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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Bed time, wake up and travelling to school

42 replies

TotoroXX · 15/12/2020 18:23

Our first choice school, Tiffin Girls (if DD is lucky enough to get in), is about 50 mins door to door involving a train ride to Richmond then a bus. I have done this journey myself during morning time of school hour in Dec before COVID, and it was doable. DD has also done this journey with me during the 11+ exam and said fine. The return journey took longer on bus due to longer wait at bus stop plus busy traffic, is this a norm?

Would be interested to know from parents with secondary school children what time do their children go to bed, wake up and how long it takes them to travel to school and back home normally?

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 15/12/2020 19:09

Before lockdown, DD2 was on:
Lights out 9:15/9:30, awake 7:30, leave 8:15 for 15 min walk to school.

The 'norm' is whatever people near you need to do. I've never commuted for 50mins in my life, I wouldn't expect my 11yo to do it.
6th form college took DD1 around 70mins door to door, that was bad enough and only for 2 years.

However as you are London and going for a grammar, I would imagine your expected commute is quite standard.

RedskyAtnight · 15/12/2020 20:47

I wouldn't be happy doing that commute myself. But then I don't live in London where maybe it is more normal. I'd worry that one travel holdup would mean the journey time was over an hour.

Like Teen my DC have a 15 minute walk to work. Pre-lockdown DS would get up at 8 and leave at 8.10. DD would get up at 7.00 and leave at 7.50 (she met up with friends so walked a long way round).
They went to bed sometime between 9 and 10.

RedskyAtnight · 15/12/2020 20:49

... walk to school (although they do work when they get there!)

Toomanycats99 · 15/12/2020 21:00

Pre Covid my daughter left about 7.10 and arrived at school 7.45/7.50. Buses got very busy 7.25 onwards so she preferred to get in earlier rather than risk being late.

Redwinestillfine · 15/12/2020 21:02

Our choices, when the time comes are all between a 5 min walk up to a 20 minute walk. Primary school is currently a 20 minute walk. We leave at 8.20, they're up at 7

formerbabe · 15/12/2020 21:05

Ds ...year 8.

In bedroom at 9pm...allowed to read for a bit. Usually lights out 9.30pm.

Up at 7am. Leaves house just before 8am...20-25 minute walk to school.

Find he does get tired by the weekend and will sleep in late

clary · 15/12/2020 21:07

We live very near school so my DC would get up about 7.30-8 and leave about 8.30-8.35, two-minute walk.

They would be home about 3.30 or earlier now school ends sooner.

Bedtime by secondary was late due to things like Scouts and Guides, usually about 10pm in yr 7, after about yr 9 they self regulated.

I think 50 mins is a long commute. And longer in the evening would mean home by 4.30 or later I suppose. That wouldn't have worked for us with some after school stuff. But I presume you feel that the school is worth it. I'm sure lots of kids do that kind of commute esp in rural areas.

dementedpixie · 15/12/2020 21:07

I wouldn't do that commute each day never mind expect a child to do it

BendingSpoons · 15/12/2020 21:07

I live vaguely near you. I was lucky enough to mostly get a lift to school. When I didn't it was about an hour journey (10-15 min walk, train, bus, 15 min walk). Hopefully she will make friends who travel part of the way with her.

EleanorElena · 15/12/2020 21:12

DD (12) is in bed at 9-9.30, up at 6.45, leaves house at 7.30 and gets to school for about 8.20. It’s just one bus journey and she travels with friends. If there are others travelling from where you live it will be fine - ideally a few of them so that she’ll always have someone to travel with if one girl has an after school club etc

hopefulhalf · 15/12/2020 21:13

DCs travel about 50mins to grammar school, many do from different directions. Asleep 9-10pm awake 6:15. Yrs 9&12. Was 8:30-9pm in yrs 7&8.

Mumdiva99 · 15/12/2020 21:14

My son goes to bed 9:30, up about 7:15 leaves house at the moment at 8....as school starts earlier than normal due to staggered starts. 10 min walk max.

When he does a club in winter till 4 or 4:30 I don't really worry about him coming home alone.

From our place to get to grammar you have to go out of county on a 45 minute bus ride. I discounted the idea for that reason.....i would rather my child spends the time in a club, doing homework, working, seeing friends, practising instrument than be on a bus. (Also - slightly different to you as these are private buses you can't stay late at school and still get transport home.)

JingleJohnsJulie · 15/12/2020 21:20

School is a 20 min leisurely walk.

DD starts at 8.15 so gets up at 7am and leaves the house at 7.45-7.50. Her phone goes off at 9.15 pm.

DS starts a bit later as the school are doing staggered starts. He's due in at 8.25. Regularly gets up at 7.50 and leaves the house about 8.05.

If her commute is an hour on the way home, is she going to be ok when after school activities start up again? Both of mine used to do lots of after school activities and if they go into the school play, it can be every night for a few weeks.

Activities plus commute plus homework sound very tiring fir an 11 yo.

Cornishmumofone · 15/12/2020 21:34

I got up at 6am and left the house by 7:15 for school. I had a 15 minute drive, 35 minute train journey and a 20 minute walk. In the afternoon, I caught a train at 16:35, arrived at a different station at 17:00 and then had a 35 minute walk home. I used to go to bed at 10:30. This was fine.

crazycrofter · 15/12/2020 21:45

Ds has a 50-60 min journey to grammar school. Our local schools are very poor (negative progress measures, inadequate Ofsteds etc) and he’s happy at school, so it was the right decision in the circumstances. Year 7 was fine, then in years 8 and 9 puberty kicked in and he did find the journey very tiring. Now in year 10 it’s fine again.

He leaves the house at 7.20 and gets back about 4.15 (school finishes at 3). We have a very quick half hour routine in the morning. In year 7 he went to bed around 9.30 I think.

He enjoys the journey now as he has bus friends to travel with and it’s social time - particularly helpful in tier 3 when they can’t do much else socially!

TottiePlantagenet · 15/12/2020 21:52

We live just over 1 mile from our school, also a grammar school. My DC get up at 7.30am, leave the house by 7.50 to arrive at school before 8.20 registration. It generally takes them under 20 mins to walk.

In comparison, plenty of their friends take trains or buses to get to school and will already be on that train or bus around 7am, when DC are still asleep.

I would not have chosen to send them to any school if it would have involved an hour's commute - I wouldn't want to do that commute as an adult (because I have commuted in the past) and I wouldn't want my yr 7 child to do it either. Turns out my now-6th-form kid agrees and is thankful that they get more time in bed than the majority of their friends.

Throughout DC's school career, they have done extra curricular activities which mean they have to stay late, sports fixtures or evening concerts - have you factored in extra curricular activities for your daughter? And how a commute will accommodate that? Or whether and how she will join in with overall "school life" if she's tired by the commute?

Even though it's a high performing grammar, our school is really keen for the kids to engage and participate in extra curricular events, to broaden their experiences.

And have you considered it from your perspective as a parent? Travelling that time/ distance for welcome meetings, parents' evenings, supporting the kids in their drama shows/music concerts etc.

TheFrendo · 15/12/2020 22:03

DS Y7, bed 10 - 11, up by 8, leave house at 8.15, two minutes to bus stop. We are rural and school is about 7 miles away. There is a free school bus.

Original poster
TotoroXX · 15/12/2020 23:08

Thanks everyone for sharing the information, much appreciated.

My DD is quite used to staying in school for long hours. We used to send her to breakfast club (usually in school around 8.15am) and after school care up to 6pm so would get home between 6pm to 6.20pm. We have been doing this since reception for full week but slowly reducing to 3 days a week last year as we managed to work from home 2 days a week, all until the first lockdown. Since then, we have been working from home full time so able to do the drop off and pick up direct.

I guess if she does go to that grammar school there will be the initial first few weeks period that she needs to adjust herself. Once she has travel buddies this should all work out fine, I hope!

From parents’ perspective, will there be much involvement required? With the primary school pre-COVID, we had twice parent evenings per academic year, plus other activities such as sport day, class assemblies, Christmas carol concert etc which I normally took half day off to attend.

OP posts:
Monochromefox · 15/12/2020 23:25

Hi I did an hour commute for secondary as did my husband. It was fine.

I think up to an hour in London is ok.

If it is a good enough school it will work.

clary · 16/12/2020 00:32

From parents’ perspective, will there be much involvement required? With the primary school pre-COVID, we had twice parent evenings per academic year, plus other activities such as sport day, class assemblies, Christmas carol concert etc which I normally took half day off to attend.

Depends on the school of course but IME sports days are not normally open to parents at secondary. Class assemblies also unusual. Parents eves and concerts (if child is musical) are fairly standard tho.

TottiePlantagenet · 16/12/2020 00:58

In our year 7 in the first autumn term alone, we would normally have a Welcome Evening (for parents), welcome event for parents & pupils, PTA meetings, dance competition evenings, film nights for pupils, lower school concert, PTA fundraising socials for parents, Christmas concert. Some of which are compulsory and most of which you turn up for just to support your child or be their taxi driver. I don't know if that's typical for other secondary schools.

Granted you may not want to join the PTA but I would be surprised if a school like Tiffin doesn't do serious fundraising.

We're also invited to sports day at our school.

Good luck with it all OP.

crazycrofter · 16/12/2020 07:44

We don’t go to ds’ school that often. If your child is musical there will probably be one or two concerts a year, likewise if they do dance. Otherwise it’s just a parents evening (and I wonder if they’ll still with online now?), an information evening of some sort (GCSE options etc) and that’s it. Ds has a SEN review each term.

Hopefully it won’t be an hours journey in the car. For us it’s 25-30 minutes.

AveEldon · 16/12/2020 08:33

45 min commute here - however lots of other kids making the same commute to the same school so DC still have local school friends

RedskyAtnight · 16/12/2020 08:54

As a parent, you don't have to go to school much. But if your child gets involved in extra curricular activities, particularly things like music or drama or sport, there will be long after school rehearsals that you might want to pick up after. Or sports matches.

The other thing to consider is what happens if DC makes friends with someone who lives 40 minutes in the opposite direction. Will they be able to see them out of school?

Secondary school is way more tiring than primary school plus wraparound care - so don't use that as a point of comparison.

I used to travel an hour to school. As some posters have said above- "it was fine". I got on with it because I had to. But it was tiring, and I'd rather have had the time to do other things. Yes I socialised on the bus, but that was out of necessity rather than choice. I think the school would have to be absolutely amazing for me to consider the hour commute that you are - and even then, I would be looking to move nearer the school asap.

Newgirls · 16/12/2020 08:58

Do factor in when traffic is bad, road closures etc and you might need to collect for after school matches etc

Friends kids here who do long school journeys find it very stressful in winter. I know two who went more local for sixth form due to it. You could always try it and move her if it didn’t work out.