Standard year 7 age stuff, or should I be concerned?

[Floottoot]

DS is coming to the end of year 7 in a selective indie. He got in as a music scholar, which means he's expected to take part in the musical life of the school. While it keeps him busy on 2 days, I don't think it's excessive by any means, and he chooses to play in another orchestra outside of school.
The school isn't one of the top flight London/home counties schools or similar, but it has very good academic results. DS has to travel there by bus, so leaves the house at 7.15am and gets home anywhere between 5.15pm and 6pm, and 8.30pm on the day he goes to the county orchestra rehearsals.
Obviously, he has music practice to do at home every day ( 2 instruments, so roughly 75 minutes total) and homework/ revising every evening. While I'd say it was quite a lot ( he doesn't ever not get set some), it's generally not a huge amount for each subject ( a maths sheet, some language exercises to complete and translate or vocab to learn etc).

Recently, he's started to complain that he never feels like he has free time and that he's finding it all too much.
He knew what was involved, regarding the scholarship expectations when he applied ( he wanted to go to the school, we didn't push him), but I think the long days are taking their toll.

My question is, is this fairly typical of a year 7 boy's reaction to having to work, or do I need to mention it to his form tutor? DS is pretty bright and able and very self motivated when it's something he enjoys, so I don't think it's the standard of work that's bothering him, more the fact that he just has to do it.
My thoughts are that he needs to get on with it and stop thinking that free time every night ( his version of free time being an hour or 2 on the PS4) takes priority over school stuff BUT I'm also aware that he's heading towards teenhood and might be struggling with the whole life thing. He's not the most laidback of kids and prone to getting het up about stuff, but I don't want to give him an excuse not to do what's expected of him.

To be fair, that does sound reasonably normal (plenty of other children spend an hour or so on an extra-curricular activity and do their homework) in terms of the amount he is doing. If he has both weekends reasonably free then I would agree with you that he is not being hugely overstretched.

However, it doesn't hurt to re-evaluate with him how he spends his time and the reasons why (the extra orchestra for example) so that he feels a little more in control. Yes, he wanted the scholarship and that comes with responsibilities but that is hard for a Year 7 to 'get'!
So I would ask him if there is any time in the school day that he could do some of the homework (lunchtime etc) or can he use some of the bus time (if learning vocabulary or revising - reading on the bus might kill two birds with one stone)

I can see his point, actually. It's the music practice, rather than the homework, that takes up the time. On the days he gets home at six, 75 minutes music practice takes him to 7.15, that's assuming he starts it straight away and doesn't stop for a snack or anything. Then presumably you have dinner, so he's not starting on his homework until around eight.

If he has to leave the house at 7.15, he's presumably up by 6.30, so in bed by 10.00 or earlier.

He doesn't seem to have much time left to chill out, or interact with family.

Does he sleep well? If he doesn't have time to unwind properly before bed, he might have trouble getting off to sleep.

I have a boy in year 7. He’s at a state school, but one which has great results and prioritises high academic achievement. The homework load sounds similar to what you describe. He also plays two instruments (but definitely doesn’t practise for 75 mins per day - nowhere near!!) and does a lot of sport.

My DS is finding it quite tough and hugely values his weekend time. So I would say that your DS’s reaction is ‘normal’, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to him. I am actively trying to think of ways to reduce my DS’s load.

I’m not sure why you’d speak to the form tutor though - what would he be able to do? Isn’t it up to you and DS to decide whether he needs to reduce his extra curricular commitments?

I am out of the house at work for the same hours your son is out of the house at school. If I was told that when I came home I had to do over an hour of music practice and then half an hour of homework and then be sent to bed I would despair. It seems a lot.

That is a very long day, even by adult standards. Downtime is vital for health and happiness. Are his weekends free or does he have activities?

Let him cut down the music practice if he wants, its better to progress slightly slower than to burn out and start hating it. 30 minutes a day with focus and enthusiasm will achieve as much as 75 minutes a day when exhausted and just going through the motions.

Can he start to do any of the homework on the bus? It would give him more quality free time at home.

Also, I don't think it would be fair to argue with him that "You knew what was involved, you agreed to these expectations." With an adult, certainly, but a child in year 7 doesn't have the life experience to envisage what that level of time commitment will actually feel like in practice, or to estimate how many things they are able to handle at once. It is mature of him to recognise that it's got out of hand, and talk to you about it.

my yr 7 ds does nothing extra curricular and has little homework. he enjoys 5/6 hours freetime every evening .
i don't think it is very fair to say a 11 year old knew what they were getting into or the reality of that level of work and monotony.

That’s seems very excessive for an 11/12 year old. I’ve done very well academically, and at that age I got home at 4 and spent he evening reading/watching tv/laying games, with maybe 30 mins of homework.

I feel sorry for the poor lad. Whe

Posted too soon!

Where’s his time to be a child? To daydream, and try new things? To see friends on a school night, or mess about outside?

I agree with him, he has very little free time.
DS is in year 9 at a grammar, gets home between 4:30-5:00 and gets about 3 hours of homework a week which he tends to save up for the weekend.

I think you need to talk to him about what he really wants and can cope with, then discuss with the school as it's probably going to get worse as he gets older, as his school work will increase. If it's something he really wants, he can do it.

My DD has always been passionate about music, managed to get 11 GCSEs as well as two instruments, taking part in everything music and choir related. She then got a music scholarship at 16, she goes to music practice at 7.30am before a 8.10am start, she'll go again between lessons and other commitments and sometimes after prep finishes at 9pm she'll often go back into practice. The school know they'll be ups and downs which limit music practice like exam times, one one occasion her house were putting on a talent show which she had a big hand in organising etc

That might hbe "expected" for a music scholar at the school he goes but it's really not standard for a Year 7 - I'm not surprised he is fed up! (I wouldn't want his life, and I'm an adult!) Between the travel time and the music practice, he has very little downtime to himself in the evening. I don't think wanting an hour on the PS4 every day is too much to ask! Remember that homework will ramp up as he gets older - at this rate there is going to be days where he literally doesn't stop at all.

If he's struggling now, maybe you need to review whether this is the right school for him?

For comparison (I have a DD in Y7)

• she leaves the house at 7.45am (she could leave a bit later but chooses to get to school early to hang out with friends)
• she generally goes to an after school club or socialises with friends after school
• gets home at 4.30pm (earlier if no club or socialising)
• might go out with home friends or relax till dinner
• has dinner and helps with household jobs
• does about an hour (combined total) of homework and music practice
• generally then reads or watches tv for 30 minutes or so until bed time.

spends ages faffing with her hair

Granted she's not a music scholar, but she is achieving highly academically and takes part in extra curricular music.

Thanks for all your responses. It's really good to hear different perspectives.
To answer a few questions -
I've asked him about whether he thinks dropping the extra orchestra would be a good idea. However, he's adamant that he enjoys it and doesn't want to stop. On that particular day, he is out of the house from 7.15am until 8.30pm, so a really long day. That said, on his late return days (Tuesday and Wednesday), he has a free hour after school, at school, when he can do homework, do some music practise or hang out with other friends who stay after school. He generally hangs out with his friends, or sometimes goes to rugby drill.
His weekends are pretty free, other than homework and a music lesson ( sometimes his instrumental lesson is after school in the week, sometimes weekends), unless he gets called up for a school sports fixture (less than half a dozen times this year).

Regarding instrumental practice, he's at a standard where 15 minutes on his main instrument just isn't enough, unfortunately. Obviously, when he's very pushed for time, he just does what he can manage, but generally he needs to do 40+ minutes. To keep his place at the school, he has to continue with music, but of course of he ever wanted to stop, we'd find him a different school.

The bus journey is about 40 minutes each way. It's a minibus, so no real chance of doing homework on it. He does sometimes revise, but mostly watches stuff on his phone, which you could say is down time. He plays on the PS4 daily but his choice would be to be free to play on it all evening and all day at weekends; this week, he set his alarm for before 6am to allow him to play before school - that is a concern to us - and last night I found his phone in his hand, still playing some kind of Youtube vlog, while he was asleep at midnight.

Overall, he likes the school, has made some great friends and is doing well. It's clear, though, that we need to sit him down and chat about what he thinks might help to make his home life easier.

Just to add -
This week, he hasn't had any homework, possibly due to the pupils taking national tests. He's still been absolutely horrendous when he gets home from school and says it's because he's got loads of exams coming up ( end of year exams, in June, which he hasn't started revising for and hasn't been asked to). This is what makes me wonder whether he's just going through a puberty thing - I did have a chat with him about whether he was feeling different/ struggling with life stuff, but he said he just gets snappy and all his friends are the same sometimes. Our DD, year 9, has ADHD, which I know DS finds it/her difficult and frustrating a lot of the time, and he says that can make him snap too.

My son had 2 instruments and is involved in group and solo performances. It’s a state school. There is a steady amount of homework but most subject teachers give the children a week to complete homework.

It’s manageable and made easier by how near we are to the school. When he attended an independent Pre Prep and Prep the day began at 8:15 and ended at 15:40, he didn’t get home until 16:30. Additionally, homework was often overnight or within the week to complete. Much less practical plus lots of worksheets rather than proper homework.

What is he playing on the PS4?

AveEldon he's playing Fortnite at the moment, with school friends online.

mastertomsmum, that sounds like Ds's school. In some ways, the short tunraround on homework is good because it means he can't let it pile up over the week, but it can be a njghtmare if he has any kind of extra curriculum activity after school. His school seems to be hot on languages, so he often gets weekly vocab tests in 2 or more (including English), and if pupils don't get, say, 24 out of 26, they have to re-take them. He's actually pretty good at memorising vocab but still stresses about it.

That's probably your issue - it's massively addictive and they all want to play it all the time
Different rules work for different families but we have no gaming Mon-Thurs.

Ave in my original post, I mentioned my concerns about him wanting to game when he gets home, but general consensus seems to be that he needs downtime. It's difficult to find the balance; DS doesn't live anywhere near his friends, so "hanging out" with them after school is all done online, and mostly through gaming.

I would say that's a long day especially bearing in mind how much practice he has to do. I'm not surprised he's struggling and although he chose that school and scholarship at the age of 10/11 he wouldn't really have had any idea of the workload.

I think sitting down with him and seeing what he really wants to do is sensible and then a conversation with school to see if they have any suggestions. He is clearly talented so don't want to waste his opportunity.

You need to remove his phone by 9pm or earlier regardless of above. They need an hour of non screen time before bed and he's getting plenty of phone time on the bus.....

Has puberty kicked in yet? Or are there signs?

It sounds exhausting tbh. Throw hormones and acellerated growing into the mix and I'm not surprised it all feels a bit much.

helpmum yes, we need to crack down (again) on phones in bedrooms. He's had it confiscated today because he wouldn't admit to it being in his bed, so couldn't ask us where we'd put it.
He is indeed talented and has real potential (DH and I are both professional orchestral musicians) and he's switched on enough to know that that talent has already allowed him to go to a school be would never otherwise have been able to go to. I do wonder whether that sometimes weighs on his mind .