My son hated his first transition day at secondary

[Jambalaya76]

He is the only boy from his primary to go to this school. His best mates from primary are all going to a school out of the area. His first transition day was today and he hated it. He said he hardly spoke all day, was alone, missed his mates and he has cried tonight in bed.
I've given him reassurance that this will get better but my heart is breaking for him. He is a normal happy go lucky kid and I've never seen him this upset.

Has anyone any helpful advice for me please?

Can you phone the new school and explain what’s happened? It’s important he doesn’t worry about it all summer.

I'm s secondary teacher and we ran transition this week. Some of them have been tearful but I've been so impressed they got on with it. Not sure what school will do if you ring them though. Is there a parents FB group for new starters?

This happened to me. I went from a state primary to a private secondary. I hated the transition, I remember ringing my mum on the bus home saying I'm never going etc.
My mum rang the school and explained I felt isolated and she didn't want me worrying all summer.
The next day I was put into a lovely little group of friends. And I absolutely loved it. Albeit from the dramas of general school. I'm now 23 and 2 of my initial friends were my bridesmaids at my wedding more than 10 years on.. x

Why not speak to the high school? It may be they offer a couple of extra transition days during holidays for pupils who are finding it quite daunting? It will give him chance to meet others who are equally nervous.

The thing is, the teachers will know he's from a different school as they all have to wear their school uniforms and he will be the only one wearing his. I suppose I could phone them but not sure how responsive secondary schools are to this type of thing. They should be!!!!

Definitely call them it's the schools job to help the transition period go smoothly- it's always best to nip issues in the bud - good luck to your son, it's not an easy time

Call them, although you think they should know they have so much going on they wont necessarily put two and two together.

Call them!

I wouldn't call the school. No need. He'll be fine when he gets there.

DS didn't have a transition day and was white as a sheet on day one but came home happy as Larry and has been fine ever since.

Please ring the school and raise your concerns. I say this as a parent if a child who really struggled to settle in secondary school. They might not be able to do anything, but hopefully they can. Worse case scenario and he doesn't settle you will know you've done as much as you can as a parent. I hope the rest transition is better for your son and he makes some new friends

I think I will call them after I have dropped him off in the morning. I will do anything I can to make this better for him so hopefully the school will reach out and help him mingle so to speak. He doesn't normally need help mingling, like I say I've never seen him like this before, he is a confident boy, but he is still a 10 year old on his own In a big new school full of kids who have their friends there

Definitely call. It's not enough for people to say he will be fine. Not everyone is and there's a lot schools can do to help smooth the transition. Did he get to find out who his classmates are? Is there a way of making contact with them and meeting up over the summer?

Definitely call them but don't worry too much. DD loved her induction day then had an awful time when she started. DS didn't enjoy induction but has loved his first year (after hating primary). It's a bit overwhelming and the people who know each other stick together at first so it feels very cliquey. Once they start properly it will change.

Call them. Teachers may not notice a different uniform - we had transition today and the class I had contained 6 different primaries of which four wore red jumpers! Unless I got close and looked at the badge I wouldn't know

The secondary school my sons attend has an additional morning before the transition day for children coming from schools that aren't feeder schools. So Ds1 had only 1 other child from his primary and Ds2 had none.

That way the children have familiar faces before the transition day and they do group activities whilst the parents are in the hall having a talk about what the school does to facilitate friendships.

I would agree with PP and talk to the school. It must be terrifying for him and school can and should help.

OP, no help here but DD has been through v similar experience today. She went off all excited and came back crushed. A lot of tears. In her case made worse by not putting them in their tutor groups but in alphabetical groupings so she felt the one girl she did talk to wouldn't be in her form.

Same experience here. DD has had 6 transition days and still doesn’t want to go. She isn’t crying just says everything is boring. They got a free book today after their reading test and they’ve been asked to fill a reading book in. She hates the book and doesn’t want to go there in September. I’m not worrying till she’s done half a term, she’s also the only one from her primary going and when I asked if she liked any of the girls she said no. We’ll see I guess- don’t stress till you have to.

In her case made worse by not putting them in their tutor groups but in alphabetical groupings so she felt the one girl she did talk to wouldn't be in her form.

Why oh why do they do this? Better to out them in their classes for September and let them get to know other people.

Pull out all the stops and arrange some meet ups with other families over the summer holidays. Just so he has got some names and faces that aren't entirely unfamiliar.

Things will settle down very quickly though once he gets over the initial hurdle in September. Reminder him that the 1st time is always the hardest because everything is unknown. Next time he will find it a little easier. The time after will be easier still and by October half-term he will be an old hand at it all.

You can help by using your best networking skills to track down other parents of new Y7s - whether through friends of friends or from local Facebook groups - and organise some gatherings - with parents to oil the wheels - over the summer. Picnic in the park, paintball, swimming - that kind of stuff, just so they can get to know some others who they'll see in class in Sept.

I don't know any other parents and I think it's quite different to primary school where you all meet up in the playground

I don't know any other parents and I think it's quite different to primary school where you all meet up in the playground.

You could ask the school whether they would be willing to pass on your details to anyone living reasonably close to you (you can't ask for other people's details, but you can give permission for yours to be shared). Or ask for contact details of the PTA (if there is one)?

If this school is in your area, though, how come your DS is the only child from his school going there? Did he like the school when you went to look round, or is this a school you were given as the nearest undersubscribed school because none of your preferences could be met? If you actually named the school as a preference, have a chat with your DS about what it was that you and he liked about the school in the first place - he will find others who liked it for the same things, once he gets settled in in September.

All three of ours started secondary only really knowing one other child each, none of whom they became / stayed bosom buddies with - they all found others with whom they 'clicked' very quickly. DD was even relieved when the 4 others from her primary eventually got offered higher preference schools before term started (the other new year 7 she knew already was from a shared outside activity).

All of our local secondary schools have "new starter" Facebook pages full of parents arranging events and sharing information. You aren't supposed to be making friends with these people (that is a bonus if it happens), just making enough of a connection to give your DCs a bit of a network when they start.

Bless him. My DS was in the exact same position. He's is just finishing year 7 now. I had underestimated how hard it would be for him to settle in. Definitely ring the school and make a plan with them to help him settle. Good luck OP

Honestly it will be fine.

My dd was really upset at first that she wouldnt know anyone as she was the only one out of her year going there.

She was nervous but you know what , not knowing anyone turned out to be a blessing. She wasnt worrying about old friends while trying to make new ones. And theres no one to tell other kids stuff about her

The hardest part is getting through those doors. But he will make new friends. And he will eventually realise the fresh start was a positive not a negative.