Help - revision (lack of) related - just lost it with DS

[iknowimcoming]

Firstly, not lost it as in screaming and shouting or violence. Just at the end of my tether with him, don't know what to do.

Did f-all revision for his mocks, did poorly I.e. 3-4 grades below what he's capable of even in maths where he's allegedly some kind of genius, didn't really care. Wants to do maths physics and computing at a level but physics grade nowhere near good enough in mocks.

Has begrudgingly attended some booster sessions for some subjects and will attend a couple of these over the hols but very reluctantly. Hasn't done any other form of revision but I thought we had had a breakthrough when he announced last week he was planning to go into school every day in the holiday to do revision with his friends. Managed one hour yesterday, just under 2 today and is clearly only there to say he's done two hours rather than caring about what he's doing.

He's a gamer, we've restricted his computer time to 2 hours per day, later in the evening, and provided him with a pc in a different room to use for revision/homework etc so he can't get distracted, doesn't bother.

When I picked him up today after his "amazing" slightly less than 2 hours revision I told him he should research apprenticeships, as there was no point in him attempting a levels if he can't even be bothered with GCSEs. I said I'm done with nagging him, if he doesn't care what's the point in me bothering. I honestly don't know what to do, I've tried encouraging, cajoling, nagging, bribery, softly softly, shouty. Should I just leave him to it and watch him fail? Or chain him to a desk? All advice welcome

Can you help him revise? I have helped my ds set up a revision time table by breaking down each subject into topic areas and having a chunk of time to do each. I have spent a lot of time also revising with him, testing him etc. I know I really shouldn't't have to but it seem the only way to get him to do it.

I am with Cee - you may have to get involved in his revision. Yes he should do it himself, but many 15 and 16 year olds are still not mature enough to reflect upon longer term consequences of their actions (or inactions). Good call on giving him a separate space for revision.

My dd is currently revising GCSEs - only 2.5 hours per day in 5 half hour slots, but she is fully committed and concentrating during that time. Ds will not be taking GCSEs for another two years but I suspect he may be a bit reluctant like your son.

I will be (with ds) setting him a timed revision plan, discussing what sub topics he plans to revise in the morning and asking for detailed feedback on what he has learnt at the end of the day (asking to see his notes etc), and I will test him on topics verbally. I would rather that this not be necessary but I strongly suspect that with him it will be! He is in Y9 currently and has Y9 exams at the same time as his sisters GCSEs - I am trying to ingrain good practice by getting him to revise 30 minutes per day (don't need to go overboard for Y9) so that by Y11 he is accustomed to the notion that you prepare for exams rather than just wing it.

Its not easy though when they are reluctant. In your case I would also be offering financial reward based on results

Are young people now so clueless that they can't organise their own revision?

My DS is refusing all revision except what he can do in school. He is 16. It's up to him. It's his life.

He has done nothing this holiday. I will help him with organisation if he wants, he knows the offer is there, but he is actively refusing help.

My dh scraped through with lower grades than he ought to have got until he failed a year at uni. It was the making of him. I suspect my DS will also need to find out the hard way.

My dd has zero revision skills, though she is still in year 10. We've been beavering away at various topics this break, so I hope it will put her in good stead when revision begins in earnest next year.

I would be having heart palpitations over her not revising at all this close to exams, though. You have my sympathies. Maybe you can work together on this?

I have no advice, just sympathy. My DS is the same. I'm sick of moaning. I am really worried for his future. He's so bright but so bloody lazy. I don't know what more I can do. So frustrating.

Are young people now so clueless that they can't organise their own revision?

Many are, yes. Our current school system spoonfeeds and supports so much they don't acquire these skills themselves. Schools put on so much structured revision (after school sessions, morning intervention sessions, lunchtime booster sessions, revision sessions in the holidays) that they don't think they need to do any on their own.

Schools don't want them to fail - Ofsted will hammer them. Teachers don't want them to fail - they won't get their annual pay rise if they don't get them to hit their target. Parents don't want them to fail - naturally. So everyone runs around doing the work for them, and they never learn to do it themselves. Why would they?

Obviously this is not all kids. But it's a lot of them. I know, I teach them.

Interestingly, a school near me stopped doing all it's GCSE interventions/ extra revision etc and put all the onus back onto the students. Their results went up.

*its. Sodding autocorrect.

I teach a core subject and have not put on a revision session this Easter. The pupils are not working well in class; doing enough to get by only. Therefore I refuse to give up my time for them. I have down every year since I started teaching but this year I decided to say no.

We are having to get involved in DSs revision. He has dyslexia and to be honest the volume of stuff he has been sent from school telling him what he should be doing over Easter is ridiculous - pages and pages of links to internal school pages and past paper websites. He is completely overwhelmed. They sent an 'exemplar' revision timetable which had 3 x 3hr revision sessions a day, 7 days a week and only a few sessions left blank. 45 hours per week in total!
We've binned that and he's doing about 5-6 hours a day for weekdays only, and watching relevant DVDs for English/Drama set texts etc at weekends.

We have helped him plan each day's revision and made sure he has whatever he needs (notes/textbooks/past papers/mark schemes etc) set out the night before. This is partly for my benefit so I can control the printing out of past papers. The printer is in my office upstairs and I kept finding hundreds of irrelevant pages being printed out when he'd printed 'ALL' instead of just the sections of papers relevant to his courses . We're going through printer cartridges in a week

I think it's much harder for them to get organised these days - everything is spread out over books, websites, apps etc. In my day you just learnt everything in a single textbook and seemed to do OK!

Are young people now so clueless that they can't organise their own revision?

Some are but most aren't. But this was true in the past as well. Plenty at my school 30 years ago wouldn't revise and did awfully in exams. Not anything new. It is called being a stupid stubborn teenager.

Similar situation to Sad here. Huge amount of work set in multiple formats to be done at home as well as daily revision classes at school over the hol’s - some from 9-4pm. DS, who has ADD, doesn’t know where to start with the work at home so I’m helping where I can with organisation, encouragement and sitting down to go through things. At times he also can’t be bothered to work, which is frustrating.

My input Isn’t to get an 8 or 7 but to get a bare minimum pass, as that’s all I’m hoping for in maths and English, simply because he finds it so hard to get his thoughts down quickly enough, even with extra time.

TBH with new, much harder GCSEs, multiple changes of teacher, syllabus changes (two in year 10 and one in year 11) my ds does struggle to know what to revise. I think calling him useless is massively unfair, he plays sport to an elite player level (this involves 15+ hours per week training) and organising revision alongside very long school hours (8-4.30 plus Saturdays 8-12, fixtures Saturday pm and sport most evenings and Sundays) is tricky. IMO you don't have children to just stop helping them once they are 'old enough' .

You could ask him what he wants you to do. Sometimes teens want adults to take charge.

I didn't ever have it in me to ever nag a reluctant kid to revise.

inowimcoming,

Does your son know what grades re needed to progress to A level?

I really just don't think some teens (especially teen boys) have the emotional maturity to deal with organising themselves and their revision.
It's a bummer that GCSES happen just as many of them are at the peak of their 'confused teenage brain' period! (Read Nicola Morgan's book on the subject...)
Any amount of appealing to their desire to do well in the future just falls completely on deaf ears - they are so completely focused on themselves and this moment, right now, that 'the future' seems a fuzzy, boring concept .

DS1 (now 18) admitted as much to me when I was agonising over DS2's lack of revision/attention/interest. He said he was completely out of control for his GCSEs, had no idea what was going on, and it was only because his school and DH & I frogmarched him through a revision timetable and past papers that he did as well as he did.

The change in him over the last two years has been enormous. He has owned and committed himself to his A levels and is totally organised and motivated. Thanks goodness, as I wouldn't have the time and energy if I had to manage him as well as DS2 at the moment!!

I think it's a little unfair to assume that young people are now so clueless that they can't organise their own revision - some are just academically immature and haven't quite reached that yet.

Thanks everyone - we had another sit down with him last night and he's saying what we want to hear but I doubt he really means it. He needs a grade 7 to do a level physics and he got a 3/4 in his combined science mock, I suspect the school would take him (because they know he's capable) and let him re-sit it, but I'm not sure he'll have the commitment to study a levels as he will only ever do the bare minimum of anything, and I know it's not about me but I can't bear the thought of two more years of nagging him to do every single thing. He talks about going to university which baffles me as he is so uninterested in school. His sister (who is a straight A* student and completely self-motivated and driven) is going to uni this year and lots of people have said he'll change when she goes - I live in hope!

Cross posted with you sad - that does give me some hope and comfort - thanks!

As above, I think you need to help him and, as much as it pains me, I would reward him (with very small things e.g. computer time, chocolate cake, cinema ticket) for each chunk he does.
I sat down and mapped out each subject onto a timetable. When it got nearer, I broke down the subjects into topics DD realised she HAD to revise rivers or whatever topic tomorrow or she would physically not have time to fit it all in.
I'd help him get the notes together in one easy place over the next few days and keep it structured. It is painful, frustrating and the opposite of all instincts but if it is what is needed to show him how to revise and get him doing it, I'd just do it.

“Are young people now so clueless that they can't organise their own revision?”

That wasn’t a very helpful remark was it eddiemairswife
You either don’t have teenagers or have very motivated teenagers mature enough to understand the implications of their education or lack of.
Loads of 15/16 year olds who should be mature and motivated just aren’t. Loads of 17/18 year olds who should be revising for A levels lack motivation. Not everyone has perfect children like you clearly do

Bosswitch makes some very good points. I had to “help” DD with her GCSE revision, but it paid off very handsomely. She is now revising for A levels, and is more motivated than she was for GCSEs, but still needs the odd nudge and bribe to keep her motivated.

And if you have children who thrive with a bit of help why on earth would you set them up to fail just to satisfy some principle that they should be able to do it on their own?

With the demise of AS levels universities are increasingly looking at GCSE results. Some courses (medicine, vetmed) absolutely do take GCSE grades into account when selecting for interview.

I hope you find something that works for both of you. I used to say to DD that it wasn't just knowing and understanding the content, but walking into the exam room feeling confident. Good luck.

I had teenagers lonerica, 4 of them, who did O and A Levels without their Dad or me organising their revision. 3 of those teenagers have gone on to have teenagers of their own who seem to have coped OK and organised themselves.

But clearly you were a much smugger better parent than those on here asking for help

What don't you understand about having unmotivated teenagers? Your unhelpful answers only serve to make their parents feel inadequate

If your children are old enough to have their own teenage children things were clearly very different when they were teens. There is so much pressure on kids today, so much more than when I was a teen even, and that wasn't that long ago!

Surely this is a supportive thread. Referring to young people as 'clueless' really isn't helpful. We are supporting our eldest son - keeping him on track with his revision. Some young people need more help than others and I am not about to stand back and watch him flounder.

It is definitely different now. There was far less distraction when I was a teen (I'm mid thirties so not ancient) which made it easier to concentrate on work. No mobiles until I was in 6th form, and then they were just text and calls which cost to much to use anyway, internet use involved going to use the family computer on very, very slow dial up, no you tube to fall down a rabbit hole with, no addictive online gaming. So easier to get on with doing some work - there weren't nearly as many other options! Equally though, we were given more responsibility. Anyone remember study leave? We had it for GCSE and a level- a couple of weeks before the exams started you were released from school and expected to organise your own revision, at home, and come in for the exams. That is unheard of now. Schools keep the kids in, put them on special timetables so that they are in the subject right before the exam, constantly providing them with teacher led revision. Therefore the kids see revision as something that is organised for them, led by am adult, taught to them. Teachers aren't even allowed to set open revision tasks anymore. When I started teaching 10 years ago we could set 'revise' as a homework. Now we have to prepare a specific revision resource for them to complete.

The immediate effect is good - results improve. The mid term effect is bad - kids doing a levels who aren't really capable and have to be dragged through by parents and teachers for another two years. Beyond that - uni students who are making academics week because they can't work independently.

But it is the whole system that is broken. It's not the fault of individual students or individual parents or individual teachers/schools. Teenagers haven't evolved/devolved in the last 30 years. The environment in which they operate has altered significantly. Not really their fault.