Teachers- are you surprised when you meet parents?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

We’ve just had ds1’s first parents’ evening of high school (so year 9). He’s a bright boy and in top sets for everything and takes part in their ‘most able’ programme.

I’ve spoken to various subject teachers via email since September but this was the first face to face meeting.

I can’t help thinking they’d be surprised to meet me and dh. We aren’t smart, business style parents, we had ds at a young age so even though not young now, we are young compared to other parents of 14 yr olds.

We don’t have a lot of money and I overweight. We don’t have amazingly well paid jobs (more vocational jobs that we both enjoy) certainly not the high fliers that tend to be more typical of bright children.

I don’t know, I just felt a bit embarrassed on ds behalf. I wonder if they think less of him now.

(am not a teacher)
Don't you think teachers meet dozens & dozens of types of people each parent eve. So like GPs, they learn to throw out prejudice? They would know your kid is bright & a credit to you. Then forget about you 5 minutes after you left b/c they have to concentrate on next set of parents.

Most parents turn up to parents evening looking casual so I wouldn’t be expecting to see smart business types at all. If your child is polite, well-behaved and works hard, then I’d be delighted to meet you and tell you that, no matter what you looked like!

That will totally not be an issue as remember teachers are meeting all sorts of parents every day. Their focus will be on your ds . Please do not apologise for yourselves..ye are the right parents for your boy and be proud of that.

I’m only shocked when a sibling is in tow who is the complete opposite of the child in question. Well, I used to be until I had my own two who are like chalk and cheese. I always thought it was more nurture than nature, but it really, really isn’t. I’m certain we’re all born with a personality that will dictate the way our lives go.

Honestly it doesn't even register what most parents look like. The only ones I notice really are the ones who look really like their kids.

If your DS is doing well in school and you come across as polite then the teachers won't hold anything against you.

Different ages, dress styles, levels of businessman-like-ness, accents, whatever, that all gets forgotten about.

Oh OP, I know this isn't what you asked, but you sound so down on yourself! I hope you're proud of having produced your clever boy, as well as other things in your life.

To be honest, yes. Not in terms of weight at all, but sometimes I'm surprised if the parents don't look like they 'fit' the child. E.G, A very funky, alternative child, with conservative seeming parents. It never has any long term impact, mind you, although I may remember a parent who seems like minded, etc.
I'm secondary, so I'd imagine primary is different.

Not a teacher anymore but I was only surprised once, I had a very tall, blonde athletic, well groomed student whose parents were short, dark, overweight and incredibly scruffy (the father was wearing a sleeveless vest and chunky gold chain) and I’d been imagining them to be like the mum and dad from outnumbered.

Any parent that turns up at parents evening cares about their child. That is all that matters.
That said as a teacher I love it as it is the best people watching place ever. I never judge anyone as I come from a council house and my mum was a dinner lady and dad worked in a factory. I have been judged often enough. I am the first of all cousins etc. to go to university. So have no right to judge anyone.
I do love playing a game (with myself) about what a child's parents are going to be like. Not in a nasty way. It's just people watching and observing - I bet x's Mum is glam, y's dad will be sporty etc.

I love meeting parents and putting a name to faces. Particularly ones who obviously care about and support their child like you clearly do. I had a parents evening last week and met parents who were:-

Doctors/surgeons/Consultants. Some were Asian, a couple were African, one was Russian and two were Arabic.

I met quite a few parents who worked in manual jobs - lots of dads had clearly come straight off a building site/farm yard and were wearing work gear.

I met several health care assistants in uniform who were either just coming off shift or going on. I met a parent in their MacDonalds uniform who was heading off to work.
I met a lady in a wheelchair whose child is a young carer and looks after her.
I met several Polish/Lithuanian mums who looked gorgeous and blonde and hardly older than their teenage daughters and who were really supportive and polite.

I met a Hungarian dad on his own, and a Uzbekhi dad - both of whom cheerfully taught me how to say 'good evening nice to meet you'.

About 40% of our school speak English as an additional language. And I like to meet parents. I think it must be extremely hard to go and speak to someone about your child when you are having to listen carefully to a language you are not always very/at all fluent in. Often the child comes to translate for Mum. If Dad comes he usually speaks better English - and many Dads DO come.

40% of our school are from families were money is probably fairly tight. There are quite a few single parent families. I met a mum last night who I know is not working and struggling. Her boy is one of the brightest students I've ever had and she is proud of him. As am I.

I don't judge parents. I've been a single parent myself. And my sister was a teenage Mum. Parents come in all shapes and sizes. And ages. My youngest child now moans why are you and Dad so old??? at us as we had him a lot later than the others. I certainly don't judge children on their families. You sound great.

PS I don't have a lot of money and I'm definitely overweight too!

Sometimes you meet the parents and have a "aha, that explains [pupil]" moment! Which can be good and can be bad...

I do know what you mean. At our recent parents evening, everyone was wearing smart clothes, and there’s me in my pineapple tracksuit. I mean, it looks nice, just not a suit. I don’t have any suits.

Also, I had DS1 young, and I am most definitely the youngest there, by a good 10-15 years.

Genuinely, whilst it’s natural to judge a little, I think teachers are just pleased you’re there and made the effort.

My DD has started this year at the same secondary as her older brother. He is tall, skinny, blond curly hair, very athletic, horribly shy and about as unartistic and musical as possible. She is small, plump, uncoordinated, straight brown hair, artistic and outgoing. Several teachers came over to me at a recent year 7 parents evening and were amazed they were siblings. But no one expressed any surprise at me! I am relatively ancient to have children at all and feel like a grandparent at school events against younger parents, so a lack of surprise is a good thing!

I don't remember parents at all really, full stop. Sorry! But I see them once amongst sometimes 50 in a night and I have 6 parents' evenings a year. I've stopped saying 'nice to meet you' as if I've taught a sibling I've probably met them before and they sometimes look affronted...

Except for one girl in my tutor group whose father is one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in the flesh. I remember him alright!

Except for one girl in my tutor group whose father is one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in the flesh. I remember him alright!

One of the schools we visited for DD, a particular English teacher was one of the best looking men I have ever seen. She didn't choose that school but God knows how I would have discussed her progress with him - would have been difficult to speak while I was slathering.

Thank you all so much. You’ve put my mind at rest. We are so proud of him (and the others of course) and had really lovely feedback about him and how polite and hardworking he is. We try all we can to be supportive with his school life and it would be really upsetting if they adjusted their high hopes for him because of us.

Georgie they will never do that. And don't put yourself down!

OP last parent evening I asked dd3 " so how normal do I have to be during this evening?" she responded.. " on a scale of 5-7?" me: "yes"
DD3 " about 7.9" apparently I managed.. close friend told me " tell her she is lucky my dd's has inked up mum with blue hair arriving. She and I have fairly similar parenting opinions just very different dress style

The only time I have been surprised when meeting parents is when the parents of very sullen / hostile kids have turned out to be super friendly and nice and sociable. Not what I expected, but in a good way, and it made me feel more optimistic for the kids in that I hoped that their moodiness was just down to being a disaffected teen and that they would ultimately grow up to be like their parents!

After we had one parents evening for ds2, his English teacher said in class the next day that “the coolest dad we saw last night was (our ds2) dad” . DH was delighted. She also named who she thought was the uncoolest dad too

My A Level English teacher commented that he was "surprised to see Dandelion's dad in a suit yesterday". I said he had come from work, and he replied "I just assumed you had a big country estate and Daddy didn't really do anything except buy you ponies and expensive wellies. I was a bit taken aback when I saw him on a blackberry" . My dad said he did seem a bit flustered for the first 30 seconds or so.

You sound lovely, please don't worry. (I'm still waiting for my daddy to buy me a pony and expensive wellies ).

I think dd13's teachers wouldn't be particularly surprised by dh and my personality, but dd is the same height as me and very slim, dh and i are quite overweight, so i did wonder if they were surprised by that.