Boys attending top independent schools and playing console games at home

[dadap]

Hi not sure if the title is what it should be but here goes. My son will start a top academic London boys school Yr 7 in September. He is very bright, curious, loves sport and has a genuine thirst for learning - and the school is a very good fit for him. He is also very excited about joining. He plays sports twice a week outside of school and music once a week. However my dilemma is that he plays a lot of and excessive amount of online games when he is home - this is only school holidays and weekends. We don't have any screens on a school day - but I worry that when he starts his new school he may have problems keeping up with the work. If you have boys who are very academic and succeeding but also play online games please share what works for you - similarly please tell me if this is a problem / concern for your family and what your plans are to tackle it. TIA

Just take the console away. What’s the problem.

What works for me is saying ‘get off that now.’

Firstly, for me, term time and holiday time are different and have different rules.

During term time, all homework, sport and out of school activities have to be completed before any game playing. No exceptions. In practice this often means no gaming on a school night. And if I hear from school that any homework has been missed or not completed satisfactorily, then no gaming at all for a whole week. In the holidays, I’m more relaxed and at the weekends I’m somewhere in between.

Gosh - how come you know already he’s going there in September? Doesn’t he have to do January exams? I can see why you are worried if he is gaming at the moment then.

It’s just odd that your OP reads like a journalist trying to do an article so you may find you get fewer responses.

Like parents attending shit normal schools you parent and tell him to get off...

Thanks Abetes - this is our routine now at primary school - I'm just aware that as he moves up the demands and expectations will increase significantly. Did your child move from year 6 - 7 recently - can you give me some idea of the transition - in relation to games?

He goes on the console once everything else is done. Simple.

If you think he is spending too much time on online games, stop him doing do. Switch off and remove until the weekend/ holidays. Worked for us.

During term time, all homework, sport and out of school activities have to be completed before any game playing. No exceptions.

This. Also you play it by ear. It soon becomes obvious if they haven't got the balance right.

How hard is it?
Homework/chores/whatever is done first, then gaming.
Odd though that you already know he actually has a place in the school when places haven't been allocated yet.

My DS (14) has no PS4 during the week at all. Friday night and Saturday he can play as much as he likes but usually he does sport on Friday night and Saturday, so it’s limited. Then on Sunday any homework left from the week has to be done before any PS4.

You just take it away- the same as any other parent does. I used to just take the controller.

Not wanting to be goady OP but what is the relevance of the fact that it is a top academic independent school? It reads a tad boasty!

My main comment on your post is that you say his use is excessive at the moment. You’re the parent and have the power to change this! I would change it now to something you consider appropriate. I don’t know where the x box (or whatever) is but I don’t agree with them in bedrooms (just my opinion).

As others have said it’s not tricky - take the controller away if you have to. First though decide what you think is acceptable and then stick to it - all the time.

My DS attends a very academic school, and I have asked & they have told parents what level of "at home" study is expected.

In his case that's 1.5 hours per subject per week, plus homework.

I follow their guidelines, and he is allowed on his console once all his schoolwork is done.

However, you say in your OP that his use is excessive. It shouldn't be. You are his parent. If you feel he is spending too much time gaming, then it is your responsibility to parent him adequately so this is not the case.

Why on earth is it relevant that it's a top academic independent school?

Will he be expected to cut back on his sports and music hobbies too or just the gaming?

Assuming the OP child passed a grammar school exam and scored incredibly highly? Wonder if that's why he's playing so much now?

To the OPs wondering why they already know where he’s going loads of grammars and lots of independents do the 11plus in Sept/Oct each year not Jan.

My son attends similar and is currently in Year 7 (or the colloquial equivalent). All the boys play on their consoles. They are worked so hard during term time that they need to turn their brains to mush for a bit just to decompress. Don’t worry about him keeping up with his schoolwork. The teaching staff are more than happy to hand out detentions for late / shoddy work.

I am surprised you know where he is going in Sept. Round here 11plus results not due out for a while and exams ( including scholarship exams) for decent indie schools with year 7 entry are in January. Our rule was no PS during the week, and until homework was done at the weekend. Homework diary checked to ensure all had been done during the week, Then, they could play when they wanted until Sunday night - however watching Rugby or Dr Who usually took priority. Never have had TV or console in the bedrooms.
More laid back in the holidays but usually did camps and clubs.

Would you have started this thread if he was spending exactly the same amount of time reading? The same amount of time painting? Collecting models? Going climbing?

Or is it just because you think gaming is "bad" and "a waste of time" that you're worried about it?

DS2 spends a fair amount of time online (gaming and chatting on Discord). He finds it difficult to self-regulate so we found strategies to help him to moderate the amount of time he spends online.

I would consider him to be academic and succeeding: he got mostly grade 9s in his GCSEs (and the rest grade 8s) and is aiming for A* at A-level.

However, he doesn't attend an independent school (let alone a top independent school) so I guess this thread isn't for me. 🤣

Why is the school he's going to relevant? Surely for any child attending any school, the boundaries are homework first, games afterwards?

There is a regular poster on here (cannot remember her current posting name) whose son had the tippety top scholarship to Westminster.
He also loved slouching in front of video games.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
Teach your son self discipline and then let him be.

My DC are at a top performing boys school and I can promise you a massive proportion of those boys spend hours a day online. DC spend a bit less time as they have time consuming interests and some of their sportier friends don't game much. But most boys do. It's fine.
He'll get a shock at the homework spike when he first starts, but once that's sorted, he'll be fine.