Detention for lateness

[foxesandsquirrels]

DD 12 is very studious, has never ever been in trouble and has never had a demerit or a detention. She is very scared of getting in trouble and we've actually had a problem with her leaving for school way too early and standing outside the gates for ages. This morning she left 1hr before school starts (20 min bus and 10min walk- v busy road so can't walk) and there was so much traffic she was late to school. She walked some part of it which I was angry about as otherwise she would've got there after 1st period.
I don't know how many other kids were effected but she has been given 2 demerits and a 1hr detention. This was absolutely out of her control and she couldn't have done anything to fix it.
I called her key worker (she has SEN) and explained the situation. She said the school is very strict on lateness and she will have to sit the detention tomorrow. I want to tell her that she is absolutely not going to this detention. She will start leaving the house at 6am! Am I unreasonable? There is no way I'd be penalised like this at work.

Just to add, she is in Y8.

Some schools have a "no excuses" policy like this. I think its awful.

I normally back the school with sanctions but actually I agree with you here. I'd be emailing to explain the situation and how it will negatively impact your DD to be punished for something that couldn't have been avoided.

I'm a bit confused about this bit of your post 'She walked some part of it which I was angry about as otherwise she would've got there after 1st period'

Did she get off the bus and walk as it was stuck in the traffic? I can't get worked up about 1 detention. They can't really flex lateness rules otherwise every kid would be saying they were late because their bus was stuck in traffic.

I think you need to give her some support around this fear of getting into trouble. Getting a detention for one late arrival is really not a big deal - she needs to be able to cope with that. Apologies if there is something else going on that makes this a bit too simplistic.

I'm really sorry -should have read more carefully and just seen you have stated she has SEN.

No no she has severe language difficulties so she can't stand up for herself. The road is really busy and I hate her walking on it. She knows she shouldn't but felt she had no other choice otherwise she would've got there for breaktime. We are working on the not getting in trouble bit, she has come far and doesn't mind getting in trouble if she actually did something. In this instance I think they're being unreasonable.

Schools with this sort of inflexibility lose an awful lot of goodwill and tend to have kids thinking along 'may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb' lines. I'm really not sure what they think they're teaching young people, either- that those in power are unfair and unkind and they may as well get a taste of being treated badly now? And in your DD's situation especially, punishing her like this is only going to be counter productive.

I was a bit like your DD. I was terrified of getting into trouble.

I get where you're coming from and I would probably try and explain to them factually how much this will affect her and knock confidence. But if they still are insistent you have to support it. Also have a chat to her about how sometimes things that are out of our control happen and affect us and how the rules are there for a reason. Why they can't bend the rules etc.

I still remember this... Once in Y8 or 9 a teacher said we were going to have a whole class detention because several of the boys had been really noisy and disruptive. He wrote us all detention slips. I was distraught. I'd done nothing wrong and couldn't stand the injustice! It was my first detention. My mum phoned and was told it was never his intention to follow through with the whole class (empty threat) and most of us wouldn't be doing it.

That is appalling. It sounds like there was some kind of major traffic incident for her to be that late (I saw a main road being completely closed and traffic held due to a serious accident the other day).

This is the kind of thing that leads to putting yourself in a dangerous situation. My daughter's college did something similar when she was 3 minutes late one day last winter due to unexpectedly icy conditions down a treacherous country lane.

I think you need to escalate the complaint to some higher.

If they are insistent I don't really have a choice but to support it as they collect them all from last period. From the sounds of it I'm not being unreasonable.
I have absolutely no problem with detentions in general, I just feel they lose their power completely when given out like this.

That's crazy.

DD's secondary also does detentions for lateness - but where it's due to issues beyond their control (cancelled trains, traffic problems etc) if a parent emails in then the lateness doesn't count against them and they don't get a detention.

DD gets two trains to school, and at least once a week they change the second one so it is either completely cancelled or it runs fast and doesn't stop at the school station. There are only 3 trains an hour so she is guaranteed to be late those days as there is no alternate route.

I would call the school and argue it out with them. It's very different from a child who lives round the corner and merely got out of bed late.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow thanks, its really reassuring I am not being unreasonable. She has to go to a school further away as they cater for her language difficulties, otherwise she could walk. I have emailed the SENCO and her keyworker and have said that I don't think she should be attending tomorrow. She also shouldn't have those demerits.

No no no
If she was late due to meandering along, fine, she cannot control traffic. She even got off the bus early to get there as quick as possible. It's utterly ludicrous to give her a heavy penalty.
I would go straight to the Headteacher and demand to know why they are penalising her. I would tell her do NOT go to the detention as it is not fair.
We had the same shit pulled on my son, he has SEN and lung conditions, he was under 2 minutes late for a class, he was over the other side of the school, there is a huge one way system and the teacher gave him his first ever set of demerits. He was hysterical when he came home, massive meltdown, no sleep. The day after he ran round the building scared he would be late and collapsed when he got home. I had the demerits removed and the teacher involved apologised.
We have to fight for our children sometimes, it seems all the covid stuff has meant a huge downturn in care for our SEN children.

Demerits on top is really not nice either.

We have a system of late once in a week = 10 minute detention, late twice = 20 minute detention (both at lunchtime), late 3 times = 1 hour detention after school on a Monday (can be moved to another day if clashes with extra curricular).

DD's school is pretty liberal and gives a LOT of warnings before they actually punish. Most schools seem to be rather more draconian - even so, an hour plus demerits for a first offence with valid excuse is really unreasonable.

That's totally unfair of the school. I would write to them and explain the situation and that it was out of her control, and that she will not be sitting the detention.

Thanks, I have written to the attendance officer too, asking to take away the demerits. I'm sure its rules like this that make kids not care about breaking them. How can I have the same consequence put on me if I throw an object at someone in class and if I'm late due to no fault of my own. Daft.

Hope the attendance officer listens to your concerns. Ds has SEN and in year 8 he used to get detentions for not scoring well enough in tests. It is definitely upsetting getting punished for something that is not your fault.

@MillieVanilla omg thats awful. They're normally very good with her, this is the first time I've had a problem and it so happens to be a teacher that doesn't know her. What makes it worse is the teacher asked her why she's late and she stood there silently so the second demerit is for ignoring the teacher. She barely speaks anyway, let alone at the gate when she's petrified.

@Punxsutawney

Result, the attendance officer has removed the detention. I have reminded them to also remove the demerits.

As an example of how schools can handle this better:

Kids travelling from our village to the next one for school have a choice of two buses; one should get there about 2 minutes before the bell, the other 20 minutes earlier. Needless to say, those who catch the later one are often late. On one occasion, the earlier one didn't turn up until after the time of the second one, so they all arrived (late) on the same bus. One of those who normally caught the earlier one rang his mum while waiting, and she rang to warn the school. The school knew full well which kids were repeatedly late due to catching the later bus - they got detentions and the ones who normally came on the earlier bus were let off.

With any kid there ought to be an exception where they normally allow plenty of time and there were very unusual traffic conditions. With yours, doubly so, as the effect of the punishment is likely to lead to a decrease in her safety, either because she will set off so early and end up hanging around for ages, or because she decides to get off the bus and run/walk. It might be more appropriate to ask her to ring the absence line if the bus is delayed, so that they know where she is.

Good news foxes.👍

@lanthanum
That's an excellent example. Unfortunately she doesn't have the language skills to be able to phone the school and tell them.

The attendance officer said she cannot take the demerit away as it comes on automatically when she marks a child in late and legally she cannot amend the mark.
I've asked them if this will happen every time she is late due to a situation outside of her control. How flipping stupid.

Legally she cannot change the register - that much is correct. It might be possible to remove the demerit manually - but possibly only a head of year or similar can tinker with that.

It's probably only worth kicking up a fuss about the demerit if it will actually impact on anything. Hopefully, all that happens is that it's on her record, but her form tutor knows full well that it's not her fault and ignores it, just as they are ignoring the one for the child who hadn't done their homework because there had been a family crisis, or who didn't have the right PE shirt because it got torn in the last lesson and the new one was still on order.
However if there are rewards she would miss out on because she's had a demerit, or sanctions applied to those getting too many, it's worth making a bit of a fuss.