be sleeping.

Perhaps he's tired and therefore disorganised?

IHeartKingThistle · 16/12/2020 21:46

Secondary teacher here. I also own a Year 7 boy. All this is very common in Year 7 boys.

For me, packing the bag is non negotiable. Timetable somewhere visible. For homework, let him get in trouble. Please! It gives him a much better chance of developing the independence he really needs to succeed in KS4. Once the detentions and negative points and phone calls from teachers start coming in, then I'd take the phone until it's done every night for a set period. Then see if he can do it on his own. Rinse and repeat. It might be worth emailing his form tutor too to ask if teachers can be made aware that this is what's going on.

sunset900 · 16/12/2020 21:48

Whiteboard in the kitchen with everything that needs to be done that week. I help them make sure everything is on there but after that it's up to them. Both are fairly organised kids though anyway so not sure whether this would work, I might have just got lucky.

Original poster

Remmy123 · 16/12/2020 21:54

@IHeartKingThistle thank you - I think I'm going to go down this route you suggested - I'll inform his tutor too. He is at w very strict school do detentions will be coming in fast 😣

I'm sure he doesn't have adhd / attention deficit I think it's years of me doing everything for him / reminding him all the time etc etc and now he is lazy.

I've done him no favours

OP posts:

IHeartKingThistle · 16/12/2020 21:56

Hope it helps! I do sympathise!

orcadive · 16/12/2020 22:03

You just described my 11yo ADHD (inattentive) son. If your ds is well intentioned but unable to grasp the basics of self care and organisation it is worth seeking professional advice.

We hit a point were it was apparent DS was simply unable to manage the most routine things. It caused angst and friction within the family. A constant negative stream of feelings in DS who didn't want to be that way. Meds were a life changer for everyone in the family. My DS is also extremely bright/high achiever/very polite and well liked by teachers. None of us really thought it could be ADHD. When there isn't a behavioural component of ADHD (impulsive/hyper), but is mostly inattentive, the presentation is confusing.

alliejay81 · 16/12/2020 22:05

I have a Y7, I gave him a lot of support to begin with as he struggles a bit with organisation. However I quickly figured out, the more I stepped back, the better organised he was. Also I was beginning to feel like it was me that had the homework!

We have a loose timetable (homework between 5pm - 6pm) but other than that he prioritises his own workload and he needs to motivate himself to do it.

Original poster

Remmy123 · 16/12/2020 22:09

Still not convinced it's ADHD as he knows where everything is, never loses things etc

I'll try a list although I'd probably have to nag him to look at said list 😂

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 16/12/2020 22:21

The thing is that you don’t “have” to. You need to stop being a safety net. Agree what he will do and when. Ensure he has a list to consult and his timetable somewhere obvious.
Then step back.

orcadive · 16/12/2020 22:21

Also meant to add I was drawn to your post after reading your use of ‘lazy’ when describing how your ds appears. You can recognise he is able and CAN do tasks but he can’t follow through with execution regularly. That is the red flag.

Original poster

Remmy123 · 16/12/2020 22:26

@orcadive how do I get him tested without him knowing what his for?

My gut says it's not but it's worth checking for sure.

OP posts:

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