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Secondary education

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Original poster

How do you keep on top of who's doing what where and when?

41 replies

7salmonswimming · 10/10/2019 18:59

Blatantly not an AIBU, I know you lot come here more than anywhere else Grin

I am so, so, so, so, so fed up of the " but you didn't tell me you were going out", "I didn't know she doesn't have karate today!!", "I told you 3 months ago I had a work trip next week" arguments.

We have:

  • my paper diary which is the master diary. It sits on my desk at home 24/7, and contains everything I need to do, the kids need to do, family holidays, memorable things DH needs to do (hardly anything), plus everything he tells me (which isn't everything, and never any amendments)
  • month-to-a-page calendar on the fridge: kids' extra-curricular stuff, days off school, birthday parties, other birthdays to note, family holidays, and when he remembers to put them there DH's work trips (but he'll sneak them on and not tell me he's updated it). Neither of us look at this every day
  • DH's work diary, which is chockablock every day, changes every day, and contains last minute travel stuff (he goes somewhere at least once every 3 weeks, for a day to a week at a time)
  • we text all bloody day about plans for that day and next week and next month. I put what I can in my master diary, but stuff changes and then we have the "but I sent you a text on Wednesday telling you it had changed" discussion

WE. CAN'T. STOP. ARGUING.

We've tried a shared online diary: it doesn't synch with his work because of IT security.

He's tried to make his work travel arrangements come to my email automatically: I refuse to be his PA, I've got enough on my plate as it is, all he needs to do is tell me shit

We've tried using just my diary: he can't read my writing, I can't read his

We've tried using the fridge calendar for everything: it's too fucking small to fit everything on, and anything big enough would frankly need to be bigger than the fridge.

I don't want to a great big bloody white board up on the wall, it would ruin the aesthetic of my home Blush

HELLLLLLPPPPPPP UUUUUUSSSSS!!!!

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 10/10/2019 19:04

We have a family organiser calendar in the hall.
if it's not on the calendar it doesn't exist.
If one of the DCs has something non regular that needs lifts that is put against the adult who will do the lifts as well.
Try to have a weekly discussion about what is coming up that week.

TeenPlusTwenties · 10/10/2019 19:06

(Our life isn't as complicated as your life sounds though.)

fedup21 · 10/10/2019 19:07

Week to a page planner in the kitchen on the side. If it’s not written in there, it doesn’t exist. The more detail the better...

For those who watched Outnumbered, think ‘Pete 10!’

Oblomov19 · 10/10/2019 19:12

Agree. Go for a week planner. On the fridge.

Discuss on Sunday what is coming up that week, ie check from Dh's phone etc, to see if the weekly fridge one needs updating.

PaquitaVariation · 10/10/2019 19:17

I have a paper diary that has my work and the family stuff in (the things I know about) so that I can work my work appointments around anything that needs me to be there. We also have a shared family diary online which DH transfers any work trips etc into and if it’s not in there and it clashes with something I’m doing, then it’s up to him to sort out arrangements for the kids etc. I’ve given up arguing about it, I’m not his PA or the babysitter, so the rules are whoever is in the diary first has priority.

Original poster
7salmonswimming · 10/10/2019 19:35

I’m liking the shared online family diary @paquitavariation. Can you tell me what you use please?

I’m also liking the week to a page paper version in the kitchen - although I’d have to hide it when the MIL comes over. She’s not above looking through our stuff Angry

OP posts:
Kawasaki · 10/10/2019 21:53

Have you tried to sync a calendar between phones? It works for all of us (3 phones - my DD's, my DH's and my one). We all create an event if there is one and choose to remind us daily at 6.30 am when we are all up in the morning. You can also set up a reminder 10 or 15 minutes before the event happens.
We also have weekly discussion to highlight some main/important events.
Hope this helps.

AveEldon · 10/10/2019 21:56

We have a week planner on the fridge.

TerrifiedandWorried · 10/10/2019 21:59

We use the famcal app. Everyone has it on their phone and if it's not in famcal it doesn't happen.

MissNorma · 10/10/2019 22:01

I agree synced calenda on your phone is easier. YOu alway have it on you so any appmts can go in there straight away, and you can set reminders.

PaquitaVariation · 10/10/2019 22:13

We just use Google calendar. It can be set up with separate ones for each family member to look after their own but you can see everyone else’s. And it’s all colour coded. And it automatically transfers things from your emails too.

Ohnononono · 10/10/2019 22:22

We use a shared Google calendar on the phones.
I found a paper diary didn’t work because I wouldn’t have it on me when I needed it, and DH was always messaging me to check it, which was too much hassle for me.
The google calendar can have a few separate diaries in it, and DH just adds his relevant work events to his (so if he has a late meeting for example, but not his day to day work stuff).
I add in all the kids events and activities (which can be recurring events so you only need to enter them once!)
I look at it every morning to see what is going on that day.
It’s has made life a lot easier.

Teachermaths · 10/10/2019 22:22

Google calendar on our phones.

Reminders, colour coded and generally wonderful.

Lotsalotsagiggles · 10/10/2019 22:28

We use time tree app

Both have in our phones and can in out and view at any time

If it's not on the app then it's not allowed and can only add something in if the other person hasn't booked something first

Hubby works abroad a lot, I manage a big team and travel too and we have a toddler

All our work movements, childcare, friends and family stuff all in one place and can add things in seconds

Soooo much easier

Anytime anyone adds something comes up on newsfeed but adds to diary too

Can see deletions too

How do you keep on top of who's doing what where and when?
elfonshelf · 10/10/2019 22:32

Colour-coded google calendar - individual ones for each of us plus a shared family one.

If I specifically need DH to participate then I "invite" him as well as adding it to the family calendar.

If it's something one of us needs the other to do that isn't the norm - ie I need DH pick up DD from school and take to ballet class, then I add a note with full instructions and travel times.

Separate bags for each activity that are packed straight from the laundry and all live by the front door so they are always ready and can be grabbed on the way out the front door.

And... it still goes awry!

Anyone with more than one kid who has a load of extra-curricular activities gets sainthood and medals in my mind.

ListeningQuietly · 10/10/2019 22:44

google calendar here
one colour per person plus one for family stuff

Drizzzle · 10/10/2019 22:50

If you both made an effort to write legibly in your master paper diary it should work. Seems the easiest solution .

BackforGood · 10/10/2019 23:11

We use a shared google calendar on our phones too. Makes it much easier as it updates as soon as you put it in - you don't end up with both arranging to to be somewhere on the same day without knowing the other has also arranged something.
If either one of us hasn't put it in the calendar, then it is their mess to sort out. That was the rule always though - back in the days of the paper 'family calendar'. All adults have to take responsibility for putting their movements on the family calendar, during the years when one adult not being there affects the movements of the other adult.

Expo · 10/10/2019 23:11

My own work diary on my phone. Important kids things go in there.

Paper weekly schedule by term of the kids extra curricular stuff up on the fridge and in each of their bedrooms so they know what they have the next day (and I do as I tend to check their bags!).

I don’t need to bother with my partners diary because we aren’t together. If he or I are going away with work for a few days we just tell each other in advance.

Expo · 10/10/2019 23:12

Ps I don’t have time to do anything other than work and look after the kids so no need for an extracurricular diary for me Sad

BackforGood · 10/10/2019 23:12

When our dc were younger / too young to be left / needed taking places / needed us to support them more, then we'd also sit down each week (usually over Sunday evening meal) , and go through who was where, when, and how Child A was getting to X whilst child B needed picking up from Y, etc.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 10/10/2019 23:19

We have a shared iCal, colour coded for everyone - any work things likely to effect the other person get put in there. We also go through calendar for the week on a Sunday too.

TheSmallAssassin · 11/10/2019 00:08

We use Google Calendar and share our calendars with each other/invite the others to appointments. If your husband can't synch his work calendar with whatever online calendar you choose, it honestly doesn't take two secs to add events manually to your personal calendar when you accept them in your work one, you don't need to put anything sensitive in it (I do this so I can use Tasker to silence my phone when in meetings) - or look into Microsoft Flow or IFTTT to automate the calendar synch.

AlunWynsKnee · 11/10/2019 00:13

Google calendar. I do the admin so I pick the platform. DH's travel arrangements come with a Google add in so hotels, flight numbers and timesget added.

Mumski45 · 11/10/2019 06:14

We have a shared online family diary which everyone can access on their iPhone. It syncs to Alexa so we have an Alexa show in the kitchen which tells us what is happening that day automatically and further into the week /month if you ask Alexa. It works well so long as everyone keeps it up to date which is true of any diary.
You have just reminded me I have lots to add so off to do that now 😀

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