School dilemma

[mrsblueskies]

Hello - having a school choice wobble, so this is a 'what would you do with your academic DC and crucially reasons why?' question.

13+ school choice :

Small, gentle, v friendly, broad ability, ISI 'good' local indie - child would easily be top of the top set.

V

Large - top 10 'name' super selective, ISI 'exceptional' indie school.
Child would be in top third of large cohort.

Thank you!!

Depends on the child. But probably option 2 , more challenges, more friendship options etc. However maybe less chances to be in teams

I never think its good for a child to be "easily" top of the class.

As for your second chouce, that would depend on the personality of the child. Are they outgoing? Emotionally resilient? For want of a better word, are they "mainstream" in their outlook and interests, or quirky in a way that was a good "fit" with the school. And also on what the pastoral care was like.

Which school gave you the best "feel" or "vibes" when you visited?

In which school did the teachers engage with your child properly, i.e. talk to them, show them things, ask them questions, etc.

When we did the open days, our "preferred" school was a big let down because the teachers stayed in their "huddles" and didn't make any attempt to engage with us - in fact, they tried to avoid eye contact. If we wanted to ask a question, etc, they made us feel we were intruding. Son came away adament he didn't want to go there.

At another, the teachers were falling over themselves to be helpful, friendly and engaging - they'd take our DS away to show them something, play a game with him, etc. Completely different ethos and our son came away 100% it was the school he wanted to attend. He goes there now and loves the place and says it's mostly because so many of the teachers are friendly and approachable.

I would go for your second choice. I actually wouldn't choose a super selective, as I prefer the broad range of ability model, but would in this case as I don't think it is good for a DC to be top of the top set in all/most subjects (I assume this is what you mean than, say, top in one or two). I don't think this would be good for the child generally, as in could lead to them having an inflated idea of their own intelligence/importance, but would also be concerned that they wouldn't be stretched.

We chose option 2 for our DS who had an academic scholarship to option 1 (and it was the senior part of the school to the prep he was in). He was always in top 5 in every subject there.

He is now in middle sets at super selective and thriving. A little bit of adjustment in year 9 but soon settled in when he realised that you are not competing against the others but for your own grades. (this school gets 94% A*/A at gcse) so he will still get the grades he'd have got at the other place.

However the whole vibe is more stimulating. The school has much better access to tech companies and university facilities in town. The fact that there is a larger more intelligent cohort even in the non-setted subjects means that the level of debate and discussion during lessons is more stretching.

Near the end of year 10 now and he wouldn't dream of leaving to go to a different 6th form.

PM if you have any specific worries.

Depends on the child. But probably option 2 , more challenges, more friendship options etc. However maybe less chances to be in teams

Thanks

Depends on the child. But probably option 2 , more challenges, more friendship options etc. However maybe less chances to be in teams

Thanks @Mary21
Yes, very good points!

*never think its good for a child to be "easily" top of the class.

As for your second chouce, that would depend on the personality of the child. Are they outgoing? Emotionally resilient? For want of a better word, are they "mainstream" in their outlook and interests, or quirky in a way that was a good "fit" with the school. And also on what the pastoral care was like.*

Thanks @BarbarianMum
I agree - but the broad ability school have been saying that is this is a good thing!! So part of my wobble is that I think it will be much better for DC not to be at the top but school says otherwise.

DC is quite outgoing, quirky, fun loving, not that team sporty yet - but very active IYSWIM. Has plenty of friendships but not one of the cool kids. Pastoral care seems v good at both but wobble there is about DC 'getting lost' in a large cohort (+150)

@Badbadbunny

Good thinking - both schools have been very lovely in that way but certainly teachers seem significantly more inspiring etc at option two. But could they just be more polished for open days??

@Leeds2
Totally agree and good to hear this reasoning again! Thank you!

I think this and also I perceive other positives for DC - for example perhaps more interesting, stimulating and fun experience in the classroom if many more people have ability similar to DC???

I can never understand why people would pay huge money (i.e. Go private) if their child is top of the class.

You really, really want other bright children in his class.

I thought that was one of the main reasons for choosing private?

When you went around the schools, which school felt 'right'. Picture your child in the future. Where do you see them? All things being equal, which school would you choose?

@Allthebestnamesareused

Thank you.

It's a very similar position for DC. Though scholarships not yet decided the SS has asked DC to go forward for one.

DC always in top one or two. Came very high in rankings for a number of SS (top 20) and the SS in question gets the results you are talking about... my concern there is that, of course the do they select many bright DCs!!

Would like to know more about the 'adjustment' process - any tips - but thinking I prefer to do that adjustment now - rather than sudden realisation when arrives at uni or the real world etc!

May PM you, thanks for the offer

@SaltyMyDear

Not thought of it that way. I think private is chosen for many many reasons.

But I am not at all keen on DC being top of the class. But mainly having a wobble because the SS school is much bigger than the small non selective one. ☺️

We have gone with a broader option for our eldest; considered both but she felt much more of a "fit" with one than the other. I think she's "easily near the top" in several subjects and "easily top set" in the rest. But we thought long and hard about whether she would be sufficiently extended academically and were satisfied that there was a lot on offer than would encourage her. 1 year in we are currently pretty happy. So yes a big vote for the role of personality and "fit".

And I say that despite knowing that if I personally had had access to a "super-selective" option I would have had a MUCH better time as a teenager and although I had a good outcome, it could have been even better (and might have changed my later patterns).

For our youngest we are I suppose wavering between pretty strong and super-selective; my instinct is telling me he would benefit from the latter.

Wow - so good of you all to reply and really helpful. Thank you.

I think the non selective are (perhaps understandably for their agenda) taking the view that being top will be a good thing (and intimating that not being top will be detrimental). They also believe the academic opportunities will be equal at their school... but I disagree...

Why are you scared of a big school?

Big schools generally have more opportunities than small schools. More options for GCSEs. More extra curricular options. More children for him to be friends with. And more children at the same academic place as he is.....

Our youngest four moved from a comprehensive to a top 10 independent. The eldest two were already through school. The comprehensive was good with teaching probably better than the independent but the always top of the class did impact on our eldest. She went from being the 'Golden Girl' to being just another at med school. She found it tough to find herself suddenly off her high perch. The younger ones had to work a bit harder to stay at the top of the tree - and that, in hindsight, was no bad thing.
.
If it's a top ten independent you may find it's not particularly academically mixed - all are highly selective and you have to be a high achiever to be offered a place.

The youngest went through the school and could not have been happier. She and the next two found lifelong friends in a way perhaps the comprehensive education education ones didn't. They have retained a couple of close friends from schbut lost contact with most ( that might be both their career choices rather than school, to be fair. Medicine and Military are quite closed rank communities). The youngest went to RG with 29 people she already knew, albeit not her very closest friends. This made adjustments so much easier. She started as part of a confident cohort who whilst they've all branched out and met knew people, were able to pick and choose rather than simply falling in with a convenient group.

On balance, if we had time over again, we might have gone top boarding independent from 13 for those that wanted it as the level of advantage it gave was beyond that we imagined. It wasn't about the teaching, the strong academic and sporting expectations or the range of opportunities. They could be replicated in comprehensive. It was access to an elite peer group that cannot be found outside the very rich and powerful hot houses that breed the confident and well connected next generation. Go top independent rather than ordinary quite nice day independent.

Remember the school who are saying it's good to be top will want him there because he'll make their results look good. They may be telling you what's best for them, rather than what's best for you.

I like bigger schools. My dc were at a very small primary and then we moved and they ended up at a really big one. There were more facilities and more staff with different interests so more opportunities to do various things.

They mixed the classes up every year so plenty of chances to make lots of friends. Much better than being with the same children for years and years.

@SaltyMyDear
Not so much scared but cautious, a small school appeals because maybe DCs don't get 'lost' so easily. Better access to masters and head etc. But then it can be too small - (around 50-60 per year in this case) ...

...Plus am very keen to make the right decision and not just go for a top Name' school because it is one, ifyswim.

@HSMMaCM
Yes indeed, trying to work out how much of their agenda they are pushing

@SavoyCabbage
Yes! Great points thank you.

@Crumbs1
Thanks so much for such a detailed response.
Firstly - 6! Well done! Must be a feat just getting them fed and out the door each day!

Yes it's said to be very selective, a top 10/15 depending on the tables DC did very well in the selection process - so not scraping through.

Interesting and worrying when you say 'elite hothouse' I really don't want a hothouse...So, all the data says DC should get top grades whether at SS or broad ability school. I'm looking for a stimulating exciting fun journey - memorable lessons and inspiring teachers. Blah blah.

Do you think perhaps the top schools are actually not much more than hothouses?

It really depends on the child what you want is for them to reach their potential but above all else is for them to be happy. My DD is at a big comprehensive and I think she is almost lost in it. She would have been happier at a smaller more alternative school but we don't have one unfortunately.