I want to help my sons, but I have NO IDEA what they're doing

[JustGettingStarted]

I'm so sorry - I don't really know where to begin.

I'm not from this country - my home country (USA) had a very different way of doing things, and that was decades ago. Also, I work away from home every other week, so I am not around as much as I should be. DH is the stay-at-home parent and I'm afraid he's not able to help much. He just says that everything was different when he was there and he left school right after his GCSE's or whatever they used to be called. He's not likely to be very engaged for a variety of reasons like depression and social anxiety.

So, I am trying to get my head around things. I am ashamed to say that I let things go their own course. I went to some parents nights and I read the school reports (I had to ask what the numbers meant.) But I am not here.

DS1, who is in year 10, has entered adolescence with a vengeance and retreats to his room. He is bright but a bit lazy. We got a call from his maths teacher saying that he has done NO WORK at all in weeks. No assignments completed and his exercise book is mostly blank. He's not paying attention.

There is no textbook. I have managed to log in to the VLE and the MathsWatch websites (DS didn't know how to log into MathsWatch!) I'm trying to get a grip on what he is supposed to be doing. If there were a textbook like I had at his age/level, I could flip through to see where the class is and flip back to the point where DS seems to have lost track and then we could work through the difference over the half term, or at least attempt to. There are five assignments on Mathswatch and that is all there is. I assume his exercise book is supposed to contain the notes of the daily lessons but it doesn't. What is there is illegible chicken scratches.

I have also tried to figure out what he's doing in other classes. I'm not sure what he is doing in Science or History or Literature or Spanish. Again, textbooks would be helpful. Like, if the current Spanish chapter was dealing with a particular verb tense or whatever.

There are "resources" on the VLE and they link to various pdf's and scans of revision material.

Obviously, DS1 isn't exactly keen to fill me in on everything. We want to tackled maths, first, but I need to know what he's supposed to be doing in all the subjects and try to keep an eye on what he is doing. There doesn't seem to be an awful lot of homework. He's not being sent home with a page of quadratic equations to factor or whatever.

DS7 is in year 7 and I gather he's a keen student who is applying himself diligently so there's probably nothing crucial with him but I still wish I knew what they were doing!

What do I do? Where do I start?

The school will have the information you need, you've just missed it because you're under a lot of stress - he's only in his second term, you'll be fine

So the syllabus is one thing and the scheme of work is more akin to the lesson plan. I understand that and I can ask for it.

Its probably worth checking when he actually started his GCSEs. A lot of secondarys now do a 2 year ks3 and 3 year ks4 so they have more time to cover the gcse content.

A bit surprising your son hasn't done much though. He sounds bright if he's still in higher sets so once you get this sorted, I'm sure he'll do well.

To be fair, GCSEs were only reformed a couple of years ago so there are still people unsure about it.

Once you speak with the head of year and know what exams/exam boards he'll do, you're good as he has a year and a few months to learn it all

I wrote a long post them lost it!

Summing up: no coursework apart from in Tech.

All exams in summer next year (May-June).

Mocks (practice exams) in Dec or Jan.

Very few past papers as all GCSEs have now changed to new exams. Last year was the first year for most, grade 9-1 (9 is best grade; 4 is a grade to get you to sixth form, but you need 6 at least to do the subject at A level. If you don't get 4 in maths and English you will have to retake.

For English, find out what books he is doing, get the revision guides (Shakespeare, probs R&J, Victorian novel probs Christmas carol, 20th century, probs Inspector Calls.) Go through the tasks, find some quotes and learn them.

I would be tempted to meet with the HoY and just ask for:

1. the exam board for each subject;
2. two things in each subject he needs to do to get up to speed over half term;
3. any appropriate websites or resources they can suggest to help do that.

For Maths, that may well just be page references in the set of three revision guides he has.

Make sure you get the HoY's email address if poss, so you can ask for regular updates going forward and check he isn't slipping any more. And maybe introduce some sanctions at home based on that feedback? If you can get your son to work with you on these, based on what he agrees is reasonable, he may be more likely to stick with it.

Good luck!

Meant to say, it's hard to find what the exam questions will be like, but there are past papers for maths and English lit and Lang as they were first sat in 2017.

Exemplar papers should be available. Also GCSE workbooks are good.

Check if he is doing English, probably language, this summer. I'd be surprised but it could be right.

Do they have any information nights or events? I think our school do at least I hope so when the time comes as the exam system has changed considerably since I did it 30 years ago!

I'd be very surprised if any teacher or head of year wanted to copy you their schemes of work for the whole year. A LOT of work has gone into these, they are specific to the department, depending on what resources are available. It is a LOT of paperwork which you do not need, would take up a substantial portion of the department photocopy budget, and you simply do not need it!
Your DC can tell you what he is studying in class -refer to the study guides and revision books you can buy, to help him with this. He will be told when exams are, and you will also be notified, this will also be up in the calendar section of the school website. Possibly not yet, but closer to the time. Pupils are always repeatedly told when assessments are due, when tests are, and how to revise each subject. Don't worry too much about that yet, but you need to make it clear to your DS that he needs to take some responsibility for being on top of this as it occurs. He is plenty old enough. As is your dh, who, if nothing else, should be encouraging your DS with his work. At present he sounds totally uninterested and uninvolved. Depression and social anxiety is no excuse, as much info can be found online.

Sorry, meant to say alongside the comments about DS taking responsibility, you said he was lazy and that's probably why you are so intent on finding out as much as possible. I don't think you will be helping him motivate himself if you have already found out what to do if he fails his GCSE s, but don't know the basics about what he's doing in class. That's kind of giving him the idea that it's OK not to put effort in this time round.
You need to get on top of him not working in class (implied by your saying there's not much in his exercise books). As a short term intervention, can you check his subject books every week, maybe ask head of year to put him on report for a few weeks, where the subject teachers will comment on his effort in each class. If work is not being completed, he should be staying behind/sitting detention to catch up. Best to nip that laziness in the bud now, before it gets close to exams. That's prob what you need to concentrate your efforts on - he should be able to identify the sections his class is working on in revision books. If he can't, he's not making the effort in class, and nothing you try and do for him will help.

Contact his maths teacher and ask which exam board they are using. You can then go to the exam board website and download the syllabus. You can do this with his other subjects but I agree maths needs to be tackled first.

One good book I have is AQA GCSE maths for post 16.

(ISBN 978-0-00-822721-0) Obviously it sticks to the AQA syllabus but as it is designed for people with gaps in their knowledge who are resitting it covers everything.

Mat5hs is like a sport, come people are naturally very good at it, some struggle, very few people can't do it but the majority lie in the middle. It is also like a sport in that you need to practice to get better.

I recommend 15-20 mins a day on days when he doesn't have maths homework.

Also get him to explain the questions/methods to you, He will be able to do this if he has understood it.

Schemes of work are usually typed and so can be emailed and don't have to be photocopied. They aren't the same as lesson plans as they don't go into detail of each lesson, just the topics to be covered during each half term and how many hours of teaching for each. Some are quite detailed and you may only need the summary pages. Others are only about 4 or 5 A4 pages for a school year. You can always offer to help pay for photocopying if they need to do a lot.
I only know about maths and science schemes of work though. Maybe other subjects are different?
Usually schools are quite supportive when they see that a parent is trying to sort things out and help their child improve and they will help with information.

@JustGettingStarted I am a Yank and getting used to no textbooks and a curriculum that feels all over the place is something I am getting used to as well. The history GCSE feels like a selection of topics the examiner found interesting, for example, after a few hours on BBC4 or reading the Atlantic. Thankfully DH is a teacher...

And I agree totally with @pallisers . I live it here but there and have been here over two decades but there are still things that come up where I feel totally out if my depth. Your DH should totally step up.

I would highly recommend subscribing to www.mygcsescience.com

It's a one off payment for the year. My DS used is and now my DD is (current year 11). It’s excellent for consolidating what's learnt in class and extra revision. We print if the worksheets and exam questions which she does as she watches/finishes each section.

Yy to contacting HoY and saying you missed the I do everything evening and are not from the UK can they update you. There is probably an information booklet they gave out.

Ask in advance for the exam boards and the text books/revision guides they recommend. Text books do exist but they are often too expensive for schools to keep replacing every few years and are not liked by Ofsted.

Ask the HoY if will do a quick round robin of your son’s teachers to ask what is behaviour, effort and progress is like for the other subjects. Get them to pass on that you are keen to support your son and what to be kept updated and give them your email.

It’s going to be a lot more challenging if he only has an involved parent for half the time. Why/how is your SAHD being able to opt out of parenting?

DS also in yr 10. I suggest get him to use the free www.bbc.com/bitesize/examspecs/zpgcbk7
There is one for each subject and includes a set of quick questions on topics within subjects. If he can do these questions ok on the topics he has covered since September then you both know he is listening and not taking notes but something is going in. If he struggles then explain it's a wake up call to how he'll perform in exams unless he starts working.

Also make sure he has not internet access eg phones and tablets over night. Makes a huge difference in how much he will be engaged in lessons.

Look on the school’s website as they may have the GCSE information from the evening available to download etc.

For maths Edexcel, there are several excellent revision guides. Try www.mathsmadeeasy.com. It has exercises and videos per topic and sample exam questions. Edexcel also has flashcards for maths. www,my-gcsescience.com is excellent as well. CGP does flashcards for triple science AQA as well as combined science.

Our school is really good. It has an app. I can see everything. All revision he's supposed to be doing over this February 1/2 term.
Also a year 10 Evening meeting, after which all syllabus details emailed to us. I know you missed it, but a simple email to HoY to ask for a copy shouldn't be hard.
Did your Dh not attend parents evening?

Btw, Ds1 is the same. Very bright, lazy, bare minimum. It's common!!

I'm American too, and also flummoxed by the UK system. My year 10 son brought home a report card today, and I have little idea how to help (he needs to work on his spelling and show his work)

I have spoken to someone at the school who is Canadian and that helped a lot because I was able to ask questions she understood.

I love most things about living in the UK, but the secondary school system is not one of them. I do wish for a liberal arts education for the DSs.

Both my sons (different secondary schools) have homework books or on-line systems I should be checking each week. Does your school have such a system so you can check weekly that they don't just stop doing work? My year 10 DS just admitted there were two weeks in January he didn't do homework. It is partly the age.

I can’t help because I’m in Scotland, but also being. American just wanted to sympathise! It’s so different and the school assumes people understand the system. It took me ages to get my head round the fact that DS would study a bit of algebra, geometry and trig all in one year and then do a bit more of each the next... Or study multiple sciences in a year.

And the grade boundaries are way out of whack for me as well. D.C. come home and say they got X% and I have to ask them if that is good or bad and hope they are telling the truth. Thank God for Mumsnet otherwise I’d likely still feel as though I were wading through mud.

educating there is no reason for needing the SoW from depts if they have revision books though, is there? The Sow I've always had have been pretty detailed, and as I said, linked to dept equipment etc. OP does not need this detail. Revise what's in the revision guide - that's what will be tested. Easy.

I'm American too, and also flummoxed by the UK system. My year 10 son brought home a report card today, and I have little idea how to help (he needs to work on his spelling and show his work)

Genuine question, if you had been told he needed to work on these in an American school, what would be different?