Gcse 2018 (10) The one with half term

[Stickerrocks]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3256691-GCSEs-2018-9-Will-we-get-to-half-term-for-never-was-a-story-of-more-woe-than-this-of-Juliet-and-who-is-Banquo

Oops. Can't remember how to link nicely, so this will have to do.

mmzz your poor DS. Moving for sixth form would definitely be the best thing to do. It would allow him to start afresh without the (very unfair) baggage.

Wonderwine and Rosie it's the dreaded half-term lull! It's so difficult to keep the momentum up over such a long period and there's a sense that they're missing out on their break. And it doesn't help that the weather is so good. DS has dragged himself through a maths paper and a biology paper today (having had a complete break over the weekend) but I can feel that his momentum/energy has dropped a bit. Doesn't help that it's a bank holiday either-there's a general 'holiday' feel about the place. Hopefully things will feel more normal tomorrow (and it'll cool down a bit!)

It sounds like we are in a similar place, wonderwine. Surely, things will turn around in 6th form. If give anything to be posting that DS is out with his mates again, and asking for advice about how to get him to take his revision seriously.

Btw, I've had the don't need to revise because no one else is argument. One boy in particular had indicated that he has only done a few hours here and there. I bumped into the boy's Mum and she mentioned that he's been revising for 2 hours per night on average since October. When I told DS that, he realised that people don't always tell the truth!

@mmzz and @Wonderwine - feel for both of your DS. If it's any consolation I think my DH had very similar experiences at school but started to blossom socially in 6th Form and became much more confident at Uni ( where he met me).

It's horrible seeing your children suffer at the hands of bullies - the worst thing is the inability to make it right for them.

wonderwine so sorry to hear that your DS is also suffering.

mmzz and wonderwine given your DS's experiences and what it does to self esteem, have you thought about maybe sending them on an outward bounds holiday or similar as there's nothing like being forced out of your comfort zone in a postive way to boost confidence........just an idea?

I agree it would be good for him. The issue is in persuading DS to step outside his comfort zone. He's become very conservative/ risk averse when it comes to social situations.
I tried very hard to persuade him to do NCS this summer, but there was no way he agree.
When you get bullied like that, it takes away your right to be treated respectfully. So now I'm careful about what I insist on. I'm trying to give him the sense that he is in control of what happens to him. I even get him to approve every bit of the study timetable and change it if he wants even though I think he's making a mistake.

The one that I'm finding difficult is the s sixth form college. DS does not believe that there are people out there similar to him. He thinks he'll be taking a huge risk, socially speaking, that he'll be in an even worse position than he is now. What he's got now is the best he's had in the last 6 years (being allowed to stand out sit with a group of boys even if he says that he thinks they tolerate rather than actively like him).
I think he'll take up the 6th form place, but he's quite scared of the challenge of having to start over.

DD has been eagerly awaiting NCS as a chance to reinvent herself (to a certain degree) with a few familiar faces, but not the sort who will gossip, as they are probably trying to do the same themselves. I do wonder if she's going to get the chance for a little romance too, not around boys who may have known her since infant school and now just associate her with being the opinionated head girl.

I do wish teenage DC came with a flow chart telling you how and when to step in or step back. One advantage of DD struggling socially earlier this year is that we have done so much more together recently, but she does need to move on. I'm slightly dreading prom night, as although she will be there with friends, they aren't going in fancy cars and haven't been invited to any after prom events. I hope she doesn't feel too deflated being picked up by mum & dad.

Could he maybe go on an activity type holiday with his brother so he's not completely on his own or something like a parachute jump or hand gliding?
Agree NCS would of been idea but I can see how that may of been a step too far.....Or even volunteering although I do think extreme experiences are the best......

Wonderwine I don't feel so alone now I've heard about your DC outburst too.
mmzz yes, no doubt delayed puberty, no boobs either lol! But she's mega tiny for her age and she dances training lots of hours per week, and like gymnasts, this can delay puberty. She's no remotely bothered and she refuses to see the doctor.
She's gone off to a sleepover. I suppose I should be grateful that its a change from being reclusive. Usually she only leaves the house for school and dance classes.

DS would hate NCS I'm afraid - not outdoorsy at all and has some sensory issues. He is signed up to do a week's taster course in a subject he might want to pursue in August though. No school friends going, so yes, it's a chance for him to reinvent himself too!

Actually volunteering isn't a bad idea. DD2 started volunteering at a time when she was having a rough time at school and the adults involved were really appreciative and complimentary and it made her feel valued and useful at a very difficult time. They just need some sense of value and belonging but the trick is knowing how to help them get it. And also how much to push.

mmmzz, wonderwine . Totally agree with Oratory1 - volunteering is good!

It's not easy for these DC's whose self-esteem has been diminished through bullying...It is a case of finding a way of rebuilding it ...DD became involved with Brownies has a young leader and this has really bolstered her convenience - having all these younger girls who look up to you. If there is any voluntary work in the area you live for teens I would recommend it...otherwise taking up some form of activity outside of school - Karate, helping out at festivals or local events something that gets them involved with other like-minded KIND individuals. I used to get quite angry about the girls that bullied DD...now I just feel sorry for them and when you look at them a little closer they have their own deeper issues (although there is no reason for them to hit out at others in such unkind ways).

Good day for DD - worked hard - History paper this morning which I thought was fairly good (but I think it probably needs a History teacher to mark the paper). She caught up on Tassomai Chemistry and did quite well in a paper2 (67%) spot A* working on last years boundary (with silly calculation errors that can be addressed).

DS has had highly successful day. Maths and Music revision this morning, 57 not out in club cricket this afternoon. Now watching that rubbish Spiderman with the massive lizard.

I have planted out 48 sweet peas, 36 californian poppies and cut the hedge with the monster hedge trimmers. Onwards, onwards, 2 weeks and 4 days to go.

DS cleaned his desk, his room and his ensuite - even the toilet!!

#anythingbutrevision

@Kingscote - I love sweetpeas - takes me back to my childhood days.

DS2 would also hate NCS.

He has signed up to volunteer at the local library,
will be attending a Physics summer school where he knows no one, and will also be going on a tour to Germany with the orchestra he has recently joined. Those three activities are a good equivalent to NCS and will also suit his needs.

I think that volunteering, NCS etc can be very helpful for building confidence after bullying, bereavement, serious illness etc. However, it's most effective if the young person themselves is involved in the process of choosing and planning. So if you can find something they're keen to try, go with that.

Sweet peas always remind me of my Grampy. Wish I had green enough fingers to grow them, but our garden is more of a day lily & geranium kind of affair.

Well DS came back from our local cinema with DH and said he thinks he'd like to get a part time job there! He saw someone one from his school there and apparently they have a roster for casual workers (it's a very small, local cinema - not a multiplex). He's not 16 yet though, so probably couldn't apply until September.
Sounds like a good idea though - he loves films. I'd worry he'd forget he was meant to be working and end up watching the films

That would be great wonderwine. Work can be so good for them- money, confidence and meeting new people.

Sounds really positive Wonder & any cheap tickets would be an added bonus!

That sounds like an excellent idea wonder, plus not only would he be working with like minded people but he'd be able to give you the heads up on what to see and what to avoid!!

mmzz all mine have refused to do NCS. It's a big commitment timewise too. I wasn't impressed by some of the people on the phone trying to organise it either, maybe I was just unlucky, they couldn't answer any of my questions on what would happen etc or else relegated ds1 one to the extreme SEN pile when I said he had dyspraxia (oh he will need a 1:1 NOOO he won't), I wasn't able to explain that he needed to know just what was involved (ie the location!!!) before signing up. It really is a no-brainer with a child with ASD/dyspraxia that they need to know what they are being scheduled to participate in [grrrr] Anyway he refused point blank and so has ds2 now, and dd thought she couldn't face it either.

All want to get summer employment though, working for family members so that is a start.

Sixth Form ds1 had team building activities when he started Sixth form - I think they make a big effort to integrate newcomers and emphasise that the sixth form is different from the rest of the school whether it is part of a school or a college in its own right. The academic bit is the most difficult part imho, the social side seems to be so much easier than school, smaller groups, respect for hard work etc, and no cliques.

mmzz sorry haven't been on much but.my heart goes out to you and your ds i know what it is like to be bullied all through school. I was even bullied by a couple of teachers! It can scar you forever (as it did me) but because your ds has such a loving and supportive family ( something I never had) he will come through this a strong and loving human being I am 100% sure! Please give your brave ds a hug from me!

I am sure these ncs courses are good for some dcs but my dgd ( or us) would not contemplate it. She would not cope at all and we would worry endlessly. I know we will have to let her go eventually when she goes to uni but not yet! having said that I was off at age if 14 with the National Youth Brass Band of Great Britain and the National Youth Orchestra of Great Britain on easter and summer courses all over the world till age of 18 but I didn't have any parents being in care so I had been self proficient all my life and we were supervised very strictly with a huge party of teachers and staff.