Starting Yr11 Gcses 2020 Support Thread [Edited at OP's request]

[OrangeCinnamon]

A continuation of a Year 10 support thread
previous thread

Last thread was great and supportive as some of us tried to navigate year 10 and some very helpful peeps steered us through.

Mocks in a week. Ds just hasn’t covered the work. There was so much to get through and he wasn’t proactive enough as struggling with mental health a bit.He’s now miserable and fed up, unable to concentrate on anything. He’s convinced he’ll do really badly in the mocks. Won’t be meeting any of his high predicted grades. Just don’t know what to do. There is simply too much.

Hope we can turn this around before the real things but not sure how.

In a no win situation if I nag it puts pressure on him if I don’t nothing gets done.

It’s dragging us all down.

Mocks start today🤣
To be fair DS appears to have been studying away in his room. They treat it like the real thing so he only has to go into school for the exams he has on that day. Only one this morning so then home to revise for the three he has tomorrow!
B100 sorry to hear about your sons MH. There is plenty of time and my DS only started to spring into action at half term as he knew the mocks were looming.

@Bl00mingCactus dd has mocks starting next week too. She's nowhere near having covered everything as she's also been struggling a bit.

However there's still plenty of time as there will be all the evenings during the two mock weeks (and this week) as well as times when no exams are scheduled and the next two weekends (assuming your ds has 2 weeks of mocks?).

Even if they don't cover everything it will be really good practice and will give them an idea of how much more they'll need to do before May.

I think they wouldn't expect to achieve their predicted grades in mocks anyway, don't they say it's quite common to go up a grade between mocks and the real thing?

Half way through mocks now then more in Feb. Not much revision but like your ds, Dd has mental health problems too, so taking it steady with the pressure. Hopefully everything will click into place when May comes. Anxiety is really bad, so much she has to sit exams in another room on doctors advice. Looking forward to college next year though, so that’s a positive.

It’s anxiety here too and he’s very low. Initially caused by bullying. It’s literally driving me nuts. Mocks are just a week. He just won’t push himself. No idea what to do. He needs to go up more than 1 grade. Should be getting 8s and 9s, not likely. Would be happy with 7s so I’m guessing 6s would be ok in mocks but doubt that likely. It’s so hard trying not to put on pressure whilst trying to motivate and not to show your frustration and panic( failing). Teacher dealing with him has said they generally go up a grade but mocks are a wake up call for some who can go up 3 or 4 grades.Holding on to that. 😬They say human contact, lack of screens, exercise, apps will help but it’s bloody hard when he needs the time to revise and won’t push himself to help himself as low. Vicious circle.

It’s having a huge impact on the rest of the family. I now work with children who have SEN without his advantages in life and I’m finding it very hard not to get angry. He has so much but is chucking it away. I know it’s the mental health issues and they will resolve eventually but it’s hard to manage as a family. There is no support other than what school are trying to do. Not their job to stop us all going nuts.😩

I feel for you @Bl00ming, that must be really difficult. I’m sorry to hear he was bullied too :( That must have had a big impact.

It’s hard to believe at this point but I’m also trying to remember that GCSEs actually have very litlle impact on the rest of their lives. They can still go on to do really well at the next stage if they mess up now - or they can go a more roundabout route. Two of my brothers under achieved at GCSE but got good A Levels, plus I know people without A Levels who went to uni later etc..

Does he have any plans for next year or for the future generally? Will he be moving schools?

I think the dark nights and approach of winter don’t help either. He may have a new lease of life in Mar/Apr and more motivation to get down to it with the real things just round the corner. 6 months is such a long time when you’re 15.

He wants to do maths which he is naturally good at so ironically I think A levels will be much easier as he’ll be more interested iykwim. He was incredibly good at CS but hates it now so refusing to take that at Alevel.😫 Worried about belittling the importance of GCSEs incase he switches off completely but I agree re long term importance. I think he should stay where he is, a move would be quite a big thing for somebody fragile and he’d know the staff and methods etc but who knows what is best. I seem to be continuously failing him atm. Got to go to work but will check back in later.

He has a twin who I’m spending very little time on and is probably not doing what he should be doing as a result. Then next year their sister will be in year 11 so we get to do it all again. Fun times.

Wow, you’ve got a lot on your hands! It doesn’t sound like you’re failing at all. Our children are individuals, responsible for their own results. All we can do is provide moral support, make it as easy as possible for them to get on and work (for me this means serving dd snacks and even meals in her room during revision time!) and support them emotionally as much as we can.

I wouldn’t necessarily belittle GCSEs to him - but in your own mind, try to keep them in perspective. Is his twin at the same school? Does he have good friends? It might be worth looking elsewhere too, if only to rule it out.

GCSEs are important.
But not more important than mental health.
Good results pave the way for later steps, but there are often alternate routes if first results are disappointing.

It's a delicate balance - good luck!

Not got many friends as cut himself off and is so low, doesn’t seem to want any, used to though.Has a good school friend and a couple of bus friends. Had a productive evening after an awful evening the night before. I told him he wasn’t going to have his phone the following day at all unless he did more than an hour and focus on doing what needs to be done instead of doing as little as poss. Told him he had to snap out of sitting around feeling sorry for himself and go through the motions of work, dig deep however crap he’s feeling., I felt awful doing it and will probably horrify many but whatever I do is wrong so not got a lot to lose.This conversation was very late and involved shouting 😬but he did more which was interesting. Told him to stop trying to quick fix feeling happy and do what he has been advised to do by school- exercise, limit screens etc. It’s so hard when they’re hiding under a duvet. I’ve never suffered like this so struggle with patience. I paid for it the next day as he was foul before school.

Anyway he got a 7 in a test result having done a bit of work for it after pressure from me. Said he didn’t care but I think he did after I made him celebrate the small win on the way home from school. He then had a productive evening of revision.😱 Counselling should start in 2 weeks. Bloody hope it works as I feel drained counselling him myself and dragging him through revision. School rang and were helpful with some tips.

Slight negative is they’ve mentioned him doing Foundation in Spanish which I’m not happy about. Those who caused a lot of this skip off and do the Higher exam but DS does a lesser exam. Seems unfair.🤔I’m pretty sure with a bit of rigorous study for 6 months he could pull off a pass in the higher so pushing for that atm. Thanks for the supportive comments. Unless you’re going through GCSEs as a family yourself you have no idea how hideous it is. Anyhow hope the rest of you had a positive evening.💪

Just checking in with you lot.
Will go back and read/catch up now.

Teen:
"GCSEs are important.
But not more important than mental health."

Reminds self this is so VERY true.

A bit of school work / general homework being done here, but minimal revision.

Had calm discussions of how I can help, producing a timetable, that there's only 5 months to go.....

Nothing.

Got his report last week. As per usual: coasting.

I just don't know what to do with him.

He is capable of so much more. But I can't make him want it.

He's bright enough to get the grade higher? If he pushed himself. So like for ..... maths. Whilst a 7 is very good. Why not at least AIM for a 8? Talking to a brick wall.

Those few 5's? Why-not push for a 6?

Nothing!

Oblomov, that's DS (13).
He never breaks a sweat and averages 6/7s (7s more often than not), but is capable of 8/9s.
He and his friends describe the girls in his class as "try hards" for wanting to do their best. 😡
I'm hoping he'll mature and find some ambition by the time he gets to GCSEs, but if not, I'll be wringing my hands like you are.

I think very often with boys they are a bit scared to try their best in case they don't do as well as they'd like. It's easier for them to see themselves as chilled out dude whose mum is a hysterical nag. I am trying to get mine to understand that these conversations are not for my benefit

I also think a lot of boys peak a bit later, so maybe at A Level or degree (if they carry on with further study). Ds (also 13) is totally bare minimum at the moment, he's always got a reason why there's probably no point revising for a test as it's not important/it's only a mini test etc. I am enforcing a bit of revision for tests now, but he thinks an hour is a serious amount of work!

@Bl00mingCactus good news about the test result! I also make a big deal of every good result ds has, especially if he did some work for it! I hope things start to improve with you ds' mental health.

Sorry I've been a bit quiet. DDs mental health was not great during the first half of term.

The good news is that she is receiving good support both in school and from CAMHS. The past couple of weeks have been slightly better.

Not worrying too much about revision or mocks here. Just trying to keep her well. She is currently in quite a positive place which is really encouraging.

Open Evening number two for us tonight. rammed. Got annoyed because his two favourites (business and Spanish) are blocked against each other , the school pushes STEM above all else and had a fight with a deputy head about their continued use of facilitating subjects as a term (no longer even used by the Russell Group!) and pushing of maths, and their evasiveness over Spanish.

A fun night!

DS2 reasonably OK though : says he will just swap to economics from business. But I still think they don't want to run Spanish.

He has his mocks in a few weeks. Been revising steadily : nothing like the amount of time some girls I teach put in. But I would argue a lot of that is faffing! That said, there is nothing as scary impressive as a determined girl on full throttle.

DS has nearly finished his mocks and the results are starting to appear. Unsurprisingly the minimal revision is showing and he appears to be coasting. I'm really struggling to see how he's going to achieve the high grades he's predicted next summer

DS has English speaking on Friday, geography fieldwork assessment in lessons starting on Monday for 2 weeks and then mocks in the first week of December. He has just finished his maths and numeracy exams, did his last paper today. Minimal revision being done for mocks. He was already "having a break" by the time I got home from work today but said he had done a bit "because I knew you would be annoyed if I didn't"
(Exactly as per my previous post)
I asked him who would be affected if he didn't do well because he hadn't worked. He told me to chill out
He is infuriating but lovely. And he's right, it's only mocks. Revision will start in earnest after his birthday in January.

Had a far few conversations like that.😂 It’s such a fine balance isn’t it and a hard to get right. I am starting to wonder if year 11 is too early for such an important intensive year. Kids mature at different rates and many are coping with all sorts of other things at this age.Got the system we’ve got though so it is what it is.

We had an okish evening. Ds does an hour in school after school each day which helps a bit. Did another hour after at home. School have suggested playing a board game in the evening to get him out of his room. He was in a hideous mood but it did change his mood. Was quite relaxing and we managed to laugh. Key is a short game for my sanity and time restrictions with revision etc.😉

Open Evening number 5 for us tonight, 6 on Saturday if we go and 7 on Monday. Am very fed up at this point, Mocks next week and I think with the open evenings at same time, stress starting to show on DS.

I know what you mean about maturity @B100. My DS is later summer born and quite immature in some areas on top. I can't help thinking that he would do much better if he was 6 months older when he sat them, but as you say it is what it is!
Mocks this week and next; some good some not so good but I say it's about understanding what you don't know or what you could have done better not the result itself at this stage. I will be delighted if he gets 6's and 7's in the A level choices in the summer as he isn't an 8/9's kid although might have a chance of a couple of 8's if he was a bit older.
He seems to have been working quite hard for these mocks (unless of course he's just been playing computer games in his room all that time). The formulaic nature of how to answer the question to get the marks is the thing he struggles with but it is gradually getting there, I hope. We used to have huge bust ups over how to study and how much but I have backed off as it wasn't doing either of us any good. We are very different on this; I was very organised and had everything colour coded and filed. He has paper strewn everywhere, books all over the floor, piles of paper everywhere and I can't even bear to look in his room as it sends me into a frenzy
Agree with you that doing other unrelated things and not just study is good for mental health through all this. My DS keeps his sport going and we encourage that. At end of term he's off on school ski trip as a reward for effort and to have a total break until it all starts again in January....

Sorry to hear your DD's struggling, *Silverhill". Is it life generally, or the stress of impending mocks in particular? It does rather put things in perspective - life at 15/16 shouldn't be miserable and angst-ridden, should it?

I'm fed up today. DD's school srnt an email last night, telling us that every year 11 student is expected to arrange 2 weeks work experience immediately following the end of GCSEs.
Honestly. As if they won't all need a rest and down time, not to mention the fact that we've now got to find somewhere that will take her and I'll have to do all the dropping off/collecting.
Her school has NO idea what pastoral care is.

We have a parents' evening tonight, but only for those students who have been asked to go, and only for certain subjects. DD has been requested for maths, chemistry and physics, which seems odd as she was on target for 6/7s for the sciences and 5 for maths after the year 10 exams. I suspect it's just a check-in, as she has new teachers for the sciences this year.

Her anxiety has been gradually worsening for a while. In the summer term of Y10 I attributed it to end-of-year exams, but it didn't resolve during the summer holidays; if anything it got worse. After her assessment, the healthcare professionals said that it doesn't seem to be related to academic pressure or exams.