Confused about mainstream school choices for special needs DS

[chickenlittlee]

Hello all.

I am at my wits' end trying to zero in on a secondary school for DS who has ASD, Speech and Language Delay, LD, so your thoughts will be greatly appreciated.

He attends a mainstream primary (with an EHCP and a TA) and has managed as he's a stringent rule-follower, so we've never had a complaint with his behaviour in school.

For years, he played 'alongside' children rather than with them (mainly due to delayed language - he first spoke in a proper sentence at the end of year 3). So on his birthday in year 4, I threw a big party inviting his entire class in an attempt to break the ice and get something going in the way of friendships. It worked, and he became friends with two other children. The children got invited to days out etc, and the friendship blossomed, and with that his confidence and self-worth. DS has been badly bullied in school, and these friends have stood up for him. He will be starting year 6 in September and now has a group of 4 friends he plays with. I am no longer as involved in keeping the friendship going as before, although there are times when I have to explain what DS meant/didn't mean as he struggles to articulate himself due to limited speech & vocabulary.

The school choices:

1. Very small, private school in Bolton (We are in Manchester) - 10 out of 45 students in school have SEN.
   Students love it there, small class sizes, mixed ability.
   DS knows no one though and we will also have to move closer, as commuting is not an option for him.
   It is going to be a massive change for him on all fronts. The school has a prep school too, so not many new students start at the same time in year 7.

2. Boys only faith school (we are of the same faith but not religious at all), which is where majority of boys from his school will attend.
   It's a new-ish school (3 years) so no ofsted yet, and they only got a proper SENCO last year.
   Obviously there is a big emphasis on religion which DS doesn't really understand. However, DS does want to attend here because his closest friends (2 out of 4) will be. Whilst there is no guarantee these friendships are going last, I am hoping familiar faces will be of comfort to him, and there will be less 'change' to adjust to. School's also strict on good behaviour, which will work for DS as he's been a rule follower all his life (so far!).

3. Barrier free, inclusive school. It is larger than average (1700+ in secondary alone). Also, a boy and a girl from his friendship group will attend here.
   School sounds good on paper with many opportunities for SEN children although DS will be 'lost' here, IMO. Bullying is also rife.

I'm really torn and confused. DS's current SENCO visited the small, private school and was massively impressed. She also likes the larger, barrier free school but agrees it is intimidating due to its size.
The private school would've been my first choice, however I've now seen what friendships mean to DS. It is also far from easy for him to make new friends. His interests are much, much younger than that of his peers. So I'm thinking the faith school maybe?

I'm very confused - help please.

Agree with previous posters- if friends are going to your desired school that's a lovely bonus but that's all it is. Dont base your choice on this, friendship groups can change a lot in secondary.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been said but here is our experience:

DD, just finished year 7 and has severe DLD so language is the main issue. She has an EHCP so privates were also on the cards. I searched so many schools and we eventually ended up with a mainstream school that has amazing SEND provision. At the beginning of y7 this was great, she was in small special groups for everything aside from arts and science. However it soon became apparent that the kids in her class were below her level by quite a bit or had quite severe attention difficulties so she didn't learn much there. She thrived in science where due to peer pressure she had to get on with it. She doesn't have ASD and has never had issues with friendships but we found that any language interventions at that age are aimed at ASD kids, so instead of working on vocabulary, it was mostly social skills. It sounds like your son would benefit from both so I would make sure this is in his plan, very clearly.
I would be careful putting him in a tiny private. You may find that, because there's so many send kids, his language may regress. We've decided to put DD in all mainstream lessons for this reason, but she has made enough progress to do that. The school sounds like it relies financially on EHCP funded kids so that's another thing you want to bear in mind.

As for funding, you will probably have to go to tribunal but this isn't the end of the world if your plan is written well. Very few state secondaries have the facilities to cater for speech and language needs. I would just tread carefully as we found, you can end up giving too much support and it stifles them.

Forgot to mention, not a single child from DDs primary went to her secondary, she was fine after the first two weeks but I can appreciate that may be different with ASD.

It's interesting that they think specialist provision is unsuitable because he can cope with the demands of mainstream. The thing that is hugely different in SS is that the structure of the school allows far more independence. There was a girl who joined DD1's school in year 9. In mainstream, she had full time 1:1. On her first day of SS, the parents asked who was going to help 'Sophie' with all her stuff, etc. The school said 'oh she'll get the hang of it'. That day, she was fully independent, going from class to class, taking her own belongings, etc.

In special school they don't have 1:1 because the whole school is geared to the needs of the children. Differentiation is at the core of what they do. Nobody is 'low' ability there, just working at their level.

@cantkeepawayforever I’ve never heard of anyone transferring back in secondary here. Not that I think that’s something that should be aspired to it’s just if you want to try MS I think y7 is the best time to do it.