How much involvement do you have in 12 year old’s homework?

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

First year of secondary school. DS hasn’t asked for any help and it hasn’t occurred to me that he needs any. Sometimes he does it in his room and sometimes at the kitchen table. He did ok in his first assessments. Mostly A’s and B’s but a couple of shock D’s in subjects he likes which surprised me and I’ve said he now knows where he needs to work harder for the next assessments and if he gets to the end of a class not understanding something then he has to make a point of asking the teacher either right then or at the start of next class.

Speaking to parents of one of his classmates today and it turns out they do his homework with him, sit with him through his music practise, write out aids for studying etc. He got A’s in his assessments although his parents say he struggles.

Do I need to be upping my involvement?

Everyone on MN is going to say no you don't need to up your involvement.

However it is quite obvious that the more a child is helped, the better they will do at school.

Right, so what do I need to be doing? I’m not a teacher and some of the stuff he is doing is buried deep in brain under a mountain of shite about car tax and washing powder. What can I do to improve his learning?

However it is quite obvious that the more a child is helped, the better they will do at school.

But possibly the worse they'll do when they eventually have to take responsibility for themselves!

Every child is of course different and they all mature at different rates. But I'd be really reluctant to undermine a 12 year old's healthy, independent, mature and responsible attitude towards homework! When my dc decided he needed to put a little more effort into maths, I found some online resources he liked (BBC bitesize, I think) and reminded him each day of his desire to do some more practising coming up to exams, but stayed well clear of any further involvement in what he did. I also suggested that 20 minutes daily would be far better than the impossible task he'd set of 8 hours per day on the weekend!

I also suggested that 20 minutes daily would be far better than the impossible task he'd set of 8 hours per day on the weekend!

he was keen!! Or panicking?

I 'casually' ask dd "Have you got much homework tonight" and I help her if she asks me, but that's it. I'm a big believer in letting her be responsible for it herself and take the consequences if she doesn't do it on time. That has very much worked so far (she's 12 and in yr 8). If she were failing to do it then I would step in, but only by making sure it had been done, not by actually sitting with her while she did it. I tend to think that kids who aren't made to take responsibility for their homework in the early days will still need nagging when they are 17.

I work in HE and have a son in year 7. I have been supporting him in (a) making sure he understands what he needs to do (b) if it's something difficult for him then asking him ways he could do something or getting him to write a quick plan of what he will include (e.g. a list of features of a cell so he can write about it (c) looking through feedback and making sure he understands what he needs to do to improve (d) checking he has done his homework fully and packed his bag for tomorrow.
It is important to my mind not to sit over him while he does it, not to issue instructions about what to put in it. My aim is that by year 9 he will be well positioned to be able to manage this all for himself, which honestly some of my undergrads still really need to learn...

Depends on the child and their needs.

DS1 (dyspraxic traits): Helped with organisational skills and revision techniques for exams until Y11

DS2 (ASD, ADHD): Helped with presentation skills until Y9

DD (dyspraxic traits, language delay): Helped with organisational skills until Y7, still helping her with MFL in Y9.

DS3 (no additional needs): Helped with planning large projects until Y8.

Totally agree about bigger projects/pieces of work. My DS just goes into panic mode when the task feels to big and procrastinates, so helping him learn how to break it down into smaller achievable tasks is very important.

'too big'

Thanks everyone, this is all really useful.

I’ve said he now knows where he needs to work harder for the next assessments and if he gets to the end of a class not understanding something then he has to make a point of asking the teacher either right then or at the start of next class.

This will help him more than having a parent sitting there watching him doing his homework.

Practical help...
Ink and paper in the printer. Fully stocked pencil case with regular top ups. Supplies of A4 Pukka Pads - hard covers keep paper neat until it gets put into files. Ring binder files for each subject. A clear part of the kitchen table and (relative) peace and quiet.

Organisational help...
Timetable and homework timetable printed out and stuck up on the fridge. Shelf in kitchen set aside for books + files. Laptop + internet access for 12 year old to use.

Time management help...
Expectation that we all (me, DH, both DC) work/read/draw/knit/cook/do the crossword from 6-7 and 7.30-8ish. Check in each evening with homework timetable and school intranet (where homework is posted).

I don't actively 'help' with homework, as the teacher needs to see if they haven't understood, but I suggest the use of Bitesize etc if they hit a problem.

I help if they ask for help, but otherwise leave them to it.

At some point your child needs to learn to work independently, so IMO if you're helping your child now, it should be with the aim of reducing it over time, so they can do it themselves.

A thought for the poor assessments - does he understand how to revise? This isn't a skill either of my DC were ever taught and not one they may have needed prior to secondary school.

A thought for the poor assessments - does he understand how to revise? This isn't a skill either of my DC were ever taught and not one they may have needed prior to secondary school.

It’s not something I’ve ever taught him or been aware that he does so I will check with him this evening. I suspect that will be where he does need the support. Any tips on that? If it was me I would read my notes, give myself a test and work on whatever I wasn’t getting.

I help my dd if she asks me to. I regularly ask her if she needs help but she gets it done on her own and knows she can come to me if she needs to - which is rare.
I think once in secondary school they need to take most of the responsibility themselves.

My involvement is limited to a pecuniary one. In Y6 my involvement was limited to praise when she gets a good result and suggestion she practice what she got wrong and helping her work out how/why it was wrong. My main role is paying for stationary, being the printer ink and paper fairy, paying for ingredients and materials for Home Ec and DT. DD even has to buy the food herself in the supermarket on the way home and then I reimburse her. I am mean sometimes .

P.s DD is now in Y8

Okay, so I asked him.

He says he doesn’t need help, or any supplies, he understands all he has been taught in class, he was shown how to revise, he knows how to check his returned papers for feedback and to see where he lost marks, he got verbal feedback for both the tests he did badly in and he knows to use bite size and some other website too for extra help.

Oh yes he does need £1.50 for Home economics next week

Battered, that sounds just like my DD

Year 7 especially the first term I helped quite a lot. Subjects like history are very different between primary and secondary and kids have to learn how to think and analyse rather than just write facts. English and science are also quite a step up. As he’s got older (now Year 9) I rarely get involved, although we do have some quite good discussions now about various things he’s studying.

Kingscote, excellent post about practical help and supplies and setting up routines for work. It makes a big difference.
I think it does help to do homework somewhere like a kitchen table - that way, it's possible to see work is being done while drifting in and out of the room making dinner or whatever, without micro
Managing it and watching over their shoulders.

I am around while homework is happening and DC know they can ask if stuck or needing practical help with paper, printers etc. It's good for them to know help is available if needed without it being imposed.

And I also think it's good for the children to know that you sometimes will look at their homework (and books in general) - it shows an interest, it keeps you as parents informed about what they are studying and how they are doing, and a bit of an incentive of a parent looking occasionally (not all the time) is useful.

So I would say there is a big difference from micro managing and checking (or actually doing their work) and being totally hands off. Neither extreme is good. Some input, especially if they get stuck in terms of organisation etc really helps.

And yes to helping with longer term projects about time management and also if you have a really busy week of evenings which means they might not be able to do every homework on the night it is set - helping them to learn to prioritise really helps.

OP, do you do a periodic check/look at the ex books?
I think simply being told everything is fine and understood isn't quite enough - parents need to see it too. So every couple of weeks I will have a flick through the books - I can see if the work looks completed, what the comments on it are like etc.
And I will pick DC up if I think it looks shoddy or poorly presented or the sheets are all loose and not stuck in or work is unfinished and teacher has asked it to be completed and it hasn't. Obviously none of this is popular, but as it's the norm in our house DC accept it with a. But if low level grumbling.
In my view, reserving the right to look at school work is like reserving the right to look at their phones - simply non-negotiables. Even if it's not popular parents do need to keep a handle on what's going on, but don't need to micro manage.

I think generally that asking to see some homework because it sounds interesting is much more productive than 'I'm going to check your homework'