That's really kind of you to write, HesmyLobster, and everyone else who replied. I have to admit, I worry about it all the time. I feel that DS has lost so many experiences already.
DS's bully came with him from primary to secondary and, for reasons that still baffle me, was put in the same form as DS. The bullying started in year 6. The bully's mother is basically a bully herself. I've seen her and her friend shouting at other parents in the street at primary school drop off and pickup times, when that other parent had complained about one of the mother's children's behaviour. I had the strong impression that the primary teachers and the primary school headteacher were a bit intimidated by her. She certainly wasn't afraid to give her opinions quite forcefully. So, DS's bullying started in year 6 at primary school, was not addressed by teachers just holding out for July when he left, and carried on for a few years at secondary school.
I got wind of it a few times, and tried to ask the school to help. They glossed over it. Then when the bully knew that I had tried to intervene, and failed, he would Mick DS for it and things would get worse. So, DS started to hide it. I knew something wasn't right, and. I knew the bully was involved, but I didn't know anything specific and I was wondering if maybe it was my imagination.
Eventually, after years, I came across evidence online. The bullying had become so normalised that the bully, and a couple if his henchmen, and decided to start making videos about it and posting them online. The videos included physicals assaults and stealing DS's stuff as well as really vile memes etc. The worst though was a sort of coordinated attack that encouraged as many DC as possible to ostracise DS.
DH and I forced DS to tell us everything. I've never seen DH look so pale before or since. We presented the evidence to the school and they stopped all bullying within the hour. DS went back to school, started to hang around with a nicer group of boys but he seems to have been pigeon-holed as an outsider. Hence, the forgetting to say where they were going on Friday.
I really hope DS gets the grades to go to this new sixth form and gets a fresh start. It will take a lot for him to regain his self-confidence. Maybe, since these have been the formative years, he will never be completely ok. I hope he will, but I don't know.
It hurts knowing how much he has missed out on. It used to be "hanging out", now it's parties and music festivals.
We've tried to give DS techniques for making friends. Things that he can say. Rules for always being interested in everyone else. But DS seems to need people to come more than halfway before he will reciprocate.
I've cried so often over this. I am horrified that my child suffered right under my nose and for years, not says or weeks. I just want it to be put right, and, tbh being clever is really a very poor second.