Duke of Edinburgh bronze award is giving me the rage. Please help me get a grip or share my frustration!!

[IHaventStoppedCravingYet]

DS 14 is doing D of E this year. He was all enthusiastic and really really wanted to do it. Fast forward to now and he’s barely made any effort at all, is way behind in all activities. Hardly bothered to document the things he has done. Basically can’t be bothered. If we hadn’t spent so much money on it I wouldn’t be quite so upset but it’s really getting to me. As far as I can see he’s learnt nothing and gained nothing. I don’t know why I’m so upset think I’m just really disappointed in him.

What are the things he's chosen to do for the skills and volunteering sections? Are they things he already had lined up and things he's really enthusiastic about? Could it be that his choices aren't really inspiring him? If he's signed up, I'd be really laying it on thick about commitment and 'seeing things through' and 'money spent' and all those life lessons I expect you hoped he'd gain from - but before all that I'd be checking out how he feels about his activities because it is hard to motivate yourself if you're not that bothered about the things you've put yourself down for.

Woah, sorry, string of questions and then a MASSIVE sentence! Just interested as I've been there with DS2...

He is already part of a football team and trains weekly and plays matches so he’s doing that for physical activity for 6 months. So He’s done it but only filled in about three lines on the record sheet so now needs to go back and retrospectively document. For volunteering he’s helped at local
Parkrun and actually is in track for that and has sheet signed (although I sorted this out in the end as time was ticking on and he had done zero to think of anything). For skill he again did nothing so inthe end I told him to join chess club at school as he likes chess. He was supposed to go weekly but I just found out he went twice in Feb and that's it. I’ve had a right go at him and feel guilty now

My ds has been doing things to count towards his time but hasn't documented anything, as far as I am aware from attending the information evening he just needs to get his assessor to sign off to say he has attended / completed his aims.
Am hoping this is the case as otherwise he has a LOT of catching up to do.

I don't think you should feel guilty! I think it's fair to say he made a plan/commitment and isn't seeing it through. It sounds like he's on course for the volunteering and the sport, though, so he has made some progress....maybe now you've done the 'bad cop' you could have a chat about that plus what he could do to get through the skill bit too. Would something else enthuse him more? Maybe (god forbid) something you could take him to so there's a bit more structure and less opportunity not to bother?! When's his expedition? I think it is quite tough to get through it all and does take some stickability, but that is the point, isn't it. Employers and unis do really like it so it's worth trying to 'encourage' him through it if you can!

Well it’s hard to get much concrete info out of him Squirrels but I asked him to check at last meeting and he said they do need to hand in the weekly sheets as evidence.

The practice expedition was last weekend and he did well at that although was very tough as so hot. The real one is in a few weeks. Yes I suppose he is getting there. I think I’m just frustrated and let down and it’s making me feel fed up with the whole thing. We did talk about it more calmly last weekend and I was trying to be constructive and help him make a plan but I did shout tonight as he doesn’t seem to have done much this week to progress things. It’s encouraging that hear that unis take note of this though - I was going to tell him no chance I’m letting him sign up for silver next year. Would bronze be enough?

Personally I don't think it's worth doing the silver unless you're going to do gold as well. The gold makes you stand out as someone really quite special, a proper high-achiever; hardly anyone's got gold. The bronze shows an employer/uni that you are generally someone who can show resilience and perseverance, and are prepared to face new situations and see things through over a period of time. I think the bronze is plenty if the latter is what you're hoping for. My DS got an unconditional offer with the bronze among other things on his personal statement. I'm prepared to be corrected about the silver, though.

From what I have read, Bronze (& Silver) DofE are so widely done that they are of more or less no benefit as a certificate when it comes to unis.

However the skills and insight learned can be very beneficial, so it isn't a 'pointless' thing to do.

For DD, she learned that she could push herself physically way more than she realised. She learned a new physical activity (ice skating) that gives her great pleasure, and her volunteering was based around trying something as a potential career direction (that she in fact has now gone into after college.) She wouldn't have done any of that without the structure of DofE.

They don’t all have to be complete before the expedition though? It sounds like he’s doing ok tbh.

You should be right to be disappointed in him. Sorry.

Tell him that if he can't motivate himself to get on with getting the different DofE sections signed off, you expect to have the money you paid refunded by him.

I would worry about his GCSE's on the horizon - how will he motivate himself for those?

A firm talking to is in order, I think.

Hmmmm I’m not sure he’s actually acquired much in the way of skills or insight which I was hoping he would but I guess he could still use on a university application! Reassuring to hear that not doing silver won’t be too detrimental as I don’t think I could take the stress of it! Unless they have a section which is x box playing then he’d ace that

How much did you pay? We paid £33 for silver which I didn't think was too much.

I don't agree, teen - plenty of people DON'T do them, and they are looking for differentiators at that age when young people tend not to have a huge amount to put on a 'CV'. It might just be the thing that x has that y hasn't. I am with you about the general broadening of horizons, though.

Undies he’s actually doing well at school at the moment. He’s very bright so he doesn’t have to put in massive effort. But well aware that will change as they get closer to GCSE so I hope he will put in enough effort to do as well as he’s capable of

It was £100 initially to sign up and we’ve easy spent £250 on all the gear required for the expedition. I’ve borrowed what I could but had to buy quite a bit

University takes no notice of it at all and neither do employers. A friend of DD had gold but no offers from any university she applied to either and she was an academic scholar! If a child does it, they do it for them. Other children don’t always get the opportunity so it’s not seen as important by anyone. However, just try and get him to plod through it. It’s obviously not his thing. My DDs got Bronze but it wasn’t life changing.

£250 is way too much for gear!!! Mine borrowed a lot. You have over invested in this.

So he's done well at the practice expedition, almost done the volunteering, pretty much done 6 months of physical skills?

Sorry I think he's done really well. Just the skill plus a bit of sorting on the paperwork side. I'd do a bit of praise tbh. My daughter has almost finished his bronze and at 14 I'd say it is something to be proud of even if he has needed a bit more support than you were expecting.

My ds not daughter

Pretty I think it is important that teens have done something and shown commitment to it, whether it is sport, music, drama, chess, or DofE. I think it is 'good for them'.

From various reading threads where university admissions people have commented though, I have got the distinct impression that it is a) predicted results and b) enthusiasm for subject that matters, and it is unlikely that 'has Bronze DofE' would make a difference to getting or not getting a uni offer.

However, I fully admit that I have no current first hand experience as DD1 has not gone to uni, and I suspect DD2 won't either.

My daughter did everything for the Gold Award - yomped across Derbyshire with a pack the size of a tank, all the service to community etc etc - except writing up the bloody thing. She just couldn’t be arsed. I’ve just about got over it....

'plenty of people' don't get a chance to do almost everything and they can't discount it all! They must go by something, otherwise how would they make a choice? It's certainly not just predicted grades as my DS was not interviewed and has distinctly mediocre predictions but still got an unconditional offer. It contributes to an overall picture; I'm not suggesting it's the be-all and end-all in itself.

A personal statement full of d of e stuff isn't what universities are looking for. They want interest in the subject. How will he demonstrate this? I don’t think my DDs even mentioned DofE because so many do it and it’s no longer special. They did have a lot more to say that was more important in support of their applications.

Unconditional offers are about bums on seats at courses that might not fill up. If you believe it was DifE, that’s fine, but it’s far more to do with university finance and the need to fill courses!

Thank you Anna maybe I do need a change of perspective on this! I don’t actually know why it’s upset me so much. A combination of things I expect. Bubbles I have tried to borrow as much as we could. We aren’t ‘outdoors’ people so didn’t have anything like walking boots or sleeping bag and those things have Added up. I went to go outdoors and used the discount card but still seemed to add up to a fortune. Did manage to borrow rucksack and waterproofs though. I don’t mind paying for activities for either DS and they both do various things but the fact that he doesn’t seem to be getting much out of it and has needed to be nagged to do anything makes me resent the expense.