Secondary school without Rugby

[westwood2016]

Happy new year! We are looking for a high level academic and sporty secondary school WITHOUT Rugby. Our two DS are currently in a prep school where rugby is dominating their lives, which was ok until they probably both got mild concussion following a knock on the head. We have been worried about them since they started contact rugby 3 years ago, now we have seen the consequences first hand, which could potentially be desastrous. We are ready to put a stop to Rugby, although they both live and breathe for the sport, which makes it very difficult. We live in Buckinghamshire but would be ready to move within the county or closer to London, should we find a school which offers other sports as well as having a high academic level. Many thanks in advance.

happy the former applied to both the school and the friends part, but they are people I can't help crossing paths with when catching up with nicer people, in person occasionally and often on Facebook, where they are FB friends of people I actually like. The utter crap about them being respectful especially is always spouted, as are claims that they are tougher, more loyal, more charitable (though the charity is usually themselves - fund raising for their own club trips is a very dubious form of charity) than non rugby players (often with especial reference to football playing "fairies" - all kinds of utter nonsense. When it's online there are sometimes memes... When you've experienced how those boys grow up it's even more toe curling.

Tell your kid consistently from the age of 7 onwards that he and his team mates are demigods compared to anyone who doesn't play their transformative sport and he'll grow up to be an arrogant, entitled tosser.

Evelynismyformerspyname

As many posters have said, you can equate any of what you have said to any sport.

Whether you want to admit it or not you do have a chip on your shoulder with regards to rugby.

What the hell is rahrah? is this some special speech uttered only by the middle classes?

often with especial reference to football playing "fairies"

Again no other sports do that no?

I've seen footballers say nasty things about rugby players, etc.In fact my DBIL was called a upper class cunt the other day by a football 'supporter when it couldn't be further from the truth, for simply saying he had no interest in the sport.

Working class background and normal state comp.

Curious as to why you are so blinkered.

evelyn we come from Holderness and my Ds1 played footy from 4 to 9 years old. Ds2 just started playing footy again at 15. Ds1 also played cricket for school, high5's(type of netball) won player of year(only boy ever to do so) he play anerican football. He convert to rugby league at 9. Then to union at 15. Many people don't talk to him because he doesn't give a toss about the premier league or whatever the latest football thing is.
He is no better then anyother child, but isn't a.misgionist neanderthal either.
All his teams exept high standards from their players. From league and

Sorry posted to early. Both his league and union teams have given them talk from local woman's refuge, local white ribbon cause( charity against male violence to women) and talks from rape crisis about consent and non consent. I don't if this is because rugby has a bigger problem than wider society or not. But I'm trully grateful that he has had these talks because he may one meet a girl/lady and have his own daughter(s) and hopefully he can be one of a new breed of men who truely see women as totally equal. By the way he does then again his footballl playing friends.have had similar talks. Maybe sports are realising they are part of the wider culture and need to help sort out Britains problems..Lets hope so. The less Ben Stokes and the like we see the better in my humble opinon. Which ever sport or education sector those males come from
Finally I hope all kids find a sport thay can enjoy and take part. We need healthy kids. Good night

“Tell your kid consistently from the age of 7 onwards that he and his team are demigods”
Are there really people out there like that? I’ve lots of experience of RU in independent schools and I never heard or saw anything like this. Evelyn the more you write the more convinced I am that you need to find yourself a new circle of friends! In fact I have never seen or heard any parent from any sport behave in the way say, and trust me horse parents in general are pretty ghastly.

Tell your kid consistently from the age of 7 onwards that he and his team are demigods. Are there really people out there like that?

Happy - yes, I'm afraid there are!! And to be fair to the OP and Evelyn it sounds as if they and I have come across the same types!
Our DSs went to a private prep and go to an independent school and the obsession with sport, and the rugby team in particular, is my biggest bugbear.
So much of the school news is dominated by news and pictures of the rugby team, the 'rugby calendar' takes priority over everything else. Every parents evening there is some bloody reference to the 'sheer determination and stamina, resilience etc etc' of the players and comparisons are made with every other aspect of school life
e.g. Revision? It's a bit like successful rugby training - regular coaching, commitment, marginal gains...
When the 1st rugby team won some (very minor) national competition the whole school had to applaud them walking on stage while they were given 'special' school colours. That's the demigod status thing right there....

Never the same fuss made over the students who are in the UK national ski team, or play Hockey for England, or are the youngest members of a National Youth Orchestra, or achieve academic success/Oxbridge etc.

It depends very much on the Head and the senior staff at a school. Our school wasn't like that when we joined, but a new head came in and brought in his whole 'sport performance elite' ethos with him. Unfortunately that's what a lot of independent school parents seem to want.
Not us, and thankfully we'll be out of there next year!

(and definition of 'Rah' here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rah_(slang))

noughttimesnought
I think it was me who first said rahrah I am no middle class person. I milked cows from 14 and now work shifts. It is what rugby league (very working class sport) called rugby union. Or kick and clap. Plus many other rather rude names. Urban dictionary says someone born with a siver spòon in their mouth.
Rugby League spent a century been attacked and undermined by Union links with the wealthy and privledged. Thats why it is still seen in league heartlands, as a game for toffs, though there are many more lower classes playing it. Like my elsest. HTH

Pebbles you have successfully demonstrated how no independent school is the same. Mine went to traditional boarding prep from 7 frankly they seemed totally obsessed with cricket.
At his senior school boys only full boarding rugby was not played. School news included academic musical art trips etc and sporting success and usually consisted of one line. Reports were always brief, academic success usually got a whole line maybe 2 usually detailing success at Olympiads etc, sports news was usually sparse we played Y and score.
You just need to find the right school.

Should of added DS2's school is one of only a small handful not to have a major sport(s) every term and also uniquely I suspect offers cerebral activities or music/drama as an alternative to sport, some boys do no sport.
Maybe you're right rugby does create Neanderthals and this accounts for the exceptionally civilised atmosphere that pervades the school!!

Pebbles, can you not see that’s the institution and not the sport? I’ve never seen those attitudes where I’ve played, but then I’ve never been to public school.

noughttimesnought
I think it was me who first said rahrah I am no middle class person. I milked cows from 14 and now work shifts. It is what rugby league (very working class sport) called rugby union. Or kick and clap. Plus many other rather rude names. Urban dictionary says someone born with a siver spòon in their mouth.
Rugby League spent a century been attacked and undermined by Union links with the wealthy and privledged. Thats why it is still seen in league heartlands, as a game for toffs, though there are many more lower classes playing it. Like my elsest. HTH

You’re supposed to eat chips, not wear them as shoulder pads. Do you take the same view of the very many great players from the welsh valleys?

Yes, don't be silly, of course I can 'see' that it varies by institution, and like everyone else on this thread I was simply sharing my personal experience of a number of schools near me, in response to the suggestion that the 'rah rah rugby' thing doesn't exist.

We thought we'd found the 'right' school when we signed the kids up. We chose the 'least sport-obsessed' one. Music, Drama, Chess, D of E, Debating, academics etc were the sort of things which attracted us.

Unfortunately the year after our eldest joined the old Head left and was replaced with a new one who decided that the school wasn't competing successfully enough at sport with the other private schools (er... because the 'sporty' students had chosen to go to the other schools).

Suddenly Directors of Rugby Coaching were being appointed, investment in facilities was upped and the school started 'buying in' local sporting talent with ridiculously high 50-100% Sport Scholarships (other scholarships were typically 10-25% max, so this was another example of the 'demigod' 'I'm more important than you' thing). The atmosphere at the school changed within about 12 months.
I wouldn't choose to send my kids there now, but of course you typically don't want to move them mid GCSE and A level courses.

I do wonder what it does to a child's mental health to be treated like a god at school. It just can't be good for them. The ones who are treated like this because they are good at rugby won't realise that barely any of them will make it and if they do, the reality for the majority is playing to half empty stadiums for peanuts.

Well once the gods realise they're not gods, they just come back down to earth with a bump. Just a lesson in life, I'm sure it doesn't wreck their mental health, its like anything, it doesn't even have to be rugby it could be academics. Top student, best results revered by all etc, then goes of to university and is just one of the crowd.

westwood2016 (OP): Good luck in your quest, which I fully support. We have decided to rule out rugby and horse-riding from both DS and DD's schooling and moved DS from a rugby-obsessed junior school to deal with it. What part of Buckinghamshire are you in - you might be in range of Abingdon School's bus network. It is a very strong rugby-playing school but it is big enough to offer a host of other options, and there is no stigma at all from not doing the rugby. I spoke to the then Director of Sport prior to DS applying and explained that we were looking for not only an absence of compulsion to play but genuine options elsewhere. He was fine about it and very helpful. DS now very happy dividing his time between swimming and rowing. You might get more options if you look at schools that offer genuine choice about it rather than those than don't do it at all. We are now wondering where to send DD as the obsession with the game at that same junior school has not been balanced in decent resourcing, and families like us who would rather their kids learn a life-saving skill like swimming are ignored. We are going to stop paying them to educate her as well if it is not sorted, and meantime we have told them exactly where they can shove everything from RugbyTots to horses.

The horse obsessives are a much bigger nightmare than the rugby crowd. A least in rugby you can see the exercise and teamwork skills doing some good which might balance the risk, especially in a world of childhood obesity. Ditto cycling and swimming. But putting kids on horses is ultra-dumb. The stats say 20 times more dangerous per hour than motor-cycling and a typical outing containing a similar risk of death to taking an ecstasy tablet. Get the research from the internet (David Nutt on equasy is a good place to start) and send it to any school or parent that tries to rope your kid in. There is an issue with rugby not properly gathering and reporting the data that would allow the risk balance to be obsessed, and that I think is a problem with the game. Meanwhile take a look at Abingdon, though I appreciate that might put the temptation there.

User thanks, i was actually referring to those of whom the word is used.

"But putting kids on horses is ultra-dumb. The stats say 20 times more dangerous per hour than motor-cycling and a typical outing containing a similar risk of death to taking an ecstasy tablet. Get the research from the internet (David Nutt on equasy is a good place to start)."
That stat is very old and very well know in the equestrian world but I believe I read somewhere recently that it has now been debunked perhaps because either was being slewed by jump jockeys or because there the eventing world has taken measures to make hitting a large solid objects at 30+mph safer. Although no one is disputing the riding is a risk sport. I have ridden all my life and fallen off more times than I can remember but (touch wood) have never experienced a serious injury although I know many who have.
To those who are not captivated by horses is must seem an "ultra dumb" hobby that they cannot understand why you would do it. To those who of us who are captivated by these extraordinary animals it is a total obsession.

We are going to stop paying them to educate her as well if it is not sorted, and meantime we have told them exactly where they can shove everything from RugbyTots to horses.

That'll teach 'um

do you wrap you DC in cotton wool and bubblewrap

user 1471 I used to live in your area and believe me, a kid who goes to an independent school in east Yorkshire is absolutely NOT the same as a kid who goes to Wellington or Oundle

OP, I completely agree with you and have made the same decision for my children.

When I was 13 one of my friends was in a collapsed scrum. His neck broke. He nearly died and he was left paraplegic. My brothers have rugby injuries that they have from school sport. So did my father, so did my grandfather.

No way are my DSs playing rugby. It’s a week in, week out risk of injury that is way higher than in a non-contact sport. There’s no need and I’m pretty sure that history is on our side with this.

If this thread hasn’t derailed to a point of no return then I’d suggest looking at Quaker boarding schools as I’m pretty sure rugby is a no-no for them. Might not be as academic as you’re after but in terms of ethos about as far removed from the rugby-playing, sport obsessed environments being discussed.

Hello OP. Another Mum from Bucks who has also experienced prep school rugby. Our son is sporty but just not a rugby player. We are now sending out son weekly boarding to a school with no rugby. If you would like to message me I would be happy to discuss the options we looked at and share the experiences we have of the local senior schools.

Even if you send them to a non rugby school, how will you explain why they cannot play club rugby with their mates? If their social group currently revolves around the game it could be trickier to distract them than just swapping school.