Y7 started well, but struggling in the second week... anyone else?

[HereComesYourMam]

DS got off to a really good start in his first week at secondary - we were quite surprised actually as we expected a few wobbles. He was very enthusiastic about everything, made some new friends, was confident about getting the bus, finding his way round etc, all fine.

This week is a different story though - he's been in floods of tears both mornings, not wanting to go in, saying it's horrible and scary. I think it's mainly because it's all so tiring (mentally and physically), and everything feels overwhelming when you're tired. But also after being at home for the best part of six months, after the initial excitement he's finding it hard to detach from us.

So I guess I'm just after some reassurance... is anyone else having similar experiences? Is this pretty standard for secondary starters? Is it worse this year because of all the extra weirdness?

Hi, my DD was yr7 last year. When she first started, in every single one of her lessons, she didn't know anyone. The first 2 weeks were hard for her. She's very withdrawn with her emotions so I didn't see her physically upset but she stopped speaking to me and was noticeably not her usual self. She's not great socially so struggled to interact in those first few weeks, but by week 3 she had got into the routine and people began approaching her and she made a great little group of friends. Your DS has already got over the hurdle of making some new friendships, and I'm sure he will soon get use to the routine. Everything is different for all years this year, so I imagine it's a even more daunting for the year 7's. I really hope he starts to settle in, I know as a parent how awful it feels having to send them when you know they aren't happy.

Thank you so much, MumOfDiamonds - yes it really does feel awful! I know it will get better though, and it always helps to hear about other kids settling down quickly

DS is a bit low but I think a lot of it is the damn restrictions at the moment. They have shorter days so break times are restricted and there's therefore less social time to get to know your new classmates. They also aren't allowed to play football or any games really at break, which is how my DS communicates plus they don't get the away day activity day they normally would at the start of y7.

My children are much older but I wanted to reassure you that this is entirely normal. The first week is full of new and exciting things, there is lots to have to learn, lots of new people etc.
By the second week it's just more of the same and the initial euphoria has worn down. It hits in that this isn't a fun thing they are doing for a week but they are in for the long haul. We found there was a dip in initial enthusiasm about now, which then improved as they started to find their feet/make better friends etc, only to dip again before Christmas (exhaustion of a long term). This year we obviously have Covid in the mix as well and who knows what that will mean.

(I've noticed even with my 2, who are by and large going back to familiar routines and people, that there's been a noticeable dip in energy levels this week - I think they were mostly running on adrenalin last week!)

Thank you Earslaps and Redsky

There definitely doesn't seem to be much 'fun' to be had right now, even at breaktimes. And I know I only have my DS' version of things, but there doesn't seem to have been much effort to introduce subjects in a fun way either. Again, not sure if that's normal, or if the teachers are just intent on cracking on with the curriculum in case of closures?

I agree, I think DS has realised he's in it for the long haul, and he's not happy about it! Unfortunately, that's life and he just needs to accept it

Hearing from a lot of the 'stricter' schools that Year 7 got off to a start with shouty headteacher lectures about proper behaviour and 'detentions' left and right!!! So yes, after the initial euphoria about being back in school after lockdown / starting a new school...reality sets in and it's not all fun. Lots of anxiety at this age about 'fitting in' too...which leads one to question everything including whether your own DPs are up to snuff.

That...and the realisation that after half a year of 'freedom,' a two-day weekend feels criminally short. Seeing lots of exhausted kids in DC's Y7 cohort...and doesn't help that they've all come to take a certain amount of daily 'device time' for granted. (Though it does seem to be a lot shorter since start of school.)

@HereComesYourMam surely your DS will find things to look forward to...it won't just be drudge...how brilliant that they could all start their new schools (however long that lasts)!!!

Thanks Boudicca - yep, lots of good points. It's definitely stricter than any of us were expecting, and full-time school really is a bit of a shock to the system after all that down time. I also think it might be easier for DS to accept being up and out every morning if DH and I were also getting up and out (but we're not at the moment).

I absolutely agree with you that it's brilliant they could all start school - I am very grateful for that - and hopefully they will stay open long enough so they can settle in properly!

We’ve definitely seen a dip this week in our yr 7, but as PPs have said I’m sure it’s quite usual. Tired, realising this is the routine now etc etc. We’re glad DC have had the chance to start secondary at the correct time but can also see how the Covid regulations are making things quite different- lunch break is now only long enough to eat rather than eat and then socialise. It sounds as though in DCs school, the DC are so far generally sticking within their groups they came up from primary with - perhaps more so than usual. Lessons have been very much straight in at the deep end (I would agree with a PP that they need to cover ground now in case of more disruption) and have been quiet, with less discussion and more delivering from the teacher. All fine, but I guess it gives less chance to chat to others. I’m sure this will come with time though. Hope your DS settles soon.

Thanks stripedmat

It helps to know that we're not alone, and that it's a common part of settling in for plenty of kids, even at the best of times.

DS seems to be slowly perking up again... no tears this morning, just a bit of grumbling!

We had this with DS at the beginning of year 7 as well - really surprised me as has always been so laid back and nothing really worried him. I emailed his form tutor and both she and his head of year had a chat with him. They explained it was really common and kept an eye on him, when they had a catch up at Oct half term he was fine.

I can imagine this year is worse than usual for a lot of them - fingers crossed for your DS.

Same here I’m afraid, but without the initial positive experience.

School is boring, the teachers shout, the rules make no sense, there is too much homework. All the usual things. Then they can’t mix at break and lunch and nothing fun is happening and there are lots of Covid restrictions.
We have good weather and that’s really helped. She gets out of school and gets to the park or plays out. It’s given her something to look forward to.
But we’ve had tears, anger and tummy aches.

Thanks IsThisNameTaken - that's good to know.

Sorry to hear about your DD, YouMakeABetterDoor . It's pretty hard to watch them go through this, isn't it? When DS gets really anxious it gives me a tummy ache too! Fingers crossed they will all settle down soon and feel happier.

I had exactly the same with my ds. He was really worried about going. First week went great, then jt got progressively worse. At the beginning of last week he was in absolute floods of tears, breaking his heart. Said some older boy had shoved him in the hallway and threatened him. I gave him the day off that day. It really helped. We had a day together, and chatted about things and he went off to school without a fuss the next day. He still doesn't want to go, but I think it just all got a bit much for him that morning. I'm really hoping he settles soon. First year at high school is shit though. I'm hoping next year will be better.

He's tired, honestly. Even the older ones are tired this week because they're so out of practice with the routine, and there's a million new rules to learn for covid safety.
Give him time, and tlc and have very easy weekends for the next few months.

DD has been very up and down. One day she comes home happy and chatty about her day, the next she is sullen, knackered, says the lessons are boring and she hates her new school.

It’s a BIG change for them, and lockdown obviously didn’t help. I’m also pretty sure the hormones have started to rage over the past few months.

I’m trying to be the patient, cheerful parent (sometimes through gritted teeth!) and make sure home life isn’t too demanding and she gets lots of TLC.

I have a year 7 and I really feel for her and her classmates (although amazingly for her she seems to just be getting on with it for now)
The lessons are long and dull-no exciting science labs, cooking, DT or singing etc.

V strict from the outset-well behaved kids getting detentions for forgetting the correct book/pencil case was a shock to her (so far she’s avoided this).

Hardly any free time to be with friends.

Very few after school clubs and no sports clubs.

I don’t blame the school for any of this-some of it is just the usual transition, some is covid related but it is hard for the kids

It’s pretty miserable for them and yes the hormones don’t help. That and the knowledge that home schooling is a possibility and is her preference, though of course not mine!

Mine’s in Scotland so a few weeks ahead. I found that in about week two she really liked me to gently supervise her packing her bag, going through what homework was due when. She was just feeling a bit overwhelmed I think.

Yeah I'm also treading very gently right now - helping him sort out his bag etc (I don't intend to do this for long!) and making sure we haven't got too much on at weekends.

It's a measure of his current levels of anxiety that he's been asking if we can do home schooling instead. This is a kid who HATED home schooling. Bloody hell, so did I. I've told him it is absolutely not an option.

The good thing is that he seems fine once he's actually at school - it's just getting him out of the house in the morning that's hard. And I feel sad that he's not finding it as exciting as he thought he would.

Interesting to hear about the experience those who’ve been doing this for a while Greyish. The one day I didn’t ask if she had everything was the one day she forgot her maths book.

I’m finding homework a stress. I hate reminding and asking because I don’t want her to come home from a day at school and have to spend another hour in doors doing work. And I don’t want our weekend to be taken over by it either. I’m not saying anything to DD but an quietly seething.

The anxiety is difficult to watch. So sad for them.

Mine's Year 11 and feeling exactly the same - all that time off, initial excitement quickly worn off. She has one 30 minute break a day which is not even enough time to eat and it's relentless. I feel for your year 7 but it will be OK eventually he just has to weather the storm. Make sure he gets enough sleep, the exhaustion is real.

Here when both of mine started year 7 I actually made their breakfasts for them, just so it wasn't yet another thing on their new list of responsibilities. Plus I monitored bag packing to make sure nothing was missed.

Secondary is a big shock and the responsibility is so different than primary. In primary, 1 teacher (usually) and 1 classroom. A visual display on board of what they are doing and when, typically every morning is the same with maths and English.

Now they have at least one teacher for every subject, every lesson is in a different classroom, with a different seating plan, there is usually a one way system to navigate, they have to check to see where their next lesson is, probably in a different building. Loads of new faces. Add in the new routine of getting to school whether walking or catching a bus or train, it all adds to the mental load.

Messing around in class at primary was met with missing 5 minutes of your break, at worst, the whole break. Now it is verbal warnings, detention and isolation. In primary wear trainers because you need new shoes, just a reminder to the parent about uniform, in secondary it is isolation.

My sons are now in year 13 and 10, every first week without fail exhausts them as they get back into the routine. The last week of term is also exhausting. It is completely normal. The novelty of year 7 has worn off and the reality has now hit home. Feed him his favourite dinners, reassure him this is completely normal to feel this way. Hopefully it will be turned round by week 4.

Good to read some of these posts. DS loved first week, now much quieter on 2nd week. Told me today he had been called names....it's so hard as he's quiet and doesn't answer back, tried doing a bit of role play - called him the names and got him to shout back at me whatever he wanted - he used this as a chance to use a few swear words he actually enjoyed it...but i really don't know if he will be able to do this at school if it happens again. The school is hot on bullying and 'unkindness' but the reality is, if he can't stick up to these kids it will happen again. It's painful to see, I can't do it for him, i can't make him 'be confident' as dh says! He goes to self defence class but is just not that self assured. If anyone has any ideas would be grateful...

My ds is year 8 now but last year when he started year 7, we had the same thing. He is very popular and confident but despite that it was a huge adjustment... he'd come home most days in a foul mood. I found he needed half an hour without me talking to him or asking questions about his day...I'd just hand over food!

Frankly High School is a bit of a bear pit at the best of times. Year 7 is a big change from primary school and this year is different again. On the upside, they probably won't have to remember quite as much of the layout of school and they won't be mixing between years, so will avoid the teasing of the newbies.
It's tiring and hard for some kids and others will find it easier. You need to step up and be much more organised and many schools are actually really strict on rules and discipline to start with.
It's not the friendly warm place primary was but the lessons should be more interesting and challenging and their confidence will grow.
Fwiw my DD didn't really like yr7 at all, yr8 was both better and worse (lockdown was a blessing) but by yr 9, she's more confident and sure of herself. The endless friendship drama, mild bullying and jockeying for position is draining, but as long as they find a safe group of friends to weather the storms with, they will survive.
As a parent, this is all quite hard too as you need to step back and let them deal with so much more on their own.