Teachers- are you surprised when you meet parents?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

We’ve just had ds1’s first parents’ evening of high school (so year 9). He’s a bright boy and in top sets for everything and takes part in their ‘most able’ programme.

I’ve spoken to various subject teachers via email since September but this was the first face to face meeting.

I can’t help thinking they’d be surprised to meet me and dh. We aren’t smart, business style parents, we had ds at a young age so even though not young now, we are young compared to other parents of 14 yr olds.

We don’t have a lot of money and I overweight. We don’t have amazingly well paid jobs (more vocational jobs that we both enjoy) certainly not the high fliers that tend to be more typical of bright children.

I don’t know, I just felt a bit embarrassed on ds behalf. I wonder if they think less of him now.

My geography teacher was once shocked when he met my mum and dad at parents evening as my dad was also a teacher there and geography teacher hadn’t realised I was his daughter

I've never been surprised at parents' eve. One way or another, it always makes absolute sense.

I expect that you and your DH being hard working, taking schooling seriously and wanting your DS to do well, being proud of him, all came across (I'm guessing, but tell me if I'm wrong about those things).

I have never thought less of a student, or a parent, after a parents' eve. One way or another, everyone is doing the best they can with what they have.

The only time I've been surprised was when the parents turned up speaking with the local accent. I was a little taken aback as their DD had a broad American accent - but assumed that they must have lived abroad for a while. It turned out that they hadn't. She just spoke that way .

I'm almost never surprised by the parents.

I can’t help thinking they’d be surprised to meet me and dh. We aren’t smart, business style parents

You do realise that anyone can buy a cheap suit from Asda to make themselves look "smart" - con-men do it all the time. What you wear is no indicator. At my son's school, the "top" boy academically (predicted 10 grade 9s and aiming for Oxford), is a right scruff, as are his parents who look more like they live rough rather than in a leafy suburb. As an accountant, my richest client is a millionaire, who looks and smells like a tramp - I open the windows before he comes and have to spray the air freshener afterwards. How you look is absolutely no indicator whatsoever of your wealth, intelligence etc. Anyone who makes judgments upon how you look is deluded.

Judging from your ds I would have expected you to be lovely. I really couldn’t care less about what you look like. Your ds sounds like a delight to teach and every teacher in the world loves the parents of a lovely student!

To be honest, as long as you turn up and seem supportive of your child and me I’m happy. Extra points, though, if you bring a cheerful baby to cuddle during the consultation!

Thank you zzzzz. (I'm rubbish at Geography/Language!)

The only time I have been surprised when meeting parents is when the parents of very sullen / hostile kids have turned out to be super friendly and nice and sociable. Not what I expected, but in a good way, and it made me feel more optimistic for the kids in that I hoped that their moodiness was just down to being a disaffected teen and that they would ultimately grow up to be like their parents!

@Esker, please don't call them "sullen". They may be introverted, anxious, depressed, hormonal. They may want to be just like their parents, but not have the lucky genes. There may be something going on at home, or they may just be naturally a little self-absorbed - not everyone has a naturally smiley face and, believe me, there's nothing worse than going about your own business feeling perfectly happy only to have people tell you to cheer up all of the time. If you're concerned enough to think there may be an underlying issue, and don't feel able to talk to them yourself, then refer them to your pastoral team - but in this day and age I hope we've gone beyond teachers dismissing students as sullen, even if it is anonymously on Mumsnet.

@justicereigns

Apologies for poor choice of words - I didn't mean to dismiss the many problems that students can face. I always pass on concerns to the pastoral team. I don't appreciate your assumption that I 'dismiss' students' problems, or that I blithely go around telling students who look down to 'cheer up' Of course I know that's not going to help and it's not as simple as that!

You can call my kids sullen whenever they deserve it. I am not a snowflake will agree with you!!

Lol, I teach p/t at the school my kids are/were at. On Parents' Evenings, new colleagues who don't realise are often taken aback when I rock up in my jeans. If it's a non-working day, I don't give 2 hoots what I wear.

However, when there is a year-group evening meeting, it is a nightmare trying to put names to the faces, especially when the parents are there without their kids. Last week was one such event where I was collared by a nice but persistent mum. Luckily she dropped her DS's name into the conversation early and he is the only one in the year.

I did get a shock early this year when a year 8 I had known since they were in reception at my DDs' primary school turned up with their mum. The mum had always been utterly glamorous, driving her prestigious car and with a lovely figure. The lady before me was stumbling around, overweight and uncoordinated. However, I put on my professional head and greeted her warmly as she remembered me from primary school. Her first words were, "I'm sorry I'm a bit clumsy but I have a brain tumour". After that, all preconceptions vanished. The child is an utter delight, mum cried when I told her that. The child works really well, has a keen and inquisitive mind and mum cried again. I was getting a bit wobbly by then so asked child to get me a cuppa (my DD was serving tea). Mum confided that her prognosis was poor and she would be unlikely to make another such evening. However, she was really happy to know that her child was both doing so well and had teachers who knew about the situation and would look out for them. It really got to me (I'm still a bit choked now 4 months on and mum is significantly worse). My first erroneous impression was that mum had let herself go; how wrong was I and thank goodness I did not say anything or share it. It's what goes on at home in terms of support that matters, not what the parents look like and I'd be surprised if any teacher thinks differently.

blessyourcottonsocks Your reply was so beautiful it made me cry.

OP, when I look at my children I see smart, precocious, strong, interesting, charming, confident, funny little people.

When I see myself I see fat, frumpy, failed at everything, on my millionth set of second chances.

I have no idea how they came from me. All I do is dress them, brush their teeth, feed them, put them to bed, drop them to and from school/nursery/activities and hope for the best (and that me being a single parent twice over and having no money won't harm their life chances any)

We need to stop putting ourselves down though, we taught those birds to fly and if their wings are strong and they're on the right flight path then we have already excelled at the most difficult job there is

Malbecfan bawling