Talk to me if you're not comfortable financially but send your children to private schools...

[Foraminutethere]

We are not well off, we are not breadline, but that awkward limbo in the middle. We live rurally. Schools are appalling, particularly our catchment (it wasn't when we moved here)

Moving isn't an option.

There are two private schools, approx 15k a year here. But, I would have to work full time and I have other dc who need ferrying about, picking up etc. Little to no support.

We would then have to send one other child at the same time as eldest child so two in private at the same time.

Has anyone on here managed to send their children to a private school when not financially comfortable? Any tips?

Hh income is about 65k so not great. No expensive holidays for us.

I feel like I've failed them with no options but terrible schools and want to look at every possible option.

definitley consider the extra expenses.

fees don;t cover everything.

you often have to buy (lots) of pricey uniform. the uniform shirt at the school i work at are £20 a piece. even a second hand uniform is potentially expensive
sports gear too.
may have to pay for books (depends)
may have to pay for meals
will have to pay for trips
may have to pay for exams as well in year 10/11
things will be added to the bill...!

add on around 10% to the fees and it will give you a better idea. of the actual costs.

if the hh income is £65k, your 'take home' is what, around £4k? maybe less with pensions etc.

fees will be around ... £2500+ a month for both kids. if you consider the extra costs etc

can you take that hit? can you survive on around £1500 a month as a household?

4k a month*

Depending on what area you are in, £65K would get you a partial bursary top up. Some of the London day schools will consider assistance up to £100K but obviously you wouldn't get much of a top up on that salary. Bursaries can be combined with scholarships if you have a child with a talent of some sort; academic, sporting, art, drama etc. In your situation, I'd aim for private at secondary (unless you have good grammar schools nearby then go private/tutor for primary and have a free excellent secondary education). You can then switch to private for 6th form if needed.

We earn less than 65k (used to be a lot less). Currently have 1 DC in a 15k/yr school. Only for 6th form. The other DC didn't want any of that, thank goodness.

I got slaughtered when I asked on MN about bursary eligibility. I also got told off that of course we should to pay for lots of expensive extras like the other (rich) kids at the private school will usually expect (driving lessons, expensive phone, etc). This was part and parcel of what it means to go private. I hope you don't get flailed too, OP.

A bit of top up private tutoring would be far less expensive. What age are you looking at?

How dire are the schools? Is moving really not an option at all?

Personally I don't think you can afford it and it probably wouldn't be worth all the sacrifices you'd have to make.

Very rural - I'll have to look into bursaries.

@dermymc Really dire. And no to the moving unfortunately, we just can't do it. It would be secondary only.

Don’t do it
That’s a massive strain on your household and the fees do go up, some years significantly.
All the extras can be really crippling if you can’t find them like £5 per day per child for compulsory lunch- huge uniform list from a single shop so no chance to get supermarket stuff.

What if something happens to one of you and you can’t work? Or the roof caves in and needs replacing or a relative gets sick and you want to help not work FT for a bit.

Don’t stretch yourself so thin.

I don’t see why you can’t move if you aren’t tied to family. It’s by far the obvious solution.

Or homeschool? Or ship kids out of catchment?

Or get a job at the Indy and this the fees reduction (it’s 50% for staff at our school hence all the teachers kids attend! )

We are tied to family. We have no family support though. They are here but cannot help us out through serious illness.

Getting a job at one sounds like a plan...!

@Foraminutethere thank you for clarifying what you meant about 65k being not great, sorry if I mistakenly gave you a hard time!

How old are kids now?

If family have serious illness then how long will they be around for? (sorry to be morbid but if they're not going to be around for secondary school then move after).

I'd definitely go down the secondary plus tutoring route, they'll get the grades that way. This does assume you can find tutors however.

Your income would just fall into bursary territory at DSs school if you have no real savings/investments.

I totally 'get' your situation. We are rural. Our school is dire. Secondary school pretty dire. People just don't get it. They say what about a grammar school? It would be over 30 miles away...

Why don't you become a governor? Tried that. The GB was totally corrupt and I was the only one who didn't the school was fantastic so had to quit. Total waste of my time. Nothing I suggested was taken on board they just wanted bums on seats.

What about a tutor? Tried that too. Lovely friend tutored DS1 for us but then got a full time job and didn't have time.

OMG over 3 years I tried everything. Finally gave up and put DS1 in a private school 20 miles away and he gets a school minibus everyday. Best decision ever. He is very happy and much more stimulated and his work has improved massively. DD2 will follow in a couple of years.

We have no family living near us. They are either dead or elderly so we have to do every thing ourselves. I work full time and commute 4 hours each way once a week so it's a big sacrifice. But I enjoy my job and it doubles our HH income to around £130k per year.

But if your children are smart you may well be able to get a bursary. A child on DS1's bus gets a 70% bursary! A friend of mine her nephew gets 100%.
I would contact the school you like and see what they say. All schools are looking for smart kids to boost their results.
I would say get a job so you have more disposable income.
Good luck.

At our private school that might get you a partial bursary but essentially only if your children are pretty bright. Most schools will give assistance to those who do the best in the exams.

Personally I think your salary makes it doable. Obviously it depends on your other outgoings but lots of people live off £1.5k a month.

I would say that you can manage the fees while the older one is only there and then as soon as the younger one is old enough to full time.

@mrpickles73 thank you. I do work already and have the option increasing to full time - it's what I would do with the smallest that is an issue!

Part of me wonders whether me not working might be the better option. So I have time in the day to do all the other crap and can devote the evenings to tutoring myself. That would be less of a financial hit. Argh!

@squiddy don't worry - totally cringed when I read it back so I understand entirely.

In terms of academic achievement one is very high, one not so. Age wise one is due to go to secondary in 18 months. The other is 3 years behind.

I do really appreciate you all offering advice on here. My friends/acquaintances who send their children are all very affluent so diff circumstances.

I think I will contact the school and really look into bursaries. There is the possibility of a scholarship for one for sport which is a 10% discount. To the pp who mentioned losing jobs etc - that does worry me (brexit hey...) . Both sets of grandparents are financially comfortable and I think would pull us through that. But we can't guarantee that of course.

To the pp who mentioned parents- we are in a situation which could last a long time and need to be here to help care. No siblings on either side to help.

Thanks @feed that is useful to know.

@dermy a cursory look doesn't show a lot of tutors available! I was an academic kid and think I am capable of doing it, but whether it would work is another thing. I need to find another parent and swap so we tutor each other's perhaps!

I tried self tutoring... but this was painful. Our child resented doing 'extra work' when no one else did any and they were already considered exceeding compared to the rest of the class. I was lucky my friend was a class 3 primary teacher. Once she stopped after a year we had run out of choices and sent him private.
Are you eligible for 30 hours free childcare? Would one of the grandparents consider to sub nursery fees so you could pay school fees?
We moved DS in year 3. Hopefully the same for DS2. Much before year 3 it's probably not worth it as they are learning to read and do basic maths and you do much of that at home.

When you say that the state schools are “appalling”, what do you mean?

Some schools are appalling. We had a number of issues at our school but for me the general.issue is lack of get up and go by the teachers and parents. Small cohorts and very high SEN mean children end up with few or no academic peers.
Things have changed massively in London over the last 20 years and all my husband's privately educated friends send their kids to state schools now because they have massively improved and they have spent all their money on housing.
In our area we are still 20 years behind. Predominantly white working class (which I have no issue with) but Google their school performance. They are usually second from bottom above travellers.
The children and parents at our school are lovely kind people but most parents have no education beyond 16 and see no need go their child to do much at school either. They do not read with their kids etc. It is a world away from N London.

I might get flamed for this but if you and DH don’t have siblings and both your parents are financially very comfortable then I’d assume (maybe wrongly as who knows with care costs) that at some point down the line you’ll have a decent ish inheritance and therefore maybe can risk stretching yourselves/paying less of the mortgage/less in your pensions right now. It might be a tight number of years but it does sound like it’s not totally impossible.

I'm generalising here of course but this seems to be the issue at our school. It's a beautiful village school - picture postcard beautiful and has a good reputation for SEN children so it's not all bad but academically it's very poor.
OP on £65k it would be almost impossible to send 2 @ 15k to private school unless you are mortgage free and grow your own food. You need more income? .

Bursary territory round here is

I think our school bursary is for less than £80k.