GCSEs 2018 (16) - The Final Countdown

[mmzz]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3304925-gcses-2018-15-the-reckoning?

Sorry if I dont word this in a way that is sensitive enough (I'm not great with words sometimes).
There are a couple of DC's in DD's NCS group of 14 with ADHD, they are both lovely DC's but one is quite challenging when he has not taken his medication (apparently he takes 7 tablets a day), he has taken a liking to DD and therefore some of his challenging behavior is towards DD (just repetitive things like nudging her - nothing serious). I would have thought that the NCS staff should be prompting him to take his medication but this does not seem to be happening...they do take him out of the group for short "rest times"...not sure whether I should ask the question but I dont want to make this an issue because I think its great that NCS are inclusive and I am sure DD will handle the situation well (she has already explained to him that sometimes she needs her own physical personal space). What would you do ?

Oneteen I'd ask the group leaders to create situations where the boy is in another sub-group as much as possible before the situation deteriorates.

And ask what they do about ensuring the DC take their medication at the right time.

Of course, the age old trick is to mention that you have a boyfriend at home.

I think the boy/girl situation isnt too bad because DD is actually spending some time with another boy from another group when they are not in their own groups (although i am not sure how this will work next week or the week after)....although he has seemingly taken a shine to DD because she's very sociable. My understanding (from DD) is that he actually asked for medication one day because he realised that his behaviour was probably deteriorating but I would have thought that NCS staff should be prompting - although I guess with some medication its best if they can take as little as possible (although I dont have any real knowledge). I think their group have really gelled but I think next week once there is no structure in terms of a full day of activities things could be more difficult.

mmmz thanks for advice about registering to vote, I didn't know about that.

Has everybody completed the form to continue the Child Benefit claim (if applicable)? I remember completing it but not sure I posted it...I think I did but it's nowhere to be found so I must have posted the form

Oneteen so he's just in her personal space a bit too much? Its not that he fancies her, its just that he wants to be friends and your DD isn't as keen? Your DD would rather he was a part of a friendly group than a personal NCS friend to her? However, he isn't reading the signals very well even when she is making them quite explicitly?

Medications - I don't know. It is awkward because the leaders are young themselves and his health is a private matter.

Yes it's the personal space putting his head on her shoulders... repeatedly tapping her head etc but Dd states medication seems to have a depressing effect so not great either..
I am sure it will be fine...

"hmcAsWas Can you believe it: someone has taken mzzz!"
How very dare they!!

mmmz we just registered him, thanks for the prompt. However, he can't vote till 18, so there's no real hurry, am I right?

I thought we could create a helpful 16+ list...

• National Insurance Number
• Vote registry
• Claim Child benefit extension
• New 16+ Oyster/travelling card
• Provisional driving license

Anything else?

To be fair, i think if someone tapped me on the head once, i'd be irritated. Twice and I'd be asking them not to do it again. Three times and I would have a warning in my voice and we'd have a problem if there was anything more than that.

So, "repeatedly" = your DD is a saint!

I suspect the boy thinks he is more loveable than he really is. Your DD just needs to develop zero tolerance to being touched by him as he clearly doesn't know where to draw the line. Shrug him off every time the head is on her shoulder and tell him to "pack it in" every time he taps her head.

Claim Child benefit extension - i didn't know this

www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19

brainmelt - I know the voter registration thing is odd. I guess they just want to be ready if there is an election the day after your 18th. (they ask for date of birth)

mmmz - I dont think he means to do it ...lacking in social skills ...hence the medication ( also has Aspergers)...I think if someone repeatedly does things and they know what they are doing its unacceptable but I think its slightly different if they dont understand what they are doing ...I am sure DD will find a way of coping with it ...I dont think its having to much of an impact although suspect next week maybe different because they wont be so busy with activities.

DS2 has Asperger's and ADHD and takes daily medication (slow release so he only takes it once a day). He doesn't invade anyone's personal space but when travelling in a group there's a risk of him wandering off and getting left behind when the group moves on somewhere else.

When he went on the recent concert tour to Germany, I emailed the trip leader to request that a member of staff prompt/remind him to take his meds.

About the child benefit thing - what school do you put down when you don't know the results yet, so you don't know if they will be able to take up the conditional offer or stay at the current school?

Good point mmmz, we don't have that problem as he's staying at his school, maybe wait a few more weeks then?

Young people with ADHD can have very poor impulse control. Even after being given consequences for inappropriate behaviour, they can still repeat the same behaviour 2 minutes later. It's like their brain hasn't properly linked the behaviour and the consequence.

brainmelt or even just until "a week on Thursday". If you want to see your DS shudder, try using that phrase! I shouldn't laugh, but it is amusing!

oneteen my DD has just finished NCS her experience of the leaders is that they are Uni students in gap years/summer break. They were lacking in life experience do not sure they would know how to handle the situation you describe.

Also for the list I remember someone mentioning they can register for an NUS card - benefits are 10% discount at Coop & cinema tickets among others. I've not done that either.

Ds has also received a form from the GP to ask about sharing his data now he is 16.

I will need to phone Child Benefit or raise an enquiry. I think they may stop the payments if the form is not received soon. I can ask about the college to enter on the form. When I completed it (I remember doing that bit!) I put down the college he would like to attend, assuming he will get the grades.

Thanks Third - I think its difficult when they are 16 in terms of; I think leaders can only prompt ...but DD said the day this boy took his meds he ended up sitting out of the activities - which is a shame. I think DD is quite patient so hopefully she'll manage out the situation if the same thing arises next week and she understands its not deliberate but a medical condition .

Brainmelt thanks for the link

Third the poor impulse control sounds familiar; does your ds still have support? I have a brilliant work colleague, he is 24, has Aspergers and researched extensively about his condition. He has to be careful about swearing and works hard to get on with people.

Twinplusone - I think they are mainly Uni students but DD mentioned there are a couple of teacher leaders on their course too....they do seem to have pulled the one boy out for breaks so they are obviously managing the situation and credit to the boy who asked for his meds although the effects do not sound great.

one none of my D.C. are on meds but if they were I’d want them promoted. Having said that some other young people say they feel less like themselves on the meds.

Having said that, your DD is absolutely within her rights give really clear messages about what she is comfortable with. She does not have to put up with more because he has SN. If he finds boundaries difficult then “give me space” and “Pack it in” is good advice. If he doesn’t respond well to that then asking for support from the leaders would be appropriate.

As pp said he may like her and that physical play, nudging, head on shoulder is meant to be friendly/flirty. She still doesn’t have to tolerate it though.

One of mine has been really shocked by the casual sexism and constant low level harassment in the workplace. This DD said to me when she was in school that she didn’t understand the sexism thing as she hadn’t really experienced any. She then got a job in a cafe bar and that was a really rude awakening.

GettinTrimmer DS2 works very hard on social skills and is high functioning, so he does not need any support at school. Having said that, his school is very experienced with teaching boys on the autistic spectrum, so it might just be that it's a particularly understanding environment.