GCSE Summer 2020 - Thread 11 Carry on Corona Cohort - Starting New Terms and Settings

[OrangeCinnamon1]

Welcome all to the 11th Thread for this year's GCSE cohort - The Corona Cohort!

This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs regardless of the institute they attend or the grades they needed. It is respectfully requested that we are all supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate e.g state vs private - please don't within this thread.

Similarly it should be recognised that the grades our children need/deserve/want will vary across the board. One same grade outcome can simultaneously cause Joy and Despair for different posters. Please be sensitive when responding to threads about grades.

Some of us have been here since I started first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. It is hoped this will continue. Going forward any new threads should have 'GCSE Summer 2020 Thread # : Carry on Corona Cohort' in title just to make it easier to find. Not fussy about who starts those !

From now on our DS/DD may go down various paths such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed, so we decided not to be exclusionary and stay right here in Secondary - at least until Mumsnet HQ chuck us out .

At this precise moment in time we have had GCSE results . It has been decided that the higher of Centre Assesd Grades and Calculated Grades will be awarded - the algorithim seems to have been applied a schol level to the detriment of some students. Lots of our young people have already started on the next stage of their journey with some still to start.

We are all STILL trying to protect our young people's mental health, which the government claimed was their priority...when they talk about wanting students back in schools/college in September...now we have their physical health to consider too as the mingling at various settings starts up again. Hopefully a positive experience this term!

First Thread

previous thread

Sorry to hear about friendship issues.
I can report they are not exclusive to girls - DS's friendship group had a massive falling out and split off into various factions over the summer where you needed a spreadsheet to work out who was talking to who under which conditions. I do think it was at least partly exacerbated by lockdown - if they'd been seeing each other in school and had a more "normal" life, they would probably have just got on with things (DS went out for lunch yesterday with a boy I swear he was not talking to any more, so the situation is clearly still fluid).

How complex! Ds had friendship issues - well bullying really - in years 3 and 4, so we home educated him for years 5 and 6. He then had some short lived issues with a particular boy (who’s now his best friend) in year 7, which seemed to be to do with how to take banter - ds was taking it very seriously/personally. I think he’s learned to make fun of himself which has helped? Dd has never really had any issues, but she’s a very empathic, people person and she just manages to get on with everyone. School isn’t an easy environment though for lots of people.

Dd is also struggling with a heavy bag (and has to have a large shoulder bag instead of a practical backpack). She also tries to take all her work for the day in one folder. She’s also started taking photos of the relevant pages in her textbooks so she can leave them at home.

@FlyingPandas DD has exercise books with pages that have holes and also tear out. So she takes in those books, and then transfers the pages into the ring binders at home.

On a change of note (prompted by *Monkey’s son coping mechanisms to football), is there a resurgence of Harry Potter? I know the book and film series crosses all age boundaries, but DD is found regularly under the duvet watching them. Again and again, as a comfort blanket for every occasion. It brings her stress levels down she says...

Possibly @ealingwestmum although I'm not sure they ever went away! Dd says her best friend is reading them all again and they watched one of the films at a sleepover recently. We went to Alnwick Castle where some of the scenes were filmed in the summer and dd was posting photos to her snapchat story, so some of her other friends must have been interested too!

About 3 years ago she was happy to throw out her wand in a clear out. Now so happy that I ignored her and kept it

@ealingwestmum

On a change of note (prompted by *Monkey’s son coping mechanisms to football), is there a resurgence of Harry Potter? I know the book and film series crosses all age boundaries, but DD is found regularly under the duvet watching them. Again and again, as a comfort blanket for every occasion. It brings her stress levels down she says...

DD never really got 'out off' HP I think this is mainly thanks to Primark concessions and I think Vans did one last year too - the kind of geeky chic thing.

DD has Harry potter blankets to watch Harry Potter with. The Merch is still going strong!

DH and I took DS1 to start university a few weeks ago and his GF came too. On the way back she asked if we could listen to an HP audio book - he is at St Andrews and we are in the SW so it was a good long journey and we managed to get a third of the way through the Order of the Phoenix. The GF is 19, it keeps going!

Mine is almost at book burning stage due to the JKR thing. Its a constant bone of contention between us.

@ChristopherTracy is "the JKR thing" the gay/trans/racist stuff?

Yes, but let's not talk about it in here!

OK, luckily our family are all in the same place on that one, but agree that we have a lovely group and don't want to de-rail it!

Aw thanks you lot. As a mum we do take the strain as well when our D.C. are suffering don't we. So sad that lots of others are experiencing it too and it's not isolated to just girls DD is dreading this girls party sleepover on Saturday as she says the constant giggling and whispering is doing her head in when they have study periods and will be so much worse at the party.

Re the heavy bags and so many books I was tempted to get a trolley suitcase for DD but resisted as no way would she use that She has a 40 min walk to school and I worry for her posture as she brings folders for each subject too. Tried to convince her with a plastic file envelope but she's worried she may forget something important - gah!

She's only just got into Harry Potter and watched all the movies in a week, in fact we all did and enjoyed them especially the last one. She's not read the books as not a big reader. She's reading the stranger things one at the moment and has been for a while - like a chapter a night. She's not like DH and me who gobble books in a few days.

DS seems to be actively enjoying 6th form, especially RE (which is the most interesting for us all to discuss over dinner ).

I was called on to help him with some maths yesterday - I did do a level maths and further maths but it was over 25 years ago My mum and dad were maths teachers and still mark A level exam papers so I may get them to join in at some point.

Geography is interesting to hear about - is even longer since I studied that!

He’s been having zoom lessons this week as year 12 and year 13 are isolating; in one of his geography lessons I was making some lunch, he said something to me and his teacher asked what was distracting him . He said he was explaining what they were learning to me

The self isolation ends after school tomorrow and he will be going round to see his girlfriend as soon as he can

@MirandaWest your DS sounds a lot more communicative than mine!! All I get as feedback is “yeah, it’s good.” . No more forthcoming than that!

Thanks for the suggestions for cutting down the amount taken to school. All make total sense to me but DS not keen... I think he is similar to your DD @AnneOfCleavage and wants the security of all his paperwork!

None of mine have ever got into Harry Potter - not even ds2 who is the real bookworm of the three - and it’s not for the want of me trying! Feels like a bit of a parental failure. The How to Train your Dragon series (which older two loved) was about as far as we got.

Well that didn't go as planned. School sent parents a video to watch on how to help students in 6th form etc. I tried to talk to DD about it - but she shut down completly and instead of me backing away and waiting for another time to chat, I pushed it and DD ended up basically telling me to back off, how could I help her as I didn't even do A levels etc and I'm controlling and should just leave her alone.
Got to admit she hurt me. She hasn't been like that for a few years. Had a lovely time together during lockdown. She basically doesn't want me in her room (used to ask me in to chat) but I hadn't read the signs that she doesn't want that now. I guess it's because she is back with her friends to chat to at school. I do understand where she is coming from but wow she was venomous. Never seen her like that. She said if that was what it took to get rid of me so be it :-(

Heifer Nothing quite stabs you in the heart as the blunt way a teenager says things. They never really understand how hurtful their words are until they are older (and have their own children). You are totally justified to feel hurt and she has no idea that just because you didn't do A levels (I didn't either) doesn't mean you wouldn't be able to support her with her studies and choices. Our DC don't really know how much energy goes into us supporting them - as we probably didn't when our parents did the same - but she will in time.

Have a nice and some and try not to dwell on it as deep down you know she only said it because she feels totally confident in your love and support of her. They'd never dream of saying similar to their friends as friends aren't always unconditional in their support as a mum.

@ChristopherTracy

Mine is almost at book burning stage due to the JKR thing. Its a constant bone of contention between us.

Us too.

@Heifer Sending hugs. Teens are so volatile at the best of times, and the stress of Covid/lack of freedoms is bound to impact them. They've had stress levels off the roof and I'm sure she's taken her fear and anger out on you (as they do). Falling out with parents will always be preferable than falling out with friends. She loves you, and I'm sure respects you.

Its reasonable for you to sit her down at a later date when it's less raw and explain that those comments were unkind and unnecessary and that it isn't the way the family works.

Everything Anne and wheresthebeach have said Heifer* No A levels here either, you are certainly not alone in that, nor being used as a punch bag now and then. Love has so many ways to manifest, this is the darker version, but nevertheless, still love..and security that she has with you.

I go quiet after the storm. Not shouty, but don’t engage fully either until I know the next conversation has moved from defensiveness to open, and only then, so it’s not one sided terms.

@Heifer sending empathy. I am another one accused of being a controlling mum, teens are so self absorbed and within the family can be hopeless at seeing things from another point of view. My DS1 relationship was helped a lot when GF moved in during lock down and he was able to contrast the support he had with the affectionate but utterly uninvolved approach from her parents. I felt a lot more appreciated once that sank in.

No particular advice to give but hope you are able to have some good quality time together over the weekend. There is probably another lock-down coming (last 2 weeks of October if we make it that far) so maybe that will be a re-set button.

Oh heifer that’s a horrible thing to have happened. I often wish I had a rewind button on my conversations with DD!

I think Year 12 is often a moment when teens increase their independence - but also when their subjects get harder! Not an easy combination to manage. ‘I want you to reassure me that I can understand this Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that you know anything about it, so therefore I reject your reassurance’. !!!!!!

Yes @Heifer it probably isnt any consolation to hear that its not you its them but lots of us are in the same boat. It is truly dispiriting when I talk to me friends about it and they say their teenage dd never screams at them but mine certainly does.

Every time I just try and get through how using words to hurt eachother is horrible and unacceptable. Sometimes she apologizes.

It is enough to make me wish I still smoked tbh.