Dance opportunities - should I email the school?

[christinarossetti19]

My dd is in Y7 of a local comprehensive with a specialism in performing arts. Chosen because it's a good school rather than the performing arts specialism, but as she's always been into dance and gymnastics thought this would give her some opportunities to continue.

Now coming to the end of Y7 and she's not managed to access any extra-curricular dance/gym. She went to after school athletics, but was the only child there, so it didn't run (fair enough). She 'auditioned' for the gym squad, never found out if she'd got in, and then was told that she couldn't take part because there'd been some rehearsal which she didn't know about (not being in the squad) so too late. She recognises now that she could have been more assertive 'I'll work hard to catch up etc' but it doesn't come easily to her.

There's a 'gifted and talented' dance group, which invitation is by the teacher noticing you in class and you being confident. She has one dance lesson a fortnight and is a quiet child in a fairly loud class - the teacher doesn't even know her name.

We saw the 'gifted and talented' dancers at a performance today, and it was well, well within her ability. She did ballet and tap to grade 4 during primary and stopped partly because the timings didn't work with her new school and partly because we thought she'd had opportunities to continue at secondary.

My dd was pretty upset after seeing these girls perform, as she knows very well that she's more than capable of dancing at least as well as them. She won't speak to the teacher about joining the group as she's certain than it's 'invitation only' and after plucking up the courage to speak to the teacher about doing gymnastics and it being so vague, she's really discouraged.

WIBU to email the school and asking if she could be considered for extra curricular dance? I'm the least pushy mum ever, but I would like her to do some more exercise, she loves dance, is good at it, has worked cooperatively and performed with others before etc.

If she had not passed an audition, fair enough, but it seems that if you're not 'picked' in Y7 then you've got no chance of accessing more dance further up the school, and that would be a shame that she has no access to this opportunity.

TIA

Unfortunately at a large comprehensive it really is up to her to be assertive and chase opportunities. She needs to follow up things and not necessarily wait to be told things, and also to put herself forward. I know that is not easy if you are naturally a more shy personality. If she doesn't want to talk to the dance teacher, then could she speak to her form tutor? Or would she consider e-mailing the dance teacher (harder to be ignored) maybe asking if there is a dance group she could join. I know your intentions are good but I think it would be better coming from her in the first instance.

Unfortunately, her class have had two form teachers leave this year and they don't have one at the moment. Her class is also the 'last' in the year (if the school was called 'SCHOOL', they are the equivalent of class L,) which does means that they've done a number of things last eg access to music/sports competitions.

I suppose I feel that I have left it to her since September - I left the gymnastics completely to her aside from suggesting what she could do etc and if I continue to leave it to her she's likely to spend 5 years in a school with a performing arts specialism and not be able to take part. Yes, it's partly that she's shy, but also because she's not a close friend of someone else in gym/dance so hasn't got anyone to put in a word for her.

She was the only child from her primary to go to this school, and she's coped very well, I'm really proud of her, but it's things like this where having a friend to vouch for you seem to make the difference between having an opportunity and not.

I basically want her to do more exercise and be more involved in things, in terms of what helps protect mental and physical health as a teenager.

I would go in and talk to her head of year rather than email. The basis of your concern could be that because she is shy etc that you know she'll struggle to push herself forward and that you'd like her to have some support with this

I think you should work with her to sort out a plan of attack, emailing her form tutor (herself) is a good place to start, then keep working on the various steps she needs to take to access things. There's two things going on here I think - the usual secondary school issue that children need to start advocating for themselves as a pp pointed out, and the fact that performers are usually not backward at coming forward - they will have the confidence to ask and pursue opportunities, so they'll get them. You need to support her to stand up for her self, be proactive and be more of a squeaky wheel.

I don't fully understand your school system but anyone I know whose children do competitive gymnastics or dance do hours training weekly and during holidays.

She May be capable but it's the commitment and consistency that gets them onto that squad. One class fortnight is nowhere near adequate.

You can ask but if you are not prioritising the dance or gymnastic classes she will not be considered seriously

If your main focus is just to get her involved in something, then what clubs do her friends do? My DC have always stuck at things more if their friends are doing them.

DC's school is also big on PA and my observation is that it's really only a few children that get showcased. Even with only 1 lesson a fortnight, I'm surprised your DD has not been "noticed". Even in a large class they will do a a lot of small group work. My DD has a similar setup and she is regularly assessed on her dancing within different groupings.

Unfortunately, dd's form has had two form teachers leave this year and now don't have one. They're also the 'last' form (if the school was called 'SCHOOL' they are class 'L').

This has meant that they seem to do quite a lot of things 'last' eg access to music/sports competitions, or simply not find out about things going on. Eg she didn't know that there was a gymnastics club until Easter as it wasn't on the extra-curricular club time table and the other forms were told by their form tutor. She was desperate to do gymnastics in school, and would certainly have remembered if they had been told.

Junowhat the fortnightly dance lessons are in school. The girls who are 'chosen' are chosen during this time - they don't train for hours, just two classes outside of school a week. DD thinks that one of the reasons that she hasn't been 'chosen' is because when they do small group work they work with girls of similar height and she's always with two girls who mess around (I know one of them and it's quite plausible tbh). She also doesn't have a close friend in the dance group, which she thinks is a way that girls are 'chosen' although I don't know if this is true.

Redsky dd was the only one from her primary to go to this secondary. Although she's done well at settling in, she's still establishing friendships. Most girls know a few people from their primary school - she didn't have these established connections.

My main concern is that I would like her to feel more involved in school life and do more exercise, as these are so important for mental and physical health during adolescence.

I think you are expecting too much of the school. If you want her to do more exercise sign her up to more dance and gymnastic classes. They won't be being taught much in any of these school clubs and they are unlikely to provide her with that much exercise. Surely your DD would be more confident putting her myself forward if she was more skilled by doing classes outside school. Try and do classes that some of her classmates are doing.

Thanks Luzina I was thinking about asking for a meeting. These things have been niggling me for a while and, having left it to her during Y7 and realised that she hasn't managed to access any clubs, I think I need to speak to someone.

Guilok my dd did do ballet and tap outside of school for 7 years throughout primary. She'd now like to do modern/contemporary dance, which is what the 'gifted and talented' club does at school.

Am I expecting too much of the school? I'm only asking that her form receive the same information as other forms re clubs and that she has the same opportunities as other girls of a similar ability.

She does gymnastics outside of school with a friend, and would like to do athletics and dance but can't find a friend who wants to go with her. Hence, me thinking that school where she is still building up friendships would be a good place to start.

I don't think you're expecting too much of the school at all. One class getting left out, and a child that has auditioned for something getting no feedback, is rubbish. It is certainly not an inevitable consequence of being at a large comprehensive. Plenty of comprehensives manage to run an extra curricular programme that offers widespread opportunities, not just for the chosen few.

A polite approach asking how she can get more involved seems perfectly reasonable. Do it now, before it's the very end of term. Hopefully she can get more opportunities next year.

Thanks chicken, yes this thread has helped clarify my thoughts and I am going to email asking to meet with the head of year to ask what she needs to do to know about/access opportunities.

A combination of things - being the only child from her primary, having a succession of form tutors, not knowing that there even was a gymnastics club at the beginning of the year when the squad was formed, being a quiet child in a loud class, not having friends to advocate for her getting a place in a club - have contributed to this situation.

Which isn't the end of the world, but feeling involved and having groups of friends are important in secondary school, and definitely important enough for me to flag it up properly now.

Thanks all.

Really your dd needs to go and find the PE teacher during break or approach her after her lesson and say ‘Miss I do gymnastics and dance outside of school and would like to join the clubs in school, how do I do that?’ And the teacher will tell her.

Not having a ‘friend’ to go to a club with should not stop her. She’s almost year 8 now, this is when she needs to be independent.

I’m wondering if she’s so shy is this showing through during her lessons, and hence her teacher hasn’t noticed that she’s good at it. Ds was approached during the second week of year 7 and told when rugby practice was as he was on the team- he’d never played outside of school before, but apparently showed good skills during their first two lessons (they are now year 9, and have won the county cup two years running!).

There’s two separate issues here. The first is that she is missing out on notices due to inconsistency with form tutors. A quick email to her head of year should resolve that. The second is she is missing out on clubs as she isn’t sure how to join, speak to her PE teacher or the head of PE and ask how she can join x, y and z and cc her head of year in.

Form tutor notices or lack of need to be picked up by the head of year.

Her not going to see staff or not being confident enough to stand out and be picked for a squad is separate and understandable. If someone is so shy that they arent happy going to ask staff a question then they aren't going to be noticed as squad or performance team material.

She's not crippling shy, just reserved and is in quite a forward, loud class. She didn't ask about gymnastics because she didn't know there was a club until Easter, why which time the squad had already formed. She 'auditioned' then and didn't hear the outcome, missed a training session that she didn't know about, so wasn't allowed to join then. She did speak to the teacher about auditioning etc when she realised that there was a gymnastics club, and did tell her about not knowing about the training session, but the gym teacher wasn't very encouraging probably because the squad had been formed since September.

I'm going to encourage her to try to get involved in gymnastics at the start of Y8, but that's obviously in September.

I've emailed the dance teacher and asked what she needs to do in order to be invited, and also the head of year to meet to discuss the broader issues her form have had re:not knowing about things happening.

I don't know what the others are saying as I stopped reading after the first few comments. My son is in year 11 and I am still a very involved parent to ensure he gets what he deserves and the school does the right thing by him.

I don't see any harm in you either writing to the teacher directly asking for an audition or letting the head of test know how much her form has missed out on by not having a form tutor.

I think it’s good you have emailed the dance teacher and the HoY, the way things are done doesn’t sound very satisfactory and it’s possible your daughter has just got the wrong end of the stick or something but if it is the case that people are just ‘spotted’ then it’s perfectly possible for a quiet student to be overlooked and you emailing in just underlines how keen she is. Plus you should hopefully get some clarity on what’s happening with the form tutor, it seems pretty shoddy that a y7 class, so still new to the school, have been left like this and they should really get first dibs on a first rate form tutor for y8.

Of course they should be fighting their own battles but your daughter is still young, this seems like a confusing situation and I think we still need to advocate for them now and then. Good luck.

Thanks. Yes, the form tutor situation hasn't been great, but these things happen. It's just been bad luck as the other forms all have the teacher they started with back in September. There's generally very little supply etc in the school, so lots of ongoing familiar faces but still.

Yes, I think it's time to step in a bit now. Dd is happy to let the gymnastics squad go, but she's desperate to do dance and is actually very good at it, so I would like her to have a chance.

I've emphasised that I'm not trying to be pushy, but just trying to ensure that dd has access to things eg feeling involved in school and exercise that will stand her mental and physical health in good stead through adolescence.

I don’t think you are being pushy, my own Dd in Y7 was exactly like you describe albeit with drama. Had been in west end productions and yet at school missed the drama club and couldn’t be persuaded to speak to the drama teacher for fear of looking pushy. It’s like she expected them to be telepathic. I sent a really polite email explaining how keen she was so join and the teacher emailed back saying yes of course and that she had no idea Dd was so enthusiastic. So glad I did this as left to Dd it would never have happened & she would have really missed being part of something she loves.

@christinarossetti19 even if you were pushy no need to feel apologetic about getting the best opportunities for your DC. Haven't studied Shiism that children's success is mainly down to parental input?

It is certainly not an inevitable consequence of being at a large comprehensive. Plenty of comprehensives manage to run an extra curricular programme that offers widespread opportunities, not just for the chosen few
Agreed. My eldest is quiet, but has never missed out on clubs as they are advertised to everyone and told how to join.

Why are you the least pushy parent ever? Does that benefit your child? I would imagine not. Get pushy, get sharp elbows and advocate on behalf of your child. If you don't, who will? I never understand parents who think it's good to be 'not pushy'.
Be proud to be pushy!

It was slightly ironic hollowvictory. Dd was chosen for lots of sporting/gym galas/competitions through primary school and often turned down the opportunities. I always said to her that I would support her in any way I could but wouldn't make her, but for her to be aware that if she kept saying 'no' the teachers would probably stop asking.

I do 'make' her do exercise/music practice etc, but don't enforce that she enters squads/competitions/grades iyswim.

Thanks arewedone, I'm hoping that dd's school will respond in a similar way!