Posted in chat not many responses-bullying

[justsomeone1]

DS since back end of last School term my DS has been
Pushed in front of a car
Hit after school
Called names walking home
Called names in school ( thick pathetic dummy idiot etc etc )
Knocked down stairs
I’ve had lies spread about me saying I’ve called friends children awful names which in turn is the same time my friends child was told off by friend due to being cruel with the bullies to my DS. I’ve had witnesses at school saying children asking for police on me.
He’s had litter thrown at him in the yard caught on cctv after he rang me in tears.
DS has potential dyslexia so the words are hurtful as low self esteem anyway. Threats to hurt himself
I’ve sent email to senco for the last 3 weeks to ring me
I’ve been in to school
I’ve emailed pastoral
I’ve talked to head of year.
I’ve now moved onto deputy head
I’ve heard nothing!
I’ve fallen out with best friend over her childs lies
I’ve not slept
I’ve not ate
DS refusal school everyday but I do get him in.
Nobody rings me back!
Senco emails saying they will ring every time I email and they don’t.
Deputy said he would Ring last week after me being threatened with police. Nothing. I feel like I’m picking staff at random when I call as everyone I should be able to speak to never communicates back to me.
I’m loosing plot and I’m loosing focus.
Thinking about leaving it till next week and starting paper trail but going straight to the head.
Inclusion head said he needs to man up. I brushed it off but now it seems like their attitude is to think I will stop bothering them and he’s in the wrong ( I only Ring/email to ask once a week , I’m not nagging )

Help me plan I don’t even know what day it is lately

Said he would change his timetable 3 weeks ago to get away from some bullies he’s still in the same class :(
I have no control and my sons spiriting on a downward trend and I’m scared. I’m scared am I nagging ? Am I being unreasonable or is this acceptable behaviour nowadays from staff and students ?
He’s got forecast bs I can’t seeing sitting a gcse at this rate he’s only doing about 3 classes a week he’s to scared to do anymore, he only goes up for English & maths as they guilt tripped him saying he’s missing too much.
Ps private phscologist said he’s hitting depression giving him 10 sessions then medicating. All because of school !
I’ve tried to move him he won’t leave the one girl who talks to him. I’m scared he will self harm if I do something against his wishes but he would be out of their if it was mine!
Sorry to ramble 😭

Contact the police about the assaults. The school is being useless so it might give them a kick up the backside to sort out their end.
Get a copy of the bullying policy from the school website, and also the school complaints procedure. Highlight where the bullying policy isn’t being followed and escalate your complaint (probably head first, then if no joy, governors).

Thanks.
I’m just so overwhelmed I can’t think straight.
Gone from a small primary to big secondary
Feels like I’m hitting a brick wall everywhere I turn

Also, start going down the official complaints procedure route. ...that normally works wonders. Good luck

"Ps private phscologist said he’s hitting depression giving him 10 sessions then medicating"
Im so sorry this is happening to your DS I really hope someone listens to you and you sort it out you must be at your wits end.
But can I just say that the NICE guidelines state that anti depressants should only be prescribed to children as a last resort and only after a consultation with a paediatric psychiatrist. A psychologist can't prescribe them, your GP may agree if the psychologists suggests it but shouldn't really do it, I would try and get a CAMH's referal if I was you.

It’s appalling how the school are brushing you off. Your DS doesn’t need to man-up, the school needs to take its duty of care seriously.

Good luck tomorrow, don’t leave it till next week to contact the head. Your poor DS.

Stop complaining once a week.
Complain as often as you need to.
You and your son need to start keeping diaries of what is happening. These can be used as evidence.
Get a copy of the school bullying policy - it’s normally on the website but in any case must be available on demand.
Use that to compose your written complaints to the school. If the continue ignoring I would copy the Governors and LA. Follow up even verbal discussions with written/emailed responses “clarifying” what is said.
But I would also look at alternative schools/provision. And try to get CAHMS involved.

Jesus op. This is awful.
How is your child still getting themselves into school? Poor kid.

The school are massively failing him.
You need to kick some arses over this.

My dd was bullied online last Xmas. The police got involved and gave the bully a community resolution order.
The fall out (mental health) was so bad for my dd after the bullying stopped. BUT the school have done everything possible to help her.

The bullying policy will be online, print it off and read it thoroughly.

I’m angry on your behalf. It’s disgraceful.

Yes, to CAHMS.

Also, which incident were you considering reporting to the police?

What year group is in in? Your comment about school transfer makes it sound as if he's only just moved up, but you are also worrying about GCSE which makes me wonder if he's older.

Wow, I'm stunned.
Dd had this last year (yr10) and our school were pretty useless too. Yours are actually negligent though so I'd definitely escalate.
I withdrew my Dd and she went to college a year early and is now the happiest she has ever been.
I felt like you, I'm still not completely over it. It's traumatic seeing your child bullied and feeling powerless to stop it.
Pm me if you like

Ds2 started high school this yr.
from the start he’s had a nightmare time. A group of yr 11’s kept “peanutting”
Him (I’d not even heard of this until now!)
The teachers didn’t do a lot so I wrote a letter to the head teacher and also the safe guarding governor. The governor was straight on the case for me and I’ve had the head teacher write back (the deputy head rung me) and the head of year emails and rings me. It has got slightly better now as they are able to play back the CCTV and catch Who the older boys were.
The school also told me to ring 101 and report the other boys who were kicking and pushing ds off his bike, as this happened outside of school they said they can’t do anything, but would fully support me if I reported the boy to the police. What struck me was that I didn’t have to give the bullies surname they knew who it was straight away!

OP, please try your school governor and do report it to the police. if needs be remove him from school and apply for another.

Things in school - go through school and then go through official complaints

Things out of school (e.g. pushed in front of cars) - go through the police.

Any assaults - inform school you will go tjrough the police and take photos of any injuries

Sorry this is happening to you.

Y8.
Begged for camhs, my GP said ‘he’s not slit his wrists yet he won’t be accepted “ walk out sobbing.
I’m under mast but said it could be months before I get a caseworker.
Waiting for ed ph so hopefully they can refer.
Private physiologist ex cahms nurse. Seeing him then he will refer to someone to double check he’s right for meds. Trust me I don’t want him on them either!
Thank you all so much !
Off to try get his uniform on ....

Police involved over the smacking after school
And the police have been threatened on me for calling a child ( really awful names! I mean really crossing a line ) but it’s not true , the bullies made it up after I got them told off via a parent.

No anti bullying online. Funny link doesn’t work!
Looking at other provisions now, he just won’t move! I think it’s bunny in the headlights he’s just so scared!

Things in school - go through school and then go through official complaints
This is a good general principle, but the Police can be the appropriate authority for incidence in school.

If you can’t get the Bullying Policy, I would notify Ofsted. (Probably won’t do anything but could trigger an inspection - depends what else is going on, I have known an inspection be triggered this way). I would probably also complain to LA.

justsomeone1. Gosh, I feel for you. He should be off to school by now. Sit down and breath ..... Ok, MN is very useful but you need to re-read this thread and then do your important paperwork. List all the difficulties, dates, times, names. This will be extremely helpful going forward. If you can't get the bullying policy which should be on their website, write to the head today asking for the policy. If no direct email address send email for attn head only asking for an electronic or paper copy by return, ie, within 24 hours. This policy will help you. If you can't get that then write to head and to chair of governors with a complete list of clear documented incidents. The Chair of gs will have a dedicated email address. Call the school and ask for it. Once the governors become involved you will have movement, especially if you say you are going to the authorities. Ask for a reply within 3 days. If no reply then contact Ofsted and DofE and local authority. LA should reply quickly. Then email Chair of gs again telling them as no reply from them you have had to contact the authorities. Ofsted will take ages, but they will reply. DofE will come back to you. They did for me (not bullying issue though) and they went into our school. If you have not already, have a look at this website
www.gov.uk/bullying-at-school - it shows you how to escalate the problems and ultimately complain about a school.
Good luck.

He’s not in today. Refused.

Thank you!
No I reached out as I know I’m loosing the plot and chasing my own tail so I appreciate you all helping me plan a plan !

I can’t think straight

If he has refused school then take him to the GP. Getting both a record of your sons mental health and maybe a referral.

Don't make your son go to school. Pull him out. Complain to the board of the school about all of this. Involve the police over assaults.

Agree that GP may be good idea. You need to put yourself in control. Think of it as building a file of information. A list of incidents. A list of letters/emails from you to others. A list of their replies and their actions (or not). The education authorites will need all this info.

Sorry he’s already a note on file from gp saying the bullying is affecting him.
GPS aware got a review in December
He’s done 4 full weeks since September averages 3/4 normally running on 80 % attendance. I care I don’t think they do.
Please let me assure you I would change him schools tomorrow but he’s wrote about self harm in scared to force him incase I trigger him off. Like I’m stuck whatever I do

Can I just thank you for your replies!
I was so lost I got my mojo back !

Don't make your son go to school. Pull him out. Complain to the board of the school about all of this. Involve the police over assaults.

Yes to all this. You need to take action to get the school/governors to take this seriously. Far too many schools ignore bullying and yes, they just have the "man-up" attitude. It ruins lives. My own education was ruined by bullying - I went from a straight A pupil to failing all but one of my O levels due to bullying. You end up spending every lesson worrying about being bullied rather than studying - you end up reclusive - you end up bunking off to avoid the bullies. Your life becomes a living nightmare. For heaven's sake take your child out of school until there is a definite action plan to stop the damage, or move to another school. Don't just carry on and hope things change - they won't - they'll just get worse without action being taken.

Do all your paperwork/emails today and let your son do whatever takes his mind off school. Best of luck.

Thank you all !
He’s in bed watching you tube 🙈 but he’s happy, my private phycologist mirror what you all said he’s text this morning.
That’s it I think it’s so much low level , stealing things, calling names pushing when nobody can see, I’ve pick up every bit ofstead report and it does say some areas are improperly supervised for this sort of behaviour so I can quote that etc, he’s been put to the back of the class on Monday in one and he’s partially deaf , they should have him at the front so they can see him!
The big things have stopped, except to & from school. On the gov website it said School is responsible for this which I didn’t realise.
I have talked to young minds before who helped me get him on Sen but it’s a case of I’ll ring you back ... never do so I have a trail of sorts I’ll start printing, documenting today!

Thank you all so much !

Just sent email asking for anti bullying policy.
Will give deputy until the end of today to contact as I said I needed to speak to someone today. Will now ask them to back verbal promises up by sending paper copies or email so I can prove what they say and do are poles apart !

If no contact today I’m going to email head tomorrow morning, will give him until end of week to make contact back ( so I will say 3 days ) then I will go to authorities next week.

Does this sound right ?

Sorry I need hand holding but it’s my first secondary and my primary is more like family than a school where they actually listen. My youngest ds2 off, his teachers just rung me to tell him to get better and they miss him!
I don’t expect that at secondary but at least they do call me !

You go girl! Well done, you are now making great progress. Documenting everything makes people take notice. If you email head Wed morning say you want reply by Friday, otherwise 3 working days will take him into following week which you don't want. Say end of day Friday. Look up authorities contact emails/procedures today whilst you are in "action" mode. It will help you get the emails out quicker on Monday. If for any reason you receive phone calls from school and no written stuff then send them an email after the phone call detailing all that was agreed between you. This will be a record of the call and agreements.

Yes, primary can be so much lovelier than secondary. There are good secondaries out there with good pastoral. In your position I would have a look around at other possibles unless your son is in GCSE years. I child I know was moved just as GCSE courses started and they are thriving in new school.