GCSE Summer 2020 - Thread 11 Carry on Corona Cohort - Starting New Terms and Settings

[OrangeCinnamon1]

Welcome all to the 11th Thread for this year's GCSE cohort - The Corona Cohort!

This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs regardless of the institute they attend or the grades they needed. It is respectfully requested that we are all supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate e.g state vs private - please don't within this thread.

Similarly it should be recognised that the grades our children need/deserve/want will vary across the board. One same grade outcome can simultaneously cause Joy and Despair for different posters. Please be sensitive when responding to threads about grades.

Some of us have been here since I started first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. It is hoped this will continue. Going forward any new threads should have 'GCSE Summer 2020 Thread # : Carry on Corona Cohort' in title just to make it easier to find. Not fussy about who starts those !

From now on our DS/DD may go down various paths such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed, so we decided not to be exclusionary and stay right here in Secondary - at least until Mumsnet HQ chuck us out .

At this precise moment in time we have had GCSE results . It has been decided that the higher of Centre Assesd Grades and Calculated Grades will be awarded - the algorithim seems to have been applied a schol level to the detriment of some students. Lots of our young people have already started on the next stage of their journey with some still to start.

We are all STILL trying to protect our young people's mental health, which the government claimed was their priority...when they talk about wanting students back in schools/college in September...now we have their physical health to consider too as the mingling at various settings starts up again. Hopefully a positive experience this term!

First Thread

previous thread

It's very similar to the toddler years where "I hate you" tends to mean for this moment only.

Tried to help DS with his maths earlier in the week. He got frustrated with it (and me), yelled and shouted and told me I was explaining it wrong. Later, when we'd both calmed down, I suggested that a tutor he wasn't related to might be better, whereupon he gave me entirely unexpected hug and said "maybe". The bit that does appreciate us is still there in our DC somewhere!

Thank you so much everyone - It's so nice to be able to offload here. I can't do it in real life as I feel like I would be going behind DD back if I tell friends what she was like.
I don't have my Mum or Dad around any more to chat to. But I do remember her telling me when I was in my 30s and I had apologised to her for how I used to talk to her (sound familiar), My Mum said it was ok, she knew I loved her and that I couldn't talk to anyone else like that so did it to her. I feel even worse now though thinking about that. I LOVED my Mum so much and miss her so much (she passed away when I was 37, an now 52). But I think I must have be horrible to her at times too, not that I can remember really but I do remember our conversation about it.
I just want to help her achieve her goals. She thinks the schools help is enough - but I know they don't tell them everything they need. I found out that Core Maths would be really helpful to her, that Pyschology is accepted as a 2nd science in most unis, that she will need AAB to get into the Russel Group uni she wants to study Biology. Without that help she wouldn't have picked the subjects she is doing, and wouldn't have been able to study Biology at all. I learn so much from reading Mumsnet and the group What I wish I knew about University.
I think I went about it the wrong way yesterday, I should have stepped back when I saw she wasn't responsive. I was trying to get her to take the laptop back as she has been accessing the school info on her mobile and I was trying to say it would be better on the laptop as she could read it all better - but that is what apps is for apparently... Also tried to tell her she needed to be doing 1.5 hrs work for every lesson she has (as the school has told us). She wants me to back off I know but I'm scared if I do she won't get the results she needs from day 1. We have had this in the past, years ago, I backed off, she fluffed a test that had a go at me for not helping her..
I think I need to take the lead from her. I can still research stuff in the background (as she won't) but stay out of her day to day learning. Stop going into her bedroom to chat as she obvousdy no longer wants that.
Just be there when she asks (if she asks) and if she doesn't then fine. She is entitled to her own space.
Still hurts though :-)

Oh Heifer I do feel for you 💐 Had some times like that in the past with DD and she has said things that she has recently apologised for. Sometimes it is a no win situation.

In the end I went with ‘is there anything that I can do to support you through this?’ approach and had to leave it as that as if I suggested to do something she wouldn’t want to do it on principle . Eventually she recognised that was happening, learned to deal with it and we have moved forward into new phase of relationship now she is an adult. The interim bit is like walking a tight rope.

@Heifer my dad died when I was 16 and I vividly remember storming at him over his advice on art homework and telling him he was wrong - he wasn't! One of my greatest regrets is that, being 16, I did not realise he was dying and didn't apologise for being generally horrible. Glad you and your mum at least had the chance to have an adult relationship after all those teenage emotions and hormones.

Aw Monkey your dad would have known that it was just teenage outbursts. Please don't keep that regret bottled up. He wouldn't want that. You could always write him a letter telling him (and bury it) and then draw a line under it. Did you get your love of art from him? Are any of your D.C. arty?

Hugs @Monkey2001. He would have understood xxx

Being a parent to a teenager is spending your life 'on call' rather than 'on duty'. Sigh.

ah @Monkey2001so sorry to read that. As others have said I am sure he understood. I do understand where my DD is coming from. I can't say it doesn't hurt but I know she loves me (maybe deep down at times) :-)
Love the idea of writing a letter to him. I have to believe that my parents can "see" me now or I struggle. I am a much nicer and thoughtful person than I was when I was teen/20s.. I wasn't horrible but I think very much like DD in that I'm not a natural "caring" person. I have far more empathy and interest now for people than back then.

Thanks for all the support to you all, got some good advice, love "is there anything that I can do to support you through this" approach and Being a parent to a teenager is spending your life 'on call' rather than 'on duty'.

Just a quick response to the queries earlier in lugging stuff around. Same problem here since locker access has been removed. But I noticed her phone camera is now full of work images. Not ideal for all especially if phones not allowed on premises, but I think she uses it as an interim way to reduce load now she is getting used to her timetable/work around days when she’s got multiple bags with instrument in tow.

But we are on second school g bag and it’s not even end of September 😳

Annoying about no access to lockers ealing and it's the same case in DD's school. We wrote to her head of 6th form explaining that she would be walking to school in trainers and changing to her "office" shoes once in school (no trainers allowed at all as smart office dress only ) and was there somewhere she could put them as she is carrying her shoes in a bag clipped on top of her rucksack. She wrote back and said about the locker debacle as classes are all in bubbles so locker access difficult but DD is no 1 in line for one as soon as they can sort it. Week 3 has ended and no locker as yet so not holding my breath.

Yes to the lack of lockers issues. DS has the usual big bag of books but also sports kit. I discovered sports kit is just left outside one of the buildings which would be almost ok except the grounds are not completely secure (gates open not just unlocked in daytime) and said building is close to the street. Also some of the kit is expensive. I've threatened DS that I will email head of sports unless DS sorts a better plan.

No lockers available for anyone at DDs school this year. DD has mentioned her bag is really heavy on the days she has all 4 subjects. I think she needs to rethink what she takes (but obviously I'm saying nothing) :-)

I can barely lift DDs bag some days. They have decent lockers but have been told that they can't leave anything overnight in case of emergency isolation/lockdown issues.

She also is taking folders for every subject - apparently teachers often ask them to refer back to previous work, so filing stuff daily and keeping it at home doesn't work.

She doesn't have a games kit issue as they all have sport one afternoon a week and have to go in wearing their kit on that day due to lack of SD changing areas. She doesn't do any other sport at school.

DD is very sporty - but there isn't ANY sport to do at school currently - she is taking A Level PE but there it's all theory. No enrichments, or after school clubs running yet due to Covid.

@Heifer - same here, DS doing PE A level but no sport at school. He is doing rugby twice a week and had his home gym, so not too bothered, although he would like to have some school rugby as he wants feedback on whether he would get a reasonable mark for coursework as he has only been playing in a club for 2 years. We are a very unsporty family and he did not "discover" rugby until Y8. He would like to be confident of an A at A level as he is strong academically, but no boys have got better than a B in any of the years for which I have found results data at his school.

DD has one afternoon of PE a week - she’s chosen an hour of badminton and an hour of spin. Then she’s got Hockey team training one lunchtime and one after school session. Her other sport has been training since June.

Her Netballing friends seem particularly hard done by - hardly any training/matches.

@Heifer @Monkey2001 ds wanted to do A level pe. He really enjoys the theory side of it. But they said he had to compete in an out of school sport. Sports are fairly limited round here. He was dropped from football as there were so many players competing to be on the local teams. He was going to do it anyway then think about a sport to do. But in the end pe was in the same column as history. He wanted to do that more. It's a shame as he was quite interested in it.

It's great a lot of 6th forms provide some sort of sport. There's nothing really at our local 6th form. Ds plays football at lunchtime but only with friends. I think there is a football team though, not sure it's going ahead with Covid.

DS isn't doing any sport either. No extra-curricular clubs at school (he's in school sixth form) due to Covid, and the climbing club he was going (pre lockdown) to can't viably reopen. At least with the having to meet outside there is a lot of pacing the streets/parks with friends!

DD is playing club hockey on Saturdays and trains Thurs eve. We have a treadmill which she uses once a week and often goes on a bike ride with DH, so she is doing some sport at least. Just a shame nothing at school but I fully understand why.

That’s a shame about lack of sport. DD’s school is starting again with after school clubs. We will see how long it lasts...

DS's school sixth form has 1 afternoon of sport and 1 activity afternoon which might also be sport but can be other activities like CCF.

Just looking at booking driving lessons in advance of DS's birthday. What is the going rate? And is it still common just to do the weekly hourly lesson. We have been offered 2 hr slots at £70 which I'm unsure about.

DD turned 17 during lock down. No driving lessons available, so we got on with it ourselves. Using car parks and little lanes initally and building up skills.

We tried to do about 1 hour every day (lock down, so we had plenty of time). And it turned out really well. She eventually had 12 hours of lessons in total as 1.5 hour lessons and passed her test firat time a month ago.

Prior to lockdown I would have assumed she would have 1 lesson a week and after maybe a month I would feel OK to drive with her.

So maybe give it a go yourself as the lessons are really expensive.

Sansou that sounds the going rate tbh and what we're going to have to do as the test centre in our town has shut down so can only go to the next town along so DD will need 2 hour sessions as she'll need to practice on the roads et al where her test will be. I like the idea of NotBabies and do some ourselves on quieter roads. DD already au fait with clutch control etc as has had some under 17 driving lessons albeit not for some time but hopefully it's like riding a bike and it'll come back to her fairly quickly.

Update on the sleepover b'day party with toxic friend: went well and everyone got on so was a success however I wonder how it will be once school starts again tomorrow with the giggling and whispering etc again as no parents around to keep an eye on things.

DD's driving lessons start tomorrow sansou. If trial goes ok, I have opted for 25 hours at £700 that includes theory and driving test fees. I think she'll be getting 90min lessons. They really do vary in £ though, so I went with the local FB recommendations from past parents.

I would loved to have taught her the lion share myself like NotBabies had done, but even after a couple of off roads and today on-road (17 today), people in London are so aggressive and impatient; even on the quietest roads that we were starting on. I don't think i quite have the nerves of steel my boyfriend of 35 years ago had!