Got 1st choice secondary - now changed our mind!

[stickygotstuck]

As the title says, DC has just got admitted to our 1st choice school. I should be over the moon but I'm just not!

We have been very lucky as are just out of catchment and it's massively oversuscribed. I am very aware there are people out there would give their right arm to be in our position. However, I can't shake the feeling that we should go for our 2nd choice instead (not oversuscribed and in our catchment so should be easily done).

The reasons why it's oversuscribed are because it's an Ofsted 'good' school and gets decent results. But mostly because (1) it has a good reputation going back years which it lives off and (2) snobbery, frankly. Middle-class parents go to great lengths to avoid their children going to 2nd choice school (which is also Ofsted good, smaller but in a more working-class area), 1st choice school has a more middle-class catchment.

We personally chose 1st choice school because:

• offers 2 languages, which is important for us (except now we have Brexit and no Erasmus program, but that's a different story)
• larger school and more diverse catchment, so larger pool of friends for slightly quirky DC

The downsides are:

• requires bus (2nd choice is walkable), which means longer days for DC and having to pay for it as it's technically just out of catchment
• new friends are unlikely to live locally
• a lot of DC's school mates are going there. There haven't been massive issues but DC was looking forward to secondary school as new start after their very small primary

Would the downsides be enough to make you go for 2nd choice school instead?

2nd choice downsides are:

• does not offer two MFL
• it's smaller and less diverse

I know people are allowed to change their minds and things change. It just feels mad to reject a school so many are clamoring to get into (roughly twice as many applicants as places).

As a parent with a "slightly quirky DC" I'd go with the 2nd choice school if they have places. Accept the school you've been given, then go on the waiting list for school 2.

Your DC can always do a 2nd language at 6th form college if they particularly want to. Is your DC a linguist? Mine isn't, so is going to a secondary that does one foreign language. It pains me, as I can speak several languages, but DC isn't me and the subjects they like are better represented at the secondary we've chosen.

Yeah you should definitely go for school two because what with Brexit happening, it is now completely redundant for DC to learn MFL as there is absolutely no way that they will ever be able to work or travel in Europe.

I'd go for school 2, but not because of the language.

Firstly, how does your dc feel about it? If they are still keen on the first choice school, then I would go with it, and see how things pan out.

If they would prefer to go to the second choice school, then I would first contact that school and see if they have vacancies in that year - if they have, it should be relatively easy to arrange a move, and they will be able to tell you what you need to do.

If they don't have spaces, you will need to go on the waiting list, whilst keeping the place at the first school, and hope that a place comes up before term starts, or soon after.

I suspect that there will be some movement, as people decide which places to accept, and you may find that, if there aren't vacancies now, some will open up.

I wouldn't reject the place at the first choice school until you are certain you have a place at the second choice. Worst case, your dc can go to the first choice school until a place opens up at the other - but if you reject the place, worst case would be your dc having no school place, or an even more unacceptable one.

A friend of mine in SE London changed her mind like you, but couldn't join the waiting list for her second choice until after school had started in September because she had been offered her first choice. She then had to go through the whole application process to change schools. It might not be as simple as saying you've changed your mind - that place at your second choice will have been offered to someone else and there will probably be people on the waiting list who had it higher up their choices than the school they were offered.

Crimea, would you say that smaller is better for 'quirky' (not sure that's the word but can't think of an alternative) DC? We chose a smaller primary and that didn't work out all that well. Mind you, it is very small. The secondaries are ar. 1200 v. 800 students.

DC does have an ability for languages. Just in year 6 so a bit early to know if they'd want to do them later on, but I'd like them to have the opportunity and the basic knowledge to expand on later if they want to. Long-term, I'm also thinking job opportunities.

Theowbh, I am assuming you are being sarcastic? Personally, I feel there is more of a need than ever, it's the lack of opportunity that bothers me. There may or may not be a similar program in the future but right now it's getting cut.

I should also say that we postponed a house move for a couple of years in the hope to get into 1st choice school, which is why we are reluctant to let go.

On the other hand, DC has joined a club in our local town to have something nice to do away from her primary with different children. As it happens, it has just been 'invaded' by kids from her current school. Taking her to the same secondary as most of them are going to seems counter-intuitive.

Thanks everybody.

Lougle it's actually school 1 (our first choice) that offers the extra language.

STD DC was initially keen on school 1 mostly because her classmates were going there, until some friendship issues developed. Her chances of getting into school 1 were slim though, so we've been gently pointing out the positives of school 2 if she ended up there. Between that and the friend issues, I think she has been picturing herself in school 2. However, friendships are going better now and with Monday's excitement and everybody talking about the school they are going to, she seems happy with school 1 now as that's where most of them are going to .

As for the actual procedure to change schools, I'll certainly look into it before I even think of rejecting no. 1, thanks. But school 2 is undersuscribed and really should not be an issue. We live semi rurally and children being left without a place is luckily unheard of here, so far at least.

Need to go out for a bit but will be back later!

For those of you with kids not at your local school (our 2nd choice), how is it working friends-wise?

This is the key for me, really: will she make enough like-minded friends in the small, local school? But equally, if she makes like-minded friends in the larger, further school, how easy will it be for them to keep in touch? Knowing our luck, she probably won't make a single local friend!

@SoCrimeaRiver - I hope I didn’t sound patronising, about the procedure for swapping schools - I apologise if I did.

How far away is the 1st choice school?
Both of my daughters go to schools that are a bus ride away over the other side of our city. My eldest goes to a small secondary school and her friends come from all over the area (radius of about 20 miles). My youngest goes to a much bigger school and her friendship group is dotted all over the city. It can be a pain playing taxi driver all the time but on the whole it hasn't affected their friendships.
I would choose whatever school fits your child the best. That's the reason mine go to separate secondary schools (eldest copes better in a smaller school).

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Did you mean that for me on for SoCrimeaRiver?

In any case, you did not sound patronising to me at all, just well informed !

Thanks loobylou.

It's about 10 miles away, but with lots of stops on the way as it passes serveral villages, so a significant chunk of DC's time.

Normally I'd say DC would cope better in a smaller school but, while that was true initially in primary, it backfired in the later years of so we decided to go the other way and go bigger if that makes sense. I think she would take a bit longer to settle in the larger school but am confident that she would soon enough.

I am really not keen on being taxi driver, but most of all we are keen to foster her independence. Getting herself to places is part of that but public transport here is not great.

Ds1 and 2 went to an out of catchment school, so didnt move w any friends. They have no SN but are quite shy kids.

How did it go? Eventually fine. Took them a few terms to make friends (they did have people to talk to and hang around w before that, but their eventual friends are different people). Was quite hard at first - but their school has s lot of lunchtime clubs and they made full use of those so they weren't just sat by themselves.

Re: the distance. In Y7 and s8 still mostly hung w old primary friends at weekends but now ds1 is in Y9 has meeting up far more w his new friendship ground at weekends/in school holidays. It means they or he take a short bus ride but he does that every say for school anyway and bus service is good.

Start at school 1. There will always be places at school 2.

Thanks Christmas. That makes sense although of course we'd really like to avoid the disruption of changing school - unless it's a total car crash!

Porcupine, that makes sense, glad to hear your two are doing well.
In DC's case, she would have some people she knows at either school but - oddly for her as she is very shy - she was hoping not to! She is insistent she wants to meet new people.

I wholheartedly agree with her, her current school is a bit claustrophobic. My worry is that if she goes to school 1 she'll know lots of peple, so she'll just hang out with them because it's easier, not because it's better or what she really wants to do. Hoping that since the secondary school is so, so much bigger that will not be the case.

Unfortunately, our public transport is rubbish.

Chances are neither will be a car crash but if it is with school 2 you'll be stuck. If I was ever even a bit on the fence about a school always take the one with the least places

Thank you Christmas.

You are right, I think neither is of them is likely to turn our horribly bad.
And this: If I was ever even a bit on the fence about a school always take the one with the least places again makes a lot of sense and I like logic

Thanks everybody, it helps to have others look at this from the outside.

Any other experences of a similar dilemma very welcome!

We were in the similar situation choosing a fabulous school riding on reputation. Right from the very start it felt wrong and for many reasons we decided to move DS. We then couldn't get him into his catchment school but moved him to another local school which turned out to be a brilliant fit. Go with your gut feeling

Sewing friends outside school proved difficult lots of potential running around. He hates the bus journey so again lots of running around. All of this may have got better if we had stuck it out but so glad we decided not to

Why the sudden change of heart? You must have had good reasons for first choice.
I really wouldn't base decisions on friendships for or against as they are so changeable and fickle.

Id stick with first choice tbh. I think always give your dc the best opportunities and friendships are out of your control.

My dc love the bus and it's given them lots if socialising time and developed good friends there.

On the MFL front, the shortage of teachers is worse year on year. The school may offer 2 languages today but don’t count on it as a given moving forwards.

Your DC can always do a 2nd language at 6th form college if they particularly want to

Might depend where you are but it is not the norm to pick up additional GCSEs anymore and no 6th form worth it’s salt would let you do an MFL without the GCSE or some proven equivalent experience with the language.

We moved town to make sure our youngest would go to a local school. After having children get the bus to school we saw this as a massive advantage.

I would go for school 2. It's really tough when you live far from your friends and can't meet socially after school and just hang out. Also with after school clubs etc if they choose to do any. Not all are straight after school and may be start a bit later.

Thanks for the new replies.

Nesbit, the change of heart is mostly because the possibility of walking to school and to your friends' houses is very attractive, especially in a place with bad public transport like this one.

Also, as time as gone by it has become clear that putting some distance with her current classmates would be the best. Almost none id them in school 2.