School choices - boarding options around Berks/wilts border vs sticking with the local comp

[LadyFuschia]

We have just come into a significant amount of money which would allow us to find school fees for both our children, DD 12 and DS 9.

We live outside Newbury, and there are no good day schools near by which could cater to both kids. I looked at buses to Abingdon for SHSK or Abingdon school but I think it feels a horrid way to start & end each day with such a long journey. Also I really would prefer them to be at a co-Ed school.

DD is at a decent comprehensive which gets good results but I worry won’t stretch / push her - she is in yr 7 so we don’t know what it’s like yet really. She seems to be averagely bright but not clever clever, maths is her weak point. No tutoring or prep so I’ve no idea how she would fare in entrance exams.
She is sporty, loves her football but I’m sure would also get into other team sports; extrovert & very sociable but inclined to be pretty lazy & scatty. I think she would love - and thrive at - weekly boarding.

DS is young for his year group, academically able but again not seeming super bright. He loves playing Roblox & reading, he’s much more introvert and needs time by himself, though he can be sociable & very chatty. He has never liked sports until we got him playing rugby this September and he enjoys this (seems to be doing well too). I always thought he might prefer non-team sports... likes drama, plays the violin at a beginner level but also lazy & a bit scatty. Possibly a bit hyper and chatty in the classroom. I’m more dubious about how he would get on being introverted at boarding school.

I know a bit about Bradfield College & always thought I’d love to send them there; we’re nearer Marlborough college and I know nothing about it. I also looked quickly at Lord Wandsworth College in Hampshire and Dauntsey’s in Wiltshire. No idea about schools in Reading.

I feel like day schools are all too far away but the boarding options are mostly quite prestigious schools and we’d never planned for that type of lifestyle.

DH and I have standard jobs and I am about to go f/t so we will both be on ~£38K each. We never expected this extra money, and DH is not from a middle class / private school background so is not very keen on private education let alone boarding. I went to a good private school and feel that I had a very lucky lovely experience of doing lots of extra-curricular stuff, good teaching etc. which I’d like my kids to have. Plus I think being in an environment which really encourages learning would make them do better than in the local school.

So... I’d like to ask the benefits or disadvantages of looking at weekly boarding (sun night to sat pm) at the above-mentioned schools, assuming that if we didn’t use that we’d be sticking with the comp and investing the money. However, if there are other ideas for schools to consider, I’d like to hear them.

Oh and Leighton Park in Reading might go on the list!
Not so keen in Marlborough as it seems weekly boarding tends be overshadowed by full boarding - but then is that true of Bradfield?! I did rather want to spend time with my children!

Marlborough is full boarding from year 9. Dauntsey's is more a day school with boarding rather than a full on boarding school. The majority are Day pupils.

Dauntsey's is very well regarded locally and is popular, the main entry is at Year 7 with mostly only boarding places at Year 9. Its a very sporty active type of school with great drama and music too. They have their own entrance exam I think, Marlborough would be common entance at 13+. Both these schools have Saturday lessons and matches.

As your daugher is already in secondary I guess you would be looking for a Year 8 entry or sooner, this is possible but you would need to find out directly from the school about what spaces/requirements.

You could put both children in a prep that goes to end of year 8 but that may be too much disruption for you daughter??

I know you said co-ed but have you looked at Downe House in Thatcham?

Good luck with your search.

Thank you!

Money isn’t going to be practical to fund prep as well; I do worry this disadvantages then in the admissions process. So both yr9 entry.

DD will already take a little persuading to change & leave her exciting new friends as well, so moving to a prep wouldn’t go down well with her.

I have to confess to an annoyance that the state & private sectors are so unaligned. It is very difficult to work out whether your child stands a chance of gaining entry from state primary anyway, along with navigating unfamiliar structures of schools.

I will look at Dauntsey’s more, I think Marlborough is out. Downe house not considered as I really want coed. I think DS would do better if he goes where his sister is!

Any thoughts on what the benefits of weekly boarding are? I will need to ‘sell’ it to DH if we pursue this plan...

I can't help on the weekly boarding question unfortunatly, my child is a day pupil at a full on boarding school.

Moving from state to Independant at Y9 is more unusual but I am sure do-able.

Siblings are not educated together at any boarding school. Different years and they usually have separate houses for boys and girls. So I think you ought to consider separate schools.

DS should go to a prep now to prep for boarding. A decent prep will advise on where is best. You don’t want to be taking loads of exams. Just where he will get in.

Ditto DD. She will be tested for 13 plus entry. You won’t just walk into most schools. She will be at a disadvantage where she is and she probably won’t want to go anyway. I would see what girls’ schools could take her now.

You could look at Queen Anne’s Caversham for weekly boarding and see what Heathfield can offer at Ascot. Bradfield isn’t very choosy. Abingdon is. You do need to be realistic with DD. DS has more time but he needs to be in a prep.

What other ways could you spend the money to benefit the children: deposits for future houses for them? Buy a larger house now, nearer outstanding local schools? Tutoring? Amazing life experiences? Would you need the money to live if one of you became ill, made redundant or decided to change careers, go back to studying etc.?

I am not sure going private is the most sensible option when you aren't earning huge amounts and so many of our futures are rather uncertain.

I'm the greatest possible fan of boarding, for the right child - so I'm surprised to find myself agreeing with MoonUnit3000's more cautious view.

If you'd been offered full bursaries for one or both children at the perfect school I'd be the first to say "go for it". But in fact you're proposing to use up (all?) the extra money you have on something that might not be the true priority.

As has been mentioned, these are unpredictable times, and while your combined salaries are perfectly fine - what if you found yourselves with only one income suddenly? Wouldn't you feel resentful of the school fees that might otherwise have been used for day to day living?

And your expenses are only going to rise as you and your children need more and more financial support.

I don't know ... It seems to me you would have more guarantee of comfortable, minimal stress lives if you always had that money as a buffer against the 21st century.

Have you considered Wellington College or St Edwards? Both within a 45 minute drive of Newbury, co-Ed and start from 13+.

I am the parent of a weekly boarder and I will forever sing its praises - for her. She has always been extremely independent and exceptionally busy. Always taking part in sport, music and drama. She begged us to do it and if someone had told me two years ago she would be boarding then I would have said over my dead body. She had the option of being a day girl at the same school but I’m not sure how we ended up boarding - it was just a very organic thought process.

I absolutely wouldn’t do it if my child wasn’t desperately wanting to do it. Sounds like your other half isn’t entirely on board either. It has to work for the whole family otherwise it will cause problems. Boarding school fees are a huge commitment and unless you are both comfortable with spending this massive sum then it could cause resentment. You could move house / pay the mortgage off, go on amazing holidays, have a total life change instead. For many, financial security is the thing that makes the biggest difference to quality of life.

We were in a similar position a year ago. Big windfall that has enabled us to even consider private for secondary. We all fell in love with the local girls grammar school. Before the money came along I questioned whether what we were getting at the independent was really worth £25k+ a year more than there. Absolutely not. You get smaller class sizes, more individual attention, better facilities and exposure to a far wider range of experiences. For me it wasn’t worth me going back to work in the city, working all hours and not seeing the family. In the end we gave her the choice of both schools. I would have genuinely been just as happy if she had chosen the grammar.

I think it needs to be a whole family decision, first of all starting with getting your DH on board. Until that’s done I wouldn’t even discuss it with the children. Actually seeing these schools in person can be a real sway for a lot of children.

Luckley House is worth a look. Lovely environment, small. It offers flexi boarding, which I think is popular with parents who want occasional extra childcare (working long hours etc.). It’s near Wokingham.

Thanks all. Luckily for us there is more money which we hope to invest / save to continue growing & also offer some ‘top-up’ income, so I can afford to set aside a lump sum to cover education.

DH makes the point about buying them a house each for £150k instead!

I guess that although I ended up in a job with moderate pay, I feel my education enriched me far beyond my achievements, and I feel guilty that my two spend time in hectic classrooms with creaking facilities and limited options, and coming home to an empty house to look at screens for ages until I whirl in after work to either feed them or ferry them to activities. In a sense, weekly boarding offers us all a better quality of weekday life and might mean our family time is better too.

I do need to be honest about where the disadvantages lie though, so will reread your answers and continue to think it through. It is a huge commitment to ring fence that amount for school when we have perfectly adequate schools near by.

I guess we could consider prep for DS, we aren’t thrilled with his current school for him but had decided against a move for yr5 and 6 as he is a bit sensitive.

You are under estimating the cost of some of these schools. It won’t be £150k each at top schools for weekly boarding. Many schools are weekly anyway.

St Edwards Oxford won’t be 45 mins from the Newbury area in any traffic. But you could look at boarding there. Boarding fees there are £13,000 a term. So you need £40,000 a year really, plus extras.

I would also say you do need to consider the needs of each child as individuals. When you DS is 14, will he really want or need DD in the school to look after him? Would he not be better placed in a school that meets his needs? That’s why I would move him to a prep. You have time to see him develop and work out what school would suit.

If you want a top school, you need £500k for this. Fees go up so quickly and there are extras to be paid for. £30,000 pa plus would be pretty standard for weekly boarding from y9. So your £150k would cover that at today’s prices. Bradfield is £38,000 pa currently for boarding and £31,000 for day. So do you think this is value for money? Or would you rather invest the money and use it for a house deposit? You also need to consider university costs.

Sorry: first para should have read boarding - not weekly boarding.

You are asking a lot from DS if you don’t do prep now. Just two years at a prep is hard work. Friendship groups are more difficult to establish. I really would go now if you want him in a boarding type school at 13.

Mine boarded and I know the benefits - for the right child. Even for the right parents. It gives every opportunity for developing interests and talents. Only you can judge if your DC will benefit. Or what else you could do with the money.

Really helpful, thanks. I had realised it will be more than 150k, but I don’t really know how much more.

I think that’s the crux of it really; if we had a decent day school it would be really do-able, but the jump to boarding and in the type of school is huge.

Timing is clearly awful too! So much preparation needed! Maybe I just need to be pragmatic & spend it on enriching our lives out of school and work instead.

St Gabriel’s is just lovely for your daughter - but it seems maybe you have looked already? Horris Hill would be fab for your son.
If she is at Barts already she is basically at the best that state education can buy but I work in almost all the schools in the area and the opportunities in the private schools I go to are at a different level.

St Andrews is lovely too - mixed to 13 so maybe not so suitable for the long term.

You are about to enter into a very different world...

@DorisDaisyMay

She isn’t at barts, and I discounted st gabs as was looking for something that would work for both. Also have heard people being underwhelmed by it. And then I come back to the fact that there is no equivalent day school for boys. But maybe we could consider that! Thank you.

At their age, you could put money into a savings trust for the DC and they get it at 25, say. That will ensure they get a very good start for a house. We have done that and brought property too. However, on property you pay CGT if it is in your name when you sell it. DC owning a property is difficult to manage if tyou let it out but it can be done. You could have great holidays, save for university and they could have a car when they need one. Lots of things you could do. Even go to a private school for 6th form.

I did think about the option for 6th form being a reasonable compromise.

It’s been really valuable hearing thoughts & opinions. It’s very overwhelming facing such a sudden change in circumstances - very lovely but I feel a weight of responsibility and anxiety!

I'll be honest and say I think it sounds utterly miserable for your DS who is 9 if you are thinking of sending him away now. You describe him as young and introverted. Sending him away now so that he's ready for boarding at 13 just sounds incredibly cruel.

But I'm not a fan of boarding schools at all.

Spend the money on tutor for maths and getting them into some extra curricular things to give them wider skillset and sort their weekday evenings.

Could you just find a normal private school instead of a boarding school? It will be cheaper and then you could save more money for their future.

I went to a private school where I was in the top tier of earning families. I moved schools for 6th form and I was a bottom earning family, and it showed. They all had second homes, excessive holidays and very designer clothes. Ski trips weren't France for £600, they were £4000 to Canada, sports tours to Australia for £6,500 etc. My parents simply wouldn't pay that for me, whereas all my friends went on the ski trip.

There is a big difference between at £12-14k pa school and a £40k pa school.

Who mentioned sending him away? There are day prep schools? It might not be right for him to board but the prep school might actually help him with smaller classes. I definitely would look into that because it might be great for him anyway.

Why do you think holidays are excessive? It’s just a choice you can make if you have money. The same as buying private education when your friends eat baked beans for Sunday lunch.

@PresentingPercy I mean, in sheer quantity and expense. I also meant that if you go to an expensive boarding school but don't earn expensive boarding school money, it's harder. Didn't mean to offend.

Pangbourne college? Lots of kids do the coach from Newbury to Abingdon/shsk. I don't think it's the end of the world for them. Or if they both got in then maybe move a bit closer? There are few places at 13+ as their main intake is 11+ and it's fairly competitive. I'd have a tutor work with your daughter and see if she thinks she's got a chance at SHSK. In the area you're in there are so few good co-Ed schools and they really don't need to be at the same school.