Will you/did you let your child choose their own secondary school?

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Will you be letting your child choose their secondary school or did you decide for them?

We've got a few decent secondary schools nearby, some have better results than others though.

My instinct tells me to let him choose the one he's most comfortable with rather than pushing him into going to the one with the best results.

A very interesting question. I do think dc are able to sense things that the dparents don't about a school, so may have a better feel for whether they will be happy there. On the other hand dparents do have more life experience and may be more sceptical about some aspects.

So I'd say definitely take the dc's views into account, particularly if they are strongly anti a particular school. And if they're all ok, then yes giving them the final choice may be sensible.

My nephew and his brothers were sent to a prestigious school which they all hated. He felt so strongly that his children are all being encouraged to choose their own schools. So far two children at two different schools and two to go. I can see his point. The child has to go there for seven years. That's a long time to go somewhere you aren't happy with.

I think it's important for them to have some say in it, because they are the ones who would have to live it.

We had a 'choice' from the 3 nearest, but in practice there was only a chance of two of them,it's the DC preference between those two, but put them below the 'possible' longshot and the 'only f they make a mistake in our favour and don't notice in time to rescind' even longer shot, both of which were my actual preferences

I decided with them. As in, we all went and looked around the options and their views were a strong factor in the decision. Thankfully we were unanimous.

They also go to the school with the "less good" results but it's the one where we thought they would thrive. And DD1 just got better GCSE results than the highest performer at the "better" school. The right school for your child is the most important thing.

I'm facing this dilemma right now! Have to apply for secondary by the end of October. My DS wants to go to a school he says "all" his friends are going to, whereas I prefer another one. However, I listened to the head of the school he likes give a talk yesterday and was pleasantly surprised. My mum forced me to go to a school I didn't want to just because my older brother chose it. I still feel a bit miffed about it all these years later! I think they need to be happy at the school, so I'm more inclined to let DS choose.

We did. We looked at a bunch, narrowed it down to an agreed 3 & then let ds3 choose. I thought he would put his third choice first, but he didn’t. Now year 9 his first choice (a slightly quirky School) is working out well for him.

We live in an area where we had actual choice between state schools though. And I was happy with all three of our shortlist. I wouldn’t have let him go to a school I had concerns about.

I let DD choose as she has to travel and I didn't want continual moaning of "you made me do this"

It's a subject that always generates a lot of heat on Mumsnet and how do you give an absolute answer? Normally "my friends are going" might not be sufficient reason for choosing a school but if it's a child who has always struggled with friendship then that would be much more important.

Ultimately I'd say if someone is going to overrule a child's choice (unless the school is in Special Measures or under threat of closure or something like that) it should be for very specific reasons connected to that child (as in, "music provision is better at School A which we know is important for you") and certainly not something like "private (or grammar) must always be better than the local comp".

As for results, make sure you know the intake of the school. A school with many more high achievers going in will always have better headline results.

Unfortunately even though we looked around the 4 most local schools and ummed and aahed and got a place off the waiting list as none of them were full we ended up going for our catchment School as that was the only one that had School transport from our village. We are rural and public transport is shit. Also the kids go to a primary school that isn’t out catchment one so again no bus transport so I have to take and collect/afterschool club so I was reluctant to commit to another what could be 11 years having to restrict my career choices due to having to be school taxi.

There isn’t much in the results of the schools but our catchment has leadership issues and teacher strikes which was not ideal but the head has now resigned.

Depended on the reasons. We had the choice of two almost identical mixed comps, plus whether to put ds in for the exam for a top private school that does big bursaries just down the road. Ds said he wanted to go to school b because his best friend was going, and he wouldn't mind doing the exam. We decided on school a because the head is amazing (he does have lots of friends there) and it doesn't cost £50 a month in bus fares. I decided against him doing the exam as it felt too unstable him going to a school we couldn't begin to pay the fees for - what if his performance dropped and he lost his bursary? So ostensibly we ignored everything he said. But i know it was the right choice.

I don't agree with giving kids absolute choice as their rationale may be based on factors like how many of their friends are going, but think they should have an input and I wouldn't send a child to a school that they said, for rational reasons they could argue rather then the friend thing, they they didn't want to go to. DD has been in her school from the age of 5 because that's where he brothers were. She is now 15. A few years ago I looked at an alternative for her last three years (16-18) as I thought a change would be good for lots of reasons. She was initially reluctant but I explained my reasons and after looking around she is so excited about going in January (we are in Oz). If she absolutely hated it I would have looked for an alternative but would probably still have pushed for a change.

I did we are in catchment for 2 different schools. All of dd's friends chose 1 and she chose the other definitely the right fit for her she's so much happier

There were a couple of local schools that I didn't think would be suitable for my DD, so we didn't visit them for tours. DD chose the ones on the form and the order of them, but from the ones I'd picked to go round IYSWIM.

One school that has previously been very popular and usually gets a large amount of pupils from DD's school was the one that neither of us liked on the tour. Despite me pointing out that a large number of her classmates were still likely to pick that one, it was always firmly at the bottom of her list!

It's a long time to spend somewhere you don't like so yes, I do think it's important to give them some say in the matter.

Probably not.
Most 11 yo can't see past where the majority of thirr current friendship group will be going and although it can be daunting and scary for some going it "alone" at a less popular school the fact is tgey only have 1 first day and a few weeks in most have a new set of friends and changing friendship group.

I wouldn't discount their opinion all together but not all 10 or 11yo have the life experience and wider knowledge to think of the whole bigger picture and other important reasons why a school may or may not be a good option.

Well, personally I don't think that choosing a school 'with the best results' is a good way to choose, so if that is all you are going to do I would let him have input!

I think you have to look at more than results, ethos, pastoral, extra curricular, travel time etc. Results too of course, but not just that.

I would visit the schools, discuss pros and cons of each, listen to your DC, but ultimately you as the parent decide. Or you decide that 2 are more or less equal and he chooses between them.

But no, I wouldn't give a 10yo free rein, but neither would I choose on statistics.

Choice of secondary school for us is just an illusion. The catchment school is appalling and others are oversubscribed or difficult to travel to. You apply for the school that you have best chance of getting in to, when most of the necessary information to help you assess the situation, is not available to you. If only your child could just pick where they wanted to go....

Every thing depends of the number of factors: child’ achievements, child’s psychological age, abilities of parents, close friendship, distance, favorite subjects,, interesting teachers, experience, school report and etc.
We started have a look at schools with DC at the end of Year4 and found it very useful. Some of them were deleted from the list, some put done in preferences. Yes, there are moments when we disagreed each other but it is negotiable. We have plenty of time to look at school closer than rush about in agony.
Any way, the last word should be said by me taking into account the DC’s reasonable opinion. In another words - compromise.

I think we would have decided together however it really didn't come to that as she loved the school that we wanted her to go to. She was adamant that she wanted to go there and wasn't even swayed by the school with the amazing sports facilities. She started last week and is having a great time.

We both did.
Her mates went to this school and it seems good, quite strict yet encouraging and enthusiastic.
I was pushed into an all girls school, out of catchment and i knew nobody when i started. I never really recovered lost ground.
So, i wanted my daughter to have as confident a start as possible and so far, touch lots of wood, it's paying off.

Kind of. I had been and done the scouting around the previous year and we only took DD to see the schools we were happy for her to go to.

We all had a favourite first choice but we would have gently steered her towards it to be honest. It’s important to us that she feels like she has had input and an element of choice but ultimately the decision needs to be made by us as parents.

She will have total free reign on where to go at 16 if she wants to move schools.

I wouldn't discount their opinion all together but not all 10 or 11yo have the life experience and wider knowledge to think of the whole bigger picture and other important reasons why a school may or may not be a good option.

This.

I was given the choice and it wasn’t an especially good one. We “decided” together - ie DH and I decided and gave the DC ample opportunity to look at different schools and give their opinions.

Fortunately we all felt the same and they are both very happy and doing well in their respective schools.

I let DS pick his own school.
Many will think that I'm stupid, because he had the opportunity to attend a Grammar school, or another (much better) comp school out of our area. His school is in special measures and has had so much change in the last couple of years, I do often wonder if I made a mistake.
However, he wanted to stay with his friends and he takes part in a lot of extra-curricular activities that the school do (sports teams and the school production), which he would not have been able to do at the other schools.
DS is fairly bright, granted he may not do as well as he should come GCSE's, but I know he is probably much happier, and much more rounded and active and involved than he would have been able to be at one of the different schools. So his choice was right for him, and as much as I'd love him to get all the grades he's capable of in his exams, I wouldn't want him to be unhappy in doing so.

Really interesting. I'm in the midst of this at the moment and don't know how it will pan out. We've tried to do something similar to zodlebud in terms of scouting first and then taking DS to see only the ones we think would work for him - but there are several of those. We've also tried to reduce the chances of him falling in love with schools where either the chances of getting a place aren't great or which we don't think would be the best for him. For example, with one he went on the tour and chatted to the Year 7's but we left before the Head's speech because I've heard it before and it has a marked vibe of 'this is the best school where all the best children go,' and also 'you can come here if you want it enough' - messages that are seductive for a 10 year old but also a) untrue, b) unhelpful and not how i want him thinking about the whole business and c) unfair given that it's massively oversubscribed with a lottery intake!

We gave our daughter the choice after looking at them in various open days. The choice at the end was between an independent and a new comprenhensive. She chose the independent and so far it has been the right choice, she is very happy and settle straight away. She didn't worry her friends were going to a different school and made new friends from day 1. She knew from the beginning what school she wanted to go to. We didn't give her options for schools we thought were not suitable.

I let him have second choice with his friends.
My first choice was a long shot, and he didn't get it anyway. He seems to be settling in well at the second choice.

I will probably let his younger sister choose because she struggles with school.

I can see circumstances in which I might have given DC some choice eg where 2 schools were similar in many ways but one was nearer and the other had newer facilities for example but I didn't give them a choice .
I looked at the available options and took DC with me but made the ultimate choice really without their input.
As it happens DC 1 got a place in a school I hadn't looked at , it was very successful.
DC2 got into an excellent school rather to my surprise and against my better instincts but thinking of the fact that it was free , an easy bus journey and he wanted to go there with his friends I went along with his choice which turned out to have been a poor decision for him.
We chose for DC3 who wanted to go to an 'easy' school with his friends. He was a bit resentful of a long journey to start with but now would say that he is very pleased that he didn't go to his choice.
It is hard and you obviously have to think about your child and their personality eg whether a mixed school or single sex would suit or how they would manage the journey and early starts if it is a long way away but it is a parents responsibility in the end.