To go alongside the thread about all girls schools: are there any advantages to educating your son in a single sex school?

[himalayansalt]

If you like an all boys school, what makes you feel that way?

Less distraction 😉

I have heard it said many times that parents have been happier in an all boys' primary school (and I presume the same logic applies to secondary) because their sons' work was displayed on the walls, whereas in a mixed school the work tended to be the neater pieces produced by girls.
At my DD's mixed primary, that definitely didn't seem to be the case, and I thought the teachers took great care to ensure that all children had a piece of work on display at any given time.

MrsMc - yes, that fact is still trotted out all the time in the single sex schools argument. And it strikes me that boys are therefore getting a bit of a raw deal here maybe? I post as the mum of a boy and a girl!

I have found it quite ironic, in view of having always heard that said too, that my daughter has been in coed schooling since upper primary, and her brother single-sex all through. For senior school we did look at a range of options for our daughter, but co-ed seemed the right fit for her (admittedly, co-ed boarding may give you the "best of both worlds" to an extent as they have the single-sex environment in house).

My youngest has just started boarding, I think his school could have in principle been a great place for his sister but the co-ed equivalent doesn't exist. (I am a little jealous as I wish I could have gone there myself ...) So I think it is the specific schools he has been at that I like, rather than the single-sex aspect per se. And both of those schools have realistic reasons for not expanding to co-ed.

I’d like to hear views on this. An all-boys is one of our options. I often hear things like ‘too much testosterone’ and ‘girls are a good influence on boys’ and ‘If they aren’t a laddy type they are better in mixed’ but is this just an assumption? I haven’t actually heard any actual evidence to back it up.

Also one of the reasons people give for wanting their DCs not to go to single sex schools is that in primary they have good friends of the opposite sex. How does this translate at secondary?
Would be good to hear others experiences.

I’m not particularly in favour of one or the other, just that there are a lot of single sex schools in our area, for some reason.

We have discounted the all boys option for DS in favour of mixed.
This is entirely based on the culture at the boy’s school. Very heavy discipline from day 1, treat them as if they need to be disciplined until they prove otherwise. Compulsory rugby at 7.30 three times a week including Saturday. A PE teacher said that they aim to break them in year 7 and then make them again. State non selective boys school. Locally, parents either love it or hate it. Boys mainly hate it in year 7.

I think girls and boys do separate out in y7. My DD1 went to a mixed primary but really ditched boys in terms of friendships in y5/6. She worked with them in class, laughted at their jokes and talked to them but they didn’t feature as friends. Few girls had lasting friendships with primary boy friends. Their interests diverged. They moved on.

I have met many young men from several wonderful boys boarding and day schools. Friends of DD. I have been particularly impressed by their confidence, their maturity, their good manners and their ability to converse about all sorts of things. They are truly well educated. They are at ease in society.

They have all been quite focussed about their careers. They were all very pleasant but I would trust my DD to choose such people for friends because she is discerning.

As on the girls thread, I have no doubt there are unpleasant boys at all types of schools! It’s inevitable. I agree it’s important to choose an ethos you like and your DS would appreciate. However there are many things boys schools do very well and these should not be underestimated. You should though think about how girls will feature in the life of the boys but if you have a DD, your DS will meet her friends and perhaps mix with girls in clubs. School is only part of life - it’s not your whole life.

My son went to boys school from year 7. First year was all about discipline. Teachers picked at everything at first parents evening. The rest of parents evenings were ok. The school is very competitive which was suited to my son because he is very competitive too and he got good competition.
Their school pared with girls school which is near by. They have contacts with girls outside school. To make contacts easier they have disco with both schools at year 7.

no expectations of “boys” and “girls” subjects.

Boys in a single Sex school can explore what interests them without any gender expectations.

My son was teased at summer camp for choosing art and drama options as these are “girls” subjects. He has no idea what made them “girls” subjects and what was wrong with doing them.

I wasnt keen on single sex for my DS - and we had an 'outstanding' co-ed round the corner....however he really struggled there so we moved him at y8 ...he loves his all boys school.... he is not very good at sports and the school is sports mad, and it still works......It is a bit more old fashioned for want of a better word than the mixed school
and that seems to be good for him he's ok with strict, they play more - so even yr9 they are running around at lunchtime......

the school seem to understand them and works hard at keeping them busy/providing opportunities for quiet....

I think the girl thing may kick in later but they do seem to split in the main as being friends from about yr5 anyway - all my friends have girls so he still has lots of firends and we may well go mixed at 6th form ....
I went all girls and hated it - but I think its the school fitting your child rather than the single sex/mixed

Both mine are at single sex schools, and both doing well. It is interesting to see the different approaches and methods employed by each school. You can tell that the different approaches to work better for each sex.

As others have said, I think the best advantage for both sexes is that everything is acceptable and available. At DSs school music and art are very strong. Many, many boys sing - a lot- which is not something you would usually see in a co-ed environment. Similarly in the girls school, maths and sciences are just part of the curriculum. They don't have to compete with boys to answer in class etc, and many continue with these subjects to A level, because they are just part of the range of subjects available.

There is plenty of time for socialising out of school.

Surely the most important thing si that they are at the right school for them? The school that will bring out their strengths, iron out their weaknesses and help them develop confidence without arrogance? In both DSs case that happened to be a single sex school. But the fact it was boys only didn't play any part in our decisions. If anything, it's the only thing that slightly puts me off. But one of them hangs out with loads of girls from the three nearby girls schools. He went to three different proms and endless parties at the end of term. And the other has a huge crowd of friends from all sorts of different schools, single sex, mixed, private, state, grammar, and they hang out together because they have shared interests. Academically, they did well where they were.

My 3 sons have all been at all boy schools from age 3 - 18 (last 2 left last year). One of the boys had a few girls lower down the school but they did not make a material impact on his years.

I was going to say the same as Seeline about boys singing - my 3 all won music scholarships at 13+ and sang a lot in their prep school too which as soon you bring girls in singing can become a girly thing only girls do.

Also they can meet girls out of school and they have 2 sisters anyway so it is not as if they are never going to see a girl - they were all at day schools. I and my siblings were also educated at single sex schools so it is what I know too.

They also had a lot of very nice male teachers who could be role models and mixed schools tend to have fewer male teachers so that was a plus point.
Also some boys at their school are from families who do not like early dating/relationships and want them to concentrate on academic work at that age (a very good thing) and I liked that ethos.

I'm facing this choice for DS soon. DM tells me boys schools are all dreadful violent places, and DBros experience backs that up. But it wasn't a great school anyway, so I couldn't base any decisions on that. How have your DS non-selective state secocondarys been?

I can't answer for non selective state, but my sons have not experienced violence at all boys' day fee paying schools and are not violent themselves either.

My DS selective private is not violent either. Pastoral care is very good and the very minor instances of bullying / teasing that we brought to schools attention was stamped on immediately.

Pastoral care has come along way in schools in the last 20 to 30 years.

Same here. All accidents were promptly dealt with. Very strict discipline inside and outside school. Students learnt how to be responsible for their behaviour.

I'm really interested in the point about 'boys'' and 'girls'' subjects. We're looking at single sex grammar vs private co-ed, and one of the things that's putting me off the grammars is the seeming focus on 'boys'' subjects. When we looked round it was all STEM, STEM, STEM. English was definitely a poor cousin (confirmed by the numbers taking it at A Level), MFL seemed like an afterthought, and when we asked about drama, the answer was 'er... we don't really do that here'. But that all sounds like the opposite of what other people are saying about single sex schools!

My ds went to an all boys school and that particular school really, really suited him.
We weren't particularly looking for an all boys' school, nor a mixed - had no strong feeling either way - but, in the area we live, we just felt this was the best school for him.
I know it is a generalisation, but I feel some boys do approach school and learning in a different way from the majority of girls. I confirm there are many exceptions to this, and I really genuinely feel that ds's school would have been the best school for dd1 to attend - she would have slotted right in there, so I know there are lots of girls and lots of boys that don't fit the 'stereotypes', whilst I still understand that stereotype arise because of fairly typical behaviour amongs a group of individuals. I think the fact that teachers had opted to apply to an all boys school might mean they enjoy teaching boys, together, as a group.

I really am not expressing this very well

But I couldn't recommend my ds's school highly enough to other parents. He is/was bright but disorganised. Liked classes and interesting discussions etc but hated homework and writing things up. Chatty and friendly but could see he could be annoying in class . Loved the emphasis the school put on outdoor education and the many chances he had to get out and use up energy. I felt so many of the staff at the school really 'got him'. Possibly jst as many would at a mixed school - I have no 'control' to prove / disprove my theory of course.

I read a quite a bit about an Australian system where it was coed but they were separated for STEM/English and taught different books and Shakespeare plays based on what appealed more to boys and girls. Apparently results improved because girls were more likely to speak up in stem without boys around and boys were more likely to engage in the specially selected literature

brisk, that's unusual in our experience but we are London private day schools so that may be a reason - my sons' schools have all had loads of music (my sporty son was constantly torn between the two and was music prefect and their school did loads of drama too often teaming up with a local all girl school for that although my boys were not into drama).

The othe rparents (not the school) were very into Stem subjects, dentistry, medicine etc but that is because they are keen on children getting into professions and because the school is majority Asian not because it's a boys' school. In fact the school was very clear about keeping boys away from maths A level unless they are good as so many boys had parents making them do maths when they would get a C or D and not really up to it (obviously some are really good at maths, but not all).

My sons did French (and dropped Latin and Spanish). they could have done those 3 languages had they wanted so I didn't get the imkpression it was non arts and also all 3 of my sons at their schools did arts, not science, A levels (other than economics I suppose which I and they really liked)

Thanks, that's really helpful and interesting. Xenia, part of the reason we're considering the private co-ed is because it's likely to have more opportunities for things like music and drama, as well as the broader subject range. It also helps that it's an IB school, so all the boys as well as girls would have to do English plus a language until 18 - so hopefully that would reduce any perception of them as girls' subjects.