How do you keep on top of who's doing what where and when?

[7salmonswimming]

Blatantly not an AIBU, I know you lot come here more than anywhere else

I am so, so, so, so, so fed up of the " but you didn't tell me you were going out", "I didn't know she doesn't have karate today!!", "I told you 3 months ago I had a work trip next week" arguments.

We have:

• my paper diary which is the master diary. It sits on my desk at home 24/7, and contains everything I need to do, the kids need to do, family holidays, memorable things DH needs to do (hardly anything), plus everything he tells me (which isn't everything, and never any amendments)

• month-to-a-page calendar on the fridge: kids' extra-curricular stuff, days off school, birthday parties, other birthdays to note, family holidays, and when he remembers to put them there DH's work trips (but he'll sneak them on and not tell me he's updated it). Neither of us look at this every day

• DH's work diary, which is chockablock every day, changes every day, and contains last minute travel stuff (he goes somewhere at least once every 3 weeks, for a day to a week at a time)

• we text all bloody day about plans for that day and next week and next month. I put what I can in my master diary, but stuff changes and then we have the "but I sent you a text on Wednesday telling you it had changed" discussion

WE. CAN'T. STOP. ARGUING.

We've tried a shared online diary: it doesn't synch with his work because of IT security.

He's tried to make his work travel arrangements come to my email automatically: I refuse to be his PA, I've got enough on my plate as it is, all he needs to do is tell me shit

We've tried using just my diary: he can't read my writing, I can't read his

We've tried using the fridge calendar for everything: it's too fucking small to fit everything on, and anything big enough would frankly need to be bigger than the fridge.

I don't want to a great big bloody white board up on the wall, it would ruin the aesthetic of my home

HELLLLLLPPPPPPP UUUUUUSSSSS!!!!

I say to my DD 'what are your plans?' She says x, y,z. I say great 'let me know if you need anything ' she says 'fine'. No diary required. She sorts herself out.

Weekly planner in the kitchen.

I send them Google calendar requests and can access both DDs emails and calendars.

TimeTree, but I tend to rely more on my airy (the appallingly named but very well laid out Mom's Diary

Tell you DH to update it every evening as he leaves work (if he can't do it during the day as changes happen). It's not really a problem in your system, but there is one of a bit of blinkered laziness fron your DH

Neither of us look at this every day

It does sound as if most of the details are on the fridge calendar but for some reason you don't actually check it. You don't want so many methods to update, pick one whether it is on the fridge or online and stick to it.

If you have recurring weekly activities then just have them on one sheet of paper - Monday 6.30pm advanced diary management - and put the other stuff like birthdays and work trips on the fridge calendar.

Saying you can't read each other's writing - is there a possibility that the whole subject is becoming so fraught that you are both digging in a bit on your positions on this, I can absolutely understand your frustration but saying you can't read each other's writing sound like a standoff!

Shared calendar on iPhones. Colour coordinated so we know if it is just DH or all of us or just one of the family.

DH just adds work related ones which are outside normal working hours like late meetings or trips, no one is interested in daytime meetings.

If something is not on it, bad luck. It is the person whose appointment it is, who has the responsibility to put it on.

We also have a monthly paper one for DD’s stuff, all her homework goes on it plus trips and hobbies. That is so she can see when she has to do which homework to ensure it is finished on time.

Paper diary is pointless as it would mean I have to carry it around all the time.

Great big bloody whiteboard works for us and has made the whole family calmer. But the main thing is we also committed to collectively updating it every Sunday evening.

It doesn't matter what the system is, as long as there is one, easily understood system and everyone recognises the importance of keeping it up to date.

Family calender in the dining area. Everyone writes on their own line including when homework is due. Works well and everyone can see it

Week to a page calender in the kitchenon the wall next to the table we eat at. A column for every person. Dh is rubbish at putting stuff on but I just keep repeating If its not on the calendar it doesn't exist.

I just try and remember everything!
I'm crap remembering to use calendars and apps etc but not too bad at remembering stuff that's going on.

I take pictures of all the kids letters, invitations etc on my phone so they can be referred to,

DH works away every week so will often message me with things like 'going for a curry with Footie lads on 28th Nov' I screenshot and save.

We're signed up for text reminders at Dr’s, Dentist, Pharmacy, hairdressers, beauty salon, if there's any service we use which doesn't offer this then I set a reminder on my phone when an appointment is booked.

There's a calendar in the playroom with family birthdays on but that and checking the date are all it's used for really.

I agree with Backforgood, you have to sit down once a week and go through it, whatever method you have. We tried doing shared calendars but it seemed to cause more trouble because people would put in clashing appointments and not discuss who was responsible for what.

We do diaries on a minimum on a Sunday night but often one more night in the week as well. We also do anything banking related and the weekly meal plan (once we know who is in and out) and online shop all at the same time.

Shared, colour-coded google calendar on phones (with early / late work events and trips added manually, as work calendars won’t sync for security reasons)

PLUS

Sunday evening talk through diary, ironing out issues and doing deals on who does what (no matter how much we’d rather not bother)

PLUS

Sunday evening confirmatory texts / emails to anyone else involved that week (grandparents, childminder, play date mums)

PLUS

Ensuring appointments include all the necessary information (eg X drop DD2 at ballet, Y will pick up and take to Y’s house for tea, pick up by Z at whatever o’clock - with details like Y’s address and phone number in the added info bit of the calendar).

I just remember everything. I never write anything down. One this will come back and bite me massively on the arse, I’m sure. But so far, so good.

My forward diary has well over 150 entries in it through till this time next year
it would be stupid of me not to organise it

• term dates, bank holidays, car MOTs, insurances, dentist
• work, exams, sports

If I just tried to remember everything I would never sleep. Put it in Google calendar or Keep = out of my head and no need to worry.

Every single appointment goes in the calendar app which is synced with all members of the fam. Each appointment is set with 24 notice so it tells everyone what is happening the next day and a warning for the time we need to leave. No excuses it is there for everyone to see. Term dates, MOT, Insurance renewals, Pay days, hospital/doctor appointments, school events, birthdays, anniversaries, the entire lot. It saves my brain!

I put everything into a family Google calander, which no one else bothers to look at.

The dcs are very good at remembering the regular stuff - school stuff, music, sport etc. I just put in an anything different (concerts, open evenings etc).

DH cannot think about more than one thing at once. If he is thinking about work, he cannot remember anything else.

I therefore do not rely on him to remember anything, otherwise he double books.

I arrange everything on the basis that, if he remembers to help, great. If not, I always have a plan B.

We literally nearly split up over this when DS1 was a baby. He accused me of nagging. In the end, I made peace with the realisation that he just can't do it, so I don't ask any more.

And, yes, I am knackered!