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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Secondary school - school run

65 replies

HelenPapa · 26/10/2019 10:00

Why do children go to school by themselves as soon as they start secondary school in the UK? Aren't parents concerned about their safety? My son daydreams a lot so I have a hard time accepting that I'm supposed to let him go to school by himself in September.

OP posts:

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 26/10/2019 10:04

We have middle school here so children go on their own from year 5.

Normal precautions are in place but how can he learn to be responsible of you never give him the independence to be?

Wildorchidz · 26/10/2019 10:10

Part of being a good parent is equipping a child with the skills to become independent. Making his own way to and from school is an important step in that process.

leonardthelemming · 26/10/2019 10:13

It's not as much of a thing as I think it should be. Many parents do drive their secondary-age children to school, adding to congestion and pollution in the vicinity.
By not driving you are contributing to safety, in this respect.

Zinnia · 26/10/2019 10:20

I understand your concerns, but don't underestimate how much kids grow up over the course of year 6. Around here (London) kids travel on buses/tubes or walk to school but usually with at least one friend.

My Y7 DD gets a school coach, which is obviously easier, and we are walking her 15 mins to the bus stop at the moment only because it's a very early start and not yet fully light when she has to leave. Once the clocks go forward again and she's that much more confident, I expect her to walk there by herself. Agree with PPs though, it's part of teaching them independence and the skills to get themselves around.

TeenPlusTwenties · 26/10/2019 10:21

Helen You might be surprised how much your DS grows up in y6.
However, regardless of that you need to start thinking now what skills he will need to get to Secondary next year. Then you need a plan on how to help him develop them.

e.g. If going by train, use trains and get him used to looking at departure boards, talking about 'what ifs'. Similar if catching public buses. If walking do the walk there with him and get his road crossing skills improved.

When DD1 (poor spatial awareness) started secondary there was a lollipop crossing on one part of the route that wasn't there if going home after a club. For the first 2 terms I picked her up, and then we went one day and practiced crossing the road for a while until I was confident she could do it safely.

BrieAndChilli · 26/10/2019 10:22

Trust me a child at the end of year 6 is a very different child to the one that started it!! It’s crazy how suddenly they grow up a bit.

Surely by now at the age of 10/11 you have taught your child road sense, organisational skills, etc!??
My kids who are now year 7 and 8 were driven to school in primary and never went anywhere on their own as we are rural so I always had to drive them. However the minute they went to secondary the walk to the other side of the village to get the school bus and twice a week come home to an empty house for a couple of hours and use their own house keys. They stepped up to the challenge and bar one or two instances of missing the bus/forgetting keys have coped fine.

Starryskye · 26/10/2019 10:23

If you don't trust your son to cross a road by the time he's 11 starting secondary then you need to suck it up and get that boy in line. Tell him how bad day dreaming near roads actually is, he isn't a little kid anymore he will understand

BrieAndChilli · 26/10/2019 10:25

Things to do

Start walking the route with them as practice
Make sure they know how to cross a road safely. Mine cross at a pelican crossing but I still drummed it into them that even though it said they could cross they need to watch the cars and make sure that they were slowing down before they cross
Make sure they know not to use phone while walking along

SpaghettiSharon · 26/10/2019 10:25

I’m utterly horrified at the number of kids who aren’t travelling to secondary independently! Over 50% at my DS’ school are driven to and from school by mummy or daddy. Insane.

TeenPlusTwenties · 26/10/2019 10:28

Spag Depending on the area it isn't necessarily insane. If the parent is travelling in that direction anyway and otherwise you have to fork out £££ for the school bus, then why not get a lift.

CalamityJune · 26/10/2019 10:30

You're right. Most parents don't care about their children at all. In fact mine drive me to and from work every day even though I am 33. That's love.

Seriously, OP, assuming no SN I think 11 is a reasonable age for a NT child to be able to cross roads safely and use public transport. They should know what to do if something goes wrong e.g missing the bus. Parents need to equip their children with these skills and some children will need more help than others.

CalamityJune · 26/10/2019 10:34

@TeenPlusTwenties I see your point but many aren't only doing it for that reason. Even if they were, it would be sensible to drop them off a short distance away to enable them to have that independence. So many parents feel the need to drive right onto school site creating congestion when even a few hundred yards away would do.

lanthanum · 26/10/2019 10:54

Round here they mostly start taking themselves in summer of year 5, but it is a nice village with plenty of mums of younger kids around, and although many have to cross a nasty B road, they've generally been trained to cross it safely over the previous five years.
One of my daughter's friends was a bit of a daydreamer; she waited until the last half-term at primary (mutual agreement with mum), but she was fine when it came to it.
Get your son trained up over the next few months. If you drive him at the moment, park further away so that you at least walk the last part together, then start dropping him to do that alone. Have some practice runs for the secondary over the summer, walking the route together so that he knows the danger points.

PatriciaHolm · 26/10/2019 10:54

How funny - normally on here it's people from outside the UK aghast that our primary school aged kids still get walked to school at 8/9/10!

A NT 11 year old should be perfectly capable of the average secondary journey to school. Obviously there will be exceptions and some may take a little time to get used to it, but the vast majority should be absolutely fine.

jackparlabane · 26/10/2019 10:59

You aren't alone - many Y6 parents wait until after Christmas (when it's light after school again) and then concentrate on getting their kids to the stage they can walk home safely. Generally they embrace the idea by then even if they felt too afraid at the start of Y6.

It's adorable seeing the kids going to cafes with their friends and no adults.

Widowodiw · 26/10/2019 11:02

It’s not really a big deal is it. If you want to drive your son to secondary school then do it. But you are going to have to drive as if you walk him then he is going to get the piss taken out of him. For a lot of parents we need them to be self sufficient so we can get back to more normal working hours and keep our heads afloat. Personally my son can’t wait to get to school by himself. He’s do it now if I let him
And only don’t as I have to pick his sister up
Anyway.

RedskyToNight · 26/10/2019 11:06

Well I imagine it depends on the area/ the route.

But round here this is very common from Year 5, so by Year 7 children are old pros at it (actually my children had a longer and more complicated route to junior school than they do to secondary school).

I think a lot of parents do (consciously or unconsciously) baby their children. Back in the day, I walked to school alone from age 7. Yes, times have changed, but it's ridiculous to think that children can't now manage it at age 11.

capercaillie · 26/10/2019 11:08

When are you going to let him? I’ve met 14 year olds who haven’t been allowed to do so which is crazy. DS gets train to school by himself - it’s been v good for him. We knew that would be the case though so worked through year 5 and 6 to give him the skills and confidence.

BrokenWing · 26/10/2019 11:27

Ds(15) grew up so much in the summer before starting secondary. During the holidays he and his local friends started getting buses, or cycling for miles around town to meet new friends of friends from other primary schools that were going to the same secondary. They would then spend days out together, go for food together and then come home in the evening.

Getting the bus to school after all that was nothing!

Fifthtimelucky · 26/10/2019 11:45

My daughters travelled independently to secondary from the beginning of year 7. Journey involved two trains. I was a bit worried about the older one as she was so young (summer birthday), but it was absolutely fine.

FiveHoursSleep · 26/10/2019 12:06

My Y7 son has ASD/ ADHD so I was really worried about how he would manage the tube journey too and from school.
I started by letting him walk home from school alone in Y6 and then progressed to letting him go to school alone as well. We didn't live far from his primary and I had other parents reporting back to me if they saw him doing anything silly.
Before he started Y7, we did the journey together a few times and then I got his older sister to trail him while he did it alone.
The first day of school I was terrified but he made it there and back and now he's a pro.
He's left a few things on the tube and missed his stop a couple of times- luckily I had gone through What To Do with him before hand!
But he has coped okay and I'm sure your son will too- if you let him.

AmethystWoodstar · 26/10/2019 12:11

Lots of kids still get a lift. My DD gets dropped off by DH as it's on his way to work, and then makes her own way home.

wonderstuff · 26/10/2019 12:24

Hundreds of parents insist on dropping kids off at the gate of my school, it's a nightmare, pollution, congestion and so unnecessary. Your job as a parent is to raise kids to become independent adults, kids need to be given progressively more freedom, responsibility and independence, most 11 year olds are well able to cross a road. We do them no favours by wrapping them in cotton wool.

LolaSmiles · 26/10/2019 12:26

It's fairly standard for secondary pupils to make their own way unless they live rurally, have SEND needs or medical issues or are travelling long distances.

Some parents mollycoddle their children. Look at how many threads on here show parents not wanting their children to play out, can't walk to their friend's house alone, can't go to the shop alone, must be driven door to door etc. Then they wonder why their child hasn't got life skills and independence.

I was walking to and from school alone from 9ish and that's standard around here too (except for the school run types who would rather park up 30 mins before the end of the day to ensure they get parked as close to school as possible, I wonder if that's a sign of an empty life as who else would have hours a week to spend on that).

57Varieties · 26/10/2019 12:30

Aren't parents concerned about their safety?

No, we don’t give a shit.

Get a grip of yourself and let your child grow up. Mine were going to and from school themselves in primary school and they get to go out to the shops and stuff themselves too. They’ve got to learn to be independent. It’s parents like you who are contributing to there being a generation of namby pamby pampered teenagers who can barely wipe their arse without help. I’d be embarrassed to have raised an 11/12 year old I couldn’t let go out and about on their own.

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