Oh Wanda don't be hard on yourself. I think the whole process makes it hard to be the sort of parent we'd ideally like to be.
It's an almost impossible balance to strike between trying to motivate them to work hard and do the best they can and at the same time reassure them that it's not the end of the world if they don't get into these schools (which it isn't). Neither time have I got this balance right and in addition I make the cardinal parenting error of being inconsistent - cajoling on day, indifferent, nagging etc.
My son, ultimately, did well, but I still felt a bit bitter about the whole experience and still sceptical as to whether these schools are the 'best' or are just good at selecting the children who will do best.
My daughter doesn't seem to give a monkey's. 'Why on earth would I be nervous?'. She did, however, say the other day, 'if I end up going to x [local perfectly good comprehensive] then all this will have been a waste of time'. I'm trying to persuade her that it's been learning for its own sake, but there's far better things we could have done with the time.
Malbec I think the cold thing is classic displacement anxiety - like obsessing over weather forecasts for your wedding day.