School choices - boarding options around Berks/wilts border vs sticking with the local comp

[LadyFuschia]

We have just come into a significant amount of money which would allow us to find school fees for both our children, DD 12 and DS 9.

We live outside Newbury, and there are no good day schools near by which could cater to both kids. I looked at buses to Abingdon for SHSK or Abingdon school but I think it feels a horrid way to start & end each day with such a long journey. Also I really would prefer them to be at a co-Ed school.

DD is at a decent comprehensive which gets good results but I worry won’t stretch / push her - she is in yr 7 so we don’t know what it’s like yet really. She seems to be averagely bright but not clever clever, maths is her weak point. No tutoring or prep so I’ve no idea how she would fare in entrance exams.
She is sporty, loves her football but I’m sure would also get into other team sports; extrovert & very sociable but inclined to be pretty lazy & scatty. I think she would love - and thrive at - weekly boarding.

DS is young for his year group, academically able but again not seeming super bright. He loves playing Roblox & reading, he’s much more introvert and needs time by himself, though he can be sociable & very chatty. He has never liked sports until we got him playing rugby this September and he enjoys this (seems to be doing well too). I always thought he might prefer non-team sports... likes drama, plays the violin at a beginner level but also lazy & a bit scatty. Possibly a bit hyper and chatty in the classroom. I’m more dubious about how he would get on being introverted at boarding school.

I know a bit about Bradfield College & always thought I’d love to send them there; we’re nearer Marlborough college and I know nothing about it. I also looked quickly at Lord Wandsworth College in Hampshire and Dauntsey’s in Wiltshire. No idea about schools in Reading.

I feel like day schools are all too far away but the boarding options are mostly quite prestigious schools and we’d never planned for that type of lifestyle.

DH and I have standard jobs and I am about to go f/t so we will both be on ~£38K each. We never expected this extra money, and DH is not from a middle class / private school background so is not very keen on private education let alone boarding. I went to a good private school and feel that I had a very lucky lovely experience of doing lots of extra-curricular stuff, good teaching etc. which I’d like my kids to have. Plus I think being in an environment which really encourages learning would make them do better than in the local school.

So... I’d like to ask the benefits or disadvantages of looking at weekly boarding (sun night to sat pm) at the above-mentioned schools, assuming that if we didn’t use that we’d be sticking with the comp and investing the money. However, if there are other ideas for schools to consider, I’d like to hear them.

I was also going to suggest looking at Horris Hill for your son, I've heard great things about it and it sounds like you are quite local for it.

Try to get past the scary "prestigious schools" concept if you can. I remember our first chat about future schools with our son's headmaster, and he said well have you considered .... reeling off a list that started with Eton. I couldn't see us arranging to visit several "schools like that" so my next question was, if we were only going to visit one of them which would you suggest? (and it wasn't Eton though he has friends there now)

I think there probably are £40k schools where you might feel out of place, but there definitely are £40k schools with excellent bursary provision and a wide range of family backgrounds and lifestyles. I would hope that a lot of schools' admissions departments will respond helpfully to a phonecall starting with "we have recently found ourselves able to consider private schooling for the first time and need some guidance to work out what schools might be right for our children". You may be surprised which schools feel most welcoming.

You will benefit from visiting a number of schools to get a feel of them. Difficult at the moment I realise. Do what you can from the websites and do phone up to talk to a range of schools to get a better flavour of what might be possible and what might suit your children. Please consider them individually to find the best "fit" that you reasonably can.

I don't know a lot about Marlborough. We thought about looking at it for our daughter but missed the timing IIRC. I know a couple of families with boys there, one who's just started and is loving it. It looks like they have a small number of places for "late assessment" that your daughter would still be eligible for so it's not a total rule out yet.

Advantages of boarding - at 13+ - Not having a big commute and late evenings followed by homework in order to do clubs and activities. Fosters independence. Home time can, at least in the first couple of years, be much more about non-school activities giving a little bit more separation between home and school than you would have as a day pupil. Assuming travelling by car for weekly or full boarding (in the case of the latter they are usually home every 2-3 weeks for exeat weekends or half term), the journeys can actually be really good for getting teenagers to open up in conversation.

By the way, my anti-boarding husband (at least in a chance conversation when our kids were small), realised instantly that a school we visited was perfect for our eldest - at a time we weren't seriously considering moving her.

Good luck with finding the information you need to make decisions going forward that will feel right for you and your family.

@FredtheFerret - no nonono! Not sending him anywhere. People have suggested to prepare him for weekly boarding school by going to a day prep school, as it helps in terms of finding the right fit and admissions etc.

But leading on to @rhowton’s question about ‘normal day school’ - the whole point of this thread is that there are none within reach of us for boys, unless he goes super early on the bus and gets home late. Due to this, plus us working f/t, I began to wonder if it was easier to make the leap to weekly boarding - but those schools are in a significantly different league, and weekly boarding is no longer mon-fri but includes Saturdays for most!

To be honest, i think even if we could stretch to fees for a public school for boarding, I think we have missed the boat in terms of admissions for a lot of them. I couldn’t do for one what the eldest missed out on. Though if she finished year 8 with crap reports and has spent more time faffing with friends than doing any work, maybe I’ll ring around until I find a place for her . DS would want to stay at home and have us all to himself anyway!

It has been enormously helpful to have some pointers to think about, not to mention enormously depressing to realise how much some schools cost people! I will always be grateful for a government education for free, it certainly isn’t to be sniffed at.

Flexi boarding at St Hugh's for your son? He could stay there Monday-Friday. They would help find the right fit for him for secondary. I know the boarding house staff and they're lovely.

@bubbletrouble1 the trouble is we are some way from Newbury so would be a 15min drive to get on the bus at whatever early time, plus quite a late pick up. It put me off; I think it’s a tough way to start & finish the day, but maybe not!

@GrasswillbeGreener thanks for that helpful advice. When we have seen financial advisor & have some concrete figures then I will at least know what is possible, thanks to this thread being honest about costs. I’m less bothered about perception - that will be a DH issue - but logistics of how to get there, when we actually have them home, what the extras are to think about, and can they even get in - are questions I have!

Pangbourne College has a bus route for day pupils from Newbury and a lot of pupils start as day and then switch to part or weekly boarding as they move up the school. Co Ed and intake at 11 or 13

I would investigate options for 6th form if their comp is good, my dd loved boarding for 6th form (comp until then, she got a bursary) she had lots of freedom, a halfway house between school and university halls

I’ve had children at comprehensive and at Welly. They loved boarding but was it the huge advantage? Socially it opened up a world we had limited contact with. Academically it didn’t make much difference.
It was more fun. They found more people like themselves. They loved the better facilities and close friendships boarding offered.

I think the one who transferred for sixth form had best compromise. They understand the real world, have local friends but gained many of the networking benefits of public school.

If I had time again I wouldn’t transfer them until sixth form and I’d use money to invest for a deposit, if sufficient.

If you want to spend time with your children then don’t do Bradfield. It’s a definitely full on boarding school set in a beautiful spot with a lot of kids sent from London etc , not just local area. Day kids start at 7.30 and get picked up at 9 pm. As it’s around 35k a year per child plus uniform, trips etc , even my affluent friends here have struggled to keep up with the rest of the kids and the London parties, clothes etc.

There will be children from different income level families at expensive boarding schools, grandparents paying school fees, parents stretching themselves for boarding fees as they boarded themselves etc. Nor do all relatively wealthy parents flash the cash on their DC or on themselves (not that there is anything wrong with that!). Though my parents were ‘comfortable’ I’m not really sure about someone from a relatively less well of background feeling a bit like a fish out of water in this environment as it personally just wasn’t my experience. I’ve more memory of pupils being mocked for ostentatious clothes/possessions than for having something from Topshop.Yes there were some pupils who couldn’t afford the trips or parents who might have scrimped to send them on them but I can’t honestly remember there being any judgements about it all.

I’m not anti boarding, it clearly works well for some families and their DC. From what you’ve said though, your DC are at relatively good State schools and it’s the fringe benefits of private that are appealing. If you have £300K and a joint income of £76K, I think I personally would spend the money on their futures in a different way - give them lots of added benefits outside of school and a property nest egg which would be a huge huge benefit to their adult lives and financial security. It would be such a great gift to them. As others have said, £300K isn’t going to cover the boarding fees for both through to 18 and finding the additional money may be a big old struggle if you have the usual financial commitments most of us have (it would be for us I know on a healthy on paper six figure income!).

I wouldn't send an introverted and 'young for his age' child to boarding school.

Many thanks for all the candid and helpful replies; really appreciate them all.

Someone mentioned Queen Anne's in caversham. They do weekly boarding and flexy boarding (common for girls to board Monday, Tuesday and Thursday nights for example). They predominantly have an 11+ entry but also have 13+ entry. But 11+ entry means you don't have to do prep. They take a lot of state primary school kids for this reason.

Sounds like 11+ boarding for the same reason. Slightly less academic that Queen Anne's is their 'brother' school Shiplake. They also have flexi boarding

Also the oratory is now coed and has boarding for girls from 11+ although all that catholic stuff might be a bit much

Thats was meant to say sounds like 11+ boarding for your DS could work for the same reason (no need for prep school)

Hi, on the money side: I agree with previous poster who said you should allow £500k. I have two children currently at boarding school, £14k per term, three terms per year so £42k per year each child. Plus uniform, books, music lessons/Lamda/ horse riding/trips. Mine don’t take riding lessons or Lamda but just to give you an idea of extras on offer. The fees usually increase every year.

It’s fantastic you have come into some money but if I were you I think I would stay as you are, take a year to think things over and possibly plan for sixth form. Your children being aged 9 and 12 have missed deadlines for most senior schools admissions. Of course there will be schools who can take a late entry but it just seems a stressful way to go about things. Your children may just find it too difficult an adjustment.

Schools like Marlborough College can be a tough, more snooty environment but then someplace like Dauntseys is more low-key and far less grand. I have friends with children at both and it’s just about what suits your family.

Congratulations on the money but just sit tight and don’t make any big decisions.

My husband would say that with 300k and 70k annual income you might have the money but you can’t afford it. Only if you have decent pensions, money for house deposits & university top ups already saved on top of the 300k. I think you could afford 6th form boarding. Also remember uni’s base contextual offers on where candidates get their GCSEs not A levels, so I would keep them at state, pay for tutors if need be, then send them off for some spoiling at 6th form. By then they will have the resilience and self starting attitude that a comp instils in them which will set them in good stead for uni and which won’t be dented by a couple of years in a more hand holding environment.

I would save the money for their futures.

Please tell us how you came into this money - I'm fascinated!

Sorry - hadn’t come back to this, thanks to additional posters. I actually feel relieved now that the money isn’t enough & we can just take the whole idea off the table! For us, both being public sector workers who have managed on wages our friends overtook in their 20s (albeit perfectly good wages), the priority is to enjoy a better standard of life and we will be lucky enough to be able to do that.
In answer to where it came from; a family business which sold. I’m very aware of how fortunate I am.

@flourandeggs

My husband would say that with 300k and 70k annual income you might have the money but you can’t afford it. Only if you have decent pensions, money for house deposits & university top ups already saved on top of the 300k. I think you could afford 6th form boarding. Also remember uni’s base contextual offers on where candidates get their GCSEs not A levels, so I would keep them at state, pay for tutors if need be, then send them off for some spoiling at 6th form. By then they will have the resilience and self starting attitude that a comp instils in them which will set them in good stead for uni and which won’t be dented by a couple of years in a more hand holding environment.

This is almost exactly what we’ve done for my 16year old, he went to our local standard comp (which is a lovely, lovely, but very normal moved demographic school), and we’ve sent him to an incredibly academic private sixth form)

I really feel it has been brilliant for him, he is incredibly grounded, has been exposed to a wide range of backgrounds and has a great awareness of just how lucky and priveliged he is. And now for his a levels he is being really pushed and challenged and is gunning for oxbridge.

Obviously we’re only paying for two years which makes it affordable for us to do if desired for all three of our children and still have a very nice life with lots of outside activities and treats!

@LadyFuschia sorry, I missed the bit where you said there were no day schools close to you.

I'm not in your area so can't comment on the schools.

Just wanted to say that my two kids went to an independent day school 15 miles away from our home.

It was a long day for them, but they both loved the 'commute' as it gave them time to wind down, chat, play on phones or catch up on homework

Going for 6th form could be a good idea but will they want to leave their friends? They and you will be going into another world. If you have brought them up to think privileged DC are at private schools and that only grounded DC go to state schools, they might not want to leap across the divide.

Food for thought!

Any comments on the following boarding school for a boy who like football and introverted. For year 9 boarding
King's College Taunton
Bradfield College
Christ's Hospital

Boarding is a nightmare for introverted children. Would avoid. (I am introverted and hated it!)

Leighton Park is a great school for an introvert and from what you've said I think it would suit your son extremely well. Definitely one to look at if you're thinking of private.

However, as others have said, you need to sit down and do the sums, including making allowance for fees to increase each year. Also look at what's not included (trips etc) and whether these would be doable.

Just because you have come into some money, it doesn't mean independent school is necessarily the right choice- what are your local state schools like? If you would have been happy with one of them otherwise, what has changed?