Will you/did you let your child choose their own secondary school?

[Sennensurfer]

Will you be letting your child choose their secondary school or did you decide for them?

We've got a few decent secondary schools nearby, some have better results than others though.

My instinct tells me to let him choose the one he's most comfortable with rather than pushing him into going to the one with the best results.

We kind of did. We have three good schools, catchment and two others. For longer-term strategic reasons it would have been better in our eyes for them to go to one of the non-catchment options and they would have got a place there too, but they made a very good case for the catchment school (and surprised us with the clarity, honesty and accuracy of their pitch!) so we let them go there. It’s going to make our life logistically harder over the long run but I’m satisfied it was the right thing todo.

No. It is too big a decision to put on the shoulders of a 10 yr old.
This will, of course, depend on what actual choice you have.
If you are happy with option A or option B, then yes. If you know you have no real choice and they will end up in X school, then none of you have a 'choice' anyhow.
With all of mine, we looked round a few possible schools, and we talked about things together . Ultimately, you are only putting a preference around here, and the LA then apply their admission criteria.
However, I wouldn't have let them 'demand' they went to a school that was, IMO, completely dire, or just wrong or limiting for them.

Ds3 who was given the choice of 3 was the only person to go from his primary to his school. I thought he’d put his third choice first because two friends were going there (including his best friend) - so kids don’t just look at Friends.

I suspect he made his choices based on size. His first two choices were smaller schools. I think a smaller school must have been really important to him even if he didn’t articulate it (third choice, with friends, more than double - nearly triple- the size).

Devilishpyjamas did you ds make new friends easily enough? What with going and not knowing anyone.

Ds has the choice of several schools catchment wise. However there are 3 that he, and I would realistically choose.

I'd probably be fairly happy with any of the 3, though there are factors to consider with all 3.

They were allowed to express their preference but we, as parents, ultimately made the final decision. My two secondary aged children are therefore in different schools.

We have lots of schools to choose from.
Ds has outright vetoed the grammar school which I’m a bit gutted about but tbh he’s just not that interested in school and he doesn’t want to go to an all boys school.
Our 2 local schools are in special measures so we’re not even considering them and if he gets either of them we’ll go private.
There’s 4 other schools that would be ok I suppose.
The 3 that we’re actually considering are quite far away but plenty do travel to them. He can chose which order we put the 3 in as I’d be happy with any of them.

@Sennensurfer - yes, but his school takes from a large number of schools. It’s a bit of an alternative school (state, but quite different) so it wasn’t like breaking into established friendship groups.

Ds2 has just switched schools at 6th form (due to subject choice). Huge school, loads of kids who have been together since year 7. He hated day 1 ‘don’t know anyone’. Wasn’t keen on day 2. Day 3 was ‘okay’, day 4 ‘good’. Yesterday (day 9) was ‘I’m enjoying 6th form far more than any of the last 5 years’ 😂

His friends all stayed at his old school.

I think it depends on the school and the child. Some schools we decided against as parents. The final list was drawn up in consultation with the child but we had the final say. With dc1 they had a choice in order of two schools, either of which might have suited them. Dc2 we strongly pushed them in the direction of a particular school because their needs are more complex and we felt this school would be a better environment for them. She was convinced and so far seems the right choice. I am not sure whether I could send a child to a school which they hated but I loved. Fortunately so far logic and discussion have steered their choices.

We had very little choice but I did make them feel they were making it - I like to encourage them to take ownership of their education, they will work hard for themselves not for us - we are the facilitators, here to advise but it's their lives...and they are sensible enough.

I chose my own. I think it's only right

I didn't have a strong preference so let DC choose.
That said, right now I probably am waging quiet campaign of persuasion with DS; it's his choice but I hope he goes for X.

My preference isn't about "best results", although X does have far better results. Situation is that older DC have done well at X (socially, primarily) and I just heard a terrible story about admin at Y.

We chose, based on where we thought he'd be happiest/would do best. He wanted to go to another school, where majority of his class were going. I sat down with him at end of Year 7 and asked what he thought now and would he want to swap if he could - he said definitely not, we'd made the right choice for him and he loves his school and new friends.

I pretty much chose, but if she had really not liked it I wouldn't have pushed it.

The primary school has a split secondary catchments plus a 3rd umbrella catchment, so we had the 'you can't choose based on your friends' The school we put was outside catchment but we got in. She was 1 of 5 from primary, none of who were her friends , but she has an amazing group of friends now.

We are doing it again for ds, looked round one school which he keeps saying he wants to go to. I don't want him to. We are now firmly in the catchment for dd's school so hoping for there. Going to see the senco so will think after that.

For him he can't make that decision as he really doesn't see the wider picture (and doesn't really need to)

I mostly let DS1 choose and will do the same with DS2. They are the ones who will have to go. There is a realistic choice of 3 schools, 2 rated Good and one Outstanding. We are right on the edge on distance for the one rated Outstanding at the last inspection. I have heard that grades dropped between 2016 and 2017.

When I talked to DS1 about looking at the three schools, he ruled out one, that I will call School C, saying that none of his classmates were going there. I was interested in it because it is the only one of our possible 3 which has a sixth form. Although it has a sixth form it is not oversubscribed because it's in competition with several schools which are, which have a relatively middle class catchment by distance and get really excellent results. Although it is in the wealthier side of the borough, it's in the less affluent part of it. The sixth form is not as selective as rival school sixth forms. School C also had an open evening during the week when DS1 was away on the year 6 residential trip.

We went to A and B open evenings and I thought both would be fine and had lots in common. B is further away and OFSTED outstanding. I might have put it down first on the form with A second, and acccepted A.

A is near and did the best overall open evening - headteacher's speech part was less impressive than B, but A had a better tour which was more accessible to DS1 to ask questions, more welcoming. DP clearly preferred A, I slightly preferred B but felt there was little overall difference in terms of the educational offer. I don't know if I would have been happy to give DS1 free choice if I'd felt much more strongly about any differences.

When I say I mostly let him choose, there is an academy chain school planned to be 3-18 - further away than A but nearer than B or C and a straightforward bus journey. I didn't suggest we even looked - DS1 has a swimming friend now in year 8 there and if he'd said I want to go to L's school there would have been an issues and quite a dilemma, because I really dislike the organisation that runs school D and academy schools, and I think the school is too new, without GCSE or A level students. There are other serious issues. So I did rule out an option without discussion with DS1.

I listened to my childrens opinions and spoke to them about what was important.

DD1 was allowed to pick between 1 and 2 choices as there was not much in it. I preferred school 2 she preferred school 1 She got school 1.

dd2 picked school 3 as 1st choice it was a disaster and she ended up in school 1 with DD1

DS passed the grammar test and put in the 3 "local" grammar schools (we are in a grammar school council but on boarder for 2 other councils that are not) He put school no 1 (dd1 &2's school) as 3rd choice over 1 of the grammar schools..

DD3 did not want school 1 and wanted school 4 or 5. I preferred school 4 or 6. We debated this a lot. She had been allowed to take out school 7 as she felt it was too religious However I dug my heels in over school 5 and 6 and insisted school 6 go above school 5. She got into number 4 that was both our favourite. Is thriving there now (and ds has joined her for 6th form.

DD3 and DS knew they could not select school 3 due to the appealing experience we had with them for 2 terms for DD2. and a school 7 was completely discounted due to behaviour of students and the league tables the school make. However any other school nearish by they showed interest in we went to visit and discussed. When asked they all felt we listened to their opinions and supported them however ultimately it was mine and dh's choice I am just happy we made our children feel they had a say.

This year for the first time in many I have only 2 schools to deal with and next year it will be down to 1. I have not dealt with 1 since all 4 of them were in primary school together.

Enko, reading your post I actually feel quite glad not to have had to contend with 4 or more choices.

With dd we had the choice of 4 (plus a 5th complete outsider)

With ds the outsider is even more so and another we are no longer on the bus route for (different authority)

This leaves 3. One has a banding test so if not first won't bother.

This leaves 2.

(The 2 other in the authority are not great and the 3rd is Catholic)

Amazed you all have so much choice...
Not quite at the secondary application stage yet but keeping an eye on admissions as time flies and as things currently stand there is one school we will get and that’s it unless we want the one in Special measures or to travel long distances (public transport not good so would have to drive)
The one we will get will be fine for one of my twins but I’m already worried for the other - it’s a huge school and will not suit him at all :-( His closest friends will all go elsewhere too as primary sits right in the middle of two areas and his friends are all closer to other secondary

Having any choice feels like a real luxury...

It depends (like most things)
IF you are faced with a choice of 2 very similar schools - in terms of academics, distance, ethos, clubs etc, and you don't have a strong feeling either way, then yes.

IF you are faced with a choice if 2 quite different schools, and having researched carefully feel one school would be better than the other, then I would be having discussions with the child about the 2 schools - making them feel involved in the decision making process, listening to their thoughts, and telling them from the start that they would be listened to, but as parents we would be making the final decision. Having had the chats so they could express their thoughts and I could express mine, I would decide and give the reasons.

Often, where there is a difference if views it's because kids want to go where most of their friends are going, or to the easiest options which they know most about. Unless the alternative had no merits compared to the first, I wouldn't allow this factor to be the decider. It's easy for parents to give into pressure and wailing about going without friends, but this is such a short term issue and the difficult phase about it so short, that other factors should over-ride it if another school is a substantially better fit.

And I do think parents need to be prepared to put in some legwork...,sometimes they let children decide, because they as parents don't know anything much about the alternatives. So visit the schools on official open evenings/mornings and go to the working open mornings, look at the school erformance data about them and see how they perform for your kind of child, speak to parents with kids at the schools, ask questions if the schools about things relevant to your family ...it might be SEN provision, it might be clubs,nit might be transport, it might be policies on bullying or whatever. Be prepared to out some time into gathering the information - you'll need to start before Yr6 probably.

Often there is no real choice. There's only 1 school your child will get into or there are 2 schools which are very similar. When there is a choice and the schools are very different, parents need to be parents and make the final choice, after listening to their kids. Kids cannot know about all the things which matter across a 5 or 7 year education and may well allow a lesser important factor to dominate their decision making. As an adult, you can see the bigger picture.

My mum completely disregarded my feelings about secondary and sent me to one I didn't want to go to. It took me a long time to settle and make friends, all my friends had gone to the other. She then let my brother choose where he wanted to go which obviously seemed very unfair to me. Especially when he got to go to the school I had wanted to go to!

So when it was my kids turn to choose we looked round a couple and I let them have their say. Luckily they chose the one I liked best - for different reasons to me though (they liked the huge library and as they've all spent virtually every lunchtime there it turned out to be a good reason!)

We had a huge choice of schools so we were lucky in that there wasn't one that all his friends were going to. We ruled out a few, including one that is consistently in the top 3 for years.

We narrowed it down to the grammar and a high where DS felt most comfortable, with another grammar that we didn't see but was highly recommended by his primary school Head. In the end, he got into our first choice based on pastoral care, transport provision, results and the fact that DS loved it on the tour.

I would not have sent him to a school that he didn't like.

Thankfully having seen about 6 schools we all agreed on the one we wanted...quite an arduous admissions process then the waiting... It is not the school most of her friends are going to but she seems to be finding her feet.

We had six really good choices (mainly as DD passed various grammar tests, catchment comp was dire and closet comp which was outstanding was out of distance) We would have been happy with any of them so let DD choose the order. It wasn’t my preferred order but she is really happy at her school now in Y9. It happens to be really close to us and she didn’t have a single person from her school in her class and now has some amazing friends.

Not every DC will be ready for such a decision but DD was and we respected her decision making which had been proven on other matters before choosing a school. This included things like how to spend her time, money, interests, etc