Standard year 7 age stuff, or should I be concerned?

[Floottoot]

DS is coming to the end of year 7 in a selective indie. He got in as a music scholar, which means he's expected to take part in the musical life of the school. While it keeps him busy on 2 days, I don't think it's excessive by any means, and he chooses to play in another orchestra outside of school.
The school isn't one of the top flight London/home counties schools or similar, but it has very good academic results. DS has to travel there by bus, so leaves the house at 7.15am and gets home anywhere between 5.15pm and 6pm, and 8.30pm on the day he goes to the county orchestra rehearsals.
Obviously, he has music practice to do at home every day ( 2 instruments, so roughly 75 minutes total) and homework/ revising every evening. While I'd say it was quite a lot ( he doesn't ever not get set some), it's generally not a huge amount for each subject ( a maths sheet, some language exercises to complete and translate or vocab to learn etc).

Recently, he's started to complain that he never feels like he has free time and that he's finding it all too much.
He knew what was involved, regarding the scholarship expectations when he applied ( he wanted to go to the school, we didn't push him), but I think the long days are taking their toll.

My question is, is this fairly typical of a year 7 boy's reaction to having to work, or do I need to mention it to his form tutor? DS is pretty bright and able and very self motivated when it's something he enjoys, so I don't think it's the standard of work that's bothering him, more the fact that he just has to do it.
My thoughts are that he needs to get on with it and stop thinking that free time every night ( his version of free time being an hour or 2 on the PS4) takes priority over school stuff BUT I'm also aware that he's heading towards teenhood and might be struggling with the whole life thing. He's not the most laidback of kids and prone to getting het up about stuff, but I don't want to give him an excuse not to do what's expected of him.

wind I think puberty is definitely taking its toll. He has become really surly and moody almost overnight ( never been the sunniest of children, but always empathetic and loving until now) and he is all legs and arms ( and size 9 feet!!!) I've tried to chat to him about it but he can't seem to say how he's feeling, other than that he gets irritated and frustrated but can't say why.

To me it sounds like he has little freedom and little free time. If I was busy to that degree day and night I would be prone to rebellion/irritation. And I'm not going through puberty.

Whilst clearly none of you want to squander this opportunity, I'd suggest something needs to give. Perhaps just for a while.

FWIW Fortnite has a hideous effect on DS1 (Y8, 5'10", mansize and permanently knackered). We only allow it at weekends when he's more rested.

I wonder if he is addicted to gaming (like most of his friends probably), that could explain grumpiness. It is a full on day, but I would restrict gaming to 1-2 hours on the weekend. The problem with gaming is that it is not relaxing at all, it wakes the brain up and it is no way to wind down. Interferes with good quality of sleep, too. I would not buy the argument that it is a way to "hang out" with friends, they are at school together all day, that should be enough. Gaming / screen time is such an easy thing to cut out completely during the week. It serves no purpose and is harmful for mental health and sleep. I can't believe people think one hour of gaming every evening is okay for an 11 year old.

I also dont think its fair to say he knew what hes getting into, he didnt. His routine sounds tougher than mine and im an adult with a high pressure job. It doesnt sound sustainable. What does he want?

I've just ordered a book that's frequently recommended on MN Get out of my life but first can you take me and Alex into town. Might be worth a read to help you understand what he might be feeling and how to communicate with him.

It's a horribly long day topped off by a lot of after school stuff. DD (yr7) trains with her sports team for several hours, 3 nights a week but she doesn't leave the house til 8.15am and is home by 3.30pm so has some time to stare vacantly at YouTube and unwind. I'd let him do some gaming in the evening but his phone sleeps in your room!

Sounds like a really grinding regime. Does he have any time to be himself?

I think my comment about knowing what he was getting into has perhaps been taken in slightly the wrong way. I wasn't saying that it's his problem, because he knew what to expect, I simply meant that the expectation that he would have to commit time to ensembles, choir etc was made clear by the school, so wasn't a sudden surprise when he started. I don't think any of us anticipated how long the days would feel after the ease of once-a-week homework at primary school.
Interestingly enough, he's been out with a friend tonight all evening - no phone and no gaming for 24 hours - and has come home in a much nicer mood. Whether that's from screen withdrawal of whether it's from proper downtime, I'm not sure.

Crikey, funnily enough, I saw mention of that book earlier today on another board. I'll search it out, thanks.

I would suggest no gaming at all mon-fri. I would also have a chat with him about the other orchestra (but I know my DD would not give that up!).
Is there any opportunity at all to move closer to his school, to try and cut down on the travel? (I appreciate that that may be completely off the cards!)
He gets home very late
DD leaves at 7, but is home around 4:30, which at least means time in the evening to do practice, homework, other activities.

I think the situation you've described is a combination of usual Y7 stuff and concerning things. I'd be concerned that he's falling asleep with his phone/device in his hand and that he's not being honest about where his phone is but I think moaning about a lack of downtime is fairly standard for an age group that doesn't necessarily manage time very well.

DD1 is a music scholar but at a state school she can walk to. She is expected to take part in various musical ensembles and events as a result. She also loves sport and stays for sports clubs two or three times a week after school before coming home and doing dance on two evenings. And about an hour of music practice each night (apart from the day she's had school orchestra). She's in Y8 now and yes, she moans about not having enough downtime aka watching drivel on YouTube time.

A while ago, she and I sat down together and wrote a loose timetable so she could see a) how much downtime she did have and b) plan that downtime into her day. It highlighted that snatching bits of time throughout the day didn't feel to her like proper downtime and that was part of the issue. She's not stuck to the timetable she drew up but is much more proactive now about coming home from school and telling us that she's going to have tea and watch a video before practising/doing homework. It also opened her eyes to the wasted time if she caught the bus to school and played on her phone. These days, she often utilises that time to go on Duolingo or a music theory app so she feels she doesn't have to count that time as downtime.

Another thing that has helped here is using an app which shuts her phone down at 8pm most nights (later if she has a late activity). It means she's less distracted because things like whatsapp can't work. She doesn't really like that we do that but she is interested in the app's tally of how much time she's spent on her phone each day! All in all, I think DD has been much more positive about how much time she does/doesn't have once she was helped to create a timetable. I suppose it felt to her that we didn't want her to have downtime (which couldn't be further from the truth - we'd be very happy for her to do fewer things!) whilst she couldn't see where it was.

I would not buy the argument that it is a way to "hang out" with friends, they are at school together all day, that should be enough.

How much of the time that they are spending together at school can truly be said to be 'hanging out' time? Are they allowed to chat in class? Probably not? Do they all have the whole lunch break available to them just for social interaction? No (different) clubs etc?

D.C spending all day together in school don't necessarily actually have that much time free for socialising within school hours.

There's absolutely no chance we can move closer to the school - we can't afford to, as it's in a prime area and were out in the sticks. Both our children go to different schools which are opposite each other, so if it had been possible, a move would make life massively easier for them - DS's school bus doesn't leave school until an hour after school finishes on 2 days, to allow pupils to take part in extra curriculum activities.

I agree that being in school with his friends all day is not the same as socialising with them. I have no problems with him meeting up with them online, per se, but we need to sort out how much/ when gaming is appropriate.
DS is quite motivated by goals and activity tracking, so a timetable and apps sound like something he'd for.

I'm glad I started this thread. It's made me realise how frazzled as all are and what needs to change to improve our family life during the week. Thanks so much for some valuable insights.