Year 8 Support Thread

[PenguinsRabbits]

We've survived year 7 (just). This is a support thread for year 8 parents - a continuation of the starting secondary support threads though parents of children in other years are welcome to join / ask questions.

From September I have a year 8 (ASD) DS and a year 9 DD.

Hope everyone has a great summer holiday.

@Penguins - yes it's the girl drama that was the big issue last year, it seemed to have a knock on effect on everything else. That and the level of homework, which was sometimes very little and other times loads. What year are your DD and DS now?

DS is year 8 and DD is year 9. Neither get much homework, DD was in a grammar in year 7 and got 2 hours a night then but here they seem to have very little.

We are trying to move DS for year 9 to another school and there they do homework at school which suits me.

Found you all. DD2 had a reasonable year 7. Found a few friends. No bullying. Struggled with homework.

This year she was reluctant to return (ASD, finds routine change hard). Yesterday her phone was confiscated, because she was in a classroom without a clock, but needed to know the time (anxiety) and without thinking, took her phone out of her blazer to check the time. She was pretty distraught, worried about it, but I collected the phone before end of school, put it on charge and when she told me what happened, bought her a watch so it doesn't happen again.

It's all tricky.

A watch sounds like a good idea Lougle

School have said they will try for an EHCP for DS which will be good if they can get it. Yesterday he remembered his pencil case but forgot the contents. Had geography with very strict teacher who said DS why aren't you writing things down? DS didn't respond (he's suspected ASD and teacher knows that) DS puts hands up to answer questions ignored then teacher says who thinks this means answer is no. DS puts his hand up and teacher says to him you don't matter DS was quite hurt by that.

DD was quite sweet to him she said DS you are worth more than a pen, a pen doesn't define whether a person matters or not. DS says that teacher shouts at the teacher who works for him. I did let senco know but he just told me how great DS's teacher is, well not for DS.

Otherwise all going fine, well apart from PE and food tech which he's avoiding and we have to play the guess why game. Still rest of subjects are going well and getting good behaviour points in. And he has a friend.

Ds had had his first absence of the year already. They had the HPV vaccinations today.
Ds has two problems with vaccinations. He finds them fascinating and watches and askes questions... and then is liable to faint.
Being liable to faint means they usually do them first.
However his temperature has never failed to go rapidly up within a few hours of a vaccination and then he usually vomits (as he always does with a temperature rise). So I requested he went late on in the day.

I think the combination meant they decided to go for the middle-with the rest of his class.
So about an hour later he's sent out of his lesson (PE for goodness sake) because he's fainted. They call me, I tell them that's usual, and let him sit quietly.
End of PE they call me to say pick him up because he's grey and temperature is coming up.

He really looked quite dreadful, so I'm not totally surprised. He's retreated to bed to watch the budgies.

Dd2 is most put out. She didn't get treated like that when she had hers. I pointed out that she refused point blank to have it in a very dramatic way until I turned up and told her she had to sit still and I had 5 minutes only before going back to work. She had it done with no fuss then.

She thinks it is highly unfair that ds, who doesn't mind having injections should react like this and is plotting her revenge. I foresee her being "nearly dead" tomorrow morning.

DD had her first day off too - she said she had a migraine and tbf she looked really bad until lunch and took her migraine meds and voluntarily gave up her phone but she was up in night before. School are getting stricter on attendance and you get warning letters at 97% now.

They are letting her do Senior Maths Challenge, think she maybe only year 9 doing it so she's happy.

Been booking next year's holiday but now she's told me she's scared of flying as she's been watching lots of MH370 videos DS says she's being ridiculous and to go on all the flights anyway.

DS seems to be getting on fine mostly. 7 reward points so far, DD has managed 1. Have meeting with senco on Thursday. Science is the big issue, last year they stopped allowing him in science practicals as they were worried he may not follow instructions in future. Anyway another science teacher came to observe him for 1 lesson and gave him 3 reward points. They are saying he can go into lessons in the short-term but maybe not the long-term. DH caught him doing art homework this morning.

It's all such a tight-rope, isn't it? DD2 had the day off yesterday. She's had a sore throat, cough, etc. I think the fear of drawing attention to herself with the cough was too much for her, tbh, and ibuprofen hadn't improved her throat, so she stayed home. It's hard because I'm generally a 'no fever or vomiting= school' person, but school don't necessarily respond when she says she feels unwell.

Hi! Can I join in? DD Y8 seems to be struggling and could do with some advice.

Year 7 was one of ups and downs - having come from a small village primary secondary school was the expected culture shock. long story but we moved her in primary Y6, along with her best friend, to secure a place in a school which was out of catchment but (we felt) better suited to her needs than our local secondary. She settled well into the new Primary school, made new friends and we thought 'hey, this is great, will really help with the transition to secondary'.

However, she found last year thoroughly overwhelming. She is academically bright, and a talented musician. She has always been popular but has really struggled to integrate. She is quite young in her ways and is studious and well behaved. She really struggles with the more boisterous elements of the class, and also with the sassy, well developed pre-teen girls. BFF has been by her side the whole time (they are in the same form) but the insular nature of their friendship has put pressure on their relationship and they have had some pretty monumental fall outs - although they love one another dearly and always find their way back together, when this happens it feels like the end of the world because neither of them had anyone else.

I'd hoped Y8 would be different and she would be more confident and get some of her bounce back, but if anything it's getting worse. BFF has made a new friend - totally normal and something that we have been actively encouraging BOTH girls to do. But DD has not and is feeling lonely and excluded, not helped by the fact that new friend is not remotely interested in her and is borderline nasty to DD when BFF is not around.

I've talked to DD about finding her own friends - joining some clubs and making an effort to hook up with people she knows and likes in other classes. But she doesn't seem to want to take that advice. She is also practically phobic of social media including WhatsApp. This may seem a positive to many of you, but effectively she is isolating herself further as like it or not, this is how most of them communicate. Again, I've tried to address this with her, and even sometimes check her messages to point out ones she really ought to reply to!

She's very sad during the week and doesn't want to go to school. But then the weekend comes and she's off to her theatre school, music college etc and she becomes her old self again. It's very hard to watch.

Welcome Folkmomma Of course you can join. Sorry to hear your DD is struggling to find good friends. We moved between secondary and primary for DS and after a unhappy year at grammar for DD. DD made friends really easily (though there is so much drama with the female friends including DD ) but DS found it harder and has only just found a friend in year 8. He said a lot of groups where pre-established.

They do use WhatsApp etc a lot - DS doesn't want a mobile and that does isolate him though with all the drama on WhatsApp etc not really sorry about that. Clubs do help though DD just does the after school youth clubs here, we are in a village and meets with children in the village. DD has found male friends more stable.

Thanks for the welcome @PenguinsRabbits.

She has lots of friends outside of school as she is a busy girl. It's the in school bit that is the issue. And we live a long way from school in a little rural village which doesn't help matters.

Specialist music school would be an option for her, where at least she would be around like minded people and likely to find more people to relate to. But that would mean her boarding, and I'm not sure..... she says it would be ok but I worry that if she still struggles socially, she will be totally on her own as she won't even have us to come home to.

We could also consider moving her to the catchment school where her 'old' primary friends are, and she would also see friends from other clubs and activities she takes part in locally. Plus the added advantage of being able to hang out with mates who live nearby after school. But there were very valid reasons for deciding against that school, and those reasons are all still there.....

But DH thinks she needs to learn to deal with this kind of stuff, and says I can't always parachute her out of a tricky situation.

DD lived nowhere near other girls at the grammar and that made socialising very difficult and so we moved to the local comprehensive and moved areas. Much easier to make friends for her there but DD is quite loud and sociable.

My DS is much quieter and more serious (probably ASD) and has struggled to find good friends. We are planning on moving him to a specialist school in year 9 but its a day school 30 mins away.

When we moved DD she was put in a lot of wrong sets so academically it caused issues and her grades dropped. If she's very unhappy I would move her if she wants to move or at least look round the other schools - sometimes just knowing you can get out helps. Maybe worth talking to her current school too. They may know similar children.

folkmamma My girls struggled with friendships at school at secondary. The theatre and other out of school clubs helped.
WhatsApp helped the oldest, as in year 9 a lot of subject groups started them, and she became fairly quickly the one who'd listened in class and knew what to do. That gave her a standing among her peers which gradually translated to face to face too.

Ds thought he'd like today off too. He crawled down to breakfast saying he felt terrible. I pointed out we have a meeting next week about attendance last year, which was about 85% and to have already missed a day and a half was not going to look good. He went in resentfully. I haven't had a call, so he's been fine.

So DD has come home much happier this evening. It seems BFF figured out what was going on between new friend and DD and set things straight. Basically told new friend she'd been best friends with DD since they were 4, and that if she was going to be mean to her then she couldn't be friends with her. New friend apologised and hadn't understood their relationship. So at least for now it seems to be sorted. Although DD still needs to widen her circle and BFF ought not to give up new friend either (as long as she's not actually a complete meanie...).

Glad she is happier Folk, hope it lasts. I think a wider friend group helps stabilise things.

@PenguinsRabbits @Lougle @DobbinsVeil @folkmamma

Thought I'd see how all our year 8s are doing in Lockdown.

Ds thinks it's the best time he's ever had. They set a little bit of work, which he does easily, and he's decided he's in WWII. So he's digging for victory (Dh had minor hysterics when he saw the strip he'd cut out of the lawn for potatoes. I said he should be thankful it wasn't a full Anderson shelter) trying to set rations for everyone and otherwise having a very happy time. He hasn't been out of the house except the back garden since they finished school.

The girls aren't quite so happy. Dd1's come back from her first year at uni, which is a bit miserable for her, and dd2 was meant to be doing GCSEs, and goodness knows what results she'll get as she had a panic attack over most of the mocks and did 3+ grade worse than she should do.
Dd2 has had to be told that she will get dressed and do something other than lying in her room watching rubbish on her phone, and dd1 is helping in the support hub with me on a couple of days a week which is good for her.
Dh working at home is being wonders for their diets because they have to go past him in the dining room to get to the kitchen.

Witchend yes! DS has done very little. Has done what was set, after trying to kid me that no work had been set at all. Having something set does help. Does very little otherwise though except game. Get him out for half an hour cycle ride daily and half an hour family quiz. Will be doing school work as of Monday whatever is set!

Lovely to hear from you Witchend Glad it's going fairly well.

I've had a name change.

DS (y8 ASD) I pre-warned about 2 weeks before it happened and he was but I go to school so I will continue to go to school. Then a week later school suddenly stopped for DD with 2 hours notice. But that was good as had a week to get her up and running, found some sites she could use for each subject bought a laptop and she was up and running very efficiently pretty much straightaway. She had initially said she was just going to arse around but she's been doing her school work quickly and some extra work towards ones she will take to GCSE. She's also tidied her room , painted the walls and is aiming to lay a laminate floor by herself. Her air cadets and singing lessons have obviously stopped. Her grades have gone up slightly. She's pretty nocturnal but she's doing well so leaving her to it. DD is chatting to others on several group chats.

DS then got used to the idea though said he would need 6 hours 'replacement entertainment per day instead of school'. I said we'ld get some chickens so we got 3 silkie chickens whom he adores and he puts them to bed, opens their door in the morning and feeds and waters them times a day plus numerous checks. He also has an indoor rabbit and spends lots of time with him. He school stopped 2 weeks before Easter and he has done the work but with me. He won't use his school e-mail and can't log-in to SMHW, I can as a parent. He won't type anything and gets me to read everything and he also won't communicate with staff and has blocked his e-mail so they can't communicate with him. So I'm doing all that. Thankfully I was only self-employed so can just stop to help him and it's lovely to help him, it's a bit like helping a 5 year old though. I get commentary on everything, it's funny he won't communicate with any staff members but I get non-stop commentary. So at least school now know what some of his issues are - he seems to particularly hate music, and I've had comments including I would rather listen to the cat howl than that song (he wasn't even joking), I can see he put effort into that but that hurts my ears. He's done some baking as well as is very impressed we have meat boxes from the village pub which he says means we are eating "restaurant" meat. It's lovely having whole family home, we are rural with a garden so quite pleasant here. Cat and rabbit are in heaven.

DH is WFH and his workload has doubled though he seems to spend a fair proportion of his time gossiping. The cat thinks every work video conference call is everyone calling in to see her and she keeps walking back and forth across his screen. She is loving lockdown. DS doesn't give a monkey's about the death from the virus (he like that with all deaths as people die all the time apparently) but loves to discuss the economic impact and the statistics.

DD's Italy school trip has been cancelled, lost the deposit but got rest back. Summer holiday to Asia won't be happening and might have lost quite a bit on that but we will see. Our roof was supposed to be rethatched and chimney rebuilt in February, still on hold, think we are just about to finally get planning through apart from TV aerials which were rejected as wanting them to use a TV was an "inadequate reason" DS says we go back and say they are for birds to sit on but taken since August to get this far, we'll just watch TV via internet. It's our elderly neighbour isolating alone it's bad for but she wants chimney done too.

Good to see you back!

I would rather listen to the cat howl than that song

That's like ds with things he doesn't like.
He's quite lucky in that they do 3 year GCSEs, so is ignoring any subject he won't be taking after this year. That's fine by me, and the school seems to be concentrating on the main ones which again is good.

DS says we go back and say they are for birds to sit on that makes me chuckle. We have TV aerials in the loft, is that an option? I don't know how well they work, as we don't have a TV, they're left over from the previous people and too much hassle to move.

Main problem with ds is he would like someone to go and play outside with him. Dh is wfh, I'm out, dd1 is working and dd2 does not want to go out for any reason, so it does bring a bit of tension.

I don't think they'll go back before September, and I'm not sure I'll send ds back before then anyway. I'm working with people who know what they're talking about and they're saying they won't send their dc back until then.
DD2 could do with something though. I am worried about her mental health as she doesn't want to do anything outside her room. They were given about 1 hour notice of leaving school and they were all in tears.
It did solve one problem though. She had been (I suspect) very vocal about how rubbish a prom was and she wouldn't want to go. Then she suddenly changed her mind just before lockdown, but then everyone was in groups, and had assumed she didn't want to be involved. The groups tend to book transport and arrive together, so can't just slot in and most groups book transport to accommodate the number they have. With the prom being almost certainly off, that does solve that one!

Both mine are largely ignoring anything they won't take to GCSE too, DS does that at school anyway - I've got him to listen to a couple of songs and he did design your own dance which had 2 moves in it, a PE quiz with 1 question in it but generally just GCSE subjects. Fine with me, they are doing other things like discussing news, baking, DD is doing DIY, DS is looking after chickens.

Their school does English Language GCSE is year 10 and 0.5 RE in year 10 if don't do full course, that won't be ideal especially as there's now a proposal exams are in July / August but hoping school will review that. DD has applied for full course RE though school have suggested she takes 11 GCSEs and 1 Additional Maths qualification which is Level 3. Think it's too much.

We don't watch much TV and just get it via internet so our aerial is just a bird seat

My DD has barely emerged from her room and she gets up around 5pm . Mine have only left house once to walk to the village zoo with veg and fruit for the animals. Tried to get DS to do the PE and he was just doing it with his finger so finger press ups. Both seem happy enough and go in garden so leaving them to it.

My DD has been OK as we got some floorboards and paint day went into lockdown though once that is done she maybe bored. Think she misses social side though I'm not missing the drama that goes with the social side. DD was home the day it was announced school was closed, off ill. I read message and assumed it meant just next day as it was just year 9 then she said no it means from now. She was celebrating.

DS seems to be using the silkie chickens and his rabbit as his friends. Not sure when schools are back, ours implied September, at least they've cancelled everything to then but keep seeing press reports about May 11th. I don't want to send mine back and they are learning here. Though will see what proposal is and when. Just ordered some art things from Sainsburys, DD wanted all the 5 year old toys like animal stampers, little cars, Olaf lego. May have to resort to that type of stuff soon. Mine used to like a trampoline if you have space / budget. DS has also learned some history today - I told him our house was from around 1550 and he was I thought we had a fake house, how could it still be standing that long. So now he wants to know how many people lived in the village in different times.

DS was struggling today as first day back plus school had changed timetable and methods - was a bit of a disaster and he kept saying No-No-No and couldn't cope with the change. He listened to Head's virtual assembly and 5 minutes of English but that was all I could get him to do on school system.

Though managed to get him to try the government's online school Oak National and he seemed to really like that - he did an hour's year 9 English and 2/3rds of a year 10 science class. He chose what he did. DD has coped fine with the change and he grade has gone up, she's been doing extra on seneca and she seems to be doing really well. I will keep trying with school's new system but not too hopeful for DS, it's very communication based and he struggles with communication and shuts down. School have said we can do alternatives and senco said most of the sn kids are struggling. He is at least learning but it's not in order his school are doing it though as he's just year 8 now hopefully will be OK, a lot of what he is doing is year 9 / year 10 but it's a case of seeing what he will do. Think he finds the school one harder as he keeps saying it's not the same as when I'm at school whereas the alternatives he doesn't have a same to compare with. We still don't have access to Word and Powerpoint for him and getting loads of Word and Powerpoint docs to print / type in, printer is out of the arc and connected to 1874 Word. But he's keen to learn at least. He's terrified he will be in trouble too, can't convince him otherwise, he's convinced he's in trouble for not going to school but he's not allowed in school as no EHCP. So he blocks any attempt at teachers to communicate with him. He will let me e-mail but they are recording him as doing nothing as he can't get into their system. Though senco is recording everything and lovely and thinks it's more an issue for their records than DS. I can get in via parent version but you can't send work in. He won't use his school e-mail incase teachers reply and then he thinks he will be in massive trouble for being at home. He's quite happy though otherwise, we had some screaming day one of new system but after that as long as I change things to something he's happy to work with he's fine.

Hi all! Good to hear from you all. A mixed bag here too. DDY8 is getting on fine with school work, but missing her BFF massively and also struggling with ASD DDY5, who is really hard work. There's just no escape from it, and she bears the brunt of much of her frustrations and mood swings. DDY8 not good with mobile phone for anything other than 5 min craft videos on YouTube, she's just not good at talking on the phone or FaceTime. So comms with friends is minimal. Not good really. Bit worried about how she will reintegrate- the social side of school wasn't particularly easy for her before all this....

As for DDY5.. 🤯🤯🤯

New here.. hi! Bit about me

Have a Y11 abandoned child and a Y8 child. Obviously been concerned this last month over the oldest and had assumed my youngest wouldn't to badly affected.

My 13 year old has been getting on fine with work set from school. Before Easter I was telling her to concentrate on subjects she'd be continuing with next year and not worrying too much
about those she was dropping (3yr KS4)

Well today, bombshell letter from school.. no options next year carrying on with all subjects.
I think I'm more annoyed about it that she is. She's disappointed she'll have to carry on with some arty subjects and I'm just annoyed with school.
They dressed it up as it it's for kids benefit with a side note of staff recruitment in Sept. After digging around it seems the school have lost about 5 members of staff from IT/computing, design tech and food tech. Which is quite a chunk to the subject options on offer.

I'm now feeling a bit meh about it all as I'd like to know what they intend teaching this cohort as most subjects jump right into GCSE content in year 9.

I honestly wasn't worried about my 13 year old as I naively assumed bar missing this part of year 8 she would be adversely affected.

So now that's both of my kids that have been messed about.

@Holidayz
Sympathies. I think ds would be annoyed by that too. I'd also be a bit put out at having another half year of food tech where we end up buying exotic ingredients that 90% will never be used again and producing food that they don't really want to eat all they've provided.