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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Secondary school - school run

65 replies

HelenPapa · 26/10/2019 10:00

Why do children go to school by themselves as soon as they start secondary school in the UK? Aren't parents concerned about their safety? My son daydreams a lot so I have a hard time accepting that I'm supposed to let him go to school by himself in September.

OP posts:

Zoflorabore · 26/10/2019 12:34

My ds is now in sixth form but when he started secondary school age 11 he had to get 2 buses there and 2 buses back every day. He has Aspergers and anxiety and we practiced a few times during the school holidays. It was nerve wracking for me but he is a very independent boy and part of that was travelling alone from a young age.

Today’s he has travelled over 300 miles to a football game at the other end of the country with his friend who has never been allowed to go before. I’m so glad my ds started young because it’s not a big deal now.

Answerthequestion · 26/10/2019 12:35

Mine get one bus with their friends who travel with them. Struggling to see the problem

SpaghettiSharon · 26/10/2019 15:32

@TeenPlusTwenties that doesn't involve their precious darlings right into the school and doing the same on the return. And giving they're dropping them at 8:30 and picking them up at 3:30 I'd love to know what they all do for a living!

There might be a few who do that but for many (and I know these parents) it's not letting go. It's very sad as they're doing them no favours for the future.

Duvetdweller · 26/10/2019 15:39

Won’t your y7 child be embarrassed to be taken to school by his mummy?

missyB1 · 26/10/2019 15:41

It all depends on the distance/ route and availability of public transport. Not all children go to the local school. Our ds will start year 7 next September but the school is completely the other side of town, way too far to walk and would involve at least two buses (and they aren’t always reliable). We haven’t actually worked out how he’s going to get there yet! It may mean a lift for most of the way then a 20 minute walk.

clary · 26/10/2019 17:03

Yes parents care about their children's safety. They also care about their independence.

All my DC took themselves to and from school by year 6, like the vast majority of kids in their junior school. Dd and Ds2 walked by themselves or with a friend earlier than that actually. Ds1 who has SN was a bit more wary but at the start of yr 6 asked to walk with a friend.

I got myself to school and back from the age of five, with my two years older sister at first. Pretty sure my parents cared about me too.

IMO if your 11yo cannot negotiate a school bus or a 20-30 minute walk with some mates there's a bit of an issue.

MarigoldGlove · 26/10/2019 17:06

They want to. Children should have time where they are with their peers without adults overseeing them and the journey to school is an ideal way of that happening.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/10/2019 17:09

Safety means a lot of things, including an NT 11 years old being get from A to B independently.

Is there anything in particular about the journey that's worrying you? Is there anything you can practice with him in advance?

Drabarni · 26/10/2019 17:12

Unless they have SN you can't really have prepared them properly if they can't manage to get to school and back at 11.

Hoppinggreen · 26/10/2019 17:16

DD walked alone from day 2 of year 7 but that’s because I really don’t care about her very much. I prefer DS so I will take him once he starts starts next year

iamNOTmagic · 26/10/2019 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DriftingLeaves · 26/10/2019 17:21

I caught 2 buses and a long walk when I was 11. Stop babying your child, allow him to grow up.

stucknoue · 26/10/2019 17:22

Yes they do, by year 5 many go to school alone ... in many countries they go alone even younger.

stucknoue · 26/10/2019 17:26

Ps my kids changed school in year 6 (weird school system here) and took buses or cycled 3 miles each way. Parenting means gradually getting them independent so by 16 they are basically self sufficient travel wise

hairyheadphones · 26/10/2019 17:28

My DS just started secondary, I walk him to school and back but am the only parent I’ve seen doing this (except in the first week).

DS has SEN which is why I walk with him, if he didn’t he would be going on his own. Many children are dropped off/collected but by car not on foot.
I must admit that I’m quite horrified at the lack of road sense many of the children have, especially when they are walking in groups. So many seem to walk out into small side roads without looking properly, but they cope much better with crossing more main roads.

Parker231 · 26/10/2019 17:31

My DT’s got the tube to school on their own when they were 11. One of us have been taking them from age 4- they probably could have gone on their own earlier. They liked meeting their friends on the way to school and on the way home going for a coffee or milkshake.

Legomadx2 · 26/10/2019 18:10

You need to let your children find their feet

What helps is remembering that the vast majority of the population is nice and kind just like you.

aintnothinbutagstring · 27/10/2019 20:47

Assuming you're not from the UK, what do secondary age children do where you're from? Are they still accompanied by parents at the age of 11/12? How far is your son's new school? Is there any friends he can walk with. My DD walks (her school is just less than a mile) and crosses some busy roads. She didn't have much preparation in y6 as I was driving her (primary 4 miles away) but adapted really quickly. In the first half term of y7, she has gone from pretty cosseted to walking to and from school alone, sometimes going to the nearby park with friends after school and she has found new friends to walk home with. This is a school where she knew nobody as all her primary friends went to different schools. You'll be surprised how things change in y7. I still keep a check on her but it's so nice to see them relishing a bit of independence. The only time I go to meet her is after a club, as it's getting dark early and she normally cuts through a park.

Original poster

HelenPapa · 27/10/2019 21:19

I'm from Cyprus and there, parents drive their kids to school until they finish high school (18 years old). Me and my siblings were driven by my dad throughout our school years and I only took the bus home in the last 2 years of high school (equivalent with Years 11 and 12 here).

After that, you get your own driving licence and drive yourself in places. There's no walking involved in Cyprus as its too hot to go anywhere by walking, even if its 200m down the road LOL

Parents driving their kids to school until they are 17-18 is absolutely normal in Cyprus and also, crime in Cyprus is close to zero. That is why I find it so odd and scary that kids walk by themselves in such young ages here.
You might think WE are crazy but we think YOU are the crazy ones LOL

OP posts:

CalamityJune · 27/10/2019 21:34

But you really are comparing apples and oranges there. Heat is not a problem here and it is expected that children are able to make short local journeys. I am also not sure where the crime rate comes into it. Every parent should assess the risk of the journey.

clary · 27/10/2019 23:37

I must say I do wonder about people who take and fetch their kids at secondary school...do they not work? They can't all be working 8.30-3pm surely?

Op if no one walks anywhere in Cyprus then I see why no one walks to school. The heat is not an issue in the UK tho, and lots of people do walk - to work, the school, to Scouts, to football training, to the local shop, so most of us feel it's a good idea that our children be able to do this, and we feel that 10-11 is a good age to do it - after earlier teaching about road safety and other issues. How do people in Cyprus learn about road safety out of interest, or does literally no one ever cross a road?

MontBlancHonk · 27/10/2019 23:52

My dds walked to primary school from year 5 and get the bus to secondary school from year 7.
Think that's normal here.

Onesailwait · 28/10/2019 00:03

Kids need a little independence and freedom, My daughter loves riding her bike to school with a group of friends, they chat about the day, sometimes stop off at the park or the shops to get a treat after school. She would really miss that time with her friends if i dropped & picked her up everyday.

Original poster

HelenPapa · 28/10/2019 01:04

The crime rate comes as a comparison to safety issues as Cyprus is a safe country to live in compared to bigger and more progressed countries like the UK or USA. You often hear about people in vans trying to snatch children as they walk by themselves and in Cyprus that is unheard of.

To be honest, in Cyprus most people work office hours so they drop their kids in the morning and then the grandparents pick them up. My dad was a college professor so his work was convenient with the school runs (even though we are 7 kids, LOL).

In the UK's defense, the public transport here is superb whereas in Cyprus they've introduced a few intercity buses a few years ago and that's it. It's really an option of being driven to school or walk for an hour in the scorching sun or freezing cold. The secondary schools are scattered here and there so they are a bit far (not like here). You can't really start walking at 6am to be at school at 7am and then walk back in the worst time of the day (concerning the sun- 1.30pm).

When I first came to England 8 years ago I was amazed that British people were walking everywhere come shine or rain. We Cypriots see a little rain or sun and we are stuck indoors LOL

OP posts:

LolaSmiles · 28/10/2019 07:44

You often hear about people in vans trying to snatch children as they walk by themselves
You don't at all. This obsession with stranger danger / scary van man is something that comes from parents who've not taught their children how to manage basic independence and so they use the boogyman as a way if justifying their mollycoddling.

In terms of safeguarding, children are by far more likely to be harmed by family members and close family friends than they are a stranger.

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