Panic thread about £25k / yr fees

[SleeplessinSWLon]

DC1 moves to secondary school in 4 weeks, with an unexpected place at a top private school but having paid the first term’s fees we fear we’ve made an awful decision based on being swept up in the competitive 11+ culture here and add coronavirus on top we are even more worried as we know next term DC won’t be able to use the school’s full facilities, sports, drama, school trips so I fear its pouring money down the drain this year and possibly always. We stupidly gave up our local state place and now back on the waiting list without a guarantee for September so it’s not a straightforward choice. Is anyone going through similar? Does anyone have experience of paying a term or more in fees? It’s an agonising situation and I think we will have to take the private place whilst we wait for the state and risk paying two term’s fees but maybe we will be reassured £25,000 is worth it, coronavirus or not? DC would be content anywhere really and is hardworking and the state would suit just as well and is closer with more friends and much more space. This feels like a big painful parenting fail, guilty of being sucked up by pride and naivety.

SleeplessinSWLon the state schools near you sound fab, I must say!

Well, it’s not that the state schools are particularly fab or that the private schools are or are not either, it’s more that £25,000 feels far from the value add from one to the other for DC1 when we look at what is actually important, particularly when the disadvantages of the private school (location, space, no greenery, new friends further away, commuting time, some of the school’s policies) are considered. But it might be our only option until we get the state place and I hope we are ok with that.

That's a really tough call. From your last post it does sound as though you're pretty convinced you've made the wrong choice. We made a similar choice and haven't regretted it, but in our case the independent would 'win' in every category (even though the state option was very good) - the only slight negative is that friends are a bit more geographically spread. But if you have quite a few reservations then it sounds like the overall difference might not be worth the money. I don't think results alone are enough reason to choose a school, when intakes are so variable, and particularly if you have a bright and self motivated child. You say that some of the school's policies are a negative - is this something practical or a worry about the ethos of the school?

If you could be more sure of the speed of getting a place at the state option then it might be worth not starting anywhere in September (particularly given Covid), but this is obviously a very risky move. What does your DC think about all this - are they aware? And you talk about DC1 - do you have another child, and if so do your future plans for them affect your decision for DC1 now?

Not sure anyone raised this but many middle class parents now find them with extra savings in post COVID world and might one to look into using those savings for private school fees.

We are saving more than £1k a month from commuting and wrap around childcare costs as both parents have been working from home. Added with reduced eating out, holidays, petrol, parties etc, we are saving about £2-£3k a month.

It looks like this is set to stay, we are probably going back to work next year with 2-3 days in the office and the rest from home. We will take alternate days to commute so there will always be one at home hence there will be no more wrap around childcare.

I think this applies to many parents, provided their jobs are secure (a big if but seems apply to many right now) so demand for private schooling will increase.

This is us blissful21. Feel very fortunate at the moment BUT the sector we work in is not at all secure so we find ourselves saving up whilst we can as next year (or the next) is likely to be extremely dodgy. We have one DC at an independent and the other is going to a grammar (if they hadn't got in there, then we would have sent them private and hoped for the best!)

same here x
Nobody's job is secure at all especially in a recession, we are fortunate to be in ongoing full time employment and have 2 DCs in state primary so we are taking this opportunity to save like crazy and hope to have funds ready for when they start secondary.

Twiddly fancy prep is a waste of money IMO.

I've taught is state primaries for 20 years and have DC in a good 3-13 prep, and I promise you this isn't true!

Also big advantage, they can stay at their private school until 9pm if they like, so come home fed, work done etc. They finish lessons at 5 so can leave anytime between 5 and 9. Works well for us.

We have this option at the prep- why does it only suddenly become a big advantage at Y9? My DS chooses to sleep over too some nights, just because he really likes it there and wants to spend some extra time with his friends.

We have used state and private and ime it comes down to how good the state is in terms of any gap. Private is usually always good to excellent, but state can also be a range.

We got very lucky with state and seeing posts on here lately about crowding and online provision it’s clear the state has been excellent. Pure luck though. We didn’t move to get into it, people do now though, tiny area to get in.

We went for the grammar place - it's not great and we made the wrong choice for DS. It depends on your child though - if they are very good at the extra-curricular things they like it's usually okay. Just didn't work for my averagely good son, who is not able to do any of the extra-curricular things he loved.
Some of the teaching isn't great either and the state sector struggles to hold onto their good teachers.
With DS2 we didn't make the same mistake!

Reefedsail it depends what you want. The broader opps to try more sport, better facilities, wraparound care, or maybe a lifestyle choice, for sure; but to get into a top independent at 11+? Not necessary. Our state primary had over half the children get into fiercely competitive independents, including the top schools in the country. Saying this, it wasn't the primary school, but the parents paying for tutors (far cheaper than school fees).

Completely agree, it is not about the academic provision.

Saying this, my DC's primary was lovely and nurturing The music was great. Sports not so. Another school locally has the most fantastic sport and really good wraparound. So you can get it at state schools. At our school, the kids were really sporty, so did loads out of school. A few received independent school sports scholarships.

Both my twins passed the 11 plus but chose different grammar schools to attend. Both grammar schools considered top schools. We quickly realised by comparing the grammars that despite a good reputation, my daughters grammar was an exam sweat shop so we moved her to a private school. My son’s grammar is amazing - it’s so popular that in recent years the catchment has been limited to three miles. However, after experiencing a good independent school I have been left wondering if we should have also sent him to a private school. My daughter’s class sizes are half the size of her brother’s. It’s easy to get lost and forgotten when there is 30/32 in a classroom.

I've yet to see a state primary school where every single child does sport every single day, every child in Y3+ has a fixture against another school twice a week and every single child has a swimming lesson every single week, more if they are in swim team. All within school hours so they are still free to do higher level sport out of school.

I've also yet to see a state primary school where every child is on the stage every term and in a full play every year, or where both music and drama (separately) are delivered weekly by specialist staff.

Maybe they do exist and I just haven't come across it in the 20 years I've been working.

I have 3 DCs (one finished) and I can honestly say that prep was by far the best experience and value for money of any schooling. State primary + tutoring is now a recognised economic subset for people who can't afford prep fees but with an increased family income usually due to 2 full time working parents can stretch to senior school fees. What is ridiculous is how this subset tries to convince everyone that school fees are a waste of money until the point that their child enters the system which is of course absolute nonsence.

Having older DCs I have seen the other side of this when the university visits start and the state primary DCs these families thought they had left behind are looking at the same uni courses but receiving more favourable offers because they are applying from a state school. I know of a couple of families who crippled themselves financially to send their DCs to Indys for seniors and afterwards they just couldn't understand why. Like you OP they just got caught up in it.

In reality OP in Y10 and Y11, and GCSE courses increasingly start in Y9, all pupils are studying for the same public exams using the same text books, the same online resources and they all have a qualified teacher. Classes may be slightly smaller in the Indy but the difference is tiny compared to the vast difference in class size between prep and state primary. Provided a school streams/sets a bright DC will be in a top set with similar ability pupils looking to get good GCSE grades. Look at any SW London comp and every year there are pupils leaving these schools with a string of top grades. So what your DS is missing out on is a couple of years of making the most of the schools resources and facilities, joining the underwater stamp collecting society etc but in a covid world most of that is not even possible.

My Dcs only attend Indys because the cost is not significant to us, SW London state schools are good enough that no-one should be looking to bankrupt themselves to avoid them.

joining the underwater stamp collecting society

Relieved to report that DC is in to the local secondary school! We hope the private place is given to a family who really want it.

Well done op! Did you have to pay a term fees?

Yes, a costly mistake and valuable lesson!

SleeplessinSWLondon congratulations! I assume this was your first choice that you were near the top of the waiting list for? So you got in sooner than you thought?

Just missed the start of term but yes the one we wanted with all DC’s friends.

That's good news. Although, I don't know why people leave it to the last minute to decline their state place. Not fair.

There’s still a little movement with waiting lists with families moving out of the area and country. Both state and independent schools.

Well done OP. Five years ago we made a very similar decision - realised that the independent school place we'd opted for was just not right for DS1 - not based on the cost or value add - more that we realised that the independent school was wrong for him and the local state secondary with his friends would be much, much better.

I can still remember how sick I felt, for weeks on end, realising that we had made a mistake.

We moved him to the local state secondary once a place became available and he never looked back, was back with his friends, made more great friends, did brilliantly academically (all GCSE grades 7-9) and it just felt right.

For some people independent school is the perfect choice but for others state is a much more comfortable fit and that was certainly the case for us.

Good luck to your DS, I hope he has a brilliant time.