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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Teen and homework hell

58 replies

QuixoticQuokka · 06/03/2020 17:46

How do you get teens to do homework that they don't want to do? My 13 year old is of the opinion that as the school has consequences then he is free to choose between either doing the homework or accepting the consequence. The consequences are lunchtime detentions where he can sit reading to his heart's content .

The homework that he doesn't want to do is the English reading scheme. It's not so much the reading itself, though he doesn't enjoy some of the genres and sees reading these particular books as a form of torture, it's the associated tasks. I think he's caught up to where he should have got to by Christmas, maybe, I can't get any clear answers out of him, he had been telling me he was up to date before when it turns out he wasn't. I'm a sole parent and I work full time so he usually does homework after school before I get home. I have taken his tablet away that he was actually reading web serials on. He is now re-reading The Three Body Problem and I don't know if this is a delay tactic as it's a long book or if it will actually count for the scheme. I just want him to bring home some easy 200-300 page YA novel from the school library and just get the tasks done! He won't talk to me about it so I don't know what to do.

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SJaneS48 · 06/03/2020 18:47

Can you see what his homework is on the schools intranet system (we have EduLink)? We have a wipe clean homework diary on the fridge that has to be written out and planned every week. Youngest DD has a fear of detentions and we have no trouble getting her to do it (though the quality and effort could be more!). With eldest DD it was a nightmare - I just had had to check it was done every night with punishments at home too for non completed homework. Sitting on top of her all the time was a complete pain (particularly at GCSE time when she had assignments) but there wasn’t any other way! Good luck, appreciate it’s stressful - particularly when you are a working single parent getting home later and just wanting your time with DC to be peaceful and good!

SJaneS48 · 06/03/2020 18:52

Sorry, just re read your post and it’s just a very specific area that he’s having issues with! Can you see what these tasks are and what date they are due in? It’s a pain the arse but could you find time to read these books too and come up with some ideas together before sending him off to complete the tasks? Just a thought! And apologies for not reading your post properly round 1!

Original poster

QuixoticQuokka · 06/03/2020 19:20

He refuses to show me homework he's done, or to talk about it most of the time. The reading scheme is all year, two books (given a choice of two books, choose a book by a particular author, or a particular genre, kind of thing) and associated tasks per half term, no actual due dates I'm aware of. I don't know what he's done and hasn't done. I've only just found out that he isn't up to date because I had an email saying a detention was not a detention, it was 'for support' as he wasn't completing the scheme. It was in the same detention room and he was allowed to just sit and read as usual!

I don't know what punishments to use, he just reads if I take away technology. After school activities are Scouts and a sport he is doing for his DofE, both in his best interests to do. He is not motivated by money as he barely spends it.

I've tried telling him just to choose a book he has read recently that's likely to be accepted, just get it done and get it handed in. He reads faster than me and has more time to read, so I would have a difficult time trying to read the books too. The book he is currently re-reading as a delay tactic he read two years ago and I still haven't got around to finishing it.

OP posts:

Original poster

QuixoticQuokka · 06/03/2020 19:25

He sometimes doesn't complete other homework too, or completes it late, but it is the combination of a lack of due date and the fact it is English that seems to be why this homework is a particular problem.

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LittleBearinaBigWorld · 06/03/2020 19:34

If this homework is for a reading scheme and he is not doing it in favour of reading (what sounds to be a higher level book) I don't see the problem! And this is coming from someone who runs the school reading scheme!

PerspicaciaTick · 06/03/2020 19:41

I would leave it between him and the school. Let the school deal with any sanctions they feel are appropriate.

Original poster

QuixoticQuokka · 06/03/2020 19:58

I just don't understand how the school thinks that their sanctions are any deterrent at all. He either reads, or does other (less objectionable) homework so he doesn't have to do it at home. I think he may actually like the detentions.

He's calmed down now and told me he has done one reading task out of 12 for the year (he did that one last weekend) when he should have done six already. The scheme is to get them to read books from a range of authors and genres, he mostly reads fantasy and science fiction by choice.

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Username22344 · 06/03/2020 20:37

QuixoticQuokka why are you blaming the school and their "sanctions"? The school is doing what they are meant to, are you as a parent? Surely if your son is not doing homework/reading etc, it's your job to make sure he does, whether he likes it or not...

Original poster

QuixoticQuokka · 06/03/2020 20:48

I'm not blaming the school. I don't understand having sanctions that are enjoyable, but I don't know what to do either. How would you make a teenager read a book or do the associated writing task? I'm genuinely asking because I don't know how to.

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XelaM · 06/03/2020 20:50

Honestly, if your son is reading by choice in his free time - you should be happy and leave th achool to enforce the reading scheme. Doesn't seem to be the end of the world if he hasn't done it if he reads things he enjoys instead

XelaM · 06/03/2020 20:51

The school*

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 06/03/2020 20:55

I'd leave him to it tbh. If he's accepting the consequences then that's up to him.

Original poster

QuixoticQuokka · 06/03/2020 21:18

Seems the consensus is not to worry then? I'm never sure if I'm doing the right thing with this teen parenting. I was left to my own devices with regard to school at this age but this school is a super selective and the parents are mostly middle class types and older than me so I'm not sure if the expectations are different or if I'm doing it all wrong.

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QGMum · 06/03/2020 21:27

Another vote for leaving him to it. And I say that as an older, middle class mother

SJaneS48 · 06/03/2020 21:27

Everyone thinks they are doing wrong, honestly! I was a young single parent with my eldest and thought that 24/7 - go a bit easier on yourself! Me, I’d make sure he did it rather than leave it up to him as I’m a hard arse and find something that he will actually mind loosing as a punishment for not doing it.

Giroscoper · 06/03/2020 21:31

Personally I would be booking an appointment to see someone in school to find out what is going on.

At the end of the day this is homework that the school have set. Your child should be doing it but also receiving a detention or some form of punishment from the school. Why does he get to opt out?

The reading scheme has surely been introduced to help with their English skills, how is this a bad thing? So what if he is reading at home? That isn't the homework.

Original poster

QuixoticQuokka · 06/03/2020 21:39

Giroscoper DS has finally told me that he's only done one task out of 12, so I know the situation now. I wanted to see the teacher at parents evening but they booked up and the teacher did not request an appointment (if the teacher requests then you get one as a priority). He gets detentions but doesn't see them as a bad thing. He doesn't get to opt out. I haven't said the reading scheme is a bad thing? Reading at home and then doing an associated task is the homework. I'm not sure I understand what you are saying?

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XelaM · 06/03/2020 21:50

If he is reading SOMETHING- it's a great thing for a 13-year-old and you are doing very well! I say it as a single mum of a 10-year-old

bookishtartlet · 06/03/2020 22:21

Can the school not allow him to do tasks based on the books he will read? Someone in English should be able to adapt the task easily, that way he is doing the homework. What a ridiculous set up. I run the reading programmes in my school and there is no way I would force kids to read a genre they hate, what is the point??

Stormyjupiter · 07/03/2020 12:08

Bookishtartlet, but at this age, trying out the genre you don't go normally because the teacher set it, is part of learning?

I do agree with pp that suggested go and find out what's going on. Sometimes you need to do something you don't like. They can't just opt out just because they don't like it.

Original poster

QuixoticQuokka · 07/03/2020 13:52

I've emailed the HOY now, they can forward the email if need be. I can't just go in without taking half a day holiday and I only have the statutory minimum to stretch over 13 weeks of school holidays. If the teacher had wanted to talk to me they would have requested a parents evening appointment, so I maybe I am overreacting.

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Stormyjupiter · 07/03/2020 14:26

You don't need to go in, surely? It's best if you can talk face to face, but a lot of time, it can be done through emails or simple notes.
You said you have emailed HOY, but have you actually tried to contact his English teacher?
When He takes GCSE, he has no choice, doesn't he? What's the difference?

Original poster

QuixoticQuokka · 07/03/2020 15:01

I can't find any contact details for individual teachers. I think the scheme is just for year 7 to 9, not GCSE. I don't get much information from school. He does the other English homework and classwork as far as I know and is on track for expected grades of 6/7 in English.

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cologne4711 · 07/03/2020 15:23

I would leave it between him and the school. Let the school deal with any sanctions they feel are appropriate

This. The school will either escalate the sanctions and/or ask to see you.

I don't know what punishments to use None. Would you ask the school to punish him if eg he didn't help with the washing up at home when asked? School is school and home is home - within reason. Violence is one thing - not doing homework in a subject you are decent at is quite another and the school should absolutely be able to sort it.

Stormyjupiter · 07/03/2020 15:26

It's up to you. You can find many ways to talk to certain teacher if you wanted to. My dc's school is the same. They won't give out any email address for each teacher, but there is nothing preventing parents writing notes addressing specific teacher or requesting meeting with them.
If you are happy with expected levels of 6/7, so be it. But no, I wouldn't be happy, especially knowing your dc isn't doing their best, like not doing their homework.

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