Decent private & no commute vs. commute to prestigious grammar

[isa2]

We are a bit stuck (even after paying a private school deposit!!!) and would love to hear any thoughts on two options we still have open for our son, who is pretty academic, but not super-dedicated to work & very outgoing and sociable. Music is no. 1 other interest, but he's a normal fairly musical boy, not a prodigy.
It's def a problem we are lucky to have, in that they are two I think vg schools. He has a good-sized academic scholarship at private St Dunstan's in lovely Catford, which is in walking distance for us, with lots of pupils in our local area. It's not traditionally highly academic, but seems to be getting more so as far as we can see. It seems like a happy, fun school with lots to do, but some people we know cast doubt on its suitability for kids on the more academic end of the spectrum (though I think they may be out of date). It's not particularly difficult for us to find the money now that we have the scholarship offer, though obviously we could think of other ways of spending it! He also has an offer from Wilson's grammar in Sutton, which is a high achieving super-selective grammar. It's 50-60 minutes commute though (but people say that boys meet up on the train, making it quite fun), and I'm not sure whether or not it has the same cheery atmosphere as St D (opinions seem to vary). Music seems fab there. Our priorities are in this order: (1) emotional well-being (2) teaching that is really interesting and engaging, especially for clever kids & (3) co-curricular, especially music, but could do with musical life that is active and fun, not necessarily fantastically high-level. No other kids to take into account. What to do, mumsnetters? Delighted if anyone with any relevant experience has time to share thoughts as we will need to relinquish one of those places!

BubblesBuddy I just read the full thread from beginning and from your previous posts, I don't think you meant to generalise about Indie schools - it just read that way when reading that specific post in isolation. Perhaps you had a bad experience?

From what spacecadet said, I'd choose St Dunstan's for giving so much more time & because it sounds very good. The only reason not to would be if you need the money.

I am not Guest! No bad experience either - my DC went to boarding schools and one went to a well know girls’ prep. The parents there were obsessed with ranking too. We ignored it. I didn’t have the energy to be so totally engaged as some of the others!

However I saw dreadful practice at a small independent school near me. DD just went to EYFS. They let lots of parents think their children were doing well. Come the 11 plus, no-one passed. Lots of furious parents. Ranking would not have told parents that these children were not as bright as they had been led to believe. The Head wrote to parents of the all the children in the school saying the school couldn’t make a silk purse out of a sows ear! I removed my DD as you might imagine.

ISIS is toothless in comparison to Ofsted and has been very poor when looking at assessment and documented progress of children. Frequently there is no assessment policy at all of it is just being developed and Isis barely challenge that. Ofsted are much hotter on this and I have read Isis reports that would have been RI in a state school. I do believe many state schools are ahead with assessment and progress data. Many Heads live it, eat it and breathe it!

However, I do know that no state school will tell parents about other children so you cannot compare children’s attainment. They just never do that. The information is confidential between you and school about your child. You won’t know how well, or badly, others are doing. Most parents find dyslexia a long drawn out diagnosis. It’s usually about 7 or 8 before real alarm bells ring in schools. Some schools react slowly. Some are excellent. However just knowing where your child is when compared to others doesn’t tell you about your individual child’s needs which is what you need to go forward.