Panic thread about £25k / yr fees

[SleeplessinSWLon]

DC1 moves to secondary school in 4 weeks, with an unexpected place at a top private school but having paid the first term’s fees we fear we’ve made an awful decision based on being swept up in the competitive 11+ culture here and add coronavirus on top we are even more worried as we know next term DC won’t be able to use the school’s full facilities, sports, drama, school trips so I fear its pouring money down the drain this year and possibly always. We stupidly gave up our local state place and now back on the waiting list without a guarantee for September so it’s not a straightforward choice. Is anyone going through similar? Does anyone have experience of paying a term or more in fees? It’s an agonising situation and I think we will have to take the private place whilst we wait for the state and risk paying two term’s fees but maybe we will be reassured £25,000 is worth it, coronavirus or not? DC would be content anywhere really and is hardworking and the state would suit just as well and is closer with more friends and much more space. This feels like a big painful parenting fail, guilty of being sucked up by pride and naivety.

Thank you all again for your support and perspectives. Luck was on our side and we realise now that you can’t actually put a price on living within an outstanding secondary school catchment. DC is so happy and settled with old and new friends who live nearby and no long journey. Anyone doing the 11+ good luck and don’t look any gift horse in the mouth just because others say the grass is greener!

Well done OP, glad it worked out. Seems wrong that the school stung you for one term's school fees when they had children on the waiting list. Under US contract law there would be a "duty to mitigate" and you wouldn't be charged unless they truly out of pocket. (Appreciate this isn't the US, but still a little shocked.)

I think all the schools around here do it. A few weeks in to year 7 and discovering great state schools and great private schools are no different.

As it’s that time of year again with the pressure of the 11 plus exams I wanted to wish everyone well and knowing there will be similar experiences to ours last year wanted to place our perspective: just because your DCs CAN get places at top selective schools doesn’t mean it’s the best place for them, and far from it, and to say that my DC’s first term in our local comprehensive has been beyond our expectations. Here the students are bright, friendly and hard working, the teachers phenomenal and my DC is stretched in each subject and area (extra curricular too) and eager to take up the challenge without pressures of commute, social dynamics and overnight homework deadlines. I have no regrets about turning down the other place and can not see what difference £25k could have made. All kids, all schools are different but my advice is if you have a solid state option close by it is probably worth £25k too.

@SleeplessinSWLon I could have written your post three years ago. My DD was an academic high achiever at (state) primary and also very sporty. I felt I would be doing her a disservice not to explore all options and she sat (and received offers from) Putney, Latymer Upper and Tiffin. But both of us had loved our visit to the local co-ed comprehensive (Grey Court) and we decided that was the best fit for her and she has had the most amazing 2 and a bit years. She has embraced the extra curricular sport - football, netball, basketball, athletics, cricket etc - with training and competitive fixtures. And participated in pantos and musicals - both in onstage and backstage roles. The teachers are (mostly) awesome and totally committed to helping every student do the best they can. In SW London we have some amazing schools - both state and private - and it is worth remembering that when you think about embarking upon (or are in the middle of) the 11+ pressure.

Brilliant. I think we come on MN when we are exploring options which obviously means 11+ bias so the narrative never really tells others exactly what you’ve laid out above. Comprehensives in SW London are an open door of opportunity in 2020. Also credit to your DC - kids of today are so much more motivated and switched on than a generation ago and we have to adapt better to that. The 11 plus seems counterintuitive somehow.

OP - with the best will in the world, you are not even a term into your decision. Whether you and your dd feel this happy to have rejected City in 7 years time - that is the key?

A decent comprehensive can be a great choice for some kids but to call them an open door of opportunity is probably rather optimistic.

The 11+ is a horrible process but just because you feel you got swept up into making the wrong decision, doesn't mean the majority of your peers feel the same.

True but they’re a million miles away from the schools where I grew up, trust me, and those leaving to great unis and so on prove the opportunities are all there. And of course I’m not saying the majority of those who send their kids to private school feel they made the wrong decision! What is your City reference?

Where I grew up AND WHEN I grew up.

@reefedsail

I've yet to see a state primary school where every single child does sport every single day, every child in Y3+ has a fixture against another school twice a week and every single child has a swimming lesson every single week, more if they are in swim team. All within school hours so they are still free to do higher level sport out of school.

I've also yet to see a state primary school where every child is on the stage every term and in a full play every year, or where both music and drama (separately) are delivered weekly by specialist staff.

Maybe they do exist and I just haven't come across it in the 20 years I've been working.

I've only just seen this now, but my daughter's experience in state school pre-covid was not dissimilar, we just

• booked her in for clubs in her state school (open to anyone who wanted)
• took her to swimming lessons
• took her to ballet/musical theatre lessons
• took her to sailing club

So she competed against other schools (though not weekly) in fact from reception and had performances at least termly and a full play yearly.

In fact, another parent (who had experienced both state and private education) suggested to me that the provision in private schools tends to be a bit less comprehensive re ballet etc (although some sort of provision is there) and then it is more difficult to provide the extra input after hours because of logistics of time.

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but @SleeplessinSWLon - how has Y7 worked out?

Yes, really lucky and it’s been the right decision. DC has a wonderful year group, seemingly flying with school work, busy with extra curricular clubs and fixtures, really growing up in a nice way! Loves all teachers except one! The virtual learning was impressive and was able to meet friends outdoors locally in lockdown. I’m pleased we could give the place up from the other school for a child that wanted it and don’t really think about it, though might consider it again for the 6th form if my DC wants to try a change of scene. Hope this thread is helpful for people in a similar position.