Why do people openly criticise decisions to send your kids to a private school?

[scotmum1977]

I sent my Son to a private school (Glasgow) last year for various reasons and it's working out really well. There is the cost but we just do without expensive holidays etc. I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education. I was so surprised at how offended people get when they ask which school he attends. They think it's ok to criticise you openly and make bitchy comments here and there. Surely how you spend your own money is your own business. Anyone else have this experience?

Ruffina that's a good point re being symbolic.

It seems blindingly obvious that living in a Tory zone = more support for private schools, Labour heartland = support for public sector/nationalised services for education and health.
Admittedly New Labour made it all a bit more confusing but private Ed isn’t a left wing thing overall.

I asked about the council house because at one point you said you came from nothing and the next you gave off that I commented on you living in a scheme. You were unclear. And have repeatedly refused to even acknowldege that there are valid reasons people may be snippy about you sending your child to private school. I also am skeptical about the peer group that are apparently making these comments- I never had any with those I was around in Edinburgh, which makes me think you have been speaking to people who have valid reasons for disliking them, in which case you should accept it and move on!!

Exactly my point Misstress

Ruffina- we have a Tory government led by many privately educated people, meanwhile child poverty levels are soaring, homelessness is rising, and the NHS is in a mess. And you aren’t sure why private schooling is questioned and people say these politicians are out of touch?? Seriously??

It may be symbolic but it's not JUST symbolic. Right wing people like to trot out stuff about ambition and aspiration but the truth is your aspirations if you're at a private school can afford to be a lot higher than if you're at a state school because they are factually more achievable. And that is most often nothing to do with ability or effort but connected to how much your parents could spend on you.

It's not like buying a posh car because it ensures that wealth and success stays with the wealthy and successful.

Jealousy. And a defensive reaction as it can make them feel like they aren't doing the best for their kids.

What have I said that’s offensive??

I don't understand what you don't understand OP. All children must go to school and it's free. Therefore it's an immediate and obvious topic of conversation for anyone talking to anyone with kids. You have made a decision which sets you apart from 93% of people, possibly more for your community. A decision which is out of reach for the vast majority, even if they give up holidays. Even if you don't boast. Most private schools have very distinctive uniforms, making the poor kids stick out like a sore thumb. Again, a very public statement.

I do not believe that privately educated Tories are any more callous than state educated Tories or than the many privately educated Labour politicians.

I wouldn't be rude about your choices, OP. I do however have a problem with the assumption that if only the rest of us didn't waste our money on cars and expensive holidays, we'd be able to afford private education. That just isn't the reality of life for the vast majority of people.

It's not like buying a posh car because it ensures that wealth and success stays with the wealthy and successful.

No it doesn’t. All it does is increase the chances that a child will avoid the problems that some state schools suffer. It has no bearing on future wealth. (I accept private ed does on average improve the prospects for entering a profession, but that’s a product of relatively better exam performance and is a different thing).

Children of Edinburgh private schools don’t have English accents, they tend to have ‘posh jock’ accents that Scottish people can detect a mile away.

'has no bearing on future wealth' - not true. Privately educated people have higher salaries. Obviously that's discounting inherited wealth which is not connected to education.

And assuming that prospects for entering a profession are based on exam results alone - which they are absolutely not - the fact that private schools are better at getting their students through exams only strengthens the idea that private schools ensure wealth and success stays with the wealthy and successful, surely?

You are paying for state education through your taxes, so paying privately means that the teacher who had your son’s class of 32 now has 1 less student to worry about.

Interestingly, my friend’s daughter is at a really shitty school, just been rated inadequate in all areas by ofsted and my friend never stops saying how terrible it is. Her husband suggested pulling her out and paying for her to go to a private school locally (other state schools in the area are all full). They can afford it but she refuses to as principle that schooling should be free. I disagree with her (but her decision and I wouldn’t tell her).

So it is only exam results that count and the connections made at school count for nothing? Did the old Etonian cabinet members simply all have the best exam results in the country, and attending the same school was irrelevant?

Flossietoot you called me thick plus various other insults throughout this thread. There's really no need for that.

Sorry- some children in Edinburgh private schools do not sound ‘scottish’ in comparison to those not at private schools, with many having an English sounding twang.

You called me a liar at least twice when I said I had worked in Glasgow. And very sarcastic and dismissive when I criticised you. If you don’t like it don’t post on a public forum.

Pointythings I never made the assumption other people should have less holidays or cars and send kids to private school. All I said was that's the only way I could afford it. Other people make their own choices abc it's not for me to judge.

Honestly, I find it difficult to believe that numerous people are openly rude to you about your decisions regarding your son’s education. If you’re truly not being overly sensitive then perhaps you should have a think about the company you keep. Decent people don’t openly criticise others life decisions.

I have lived in the east end of Glasgow my entire life, work in a fairly affluent suburb and am in a long term relationship with a man who lives in an even more affluent suburb. I love Glasgow, I really do but there is no denying that there is are vast amounts of deprivation and poverty. It is not a big city and no matter how ‘naice’ an area you live in, you will never be too far from what many on mumsnet class as a less than desirable scheme. The great thing overall about Glasgow/Glaswegians is their ability to welcome people from all different backgrounds, as long as they are as warm and welcoming. I don’t really get the impression you are Glaswegian, is that correct?

Ps. I also don’t think anyone gives a shit where you choose to send your son for schooling, none of the people I know would bat an eyelid!

Flossietoot Just because I post on a forum doesn't mean it's ok for people like you to come on and start issuing personal insults. I won't take it personally as I see you do it to others on other threads too. You must have a lot of time on your hands.

But people don't just do it for the results Ruffina.

Me and DP are well off, neither of us are from rich families, we both went to state schools. We had triplet girls in August and, unless there are any drastic changes in our circumstances, we would probably be able to spend them but we wouldn't. Partly because I'd resent spending so much money on something you can get for free. Partly because I think that people should have equal chances in life whenever possible. People with more money are already at a massive advantage in life but with something as important as education, people should receive the same standard.