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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Parents of soon to be year 8's starting in September .......

28 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 07/08/2020 20:55

I'm just wondering how your child feels about going back in September. My ds was only just starting to settle into year 7 and find his friendship group although still quite raw and new. He's been ery cuddly lately and is really anxious about going back one about the virus but also jusy readjusting. He's also worried about the jump from year 7 to year 8 work. Do you think there will be much support for this year group? I know the new year 7s will need alot of support with settling but it does feel like the year 8's will be starting again in a way. It's such an important year for transition as it's a big jump from primary to secondary.

OP posts:
Shieldingending · 07/08/2020 21:02

In the same situation with mine who is very cuddly and tearful at the moment and is dreading going back. She didn’t go with any friends from primary and was just starting to settle and form friendships which haven’t continued during lockdown. She knows about the precautions school are taking and us hugely anxious about how to develop and maintain friendships

Deardonkey · 07/08/2020 21:06

Year 8 seems to be a tricky year for quite a few children. They don’t have the support that the year 7s get and are not doing GCSEs, friends children who have struggled generally do in year 8/9.
My DS is in year 8 and I hope the staff do take into account that they missed half of the year and probably need extra help to transition into year 8.

Hercwasonaroll · 07/08/2020 21:09

There will be support all over for all the students. Please try not to worry.
As teachers we will look after them, calm their anxieties and make sure the work is suitable.

Pipandmum · 07/08/2020 21:10

Every year I heard that the next year was a 'big jump'. It never was, and my kids are Y10 going to Y11 and Y12 to 13.
All the kids will be in the same boat - I'm sure they'll all find their feet once school starts.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 07/08/2020 21:11

Oh bless her ds is exactly the same and didn't know many there. He has spoken to some via xbox but that has fizzled out and he's mainly maintained his friendships with his primary friends. He is so anxious at the moment and it took him a long time to even go out, visit a shop or see his friends post lockdown. I really don't know what to do. There hasn't been much of a plan from the school either apart from staggered starts and finishes so have no idea what the class room arrangements are.

OP posts:
HaloeVera · 07/08/2020 21:35

Yep, mine lost the fragile friendships he started to build and his form tutor has left. Feeling really sad for him. He knows no one there really.

Igglepigglesgrubbyblanket · 07/08/2020 23:02

Same boat here.
I'm reassured that he will have the same tutor, though and we had transition meetings at the end of the year. I know the school will do all they can, and all the kids will be in the same boat.

Malmontar · 07/08/2020 23:21

Yup. She really doesn't want to go back at all and is hoping they'll be a local lockdown with closed schools. In a way it's been nice that she's got close with her old primary friends again.
I'm really sad for them all, it's nothing like normal school.

ragged · 07/08/2020 23:27

Intellectually DS badly wants proper schoolwork again.

He never found his tribe in yr7 Sad. He knows some kids by name but made no friends. I dunno how yr8 will go, I kind of don't expect FT to last long.

threeormorecharacters · 08/08/2020 11:52

Similar boat here. DS didn't know anyone at the start of Y7 and was just starting to settle in. The kids were group messaging a bit, but that's largely fizzled out now. He's probably a bit nervous, but overall I think he's very keen to be going back; he's excited to see his new timetable and which teachers he's got, and he's keeping the same form tutor, which will mean a bit of continuity. And he's been bored witless ever since term ended! It does feel weird though - almost like starting secondary all over again.

BaconAndAvocado · 08/08/2020 19:11

DD is very much in the same boat as your son OP.

She had struggled to find her "tribe" amd although she has actually been spending lots of time with new friends from Year 7 at her school, none of them are in her form.

And with the new measures I gather the children will be spending an awful lot of time with their form.

I'm aiming to do,some work on resilience with her before September. She's a very sensitive girl and would often end up in tears at school when things didn't go well. I'm trying not to worry.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/08/2020 19:25

And another one here, just started making friends as only one from his school, he so a so showing signs of ADD/ADHD so need to talk to school about that, topped with having done no work last term as I was back working full time.

Gazelda · 08/08/2020 19:35

@BaconAndAvocado

DD is very much in the same boat as your son OP.

She had struggled to find her "tribe" amd although she has actually been spending lots of time with new friends from Year 7 at her school, none of them are in her form.

And with the new measures I gather the children will be spending an awful lot of time with their form.

I'm aiming to do,some work on resilience with her before September. She's a very sensitive girl and would often end up in tears at school when things didn't go well. I'm trying not to worry.

My DD is similar. Only a couple of kids from her primary went up to the same secondary and she's not friendly with any of them. She's introvert and has struggled to make free friends, I think she was concentrating on getting used to being in a bigger school with all the differences and assumed friendships would happen organically. She's become friendly with some other girls, but not yet BFF.

What sort of activities were you thinking of doing with your DD around resilience?

Malmontar · 08/08/2020 19:55

DD also went knowing no one. She settled in really quickly but hasn't stayed in touch with any of them at all. She doesn't seem too nervous but I'm dreading September. I feel like it's starting all over again. Plus she's got some lunch left in her locker from march so I'm interested in what that will look like.

netflixismysidehustle · 08/08/2020 20:09

In my experience y8 is a better year because they are more confident about behavioural expectations and routines at school. They are generally physically bigger than the incoming y7 and are more "street wise" (knowing teen slang that an incoming y7 wouldn't have heard of etc)

My children didn't mention the work being harder at all

Malmontar · 08/08/2020 22:19

@netflixismysidehustle Yes that's definitely the case with a normal Y7-8 situation but these kids have only had 6 months or so of Y7. For many, that's hardly long enough to settle, esp for those with SEND or social difficulties. They haven't had end of year trips, sports day, end of year exams etc. Having a proper year makes you feel more confident but they will be experiencing those things alongside the Y7s (hopefully).
Not to mention a lot of them will be choosing options at the end of y8 and losing subjects they studied for 6 or so weeks, but that's another thread.

PerspicaciaTick · 08/08/2020 22:24

My DS has been very cuddly recently. Today I found out it is because he has decided that he can't cuddle me when he goes back to school as he doesn't want to infect me. He is so very little still, but worrying about such grown up things.

SansaSnark · 08/08/2020 22:39

FWIW as a secondary teacher, I think we are aware that all the students who have been out of school since March (new Y8/9/10) will need to be "transitioned" back into school and that all students will need extra support throughout the autumn term (and some will need it beyond that).

We're also aware that some students missed quite a lot of work during lockdown, whilst others have done a lot, and some will need quite a lot of support academically. As a school, we have made plans around review/catch up- I'm sure most schools will be doing this.

I do unfortunately think some friendship stuff could be tricky- for example, at my school, the Library won't be available to students during break and lunch, and at the moment we don't think we will be allowed to run clubs, either. Having to spend all their time in a year group bubble could be difficult for some students socially too. Obviously we will do what we can to support students pastorally, but there will definitely be aspects of this that will be tough for some students with the restrictions in place in September (which are obviously necessary).

Nothing about this situation is ideal, schools will try their best, and I think if you have real concerns then it may be worth talking to school a week or two in. However, equally I would try to be calm/reassuring/encouraging at home- things may not be as bad as you/they fear.

SJaneS48 · 09/08/2020 07:21

Thanks @SansaSnark, reassuring post! Another to be Year 8 here who very much isn’t looking forward to going back and who’s friendships seem to have fizzled out.

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 09/08/2020 14:15

Thank you to every one who replied and Sans for her reassuring post 😊. Its such difficult times and I guess the impact of this is still ongoing. It's nice to hear teachers are planning for this and that my son isn't alone in how he feels.

OP posts:
BaconAndAvocado · 09/08/2020 22:24

Gazelda
I've been recommend a book called Don't Let your Emotions Run your Life. It's a workbook based on Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.

It was delivered yesterday so I've only had a quick read but it deals with ways of coping and trying to avoid meltdowns using approaches such as mindfulness.

Before lockdown DD was regularly becoming extremely upset at school, having to leave the classroom, wanting to come home. Often she would be reacting to IMO quite small things.

I don't want her to be in this position again. Just before lockdown hit, her school had started a resilience group.....

Gazelda · 09/08/2020 22:32

Thank you Baconandavocado. I'll take a look at that book.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 10/08/2020 08:19

Yep, I have one here. He's OK at the moment, doesn't seem to be overly concerned despite being a bit of a sensitive soul. Our Yr 8 form classes are mixed up again after Yr7 so he was always going to be settling in to a new class again but he does miss some of the new friendships he had started to form.

Illuyanka · 10/08/2020 13:47

Going back to school will be totally different for everyone with covid measures. So I do expect their will be enough support re settling in again.
My ds is slightly oblivious, seems like he tries not to think about it until closer to the date.

scrappydappydoo · 10/08/2020 14:08

My DD is also the same - very unsettled, worried about the virus, fizzled out friendships, anxiety over moving up a year. Although she had lots of work over lockdown, pastoral support was non-existent. She had one 5 min zoom conversation with her tutor on the last week of term (which was her only contact she’d had the whole time) where she said she was worried about coming back into yr8 have basically missed half of yr7 and her tutor said that it hadn’t even occurred to her and just said it’ll be fine. Not impressed, not reassured and not sure what to do about it tbh